2063: Friendship Is Something Or Other: The Covenant War — Chapter 5 Part Two

Title: Friendship Is Magic: The Covenant War
Author:  Dragonfang33
Media: Video Game / Cartoon
Topic: Halo / My Little Pony
Genre: Adventure / Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 5
Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai and Serketry

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to the final installment of Friendship, When You Get Right Down To It, Really Isn’t Good For Much Of Anything At All: The Covenant War.

Previously a whole lot of actual military shit went down, and none of it quite made sense. The Covenant assault on Baltimare bogged down into street-to-street urban fighting against suddenly competent ponies, Thel ‘Va(n)damee gave into the Overpowring Force Of Emo and spared a bunch of schoolfillies hiding in a fashion academy (while ordering his troops to kill many more ponies in another area to give them a chance to escape), and then the scene ended with pony forces simultaneously buckling and rallying in a really geographically confusing bit involving the detonation of multiple bridges or something.

And, as always, any actually cool stuff to see happened out of narrative focus.

We also paid a visit to the Celestia Line, where Shining Armor seemed to be holding his own against the Covenant forces save for the pressure of running out of extra supplies. A message arrived along with a train chock-full of extra supplies telling him he was not able to hold the line and was unfit for command, resulting in the promotion of some OC called General Neighal who is basically Prince Blueblood in a nicer suit and with none of the actual character depth in his place.

We resume Chapter 5 already in progress.

Read the rest of this entry »

Advertisements

2055: Friendship Is Something Or Other: The Covenant War — Chapter 4 Part Two and Chapter 5 Part One

 

Title: Friendship Is Magic: The Covenant War
Author:  Dragonfang33
Media: Video Game / Cartoon
Topic: Halo / My Little Pony
Genre: Adventure / Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 4 and Chapter 5
Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai and Serketry

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Friendship Is, Umm, You Know, That Thing That Sometimes Does Stuff: The Covenant War.

Previously, we spent, like, half the chapter just sitting around watching Admiral Antivirus thrust his giant, throbbing heavy cruiser between the waiting hills of Sweet Apple Acres because apparently it wasn’t able to defend Canterlot well enough from its previous position a few kilometers away in the Everfree Forest.

…So they move in to defend Ponyville?

Yeah, because apparently this massive heavy cruiser packed full of Pelican dropships can only operate ground forces in one kilometer-square area at a time.

After the ship (finally!) landed everyone kind of just sat around and had something vaguely approximating a party, with the Apple family bringing cider and fritters, the Marines bringing a barrel of unspecified liquor that they stole from Admiral Hood, Rainbow Dash and some nameless ODST bringing some awkward proto-shipping, and Twilight and Admiral Antivirus bringing a weird conversation about cutie marks that no doubt will have Starlight Glimmer taking copious notes once Season 5 finally rolls around.

We resume the chapter already in progress.

Read the rest of this entry »


2049: Friendship Is Something Or Other: The Covenant War — Chapter 4 Part One

Title: Friendship Is Magic: The Covenant War
Author:  Dragonfang33
Media: Video Game / Cartoon
Topic: Halo / My Little Pony
Genre: Adventure / Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 4
Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai and Serketry

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back from our little detour down the Boulevard of Broken Bugs to Friendship Is A Thing That Almost Certainly Does Indeed Exist: The Covenant War.

I think I made a bit of a hasty decision saying I preferred this over Unity

Last time we saw something actually happen for a change as Queen Luna and Admiral Antivirus met at the Ponyville Town Hall (or just “Townhall” as it’s repeatedly called) to hammer out an alliance between Equestria and the UNSC, which basically amounts to “you want to kill the Covenant and we want to kill the Covenant, here’s a great idea let’s kill the Covenant together!”

After that a lone Phantom with a few Grunts and an Elite onboard showed up on a course for Ponyville, and predictably the massively outsized force striking from ambush took the ground troops out in, like, two seconds.

The humans thought they needed pair of Spartans and an ODST squad to take out, what, 5 guys

A pair of Spartans, an ODST squad, and TWILIGHT MOTHERFUCKING SPARKLE. And also wanton property damage to Sugarcube Corner for no fucking reason other than I guess that ODSTs compare unfavorably to velociraptors in the difficult science of door-opening.

It’s taken us 4 weeks to see the first Grunt die in-narrative. That’s… almost impressively sad. You’re mulching Grunts and Elites with the starter pistol within minutes in the first game, pretty sure.

Yeah, I believe that we’ve officially gone through the rising action, the climax, the denouemant, the falling action, and the running-out of ideas, and are now officially in the part of the classical narrative known as the Death Spiral.

Wait, if we’re on the Death Spiral, why are there still two whole chapters left?

Read the rest of this entry »


2044: Unity — Oneshot

Title: Unity
Author:  Demonic Dragon
Media: Cartoon
Topic: My Little Pony
Genre: Romance / “Sad” / “Slice of Life”
URL: The Whole Shebang
Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai and Serketry

-WARNING-

The ‘fic under review today contains potential flamebait in the form of tactless, teen-angsty handling of suicide and probably depression and/or domestic abuse and/or hate crimes or something. It’s all pretty damn vague, but flamebait nonetheless. There is also discussion of a number of issues raised by the source material that, while abstract, are in fact very political in nature.

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome to something that is not, in fact, Friendship Is Magic: The Covenant War.

Yeah, I could use a break. There was just so little actual MLP in it, it was starting to feel dense and… kinda stale.

So, instead, I went ahead and found us a little ‘fic that has a whole lot of MLP in it, except it also happens to be the part of MLP that is about as far from Friendship is Metal as The Covenant War is from tense and well-paced military science fiction.

Ladies and gentlebeings of the Library, prepare yourselves for an introduction… to Thorax.

Son of a fucking bitch.

Read the rest of this entry »


2039: Friendship Is Something Or Other: The Covenant War — Chapter 3 Part Two

Title: Friendship Is Magic: The Covenant War
Author:  Dragonfang33
Media: Video Game / Cartoon
Topic: Halo / My Little Pony
Genre: Adventure / Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 3
Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai and Serketry

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to yet more of Friendship is That One Thing We Are No Longer Allowed to Consider: The Covenant War.

Previously, the UNSC forces drove through the Everfree Forest to Ponyville at a sedate walking pace, allowing something that I think was supposed to be character bonding to occur between RAINBOW DASH, FFFFFluttershy, and some nameless ODST with a pegasus unit insignia. The humans arrived just in time to sneer at the Ponyville fortifications that somehow suddenly exist after like only two days since the Covenant landed, and… that was actually about it.

Despite most of the (half) chapter taking place in the incredibly dangerous, utterly bizarre Everfree Forest, yeah, nothing happened. They could have met on the steps of Canterlot Castle for all the perceived danger there was.

Typically when fanthors realize midway through a project that they have no idea what is actually supposed to happen the chapters get incredibly short and frenetic, but just like in his last ‘fic Dragonfang seems to be trying to cover up his utter lack of direction with endless padding instead.

Read the rest of this entry »


2033: Friendship Is Something Or Other: The Covenant War — Chapter 3 Part One

Title: Friendship Is Magic: The Covenant War
Author:  Dragonfang33
Media: Video Game / Cartoon
Topic: Halo / My Little Pony
Genre: Adventure / Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 3
Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai and Serketry

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Friendship is Apparently Not In Fact Magic: The Covenant War.

Last time we were treated to a surprising amount of fuck all as the Battle Of Equestria raged in the background and Thel Va(n)damee sat around Covenant-occupied Manehattan angsting about war being hell (or, for him, war being mildly uncomfortable).

The ashes of the pony corpses were wreaking havoc on his thick coating of white foundation.

Meanwhile, the Mane Six dicked around in the general vicinity of Admiral Antivirus’s ship in the Everfree and finally made contact. Which required them to be blindfolded for some reason because apparently Admiral Antivirus is the LORD thy GOD or something and it is unsafe to look at him directly. We also got introduced to the rest of the UNSC command staff, namely Captain Ryan (who has an eyepatch and cybernetic arm because EDGE), Spartan Alex-201 (aka Spartan Red-and-Black, aka Edgelord Junior), and finally the chief NCO of the Marine and ODST complement… shit, what was his name?

Rhodes?

Yeah, and… wait, what was his title?

Staff… sergeant? Or was he a gunnery sergeant?

Yeah. That guy. Sergeant Rhodes. He was… forgettable.

Read the rest of this entry »


2027: Friendship Is Magic: The Covenant War — Chapter 2

Title: Friendship Is Magic: The Covenant War
Author:  Dragonfang33
Media: Video Game / Cartoon
Topic: Halo / My Little Pony
Genre: Adventure / Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai and Serketry

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Friendship is Magic: the Covenant War.

Oh, lovely.

Previously we were introduced to the feared Sangheili Warrior Arbiter Naym ‘Lessocee (who is Thel ‘Va(n)damee’s semi-estranged brother because who needs to understand Sangheili culture when you can have cheap angst!).

Who needs to understand any cultures involved here when you can stir up bullshit dramatic tension?

Anyway, the two Super Covenant Bros managed to get their carrier Fist of Enlightenment severely damaged in an ambush with the UNSC Midway and its gallant commander, Admiral McAffee Antivirus Software, and make an emergency landing on a regular terrestrial planet

-You mean crash their damn carrier on a regular terrestrial planet-

that is somehow also the magical world of Equestria.

Princess Celestia decided to personally lead the peaceful first contact delegation, and for all intents and purposes got killed offscreen in the first few paragraphs.

And given what all is surrounding the nation of Equestria, the ponies have no reason to believe anything new is friendly. At least a first. And ol’ Sunbutt was killed in the narrative, just in the stupidest and most anticlimactic way possible.

Sadly no amount of proper caution would have saved them from Covenant omnicide here, because Dragonfang33 appears to have completely forgotten that the pony military, despite being equipped with relatively primitive bows and spears, is also capable of, you know, casting magic. That thing that’s in the subtitle of the show?

Yeah, apparently this is actually a crossover that earlier, less successful cartoon about varicolored talking horses, My Little Pony: Friendship Is.

Anyway, after that Luna got promoted to Queen, Shining Armor got promoted to Commander of the Equestrian Army after some random assclown named Leonegihus got himself and his forces wiped out, Admiral Antivirus landed his ship in the Everfree Forest, and the Mane Six got sent to investigate.

Oh yeah and Derpy is Rainbow Dash’s sister for some fucking reason.

I get the feeling a fucking reason is exactly why a lot of these changes were made, seeing as Dragonfang made sure to mention that there are exactly six Spartans onboard the Midway.

Read the rest of this entry »