2445: The Purple Queen – Chapter 25 (FINALE!)

Title: The Red Queen
Author: Dravyn LeCrux
Media: Web Series
Topic: RWBY
Genre: Drama/Tragedy
URL: Chapter 25
Critiqued by BatJamags (BadJamags and GoodJamags)

FEED YOUR HEAD

Uwaah count: 13
A Sentence Fragment count: 189
Roll Call count: 8
Vomit Boy count: 8

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags…

GoodJamags: … And I’m your guest host, GoodJamags…

… And we’re back with the last chapter of The Red Queen! Don’t go reaching for your Kool and the Gang yet, though, because this show ain’t over until the fat lady sings.

(Though if you’re reading that means I already finished this in the past and Celebrating is therefore acceptable)

Last time, Sueby Psychose began her revenge on Weissome McSchneevil, OoC!Blake, Not!Pyrrha, and the other dumbass conspirators. She killed one of the nameless OC conspirators for a while and then nothing else happened. Yang and Jaune were also on their way out to try to de-escalate things. Everybody was very stupid and my Sentence Fragment count is almost at 200.

Even before I start the riff, this chapter is about 6,000 words, which is how long my riffs usually are with snark, and I’m planning on typing up a sizable rant at the end. Still, this is the last installment, and it’s already cutting into what should be the start of the Badfic Zone, so consider this a special jumbo-sized rifftacular!

It should’ve just been another night in Beacon, right?

However, the sun had failed to set at the appropriate time, causing it to continue to be a day in Beacon instead of just another night.

It was very strange.

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2441: Halloween Oneshots – Spooptoberfest Part One

Title: The halloween after
Author: NotJustOneFandome
Media: Movie
Topic: Halloween
Genre: Tragedy/Angst but to music
URL: The halloween after
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Eliza

Hello, patrons!  Welcome back to the continuing Spooptoberfestivities!  Today we’ll be adding two more little oneshots to the Library’s pile of spooky, spooky failure.  The first is a Halloween oneshot, not just the holiday, but also the titular movie taking place on the holiday!  Though, honestly, to call this thing a fanfic is tarnishing the good name of such epic masterpieces of “untold zombie chronicels.”

You’ll understand why this one is bad pretty much right away when I show you the summary.

Song fanfic

That’s the entire summary.  And it’s a tragedy/angst fic, so who wants to bet we get something with either My Chemical Romance or Evanescence.  Brace yourselves, patrons, we’re going in hot!

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2439: The Purple Queen – Chapter 24

Title: The Red Queen
Author: Dravyn LeCrux
Media: Web Series
Topic: RWBY
Genre: Drama/Tragedy
URL: Chapter 24
Critiqued by BatJamags (BadJamags and GoodJamags)

Goffik Tearz of Blood

Uwaah count: 13
A Sentence Fragment count: 158
Roll Call count: 7
Vomit Boy count: 8

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags…

GoodJamags: … And I’m your guest host, GoodJamags…

… And we’re back with the second-to-last chapter of The Red Queen. Last time, Sueby ran around threatening the dumbass conspirators. Onward!

Beacon Academy.

An Academic Sentence Fragment count: 159

On second thought, can we go get coffee before we get started? If literally the first sentence of the chapter is a fragment, I know this is going to be a long one.

GoodJamags: Probably a good idea.

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2434: The Purple Queen – Chapter 23

Title: The Red Queen
Author: Dravyn LeCrux
Media: Web Series
Topic: RWBY
Genre: Drama/Tragedy
URL: Chapter 23
Critiqued by BatJamags (BadJamags and GoodJamags)

I’m Gonna Be Just Like You

Uwaah count: 13
A Sentence Fragment count: 155
Roll Call count: 7

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with the next chapter of the gripping epic that is The Red Queen. And not happy to be here, either. Last time, OoC!Blake was showing some last-minute attempts at being in-character, but it mostly just amounted waxing angsty about being involved in Ruby’s murder which was so far out of character in the first place that the whole thing is just not working.

Anyway, she ran into Sueby WHO IN THE WORLD COULD THAT BE but nothing really came of it.

“You say that Ruby will be coming back soon?”

“Yes Professor.” Jaune said to Ozpin, looking at him with all due seriousness.

“And exactly what do you base this on, Mister Arc?”

The fact that she’s been wasting time not to have come back even by now?

“Well Professor,” Jaune began, trying to collect his thoughts on the matter. It’s not like this was very easy to explain, but he had to try. “I was talking to Yang before, about Ruby of course. And the topic of Ruby’s personality quirks came up. A fact I had never learned until Yang had told me, Ruby is the type to take things on herself. So if she’s attacked, I doubt she’ll call for help immediately. Add onto that the fact that she was seemingly killed, and she would no doubt want to strike back. Now, gathering Grimm? If that doesn’t prove her intent to fight back, not much would. As for her returning here, and soon, I base this off of a map of all of the attacks and appearances made by the Red Queen.” Saying so, Jaune pulled out a large map of Remnant and placed it on the table. All over the map were various circles, dots, and lines all drawn in a fine point marker.

By the way, I sincerely hope that this isn’t the big thing the author kept promising he was going to do towards the end. Since, you know, it’s kind of really obvious.

“Please do explain what this means, Mister Arc.”

Yeah, that would be apprec-

“Yeah, hurry up and explain Vomit Boy!”

NO NO GET IT IT’S A THING THEY SAY IN THE SHOW AREN’T YOU FUCKING LAUGHING RIGHT NOW

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2428: The Purple Queen – Chapters 21 (sort of) and 22

Title: The Red Queen
Author: Dravyn LeCrux
Media: Web Series
Topic: RWBY
Genre: Drama/Tragedy
URL: Chapter 22
Critiqued by BatJamags

Kingdom of the Crystal Huntsman

Uwaah count: 13
A Sentence Fragment count: 147
Roll Call count: 7

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with another chapter of The Red Queen. Last time, Sueby recruited a bunch of big elephant Grimm for no reason and nothing happened.

Chapter 21 was not an actual chapter, but rather a memorial message about the then-recent death of RWBY’s creator, Monty Oum. It’s actually reasonably well-written and it would be in poor taste for me to riff it. I only bring it up in case you’re wondering why we skipped a chapter.

While that’s a bit of a somber note, this fic is still bad and I’m still going to make fun of it. As such, let’s press on.

Endless. Pointless. Why was she still here? Why was she still sitting through this, despite more pressing, more urgent business being at her doorstep.

Switch those “she”s to “he”s, and you’ve got a good description of my experience reading this fic.

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