2340: The Purple Queen – Chapter 9

Title: The Red Queen
Author: Dravyn LeCrux
Media: Web Series
Topic: RWBY
Genre: Drama/Tragedy
URL: Chapter 9
Critiqued by BatJamags

Happy Birthday!

Uwaah count: 12
A Sentence Fragment count: 15

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with another thrilling (for certain definition of “thrilling” (that definition being “not anything even remotely close to approaching being thrilling in the slightest”)) chapter of The Red Queen!

In the last chapter, Sueby Rose, Sue Grimm, the Cheshire Dog, Tweedle Dick, and Tweedle Dumbass encountered a village of cute orphans, violently defended them from a small army of clones of that generic rapist-bandit-asshole from earlier in the fic and then rolled on out like some edgy, half-assed knockoff of the Man with No Name.

Sueby’s a lot of things, but Clint Eastwood she ain’t. Not that I wouldn’t read the fuck out of such a crossover. Assuming it were Ruby and not Sueby.

“I know what you’re thinking. ‘Did she fire six shots, or only five?’ Well, being that this is a giant armor-piercing sniper rifle that’s also a scythe and carries a lot more than six shots, that really doesn’t matter in the slightest. I’m gonna level with you: You’re not lucky, punk.”

It was an early morning in Beacon, and as always the campus was bustling with activity.

*Snerk* Have you seen early morning on any higher education institution’s campus? What little activity there is is less bustling and more shambling.

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2334: The Purple Queen – Chapter 8

Title: The Red Queen
Author: Dravyn LeCrux
Media: Web Series
Topic: RWBY
Genre: Drama/Tragedy
URL: Chapter 8
Critiqued by BatJamags

I AM DEATH!

Uwaah count: 12
A Sentence Fragment count: 15

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with more of The Red Queen, the fic that definitely didn’t stop having pretentious and irrelevant Alice in Wonderland references between chapters six and seven.

Last time some bullshit happened, but it was All Just a Dream™, so none of it mattered.

“Dinah, heel!” Immediately the huge Beowolf ceased it’s assault, not killing it’s would-be victim. Instead, the Beowolf came to sit at the foot of it’s master, whom those present could only describe as a young girl, clad in pitch black and crimson red, looking for all purposes like the Grim Reaper.

Mr Death

The Grim Reaper.

Ruby Original Edition

Ruby Rose: Original Flavor.

Ruby Edgy Edition

Ruby Rose: Edgy Leather Edition, or at least the closest thing I care to dig up.

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2329: The Purple Queen: Chapter 7

Title: The Red Queen
Author: Dravyn LeCrux
Media: Web Series
Topic: RWBY
Genre: Drama/Tragedy
URL: Chapter 7
Critiqued by BatJamags

They’re here!

Uwaah count: 11

A Sentence Fragment count: 15

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags, and I’m back with more of The Red Queen, the fic with the pretentious and irrelevant Alice in Wonderland references.

Last time, stupid things happened. Contain your shock.

*Foreword*

*Headdesk*

Author, I don’t think you understand what a foreword is.

Been a while since I’ve done a foreword in any of my projects, huh?

You didn’t do one here. A foreword goes at the beginning of the story, not the beginning of a chapter.

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2324: The Purple Queen – Chapter 6

Title: The Red Queen
Author: Dravyn LeCrux
Media: Web Series
Topic: RWBY
Genre: Drama/Tragedy
URL: Chapter 6
Critiqued by BatJamags

Everything Wrong With this Fanfic

Uwaah count: 11
A Sentence Fragment count: 9

Hello once again, patrons, and Happy Cinco de Mayo! Yesterday was Star Wars Day, and two days from now is my birthday, so I expect virtual cake. Speaking of me (and I do love to speak of me), I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with more of The Red Queen, home of Sueby Rose and Weissome McSchneevil!

Last time, Yang was angry about stuff and tried to kill somebody who was badmouthing Ruby for no reason, Sueby got new pets, and McSchneevil narrated to herself about her own evilness.

Onward!

It was a quiet day at Beacon, as usual Classes had already been let go,

Man, those classes have really let themselves go. They should probably cut back on the junk food.

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2318: The Purple Queen – Chapter 5

Title: The Red Queen
Author: Dravyn LeCrux
Media: Web Series
Topic: RWBY
Genre: Drama/Tragedy
URL: Chapter 5
Critiqued by BatJamags

Niagara Falls!

Uwaah count: 10
A Sentence Fragment count: 6

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with more of The Red Queen, the fic which has now properly devolved into an edgy, swirling pool of angst and trajedy.

Last time, Yang and Ozpin began to realize that the Dumbass Conspirators were kind of dumbasses about their conspiracy. Ruby killed some generically creepy dude who showed up in her neck of the woods, and was simultaneously Batman and Naked Buff Santa. It’s a long story. Pyrrha did some mustache twirling and the author narration insisted she was SO TOTALLY JEALOUS OF RUBY because RUBYXJAUNE OTP!

*Another volley of cannonballs bursts through the walls of the Riffcave*

Yeah, I’m still working on sinking that. And by “I,” I mean GoodJamags.

The days had been blending together for the past couple of weeks. For Yang, time became irrelevant the moment they brought back the news that she would never again set eyes on her precious little sister again.

*Alarms blare*

Smooth, author. Now, let’s see if the DRD can make it past that ferocious naval batt-

*Headshotted in the head*

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2313: The Red Queen – Chapter 4

Title: The Red Queen
Author: Dravyn LeCrux
Media: Web Series
Topic: RWBY
Genre: Drama/Tragedy
URL: Chapter 4
Critiqued by BatJamags

You Keep Using that Word…

Uwaah count: 10
A Sentence Fragment count: 4

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with more of The Red Queen, the fic whose prose I want to beat up, give a swirlie, and steal lunch money from! Fuckin’ nerd.

That’s how bullies work, right?

Last time, two things happened: Jack and Shit. The plot has not progressed in the slightest from Chapter 2.

“Professor, can I speak with you?”

Professor: I’m afraid not. I don’t associate with Formless Voices.

“Racist.”

“Wouldn’t that be ‘formist?’”

“You stay out of this!”

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2307: The Red Queen – Chapter 3

Title: The Red Queen
Author: Dravyn LeCrux
Media: Web Series
Topic: RWBY
Genre: Drama/Tragedy
URL: Chapter 3
Critiqued by BatJamags

The Six-Million-Dollar Beowulf

Uwaah count: 4
A Sentence Fragment count: 4

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with more of The Red Queen, also known as How Not to Plot to Kill Someone.

Last time, we found out that Ruby survived the Dumbass Conspirators’ assassination attempt (as if they didn’t screw up badly enough already), and was rescued by a Grimm, likely due to her transformation into Sueby Rose. This asinine twist was accompanied by a demonstration of all the different ways the Dumbass Conspirators should’ve gotten caught.

Onward!

There is no true rhyme or reason to nature.

Nomenclature. Nomenclature rhymes with nature. Also, whirlpool basically rhymes with purple. And cringe kind of rhymes with orange if you really force it. I’m still working on silver. Maybe “hill fir?”

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