1882: Suicidal Nightmare– Crappy Pasta

Title: Suicidal Nightmare
Author: CreepyPastaPrincessLuna
Media: Animation
Topic: My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic
Genre: Dark, Slice-Of-Life, and Other (it’s really just a creepypasta)
URL: Suicidal Nightmare
Critiqued by:
AdmiralSakai and Nina

WARNING

In case you couldn’t figure it out from the goddamn title, the pasta being riffed today contains potential flamebait in the form of a very strange handling of suicide. It’s not on the level of, say, a certain infamous Spongebob Squarepants ‘pasta previously riffed here, but exercise caution in the comments regardless. Also, expect the usual spoopy staples of random gore and character torture.

Hello hello all you patrons! Grab a heaping helping of cat brains and submit any roasted-fetus complaints to the Bureau of Demonic Affairs, because it’s time once again for…

spoop4

Roll it!”

Wait, no, that can’t be right!”

Ooooooooooh, yes it can!

What do you get when you combine the circle-jerking groupthink of the Creepypasta Wiki with the “anything goes” quality standards of fimfiction.net?

Why, ponypasta, of course!

Because nothing chills the blood like a show about magical talking horses who learn lessons about friendship, amiright?

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1764: Fall to Equestria – Chapter Fifteen (But really Chapter Thirteen)

Title: Fall to Equestria
Author: doomboom1234
Media: Television/Cartoon
Topic: My Little Pony: FIM
Genre: Sex/Comedy/Human/Random/Romance
URL:  Chapter Fifteen Thirteen
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai and Serketry

-WARNING-

Beware, for here be dragons. Or at least more hardcore pony porn.

Hello hello all you patrons!

Welcome back to Fall to Equestria, ruining awesome characters since late 2012.

Last time our plucky protagonist Loser Martin was captured by the Changelings, promptly escaped through a method so stupid and thermodynamically dubious that I refuse to even recap it, and then immediately turned himself in again. This led to fortunately unconsummated sexytimes with Queen Chrysalis, who apparently was not evil at all and just misunderstood (needing a whole three sentences from the Stu to devolve into a sobbing wreck). Then Princess Celestia showed up and did the first sensible thing in the ‘fic, namely magic-blasting Loser Martin to within an inch of his life while trying to shoot the Queen.

With his miraculous Stu powers he somehow survived the blast. Well, he’s bleeding out, but considering that that Celestia was trying to kill Chrysalis and we’ve seen her literally blast enemies apart, Loser should be chunky salsa by now.

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1757: Fall to Equestria – Chapter Fourteen (Which is really Chapter Twelve)

Title: Fall to Equestria
Author: doomboom1234
Media: Television/Cartoon
Topic: My Little Pony: FIM
Genre: Sex/Comedy/Human/Random/Romance
URL:  Chapter Fourteen Twelve
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai and Serketry

-WARNING-

While there’s nothing at all explicit for a change, this chapter does contain some potential flamebait in the form of nonconsensual Changeling ‘seduction’ attempts.

Hello hello, all you patrons, and welcome back to the horror that is Fall of Equestria.

Last time Loser Martin got into a pretty explicit ‘massage’ with Aloe and Lotus…

And racked up a bunch more sexual favors…

… then had the ‘pleasure’ of finding Princess Luna sleeping ontop of him like the world’s largest, pointiest housecat before someone or something

Wasn’t me! (Though I wish it was…)

finally did what we’ve all been wanting to do since Chapter One and knocked him out cold.

Bad touch counter: 47

He woke up in a room with green slime and a mattress, and that brings us to Chapter Twelve, “Understanding the misunderstood”.

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1752: Fall to Equestria – Chapters Twelve and Thirteen

Title: Fall to Equestria
Author: doomboom1234
Media: Television/Cartoon
Topic: My Little Pony: FIM
Genre: Sex/Comedy/Human/Random/Romance
URL:  Chapter Twelve
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai and Serketry

-WARNING-

This is the part where the ‘fic goes completely off the rails and dives straight into hardcore pony sex. It is definitely no longer suitable for work, school, family, or the faint of heart.

Good luck.

Hello hello, all you patrons, and welcome back to Fall to Equestria!

Last time Loser Martin fucked around at the Bridle Gossip Ponyville Day Spa for another whole chapter giving a ‘massage’ to the proprietresses, then was a dick to Princess Celestia and her guards as part of the process of turning the Princess into a stern, emotionless tyrant. Because that’s never been done before.

Lets see how bad this’ll be this time.

Bad Touch Counter: 34

Chapter Ten is called ‘A pleasant massage’- gosh, I wonder what this could involve??

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1745: Fall to Equestria – Chapters Nine, Ten, and Eleven

Title: Fall to Equestria
Author: doomboom1234
Media: Television/Cartoon
Topic: My Little Pony: FIM
Genre: Sex/Comedy/Human/Random/Romance
URL:  Chapter Seven
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai and Serketry

Hello hello all  you patrons!

Last time on Fall to Equestria, Twilight sprouted labia, used the narrator… protagonist… thing… as a sex aid, and Celestia stepped on Luna’s turf by invading his dreams. Then he traded a few more sexual favours for a job at the Ponyville Day Spa, which he keeps calling the Bridle Gossip for some asinine reason. We left as one of the Spa Sisters was just about to collect on her end of the deal.

Bad Touch Counter: 25

In a bit of a non sequitur, Chapter Eight is entitled “Celestia who?”

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1739: Fall to Equestria – Chapters Seven and Eight

Title: Fall to Equestria
Author: doomboom1234
Media: Television/Cartoon
Topic: My Little Pony: FIM
Genre: Sex/Comedy/Human/Random/Romance
URL:  Chapter Seven
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai and Serketry

-WARNING-

The following chapters mention the private parts of ponies. That is all.

Hello hello all you patrons!

Howdy.

Last time on Fall to Equestria, our wonderful protagonist Loser Martin attended a welcome-to-Equestria party held in his honor by Pinkie Pie. There he encountered Lyra Heartstrings and wasted no time in… jerking her off in public, getting a face full of magical horn ejaculate (!) for his trouble. After making out with Pinkie Pie (thereby getting himself covered in saliva and unijizz) and being felt up by a bunch of other random ponies-

-and losing his dickshirt in the process-

-he made the entirely sensible decision to leave that cauldron of insanity only to encounter the one and only Princess Luna.

Sadly, that does not mean the entire ‘fic up to this point has been a nightmare.

Lest she’d banish it from existence.

Bad touch counter: 16

We resume with a whole lot of nothing in Chapter Seven, ‘The midnight walk’.

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1733: Fall to Equestria – Chapters Five and Six

Title: Fall to Equestria
Author: doomboom1234
Media: Television/Cartoon
Topic: My Little Pony: FIM
Genre: Sex/Comedy/Human/Random/Romance
URL:  Chapter Five
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai and Serketry

-WARNING-

After faffing around for close to five thousand words, this chapter of the so-called “Sex” ‘fic does indeed contain a money shot. Featuring technicolor horses. You have been warned.

Hello hello, all you patrons!

I’m back with some more of Fall to Equestria, the story of Loser Martin’s quest to inappropriately touch the entire primary cast of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Last time, they had a meet-and-greet about human culture at the Golden Oaks library where it was revealed that six capable and intelligent mares had no idea what the word ‘omnivore’ means, the main character traded in his tragic past for a dickshirt, and Rarity got off.

While Spike watched in envy.

Which, alarmingly, was the most in-character thing to have happened.

It makes just as much sense in context.

Bad Touch Counter: 8

All of that, of course, brings us to Chapters Five and Six, “the party” parts one and two.

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