922: Life with Raptors – Chapter Five

Title: Life with Raptors
Author:   AwesomeHunter77
Media: Movie
Topic: Jurassic Park
Genre:  Humor/Drama
URL: Life with Raptors
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Eliza

Welcome back, patrons, to the last Wednesday of year!  Also the last day of the year.   As with the other chapters of this fic, Eliza is sitting copilot as the dinosaur expert.

“Charmed.”

Last time we were treated to May’s first day with the raptors, wherein she quests for a shower and is attacked by a raptor from the B-group.  Meanwhile, much earlier in the day, Seth and the others “mark” their territory.

“They used pee!”

Right.  Anyway, they mark their territory and then launch an unsuccessful hunt which involved the sudden appearance of the T-rex.  Nothing else really happens.

“That seem to be the theme of this fic.  ‘Not much happened.'”

I think that’s more of a general badfic theme.

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921: From Another World – Chapter 41

Title: From Another World
Author: EclipsePheniox
Media: Video Game
Topic:  Mass Effect / Parallel Realities
Genre: Supernatural/Romance/AU
URL: Chapter 41
Critiqued by Erttheking

E: So how badly damaged is the engine?

C: Saying that it’s damaged implies that there are still bits of it left. And that’s not really the case.

N: Well crap. Princey is out cold too. Whatever Manus hit him with must’ve done a hell of a number on his healing factor.

E: Anti-stu spray? If we ever get out of this, remind me to have Goeth look into that.

N: I will.

C: Well, what do you say we all kick back, relax and rift the shit out of EP’s latest failure? Not like worrying will do anything.

E: Fine by me.

Chapter 41 Mars and the weapon.

E: Oh yeah by the way, we’re gonna be doing something for just this chapter. We’re gonna be including a one-off buzzer. At the end of the chapter it’ll be melted down for whatever Crunchy is cooking up, but right now we’re going to be keeping track of the number of firefights there are in this chapter. Remember when EP said he was playing the games and taking notes? Remember how that almost sounded like research? Turns out he was focusing on the gameplay and all of the times you fight people in game. And…well you’ll see.

(Another Fucking Firefight Counter: 0)

“Commander we have to go back.” James said as he walked after Shepard.

Ash was checking out the weapons and armour listening to the two.

C: New from the lines of the Haribon Military Industries, firearms and armor that are capable of hearing.

“Vega your out of line.” John said.

N: Vega has an out of line? I always wanted one of those as a kid.

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Cards Against the Library–The Initial Version Is Here!

Hey patrons! It’s Herr here. Ert ran into some technical difficulties last night, so unfortunately his next installment of From another world is going to be a little bit late today. But don’t fret: it’s coming!

And while it’s coming, I have an announcement about the Cards Against Humanity deck themed around the Library! That’s right, folks: after putting my head in there for several weeks, I (with the help of a lot of other people) have produced a sort of rough draft for the deck.

So, ladies and gentlemen… With 120 black cards and 300 white cards, I present to you:

Cards Against the Library:

http://www.cardcastgame.com/browse/deck/9J9YQ


920: My Job On Australian Wheel Of Fortune – Chapter One

Title: My Job On Australian Wheel Of Fortune
Author: Geaney1992
Media: Television
Topic:  Wheel of Fortune
Genre: Fantasy/Friendship
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by Lyle

Well, hellooooo there, lovely patrons.  Today I have the start of an incredibly baffling story called “My Job On Australian Wheel Of Fortune,” or MJAWF for short.  This is, you read correctly, a fanfiction based on the game show “Wheel of Fortune.”  It probably isn’t the oddest thing I’ve riffed before (remember “Birthday Surprise?”) but it’s pretty damn close.  Plus, it’s multi-chaptered, because one chapter of this crap wasn’t enough, I guess.

Here’s the summary to get us started:

CAST Kierain Geaney me Adriana Xenides John Deeks John Burgess featuring music from bands like Divinyls

That’s the story summary.  A list of names with no commas to differentiate them, and a soundtrack.

This story was written by the same author that wrote another of the gems featured in our Library when we first opened our doors: The Golden Girls Play Grand Theft Auto IV Online.

Buckle up, friends.  This is going to be interesting.

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919: Merry Christmas, Draco – One Shot

Title: Merry Christmas, Draco
Author: SasuNarufan13
Media: Books/Movies
Topic: Harry Potter
Genre: Romance and Hurt/Comfort
URL: One Shot
Critiqued by KittyNoodles

Kitty: Hello, Patrons, and a Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, and Happy Other Wintertime Holidays to you all! Kitty again, this time with a jolly Christmas-themed baddie that’s sure to put the coal in your stockings!

Scythe: Are the Santa hats really necessary?

Kitty: Yes they are, my incredibly well-versed anti-human friend! This time we’re riffing a rather average Harry Potter shipfic featuring Drarry angst. I say “average because it could probably be used as a standard by which to score other Drarry badfics. You’ll see what I mean as we go along.

Scythe: Speaking of well-versed, Kitty: How do you know this is standard fare for Harry/Draco badfics?

Kitty: I dabbled in the pairing for a while. It never really hooked me, though – I only speak from the experience I gleaned from a handful of fics I found on Quizilla.

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918: A Witch needs her Cat – Chapter Two, Part Two

Title: A Witch needs her Cat
Author: FlamingAxel
Media: Anime/Manga
Topic: Black Cat
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: Chapter Two
Critiqued by SC

Sports Shades: What up, nerds. Don’t worry about that SC character – he’s preoccupied with other stuff, so I decided I’d be a pal and do him a favor this week.

Oh, but don’t think for one second that I plan on trying to go after this turkey alone – ha! No, I value my sanity. It’s part of what makes me infinitely superior to everybody.

Shades: Except for-

Sports Shades: Shut up, didn’t happen.

So yeah, I’ve got Guns Bitch with me. She didn’t want to come, and I didn’t want to care. Cat Bitch was hanging out with Thief Bitch and Moron Bitch, and they were all out on some bitch-job or another; I didn’t want to deal with Alien Bitch; Science Bitch was… doing things, and Magic Bitch took a swipe at me when I got close, so I only had the one option. To at least try and sweeten the deal, I promised her one free shot at me with the most powerful gun in her arsenal, and now here we are.

Shades: You’d better not move, either.

Sports Shades: I promise nothing.

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917: Samurai Jack Meets Jewel Lee – Chapter XIV

 

Title: Samurai Jack Meets Jewel Lee
Author: HopelessRomanticArtist1990
Media: TV Show
Topic:  Samurai Jack
Genre: Adventure/Fantasy
URL: Chapter XIV
Critiqued by Ghostcat (with special guest Ishi)

 
Welcome, best beloved Patrons! I hope you have had the most wonderful of holidays, if you celebrate any in particular. Today is that most joyous of days!

:tosses confetti into the air:

LAST CHAPTER, BITCHES!!!

:Ghostie hugs Ishi:

“I am uncomfortable with physical displays of affection, Ghostcat-sama.”

Killjoy.

So in case you couldn’t tell, dear Patrons, this is the very last chapter! :does Happy Dance: The last chapter was filled with pointless side-quests, but everyone eventually ended up outside Aku’s door via various means. I smell a big confrontation in the works with lots of improbable action, so sensei is on standby with a jumbo-sized box of sedative chocolates and a nice cup of coffee!

To the fic!

The demon they were desperately trying to locate was finally found behind an old wooden door at the top of an enormous stone tower.

The demon who is constantly surrounded by flames is located behind a wooden door.

“This could be problematic.”

With all the little inconsistencies in this fic, it really makes me wonder if the author has ever seen this show.

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