2439: The Purple Queen – Chapter 24

Title: The Red Queen
Author: Dravyn LeCrux
Media: Web Series
Topic: RWBY
Genre: Drama/Tragedy
URL: Chapter 24
Critiqued by BatJamags (BadJamags and GoodJamags)

Goffik Tearz of Blood

Uwaah count: 13
A Sentence Fragment count: 158
Roll Call count: 7
Vomit Boy count: 8

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags…

GoodJamags: … And I’m your guest host, GoodJamags…

… And we’re back with the second-to-last chapter of The Red Queen. Last time, Sueby ran around threatening the dumbass conspirators. Onward!

Beacon Academy.

An Academic Sentence Fragment count: 159

On second thought, can we go get coffee before we get started? If literally the first sentence of the chapter is a fragment, I know this is going to be a long one.

GoodJamags: Probably a good idea.

Read the rest of this entry »


2438: The Legend of Zelda: Jurassic Encounters – Chapter 1 – Oneshot

Title: The Legend of Zelda: Jurassic Encounters
Author: Haninator
Media: Movie/Game
Topic: Legend of Zelda/Jurassic Park/Kitchen Sink
Genre: Adventure/Horror
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons!

As the wonderful wonkiness that is my previous fic hasn’t updated yet, I’ve decided to squeeze in a oneshot before embarking on our traditional Spooktober festivities – which for me usually means Slendpai fics. I can’t say that there won’t be sexy Slendpai shenanigans, because I haven’t actually picked out my fics yet, but I also can’t not say there won’t be sexy shenanigans because sweet mercy do people love writing Slendpai tentacle rape fics.

So. Many. Tentacles.

And on that note, let’s take a look at the summary for this fic, which does not have any tentacle rape in it. I think. It’s been a while since I read through it.

A familiar story with a fun twist and a character from another world. What could possibly go wrong. All dialogue is my creation. The story is mine, the characters aren’t… with the exception of select few. Rated T for flesh-ripping dinos.

That doesn’t sound all that bad … Wait, flesh-ripping dinos? I thought this was supposed to be a Zelda fic?

SHINOBI-SAN!

:suddenly a ninja that was always there appears:

I think you brought me the wrong fic, this is supposed to be a Zelda fic.

:whispering:

Crossover? With … WHAT?!?

So it appears that someone wrote a Legend of Zelda/Jurassic Park crossover, which is the second-weirdest crossover I’ve ever heard of.

Read the rest of this entry »


2437: Voicebox – Chapter 5

Title: Voicebox: A Ticci Toby fanfiction
Author: WhiteSiren
Media: Creepypasta
Topic: Ticci Toby/Jeff the Killer/ Slenderman / etc.
Genre: Horror/Romance
URL: Voicebox
Critiqued by PsychoNerd054

Trigger Warning:  This chapter really ramps up with the author utilizing several different instances sexual assault for cheap drama and romance fuel.  If you are sensitive to such topics, it is recommended to pass by today’s installment.

Welcome back to Voicebox. Previously, Shayla killed a little kid and his family for bullying her little, was sexually assaulted by Jeff the Killer, had a weird ass dream about her sister, and learned that logic no longer applies when it comes to magic and resurrecting people. This time, we actually have somewhat of an actual plot. Shayla must now travel across the country to collect random things to resurrect her sister. Along the way, we get a deeper look into the suethor’s agenda.

Read the rest of this entry »


2436: MediEvil Oneshots

Title: A Dog’s Loyalty
Author: Top-Hat Lycanthrope
Media: Video Game
Topic: MediEvil
Genre: Hurt/Comfort/Friendship
URL: A Dog’s Loyalty
Critiqued by TacoMagic

Hey, patrons, welcome back to Wednesday!  With the Library’s official unofficial Spooptacular on the horizon, I thought I’d start getting us in the mood by savaging a few fics based on the MediEvil franchise.

For those who haven’t been exposed to it, MediEvil is a set of two Playstation games released in 1998 and 2000.  There is technically a third game, MediEvil: Resurrection released in 2005, but it’s a re-imagining of the first game and not really a fresh entry to the series.  The games follow the comedic exploits of Sir Daniel Fortesque, a charlatan knight who is killed by the first arrow fired in the only battle he ever participated in, and his quest for posthumous redemption by saving the kingdom from the evil wizard Zarok.

Actually, the game does a fair job of introducing itself, so why don’t I just let it do that.

Despite some control flaws, it’s a great little game that combines a hack-n-slash beat-em-up style game such as Gauntlet Legends or Diablo with exploration and puzzling as found in Legend of Zelda.  There is also a remaster of the first game coming out in October that I’d be more excited about if it wasn’t a PS4 exclusive.  So it goes.

Read the rest of this entry »


2435: Mass Murder Effect: The First War Crime (Was Committed By The Protagonists) — Chapter 6 Part 2

Title: Mass Effect: The First War
Author: ProfFartBurger
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 6
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Mass Effect: The First War, which may at some point have had something vaguely to do with Mass Effect.

Last time, some random Marines who refused to surrender on Roof engaged in a convoluted process to get a signal back to Earth informing their friends that the planet had been invaded.

You know, it just occurred to me that this seems like a bit of an unnecessary objective for the Marines to even be pursuing. Since system-to-system communication is pretty easy for the humans and there were previously established to be news and personal messages being sent back and forth routinely, one would think that just the prolonged silence of the planet would cause Earth to send in an expeditionary force to check it out pretty quickly without anyone on Roof even needing to do anything.

Also ‘Roof’ is still a terrible name for a planet.

Either way, the message had the unfortunate side effect of informing the turians of Earth’s location, so now they’re gearing up for a full-scale assault.

first_war_bb_8

Read the rest of this entry »


2434: The Purple Queen – Chapter 23

Title: The Red Queen
Author: Dravyn LeCrux
Media: Web Series
Topic: RWBY
Genre: Drama/Tragedy
URL: Chapter 23
Critiqued by BatJamags (BadJamags and GoodJamags)

I’m Gonna Be Just Like You

Uwaah count: 13
A Sentence Fragment count: 155
Roll Call count: 7

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with the next chapter of the gripping epic that is The Red Queen. And not happy to be here, either. Last time, OoC!Blake was showing some last-minute attempts at being in-character, but it mostly just amounted waxing angsty about being involved in Ruby’s murder which was so far out of character in the first place that the whole thing is just not working.

Anyway, she ran into Sueby WHO IN THE WORLD COULD THAT BE but nothing really came of it.

“You say that Ruby will be coming back soon?”

“Yes Professor.” Jaune said to Ozpin, looking at him with all due seriousness.

“And exactly what do you base this on, Mister Arc?”

The fact that she’s been wasting time not to have come back even by now?

“Well Professor,” Jaune began, trying to collect his thoughts on the matter. It’s not like this was very easy to explain, but he had to try. “I was talking to Yang before, about Ruby of course. And the topic of Ruby’s personality quirks came up. A fact I had never learned until Yang had told me, Ruby is the type to take things on herself. So if she’s attacked, I doubt she’ll call for help immediately. Add onto that the fact that she was seemingly killed, and she would no doubt want to strike back. Now, gathering Grimm? If that doesn’t prove her intent to fight back, not much would. As for her returning here, and soon, I base this off of a map of all of the attacks and appearances made by the Red Queen.” Saying so, Jaune pulled out a large map of Remnant and placed it on the table. All over the map were various circles, dots, and lines all drawn in a fine point marker.

By the way, I sincerely hope that this isn’t the big thing the author kept promising he was going to do towards the end. Since, you know, it’s kind of really obvious.

“Please do explain what this means, Mister Arc.”

Yeah, that would be apprec-

“Yeah, hurry up and explain Vomit Boy!”

NO NO GET IT IT’S A THING THEY SAY IN THE SHOW AREN’T YOU FUCKING LAUGHING RIGHT NOW

Read the rest of this entry »


2433: My true truth expose on Hermione Jean Granger – Chapter 2

Title: My true truth expose on Hermione Jean Granger
Author: jkrowlingreal
Media: Book/Movie
Topic: Harry Potter
Genre: Suspense
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by The Librarian formerly known as Satan’s Teacup

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to the next chapter of what will undoubtedly be a rollercoaster ride into Crazy Town. The first chapter’s ‘narration’ portion was largely an unmarked Author’s Note from dear ol’ JK for the most part, so here’s hoping there is some actual fic somewhere in this fic.

Harry and Hermione confront their problems…

Presumably these problems center completely on how they aren’t allowed to have sex with each other because the whole convoluted “cousins via godparent” thing caused by Harry’s godfather being the brother of Hermione’s father instead of them legitimately being related because their mothers were sisters.

Read the rest of this entry »