1967: Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I – Chapter Six

Title:  Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I
Author:  dragonfang33
Media: Movie / Cartoon
Topic: Star Wars / MLP
Genre: Sci-Fi / Adventure
URL: Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Darth Lord Crunchy (Retired)

Welcome back, dear patrons, to the sixth and final chapter of Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I, Book I, Act I, Part I!

“You are taking far too much enjoyment from that.”

Gotta get it where I can, right?

“Be mindful of your phrasing, I spotted the Portable Pornography Music Synthesizer parked just down the hall when we arrived.”

Noted.  Last time we finally had stuff happen!  Sort of.  Team evil shelled the Troggle village, killed most of them, and turned the rest into slaves.  I think.  There was mention of non-Force-sensitivity, but nothing was really done with it, so it’s possible there are some Darth Troggles wandering around now, or probably not.  It’s unlikely to become a thing either way because this is the last chapter and the author can’t even bring himself to have Team Evil and Team Designated Protagonists interact in any way.  Speaking of TDP, what they were up to last chapter was far less interesting.  In that they arrived at the pony village that they were already in, tormented one of the ponies for daring to question that they were aliens from outer space, and then decided to finally make their way over to the dance party.  It’s weird, but this chapter I hope they finally make it to the dance party so I can have some closure on it.

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1963: Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I – Chapter Five

Title:  Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I
Author:  dragonfang33
Media: Movie / Cartoon
Topic: Star Wars / MLP
Genre: Sci-Fi / Adventure
URL: Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Darth Lord Crunchy (Retired)

Heyo, patrons!  Welcome back to Shadow War Episode I, Part I, Book 2, Chapter 5, Subsection 27, Paragraphs c through q:l.

“Do not tempt the author with knowledge of finer-grained sectioning.”

Oof, good point.  Last time our resident Sith-bait Stu, Kennith, or whatever his name is, made landfall with his cohort of other forgettable, cut-and-paste characters.  They quickly stumbled upon one of the resident ponies of the area, swapped exposition, then headed off to join the dance party already in progress.  Meanwhile in orbit, Kaleb’s clone twin brother in everything except plot assignment waffled on about whether his hodgepodge fleet of 3,000 discount ships could possibly take on a single Jedi and his Celestial Uberwang.  Eventually he decides his fleet is no match, probably due to genre savviness more than anything else, and decides to try to search for help on the planet, which pretty much limits him to an alliance with the Smooze.

“Which none exposed to the section title ‘The Smooze Campaign’ could possibly have predicted.”

And since the Smooze are pretty limited in attack strategy to blorping all over everything, we can all expect some absolutely riveting combat scenes in our future.

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1954: Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I – Chapter Three

Title:  Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I
Author:  dragonfang33
Media: Movie / Cartoon
Topic: Star Wars / MLP
Genre: Sci-Fi / Adventure
URL: Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Darth Lord Crunchy (Retired)

Heyo, patrons!  Welcome back to another installment of ‘Shadow War’, the Star Wars fic where nothing happens and the characters don’t matter!  Crunchy is here again.

“You sound so pleased.”

Ecstatic.  Anyway, last time more long-winded nothing happened.

“I question whether you could consider that chapter long.”

Fine, more short-winded nothing happened.  The Cliff-notes of all the nothing is that Team Evil is landing their shit on the planet of Ponyland while Team Stu gathered a few juvenile recruits before being dispatched to explore what will coincidentally™ be the same exact planet that Team Evil is orbiting despite the region being nearly a third the size of the entire galaxy.

“Your Dickens would be proud.”

Compared to this, Dickens showed incredible restraint with his contrivances.  In any case, let’s get on with the show!

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1947: Blue Moon – One Shot

Title: Blue Moon
Author: SivanShemesh
Media: Books/Cartoon
Topic: Lord of the Rings/The Smurfs
Genre: Angst and Humor
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by Angie and Queenie

Queenie: “Australian, not Scottish.”

Shut up.

Queenie: “That’s why Jack calls him a kangaroo at one point.”

I will physically fight you.

Welcome back to Angie Pays for Her Sins. This time, I’m reviewing a Lord in the Rings fanfiction to repay for Brego’s Mistress.

Queenie: I went through the tiresome labor of searching for a fanfiction, and I stumbled upon a crossover between some Earth cartoon called The Smurfs. The title is also the name of a beer brand. So…that’s fun.

This fic is called Coors Light.

Queenie: That’s…nope. That’s incorrect. The fic is called Blue Moon. Let’s begin.

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1937: Same Old Lang Syne – One Shot

Title: Same Old Lang Syne
Author: TKDP
Media: TV Shows
Topic: Stranger Things
Genre: Romance
URL: Same Old Lang Syne
Critiqued by Angie

Warning: Drinking. Oh no.

FORCED, CHEESY OPENING:

*kicks down door* Ho ho ho, motherfuckers. I didn’t have time to figure out separate presents for you all so you’re all getting a Hot Wheel and a gift certificate to Chili’s.

Okay back to the riff:

It really does make me feel bad finding Christmas fics to review because it truly is such a wholesome, happy holiday.

Someone’s gotta do it though.

Merry Christmas, everybody. I’m Angie and I’m going to ruin your holiday by reviewing a fic deriving from everybody’s favorite subgenre, the songfic! Today’s song is Same Old Lang Syne, sang by the late, great Dan Fogelberg.

You know, this one.

And it’s a fic based off of another wildly famous topic, Stranger Things.

Stranger Things is a 2016 Netflix original TV show created by The Duffer Brothers. It takes place in early to mid eighties and stars Winona Ryder and rising star Finn Wolfhard. It’s full of awesome sci-fi action culminating in one of the highest praised TV shows of all time.

Can TKDP keep that magic alive? Let’s take a look at Same Old Lang Syne.

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1906: Butch x Reader: I Think You’re Pretty

Title:  Butch x Reader: I Think You’re Pretty
Author:   Ugly Kitty Cat Sweater
Media: Cartoon
Topic: Power Puff Girls
Genre: Romance/Friendship
URL: Butch x Reader: I Think You’re Pretty
Critiqued by TacoMagic & Swenia

Hey, patrons!  As promised, this week I’m brining you a smut fic!  Featuring trains!  Since it’s a smut fit, well, somebody insisted on helping.

“Hi, patrons!  Let’s get to the sex already!”

The train sex.

“Wait, trains?  Why are trains having sex?”

Did you not see the context last week? This is a Thomas and Friends fic.

“I feel lied to!  I didn’t sign up for train sex!  Why didn’t you say anything!”

I DID.

“Why didn’t you make me pay attention!?”

Anyway, for anyone wondering, this is Butch:

He’s a breakdown truck with a big-ol winch on him.

*Swenia waggles her eyebrows*

Oh for crap’s sake.

“If you’re going to rope an unsuspecting gal into train sex, you can’t blame her for enjoying herself anyway.”

Anyway, Butch’s main job is assisting when stuff breaks by dragging or towing it.  Pretty easy.  He doesn’t appear a whole lot in the show, but the vast majority of the characters are like that, appearing in only one or two episodes yet somehow cultivating sometimes quite rabid followings.

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s check out the summary!

I’M NOT GOOD WITH SUMMARIES SO LET’S GET THIS OVER WITH!

“That’s a good sign.”

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1882: Suicidal Nightmare– Crappy Pasta

Title: Suicidal Nightmare
Author: CreepyPastaPrincessLuna
Media: Animation
Topic: My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic
Genre: Dark, Slice-Of-Life, and Other (it’s really just a creepypasta)
URL: Suicidal Nightmare
Critiqued by:
AdmiralSakai and Nina

WARNING

In case you couldn’t figure it out from the goddamn title, the pasta being riffed today contains potential flamebait in the form of a very strange handling of suicide. It’s not on the level of, say, a certain infamous Spongebob Squarepants ‘pasta previously riffed here, but exercise caution in the comments regardless. Also, expect the usual spoopy staples of random gore and character torture.

Hello hello all you patrons! Grab a heaping helping of cat brains and submit any roasted-fetus complaints to the Bureau of Demonic Affairs, because it’s time once again for…

spoop4

Roll it!”

Wait, no, that can’t be right!”

Ooooooooooh, yes it can!

What do you get when you combine the circle-jerking groupthink of the Creepypasta Wiki with the “anything goes” quality standards of fimfiction.net?

Why, ponypasta, of course!

Because nothing chills the blood like a show about magical talking horses who learn lessons about friendship, amiright?

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