1820: Slender: Find the Eight Pages They Said : Chapters 8 & 9

 

Title: Slender: Find the Eight Pages They Said
Author: seclinalunica
Media: Video Game/Creepypasta
Topic: Slender: The Eight Pages
Genre: Horror/Suspense
URL: Chapter 8
URL: Chapter 9
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

 

 

Hello, and welcome to the end of this long, slow slog that is this fic. I don’t think I’ll do a recap of the last two chapters because honestly it has just been more of the same ol’, same ol’. Even the characters seem like they are getting tired of this nonsense.

The second last chapter of the story. I hope all of you have been enjoying it so far. Please review.

I assume the author meant “second to last” and isn’t under the impression that you can have more than one “last” chapter.

Sweet mercy, I really hope they don’t think that.

Chapter seven: Page 7

3:00 am:

As a reminder, it was exactly six-thirty when the Nameless Narrator abandoned their car and started on this little adventure, which was eight and a half hours ago. The Nameless Narrator has been constantly moving the entire time, the closest thing to rest that they have gotten is when they became wedged in those rocks, so they must have the stamina of the gods to still be able to even function at this point.

“Paaaaaagggge where are yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy yooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu?”

…I guess the Nameless Narrator has decided to give up any pretense of stealth since it has become clear that Slendy has no interest in capturing them.

It’s three Am, and I have been searching for the seventh page approximately…honestly, I’ve stopped keeping track of the time.

I haven’t! It’s been super-easy to keep track of the time, BECAUSE YOU TIME-STAMP EVERY FRICKIN’ SCENE!

Slendy appeared a few minutes ago.

Let me guess; he just stared at you for a minute and then vanished without doing anything.

Now between the rusted tankers, he wasn’t there; I assume that he is behind me, and will stay behind me until I discover the last page.

And, following the Badfic Code, your first and only assumption is going to be the correct one.

I searched high and low, from left to right, but I hadn’t seen any foreign objects.

Your fingers must be getting tired from all that clicking … I mean, your eyes must be tired from all that visual searching you’re doing in what is totally not a video game!

I was wandering amongst the perimeter of the multiple tankers which was probably a mistake.

Darling, this whole fic has been a mistake.

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1819: The Beginning – TwoShot, Part One

Title: The Beginning
Author: purpl0pea
Media: Video Game
Topic: Plants vs. Zombies
Genre: Adventure
URL: The Beginning
Critiqued by TacoMagic

Salutations, gentle patrons.  This week I have a new canon for you all: Plants vs. Zombies.  Luckily there isn’t a lot to this canon, so it should be a fairly short infodump; let’s get to that first.

Plants vs. Zombies is a series of games that feature primarily tower-defense style play.  For those who haven’t experienced tower-defense, it’s a pretty simple concept: you build things that attack other things that are trying to get to a thing you don’t want them to get to.  In this case, you are building plants to kill zombies that are trying to eat your brains.  Currently, there are two primary installments to the franchise as well as a small handful of spin-off and over-seas games.  For the sake of this fanfiction, we’ll only cover the core games so far as canon goes (such that it is).

The first game has barely any plot to speak of, which is fine since the game has its roots as a simple Popcap game.  The main thread of the game is that you’re being attacked by an ever-increasing zombie horde that has been cooked up by an evil zombie scientist: Doctor Zomboss.  The ultimate goal is to eat your brains.  You’re sorta helped along the way by Crazy Dave, who both acts as a sort of narrator as well as selling you tools, plant seeds, and various other things out of the back of his station wagon.  That’s about it.

Plants Vs. Zombies 2 took a different approach and was released as a freemium game.  It expands quite a bit on the canon by including a large array of new plants, a much larger progression of levels, as well as introducing an unapologetically shallow plot.  In PVZ2, you follow Crazy Dave as he travels through time in order to recover the taco that he’s already eaten so that he can eat it again.  Seriously, that’s the plot.  Through your misadventures, you travel to a variety of time periods via Penny, Crazy Dave’s sentient time machine (which is little more than an assemblage of old car parts).  Through time you’re constantly faced with more of Dr. Zomboss’s hordes which are themed to each time period.  Once again, Dr. Z’s primary motivation is kept simple: get your brains.  There’s some filler plot that mostly amounts to either tongue-in-cheek jokes or tutorial fodder, but at it’s core, the plot is kept tertiary to the rest of the package.

And that’s really all the plot that there is.  There’s a bit more plot available in the spinoff games or overseas games (such as the Chinese PVZ: Online), but that’s like saying there’s a bit more chocolate in a Hershey’s kiss than in an M&M.  Sure, it’s true, but neither of those is a chocolate bar.

I await the posting of the obligatory 1-pound Hershey’s kiss.

Now, I told you all that to let you know that the above plot is all mostly irrelevant since this fic appears to be based on the PVZ: Garden Warfare spinoff games and these actually have a lot less plot than the core games.  The first two of the PVZ: Garden Warfare games has the plot of: Zombies are trying to take over Suburbia, the plants want to stop them.  The second game has the plot of: Zombies have taken over Suburbia, the plants want to free it.  There is a sort of story-mode in the second game, but it’s mostly there as a questing system more than something that really provides any amount of deep plot.

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1818: The Lone Wolf Of The Normandy — Chapter Seven Part Two

Hello hello all you Patrons, and welcome back to the slowly expanding pile of horrors that is The Lone Wolf of the Normandy.

Last time everyone had a big long chat with that asari scientist Liara that they picked up on Therum, during which time Spartan beat up some more Alliance soldiers, developed some sort of weird hate-on for the pilot, insulted everyone’s intelligence, threw out stupid conspiracy theories dressed up as some sort of tactical insight, and generally was an insubordinate prick to Shepard. Shepard for her part just took a shower, posed in her underwear for no real reason for the author, and was an insubordinate prick to the Council she is supposed to work for. We left just as she was going up to the cockpit to probably be an insubordinate prick to Joker or for Joker to be an insubordinate prick to her.

Oh, and Jun is still chilling on the Citadel and not being a massive dickwad to every single person he meets.”

Show and Tell Counter: 29

Amorous Counter: 74

Collateral Douchebag Counter: 19

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1817: Unknown Origins – Prologue, Part Three

Title: Unknown Origins
Author: Cyberweasel89
Media: Video Games
Topic: Fallout: New Vegas
Genre: Adventure and Romance
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by Angie
Rating: M

For swearing, nudity, sex, blood, and violence. Hey, it’s Vegas, baby.

And drugs and alcohol. Thanks Cyber.

LAST TIME ON UNKNOWN ORIGINS (ORIGINS, ORIGINS, ORIGINS)

*Angie holds up sock puppets* “Wow I bet our Mary Sue is Porky Pig.” “Wow, Dr. Mitchell sure is a pedophile.” “Wow, we’re actually playing Monopoly!”

And that’s what you missed on Unknown Origins. Let’s continue!

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1816: Slender: Find the Eight Pages They Said : Chapters 6 & 7

Title: Slender: Find the Eight Pages They Said
Author: seclinalunica
Media: Video Game/Creepypasta
Topic: Slender: The Eight Pages
Genre: Horror/Suspense
URL: Chapter 6
URL: Chapter 7
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons and welcome to another chapter!

In our last little trip down the rabbit hole the Nameless Narrator wandered around (again) and found a piece of paper (again) flicked their flashlight off and on repeatedly (again) and was half-heartedly stalked by Slendy (again). The only really interesting bit was the reveal that the Nameless Narrator might have cybernetic eyes, since they can zoom in on objects. I choose to believe that this is also the reason they keep seeing static whenever Slendy is near, even though that’s more of an analog thing rather than a digital thing, because otherwise I’m gonna stab someone.

To the fic!

AN: here’s chapter 5. please read, review and enjoy.

There are two red flags that indicate that a fic author is losing enthusiasm for their fic; that the chapters start getting noticeably shorter, and if they had been adding long chatty Author’s Notes to the chapters that those ANs get significantly shorter as well. This can also lead to the length of time between chapters increasing – complete with apologetic “sorry it’s late” ANs – sometimes to the point that the fic is completely abandoned, but to their credit this author does actually stick with it until the eighth page is collected. There’s even a set-up for the sequel fic.

Chapter five: page 5

11:30 pm:

:headdesk:

Again with the time stamps.

I’ve moved past anger at this point, I just want to know why it’s taking the Nameless Narrator so frickin’ long to get this done. The author has been sticking to the game pretty closely so the playable area shouldn’t be that big, and (as the Nameless Narrator has already discovered) the pages are typically on or near very visible landmarks. Hell, they probably could have figured out how to hot-wire the truck from a few chapters back in a fraction of the time this scavenger hunt has taken and just driven through the gates.

The bathroom was extremely dark, and running around with the flashlight turned off would be bad news.

The stupid flashlight has been turned off and on so many times I honestly can’t keep track whether or not it’s supposed to be on or off right now.

I noticed that the flashlight was starting to dim.

Probably because you’ve been flicking it on and off so much, or because you’ve been wandering around in a dark forest for half the night.

Continuing on my journey through the multiple bathrooms, I became extremely nervous when turning corners.

That’s the first sensible thing you’ve narrated, since Slendy does have a habit of popping up as you turn a corner.

As I slowly peeked around the corners, I waited for a petite amount of static,

You’re waiting for a what kind of static?

The author is listed as Canadian in their profile, but this is the first time that there’s been any French in the fic so I had just assumed they were from one of the English-speaking portions of America’s Hat.

so that I had a rough idea where Slender was without having a surprise heart attack.

Is there any other kind? Much like the Spanish Inquisition, you don’t really expect to have a heart attack.
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1815: Adopted – Chapter Five, Part Two and Chapter Six

Title: Adopted
Author: Angie J Trifid (Tony Terrace)
Media: Movie
Topic: Jurassic Park
Genre: Friendship/Romance
URL: Adopted
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Eliza

Hey, patrons!  Welcome back to Adopted, this week we finally finish off this turkey!  And then hopefully we can get on to doing some wholesome, cleansing one-shots.

“What about the Raptor and I rewrite?”

Nope.

“But you prom-”

NOPE!  Recap!

“Last time the raptors hovered around Annie’s insensate body while waiting for the bruised rib to heal enough for her to regain consciousness.  Eventually she did wake up and quickly joined Fitz for some exposition of the previous chapter.  Other than a few more blobs of Nedry hate, that was pretty much it.”

Onwards to glory!

“You’re in a strange mood today.”

I had two hours of sleep last night and am already on my fourth coffee!  I added espresso to this one!  Let’s do this!

“Well okay then.”

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1814: The Lone Wolf Of The Normandy — Chapter Seven Part One

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to the heaping helping of horrible that is The Lone Wolf of the Normandy.

Last time… umm, well, Therum happened, pretty much. Shepard’s ground team (plus Six) drove around and shot at a bunch of geth before rescuing Liara and dusting off. Aside from Six being a sexist prick to basically everyone and stealing their kills with his stupid lightning-firing omniblades, basically everything occurred as canon. We know this because we got a line-by-line narration of every driving segment and geth turret. Oh, and Six knows about the Reapers now because Dot ‘hacked a Prothean mainframe’ that was just conveniently sitting around undiscovered on Therum for the taking.

Oh yeah, and also Jun the other Spartan showed up in Shepard’s universe and managed to acclimate without seriously injuring anyone who was just trying to do their job. Last we saw he’d been given a cover identity and was sitting around on the Citadel waiting for something to happen.”

Amorous Counter: 67

Show and Tell Counter: 25

Collateral Douchebag Counter: 12

Chapter Seven is called “The SSV Normandy Part 2”, which still strikes me as a bit odd given that “The SSV Normandy Part 1” was three chapters back but whatever. Strap yourselves in, because it’s a long one this time.

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