2454: Cupcakes, Part 2 — Crappy Pasta

-WARNING-
While this so-called horror story continues to resoundingly fail at being even remotely scary, it starts to hit pretty hard with the gross-out attempts in terms of blood and guts and also a bizarre focus on the actions of Rainbow Dash’s bladder.

Title: Cupcakes
Author: Sergeant Sprinkles
Media: Cartoon
Topic: My Little Pony
Genre: Creepypasta / “Horror” / Torture Porn
URL: Creepypasta Wiki Rehost
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai and Serketry

Hello hello all you patrons! Inflate your favorite organs and sort your pegasus wings by color because we are back with more Cupcakes goodness.

Don’t you mean…

baked_bads

Hey y’all, Serketry here. Again. Until this fic is as dead as Rainbow Dash. 

And, of course, by ‘goodness’ I mean ‘incredibly repetitive foreshadowing of incredibly repetitive torture porn’.

Last time, Pinkie Pie fed Rainbow Dash a drugged cupcake and tied her up in a torture chamber underneath Sugar Cube Corner. Much capering and posing with skulls ensued, but it was all pretty pointless. And…. that’s literally it.

dootober_by_paw_of_darkness_ddhidu5-fullview.jpg

EDITED BY EDINPONY COUNTER: 6

Dubiously sexual counter: 4

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2446: Cupcakes Part 1 — Crappy Pasta

-WARNING-
While the creepypasta under riff today is insanely not scary, it does contain some measure of gratuitous gore and you may not want to read it over lunch.

Title: Cupcakes
Author: Sergeant Sprinkles
Media: Cartoon
Topic: My Little Pony
Genre: Creepypasta / “Horror” / Torture Porn
URL: Creepypasta Wiki Rehost
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai and Serketry

Hello hello all you patrons! Plug your nearest housepet into the television set and make sure your doll vaccinations are up to date, because it’s that time of year again!

Today we’re dealing with a ‘fic that I wasn’t originally planning to ever riff due to its potential Librarian-breaker status (you will see why soon). However, I ran into a bunch of other people in a fimfiction forum I frequent saying that maybe it wasn’t so bad and for the time had some interesting ideas. So now I’m going to show exactly why that’s not the case, on a site with an average readership of ten people that none of the commenters on that forum frequent or even know exists.

Yay me!

Yay us, actually. Hey y’all, Serketry here. The Admiral brought me back. For this. Thanks, Admiral. 

Yeah. This is… a doozie.

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2363: Sonichu — Issue 3 Sub-Episode 4 and Issue 4 Sub-Episode 5

Title: Sonichu
Author: Christine Weston Chandler, aka. Christopher Weston Chandler, aka. Christian Weston Chandler, aka. Chris-Chan
Media: Webcomic
Topic: Sonic The Hedgehog / Pokemon / IRL / Yu-Gi-Oh
Genre: “Parody”, apparently.
URL: Issue 3 Template Box and Issue 4 Template Box
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to the wonderful world of Sonichu!

Previously, Hedgehog Of Color tried to steal a McGuffin, but a cluster of recolored Sonichus with elemental powers beat the stuffing out of him and took it back.

That’s… literally it.

Typo Cunter: 61

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2359: Sonichu — Issue 3, Episodes 10 and 11

Title: Sonichu
Author: Christine Weston Chandler, aka. Christopher Weston Chandler, aka. Christian Weston Chandler, aka. Chris-Chan
Media: Webcomic
Topic: Sonic The Hedgehog / Pokemon / IRL / Yu-Gi-Oh
Genre: “Parody”, apparently.
URL: Issue 3 Template Box
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to the manifold wonders of Sonichu.

Last time Chris-Chan Sonichu, Sarah Nicole Hammer, and Wes Iseli got (for the most part) over their stupid soap opera bullshit and agreed to stop the Evil that had been released with their Anchuent Hedgehog Powers. This Evil took the form of a giant golem in an Egyptian headdress, controlled by a talking purple Sno Cone named Count Graduon, who had cut a deal with the witch Mary Lee Walsh to carry him around in exchange for assistance in her own mission of “shattering hearts” (whatever that means). The Power Chus kicked the golem’s ass and sent both Graduon and Walsh packing (or, rather, just let them run away), but then in the Sub-Episode Chris tracked Walsh to her office and appeared to kill her.

I wonder what Giovanni and Hedgehog Of Color are up to?

Typo Cunter: 45

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2353: Sonichu — Issue 2, Episode 9 and Sub-Episode 3

Title: Sonichu
Author: Christine Weston Chandler, aka. Christopher Weston Chandler, aka. Christian Weston Chandler, aka. Chris-Chan
Media: Webcomic
Topic: Sonic The Hedgehog / Pokemon / IRL / Yu-Gi-Oh
Genre: “Parody”, apparently.
URL: Issue 2 Template Box
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to the wonderful world of Sonichu.

Last time actually a whole lot of plot-relevant shit went down. Chris and Sonichu discovered an ancient ruin (left behind by the Cherokees, of all people!) which contained magical pedestals capable of empowering Chris’s medallion to be able to turn him into Chris-Chan Sonichu and also giving him an expositional vision from the ancient Cherokee “king” he is apparently a reincarnation of.

By some weird coincidence Sarah, the girl Chris has a one-sided boner for, and Wes, the dude Chris has a one-sided hateboner for due to his having briefly dated Sarah when they were all in high school, are also reincarnations of ancient Amerindian (or in the case of Wes and his ‘Wasabi Clan’ heritage, possibly Japanese) leaders, and they too have hedgehog powers. They’re all prophecized to band together to defeat some kind of Ancient Evil that got released when Sonichu found the cave, but Wes is more interested in acquiring the Cherokian Crown, an artifact which Chris apparently briefly possessed and which has THE POWAH TO RULE THE WOOOOOORLD!!!!

He beat the tar out of Chris while the both of them were in hedgehog form and managed to swipe the Crown, but then Sarah showed up and nailed him to a tree with a lightning arrow.

Typo Cunter: 40

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2347: Sonichu — Issue 2 Episodes 7 and 8

Title: Sonichu
Author: Christine Weston Chandler, aka. Christopher Weston Chandler, aka. Christian Weston Chandler, aka. Chris-Chan
Media: Webcomic
Topic: Sonic The Hedgehog / Pokemon / IRL / Yu-Gi-Oh
Genre: “Parody”, apparently.
URL: Issue 2 Template Box
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

-WARNING-
Today’s comic contains potential flamebait in the form of Chris-Chan’s highly revisionist history of the Cherokee civilization.
Yes, really.

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to the wonder that is Sonichu!

Last time, the whole ‘Hedgehog Of Color kidnaps Zapbud’ plot got pretty brutally resolved with Zapbud being recovered, Hedgehog of Color being punched in the face but otherwise left completely unchecked, and a robot named Metal Sonichu being sent to the Moon.

And then there was a bunch of exposition about Sonic actually having been a shapeshifting hedgehog lady working for the oft-mentioned-but-never-formally-introduced Mary Lee Walsh and a talking purple SnoCone named Count Graduon to try to get Sonichu to fulfill a ‘prophecy’.

Also, Chris got stood up on a date at a Starbucks.

Typo Cunter: 31

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2342: Sonichu — Issue 1 Episode 6 and Sub-Episode 2

Title: Sonichu
Author: Christine Weston Chandler, aka. Christopher Weston Chandler, aka. Christian Weston Chandler, aka. Chris-Chan
Media: Webcomic
Topic: Sonic The Hedgehog / Pokemon / IRL
Genre: “Parody”, apparently.
URL: Cover and Issue 1 Template Box
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to the wonderful world of Sonicnu (actual wonderfulness content may vary).

Last time, Team Rocket’s top leadership (i.e. Giovanni and his be-goggled son Naitsirhc) teamed up with Dr. Ivo Robonik to combat the burgeoning threat to their operations that is Sonichu. Except as part of the ongoing war on copyrighted materials Robotnik got retconned into some doofus named ‘Ren Skysoar’, but let’s just go with the original and keep calling him Robotnik because honestly that’s a deeper and more complex character.

The villainous trio then proceeded to clone Sonichu, but thanks to the introduction of cherry cola into his DNA the clone’s color was altered. This defective, inferior, black version of Sonichu then got some expensive sneakers, embarked on a life of crime, and kidnapped Sonichu’s girlfriend to deliver to his ‘master’ Naitsirhc.

Wow, it’s a good thing Chris changed the clone’s name to ‘Blake’ instead of ‘Blachu’, otherwise all of the above miiight seem a bit racist!

(Just to be clear, I don’t think the racist implications of the character are intentional so much as just coincidence and a healthy dose of tone-deafness, but I do find it kind of baffling that Chris-Chan thought changing the character’s name from ‘Blachu’ to ‘Blake’ would help address any of it.)

Oh yeah and also Sonichu ran into the original Sonic the Hedgehog and they agreed to team up and work together to find Zapbud; curiously Sonic was left untouched by the retcons that removed Robotnik and wasn’t turned into Cyclonic the Porcupine or something.

Typo Cunter: 22

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