548: Terra’s story – Chapters One and Two

Title: Terra’s story
Author: Zho500
Media:  Video Game
Topic:  Fire Emblem (Path of Radiance/Radiant Dawn duology)
Genre: Fantasy/Adventure
URL: Terra’s story: Chapter 1 and Chapter 2
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Hello ladies and gents, and welcome to another week at the Library of the Damned! Today, I bring you another multi-chaptered fic that is so short it should really be considered a oneshot. And hey, if we’re going to cleanse our palate with something, we might as well do it with a different Fire Emblem fanfic, y’know? So open wide, patrons, ‘cause this one…

…well, it should tell you everything that this was one of the first fics I told the Librarians about. Huh, interesting.

Well, getting things from the backlog is fun, so let’s get to it, shall we?

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547: Call of evil part 2 death in heaven – Chapter Three

Title: Call of evil part 2 death in heaven
Author:
 Insane Doctor The Insane Shadow Hunter and JudgmentDragon25
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic:  As many video games as you can shake a stick at, and The Land Before Time
Genre: None listed, and really, it’s hard to categorize such fail
URL: Removed from FF.Net.
Critiqued by TacoMagic

And here we are, patrons, the motherland.  The very last chapter of ID/JD25’s Call of Duty: Suck series.  There will be a celebration in the lobby after the riff.  Free open gargleblaster bar, key-lime pie fountain, and head-desking pillows as door prizes.  It’s gonna be great!

Oh, and I guess Crunchy is gonna be handing out lightsabers or something.

Chapter 3 hell unleashed

Oh this better not be a chapter devoted to softcore porn. Read the rest of this entry »


546: From Another World – Chapter 35 and Chapter 36 Part 1

Title: From Another World
Author: EclipsePheniox
Media: Video Game
Topic:  Mass Effect / Parallel Realities
Genre: Supernatural/Romance/AU
URL: From Another World Chapter 35 and Chapter 36
Critiqued by Erttheking

N:  *Pant*  Jesus…fuck.

G:  Kid really knows how to put up a fight huh?  Oh, hold on a second *Forciably shoves arm back into socket* ah, that’s better.

W:  You two all right?

N:  I’m breathing, so that’s something.  *Turns to Goeth*  The Hell was up with that?  He hit even harder than last time?

G:  Yeah…see I have a theory about that.  He’s locked up again and we’ve been keeping him locked up the hold time.  We can keep HIM asleep but we can’t keep the red ring asleep.  It’s storing up all of his hatred and multiplying it.  You know how when an explosion is contained it’s forced back in onto itself and becomes stronger?  I think that’s what we’re dealing with.

C:  So what?  We’re supposed to let him off to blow off some steam?

G:  I know one planet filled with people that no one likes.

C:  We are NOT doing that.

G:  Then you need to get that ring working.

C:  Fine, just give me some time all right?

N:  We don’t exactly have much of that, we’re sitting on a time bomb here.

C:  I’m gonna go and try to get it working now, ok?  (Leaves) Read the rest of this entry »


545: Kawaii Desu Vampire Sexy – Chapters 13 & 14

Title: Kawaii Desu Vampire Sexy
Author: twilightlover4eva
Topic: mostly Twilight
Media: Book/Movie
Genre: none listed
URL: Chapter 13
URL: Chapter 14
Critiqued by Ghostcat

WARNING: CONTAINS (IMMATURE) MATURE CONTENT. READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

:sigh:

Hi, there. I’m back with more of this … thing.

:double sigh:

Do I really need to do a summary of what happened last time?

:whispering:

Fine – but have a ninja bring me a bag of fun-sized Milky Ways. I’ll need nougat and caramel before this is over.

Lola and Edward found out that Lola is pregnant and because reasons have decided that Jacob is the father. Edward went to Hell to confront Jacob, who also believes that he is the child’s father – again, because reasons – which caused Edward to announce that he, Edward, would have an abortion. When Leslie agrees that this would be a good idea, Edward then remembers that abortion goes against God’s “wishies” and flees Hell in anger. Once back up top, Edward demands that Lola get an abortion – which, as you will remember, he just said was against his religion – to get rid of Jacob’s baby. Lola refuses loud enough to cause her dead dog Bobby to start barking. God then appears surrounded by the beam of a celestial searchlight and forbids Lola from having an abortion since there’s a fifty-fifty chance the baby will be good, but that they can … Do I gotta finish this sentence?

:whispering:

:groans: Okay!

:deep breath:

…shootthebabyafteritisbornifitturnsoutthatitisevil. Where the hell’s my candy?

:wrappers tear:

Oh, yes; wash away the bad taste, my little chocolate-sheathed morsels of awesomeness. I’d better save some of you for later, though.

:folds down top of bag, secures with clothespin:

Read the rest of this entry »


544: My Little Necromorphs – Theme “Song”, Chapter 1, and Chapter 2

Title: My Little Necromorphs
Author: zombiekingalex
Media: Video Game/Cartoon
Topic: Dead Space/My Little Pony
Genre: Parody/Friendship
URL: My Little Necromorphs
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to another droll Thursday here at the Library. Well, last week, we finally finished that Fire Emblem themed mess that masqueraded as a story with If You Don’t Have Something Nice to say. As anybody would think after reading that piece of shit, I need a fucking break after that shit-fest. So today, we start with a series of shorter fics to cleanse my pallet.

And one of them…? Well, Ghostie was gonna look at this, but I offered to take over for her. She warned me that it was gonna be really bad, but… I dunno. I mean, c’mon, she passed this fic up to do crystal heart’s path! How could this be any worse than that particular train wreck?

*opens the link*

Oh, fuck me

Read the rest of this entry »


543: Call of evil part 2 death in heaven – Chapters One and Two

Title: Call of evil part 2 death in heaven
Author:
 Insane Doctor The Insane Shadow Hunter and JudgmentDragon25
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic:  As many video games as you can shake a stick at, and The Land Before Time
Genre: None listed, and really, it’s hard to categorize such fail
URL: Removed from FF.Net.
Critiqued by TacoMagic

Welcome back, dear patrons, to the expansion pack of fic 3 in ID and JD25’s stirring Call of Duty series.

Luckily, this last bit of fic is extremely short, so we’ll be done with the whole series by next week; that’s why I’m just tacking it on as an extension of the third fic rather than resetting all the counters and such. Read the rest of this entry »


542: From Another World – Chapter 34

Title: From Another World
Author: EclipsePheniox
Media: Video Game
Topic:  Mass Effect / Parallel Realities
Genre: Supernatural/Romance/AU
URL: From Another World Chapter 34
Critiqued by Erttheking

W:….You’re kidding me right?

G:  Nope!  That’s the oath.

W:…Um…Tar lorek san-

N:  No it’s Tar lorek son, not Tar korek san.

W:  Oh, ok.  Tar lorek son, Bar-

C:  No, it’s bor, not bar.

W:…..Tar lorek son, bar nagga-

G:  Nakka, not nagga.

W:  I could do this a lot better if the three of you weren’t all jumping down my throat!

G:  Aw.  Poor little girl.  Cornelia, take her out back and try to get her to get it right.  I left some instructions there for some advice on getting your ring to work too.  Nora and I will handle the review today.

W:  Guh.  Fine.

C:  Come on let’s go.  It’s a though language, we don’t even know what it means.

W:  Not helping *slam*

N:  So, last time Legion’s loyalty mission got watered down with the “This is morally gray but not really” treatment and ended with the start of Tali’s loyalty mission.

G:  Ten credits says that he sticks with the stupid twist from Parallel Realities.

N:  Goeth, that only works if the person you’re betting against actually DOUBTS it happening.  Anyway, lets get going.

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