2553: Sweet Disaster — One-Shot, Part 1

Title: Sweet Disaster
Author: HeiKitsune
Media: Video Game
Topic: Halo
Genre: Romance/”Humor”
URL: The Entire ‘Fic
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons! Today we continue my vacation from The First War with yet another ‘fic from my Massive Pile of Hideous Fem!Elite Halo ‘Fics, in this case the… appropriately-titled “Sweet Disaster” by some random dude(?) with a RWBY OC as his avatar and a whopping one-hundred-and-seven ‘fics on his profile. Most of them are dubious anime-focused shipfics, which apparently he got paid for since the majority of his profile page is an advertisement to take commissions at 0.01 cents per word (or possibly 0.03 cents per word, depending on where on the page you are looking).

This one, though, appears to be a self-motivated effort.

Unfortunately.

I would have paid him 0.05 cents per word to delete every trace of it so that I never have to deal with it again.

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2543: Mass Murder Effect: The First War Crime (Was Committed By The Protagonists) — Chapter 11 Part 2

Title: Mass Effect: The First War
Author: ProfFartBurger
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 11
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back once again to Mass Effect: The First War. In fact, after this chapter, we will officially be more than halfway THROUGH Mass Effect: The First War.

Hooray!

Holy fuck, we’re still only halfway THROUGH Mass Effect: The First War. Shit.

Anyways, last time Grand Moff Whyney had brief second thoughts about the whole “destroy Palaven for really no reason other than OUTRAGE!!!!” plan, was talked back into it by his random OC personal assistant, then gave a speech enthusiastically promoting the idea. No mention was made of the fact that the whole thing was, in fact, started by the quarians’ casual brutality and perpetuated by their ass-covering lies.

Also, the turians have the Forerunner Dreadnought from Halo because why invent anything original when you can just shallowly copy much better writing, amiright?

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But, hey, at least that asshole Chris McGraw wasn’t in this story, right?

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2537: Mass Murder Effect: The First War Crime (Was Committed By The Protagonists) — Chapter 11 Part 1

Title: Mass Effect: The First War
Author: ProfFartBurger
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 11
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Mass Effect: The First War.

Previously, Grand Moff Whyney twirled his mustache some more about destroying Palaven and some turian colonies, and a turian ship that somehow survived the massacre on the borders of the Sol System bombarded Tokyo, and Not-Master-Chief the Not-SPARTAN wandered around and killed some dudez in the rubble, and… that was about it, actually!

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2519: Mass Murder Effect: The First War Crime (Was Committed By The Protagonists) — Chapter 9 Part 2

Title: Mass Effect: The First War
Author: ProfFartBurger
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 9
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to a whole new year of Mass Effect: The First War.

Last time, Councilor Tevos T’sael and that Sborn Eistan jackass yelled at Councilor Sparatus a bunch for having the nerve to intervene in another quarian mass-murdering rampage with the goal of rescuing some batarians (and also for accidentally bombing New York, because absolutely everyone is really hung up on that one incident for some reason). They threatened to kick the turians off of the Council if Sparatus didn’t order an unconditional retreat even though, with everyone freaking out about New York, the turians had just seized the initiative and had the best chance they were probably ever gonna get to turn this whole thing around.

Also some soldiers talked about a dead baby a bunch, which was pretty pointless.

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2504: Don’t Loose Your Way – Halo NG — One Shot

Title: Don’t Loose Your Way – Halo NG
Author: Queen_of_Derp
Media: Video Game
Topic: Halo
Genre: Humor/Friendship/Adventure/Hurt-Comfort… I think?
URL: Entire Story
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons! Continuing with our Halo theme for these one-shots, here’s something called Don’t Loose Your Way – Halo NG [sic] from ArchiveOfOurOwn!

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2498: halo: CHAOS and HARMONY — One Shot

Title: halo: CHAOS and HARMONY
Author: FXCF
Media: Video Game
Topic: Halo
Genre: Sci-Fi/Suspense
URL: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, and Chapter 4
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons! I was going to riff another chapter of First War since we are nearly at the halfway point of that stupid thing, but I didn’t think I could finish the next one in only two riffs and that’s how many I have before the Library Holiday Special (have I mentioned recently that First War is LONG?) so I decided to do some random one-shots I had kicking around instead.

First on the chopping-block are all 2500 words (and four chapters!) of FXCF’s weirdly-capitalized offering halo: CHAOS and HARMONY. Read the rest of this entry »


2492: Mass Murder Effect: The First War Crime (Was Committed By The Protagonists) — Chapter 8 Part 2

Title: Mass Effect: The First War
Author: ProfFartBurger
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 8
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome once again to Mass Effect: The First War.

Previously in the invasion of Earth… not a lot actually happened. The turians are still holding up a competent if underdescribed groundgame, Christopher McGraw is still obnoxious, the British are still being shit on for some weird reason, and the humans’ stupid WWII-era oceanic navy fleet is still not scrap… and the overall situation is still basically the same as it was the last chapter.

These things are becoming so god damn formulaic that in fact I feel pretty confident in predicting what this chapter will contain without even having read it:

  • Someone will employ some sort of tactic that is either incredibly obvious but somehow had never been thought of before, or is incredibly stupid but somehow works. There is a greater than 50% chance that the tactic will be something that was employed in a previous chapter by either the targets or the people who are using it now, but both sides will treat it as a complete surprise.
  • A stupidly large number of objects that we have never seen before and never had described and consequently don’t care about will be destroyed as a result.
  • The other side will get OUTRAGED!!!!!!! about it.
  • Someone will make a melodramatic speech.
  • The overall course of the conflict will be utterly unchanged.

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IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH counter: 21

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