2388: Mass Effect: The First War — Chapter 2

Title: Mass Effect: The First War
Author: ProfFartBurger
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Mass Effect: The First Mass Effect War, which takes place in Mass Effect!

Last time, a human expedition encountered the quarian Migrant Fleet and exchanged preliminary First Contact transmissions of dubious quality.

And they did so very, very slowly.

first_war_bb_2

Not seeing much movement on the ol’ Bingo Board yet, although we have had some borderline Halo ripoffs and tentative demonization of the turians.

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2382: Mass Effect: The First War — Chapter 1 Part 3

Title: Mass Effect: The First War
Author: ProfFartBurger
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Mass Effect: The First War, which is apparently set in Mass Effect.

Last time, a Systems Alliance science expedition opened up a Mass Relay and some aliens came out, so they sent a first contact package. That’s literally it and it took three thousand words.

first_war_bb_2

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2364: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Twenty, Part Three

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Hey, patrons, welcome back!  We’re finally going to finish off chapter twenty this week which means I’ll get to take some time to palate cleanse with some juicy one-shots.  But until then, Crunchy, hit us with that recap action!

“Top Ramen Instant Noodles, the only reward your little hero needs.  Ever.  Try our new Mushroom Orientation flavor!”

Excellent, let’s see what we’ve got this week.

Ashei awoke to the sound of a nearby shower and the absence of a person that had been sleeping next to her throughout the night.  She blinked multiple times to clear the sleep from her eyes as she lay on her back, staring at the ceiling.

“Why do the Zora have showers?”

How else are they supposed to rinse off after a swim?

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2363: Sonichu — Issue 3 Sub-Episode 4 and Issue 4 Sub-Episode 5

Title: Sonichu
Author: Christine Weston Chandler, aka. Christopher Weston Chandler, aka. Christian Weston Chandler, aka. Chris-Chan
Media: Webcomic
Topic: Sonic The Hedgehog / Pokemon / IRL / Yu-Gi-Oh
Genre: “Parody”, apparently.
URL: Issue 3 Template Box and Issue 4 Template Box
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to the wonderful world of Sonichu!

Previously, Hedgehog Of Color tried to steal a McGuffin, but a cluster of recolored Sonichus with elemental powers beat the stuffing out of him and took it back.

That’s… literally it.

Typo Cunter: 61

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2360: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Twenty, Part Two

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

And we’re back!  Two more chunks of this chapter to go and then I can spend a few weeks pallet cleansing with one-shots.  But until then, we’ve got some work to do.  Crunchy?

“Hmm?  Oh, apologies, I was just distracted by this article in the Zora Gazette.  According to this, a new class-action suit has been filed against WaterBnB Inc regarding unclear, misleading, and falsified occupancy and bed count information in their reservation system.  If successful, claimants would be compensated one pro-rated heroic feat per reservation.”

Huh, well I guess we don’t really need an unhelpful recap.  Let’s jump back into the highschool romance already in progress.

“Must we?”

Well, it’s what we’re here for.

Link nodded, suddenly hearing the click of the door lock behind him, and he stilled at the knowledge that he was sharing a room with Ashei.

Speaking of… where was…?

“What do you want to eat?” Came a voice off to the left of him.

Gah!  Shit, not only does this room not have enough beds, but it’s got a disembodied voice too!?

“Some have been know to pay extra for haunted lodgings.”

‘Some’ are bad with money.

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2354: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Twenty, Part One

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Whew, here we are, the last chapter before my one-shot break.  And this chapter is certainly going to be something.  And by something, I mean a whole lotta nothing.

But first, recap!

“Affectionate tentacle beast looks for love in all the wrong places.”

Perfect.  Onwards to… whatever the hell this chapter is.  Well, after she’s done disclaiming and gushing at us in another author’s note.

Disclaimer: I’d make some sort of joke here, but I’ve run out of them. I don’t own any of this (except the plot and a few characters).

“Is she suggesting that the previous disclaimers were supposed to be funny?”

Well, she’s implying that they were supposed to be jokes.  Maybe they’re the kind of jokes that are supposed to be more sad than funny.

Also, Vikki, in order to own the plot you would have needed to create your own.

Yay, I’m back!

Yaaaaaaaaay.  *Twirls finger*

Sorry it took so long, I just had people (family mostly) requesting that I draw a bunch of things, and so that took time away from this.

We don’t care.

But, since this is now up I’m finally back in business, and so now it’s time to get a move on through some more character development and (hopefully) the Bottom of the Well!

Spoiler:  Her pacing is so slow she doesn’t make it to the side-quest.

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2353: Sonichu — Issue 2, Episode 9 and Sub-Episode 3

Title: Sonichu
Author: Christine Weston Chandler, aka. Christopher Weston Chandler, aka. Christian Weston Chandler, aka. Chris-Chan
Media: Webcomic
Topic: Sonic The Hedgehog / Pokemon / IRL / Yu-Gi-Oh
Genre: “Parody”, apparently.
URL: Issue 2 Template Box
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to the wonderful world of Sonichu.

Last time actually a whole lot of plot-relevant shit went down. Chris and Sonichu discovered an ancient ruin (left behind by the Cherokees, of all people!) which contained magical pedestals capable of empowering Chris’s medallion to be able to turn him into Chris-Chan Sonichu and also giving him an expositional vision from the ancient Cherokee “king” he is apparently a reincarnation of.

By some weird coincidence Sarah, the girl Chris has a one-sided boner for, and Wes, the dude Chris has a one-sided hateboner for due to his having briefly dated Sarah when they were all in high school, are also reincarnations of ancient Amerindian (or in the case of Wes and his ‘Wasabi Clan’ heritage, possibly Japanese) leaders, and they too have hedgehog powers. They’re all prophecized to band together to defeat some kind of Ancient Evil that got released when Sonichu found the cave, but Wes is more interested in acquiring the Cherokian Crown, an artifact which Chris apparently briefly possessed and which has THE POWAH TO RULE THE WOOOOOORLD!!!!

He beat the tar out of Chris while the both of them were in hedgehog form and managed to swipe the Crown, but then Sarah showed up and nailed him to a tree with a lightning arrow.

Typo Cunter: 40

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