My Inner Life: Redux – Chapter 1 Part 1 (FILLER!)

[Sorry this is late, but nobody scheduled anything for today and this has been sitting around in the drafts for a while. It’s another slightly-updated scrapped riff from years ago, because we need more filler, and why let this go to waste, right?

Also, rereading before posting, there are a surprising number of BadJamags’ catchphrases and running gags that I started with GoodJamags in this riff. Huh.]

Title: My Inner Life
Author: Link’s Queen
Media: Video Game
Topic: Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: My Inner Life (Full Story)
Critiqued by BatJamags (GoodJamags)

*GoodJamags walks into the secret base’s prison block. There is a glass cell at the end of the hall.*

*In the glass cell, BadJamags is waiting*

BadJamags: Hello, GoodJamags.

Drop the Hannibal Lecter routine and tell me how to stop the fic.

BadJamags: Now, now. Is that any way to greet an old friend?

I never met you before I went through the portal. Tell me how to stop the fic.

BadJamags: *Sigh* You can’t stop it. Door won’t let you out until you riff it, and you can’t close it without going through Door.

Didn’t I explode the door for my dramatic entrance?

BadJamags: Not the door, Door. He respawned and is back where he started.

Are you implying the door is sentient?

BadJamags: Actually…

BadJamags: I have no fucking idea, but it kinda seems like it could be the case. I’m not bullshitting you about needing to riff the fic, though.

Why can’t I just let it sit there?

BadJamags: BLUE.

Makes sense to me.

*In the riffing chamber*

Hello once again for the first time, patrons! I’m your guest host, GoodJamags.

Today, I’ll be picking up where my evil counterpart left off with My Inner Life.

Last time, Link’s Queen ranted, raved, and spat nails like an immature child about her reviewers supposedly ranting, raving, and spitting nails like immature children.

And she had the gall to call them hypocrites.

This time, we start the actual story.

The Beginning

Well…

At least it’s spelled properly.

I will never forget the day, the day I met Link.

*Alarms blare*

Ah, you have the DRD here too? I suppose some things are universal constants.

*John Johnson walks in*

John Johnson: Hello. My job is that whenever there’s a redundancy, I’m supposed to shoot you whenever there’s a redundancy which means I have to shoot you.

Huh?

*Headshotted in the head*

It was a warm spring day; I was on my usual trip back to Hyrule with my wagon of goods to sell in Hyrule market at the annual Spring Festival (1).

Ah. Here we have, aside from the cumbersome sentence, the first of this story’s footnotes. What does this footnote say about the annual Spring Festival?

(1) The Spring Festival is a celebration of the upcoming season change from Winter to Spring. This celebration is held every year to celebrate the planting of the year’s crops and to prey to Mother Sclyina for a prosperous crop season.

It’s an annual festival, held every spring. Thanks, Captain Obvious.

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