2259: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Sixteen, Part One

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Welcome back, patrons!  Sorry about missing last week, work got a little real and I ended up having to spend a few days traveling in order to pull a regional upgrade project together.  That aside, we’re back at it this week starting with a chapter recap smoking hot off the griddle.

*Crunchy gingerly lifts a an oily, slightly browned, and still steaming sheaf of paper off the desk by its corner*

“You went to surprising lengths in order to execute this bit of humor.”

Well, go ahead and read it.  You can eat it afterwards.

“Delighted.  Last time our troupe of ineffectuals tormented a young goron for information then went clothes shopping.”

Sounds about right to me, off to the disclaimer and author’s note!

Disclaimer: I may or may not have said this before, but I believe that both Shigeru Miyamoto and George Lucas are MALE.

“Although entirely irrelevant to any kind of disclaiming, I am relatively sure they identify as such, yes.”

I am, as far as I know, FEMALE. You do the math.

Is… is she coming on to middle-aged producers of popular franchises?

“That is certainly a different tactic to disclaiming than is typical.”

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2249: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Fifteen, Part Two

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

*Crunchy’s head lazily lifts up from his heat rock as Taco, wrapped in several large blankets, rushes into the room*

“Remind me again why you live in this glacial wasteland?”

Trust me, I ask myself that all the time.

“Hmm.  Remind me to see if I can get an author transfer to one of the Librarians who resides in a more tropical climate.”

Pretty sure you burned all those bridges years ago.  Regardless, it’s your turn to handle the recap while I get myself settled.

“Very well.  The party went to a bar.”

Care to fill that in a bit?

“They went to the bar to acquire intelligence of what might be waiting for them up the mountain.  While there they spend a large amount of time ordering drinks and then had an informant fall into their laps who provided them with a large amount of information.  Most of that information comprised things that would have been common knowledge or knowledge that Impa should have been able to provide them.  The only esoteric information provided was that of Volvagia’s name, which is largely irrelevant aside from spoiling any degree of surprise that might have happened later during the actual confrontation.”

So, basically, nothing happened.

“Nothing that needed half of a chapter devoted to it, at the least.”

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2248: Sly Cooper and the gang occasionally mentioned in: Red Tide — Chapter 12

Title: Sly Cooper and the gang in: Red Tide
Author: Stalin69
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Sly Cooper Trilogy (and a bunch of other garbage)
Genre: Adventure/Crime
URL: Chapter 12
Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai, JLT. Troy Fisher, and Chief Director (Ret.) Dominic Torus

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to the very last chapter of Sly Cooper and the gang in: Red Tide.

Previously, Sly and the Attal OC Brigade just sort of dicked around war-torn Moscow for a while fighting nameless RED goons and accomplishing vague objectives. There really wasn’t a great deal more to it than that, really, although apparently Bastion doesn’t exist or something and was actually a hallucination of Sly’s due to Stalin69 somehow conflating the characters of Bastion and Cole and then just flat-out refusing to fix his mistake Sly having something called “the disease of Him” which may or may not be connected to the evil dentists.

Anyway, we left off as the team prepared to board and destroy a giant RED airship which is totally not a Kirov, with Sly having been given a small white Magical Mystery Crystal by Ras to use when the mission inevitably goes pear-shaped.

And that’s… really about it.

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2243: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Fifteen, Part One

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Hey, peoples!  Welcome back to The True Force; this week we’ll be tackling the first half of the last of the short chapters.

“That continues to be depressing whenever you say it.”

So, to recap last week, the group finished off their dungeon crawl of the Forest Temple by saving the last of the totally-not-ghost Guardian Poes, killing a much more talkative version of Phantom Ganon, and sharing some hardcore plot regurgitation with Saria Makar and the Deku Sprout.  With all that taken care of, they decide to head on their way to Death Mountain as the plot crawls inexorably toward the extreme melodrama of Link having to slay the dragon he hung out with for a few hours as a child.

“With this being a new chapter, I suppose we are to start with another of those odious disclaimers, yes?”

Yup!

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2238: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Fourteen, Part Two

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Hey, everyone!  Welcome back to The True Force, where the plot’s stolen and the characters don’t matter!  With me once again is our Star Wars correspondent, Crunchy.

“You seem to be unusually chipper this morning.”

This week we get to finish the two-chapter slog of the Forest Temple, I’m kinda excited to get that behind us.

“I see.  And how much roughage have you had this morning?”

No time to answer, time to recap!  So, last time we had dungeon crawling in the form of a ghost hunt ripped straight from the game, but that really took a back seat to the significant time devoted to everyone being absolutely gobsmacked by hallways going all twisty and then going all un-twisty.  Because apparently animated skeletons, ghosts, time-travel, the Force, fairies, and doors all were insufficient to prepare the group for magical hallway shenanigans.  And that’s really all that happened.

“Essentially, nothing happened.”

Well, nothing new happened.  It’s sort of a different flavor of nothing than the chapters devoted to Vikki’s character interactions.  It’s kinda strange that Vikki has managed to come up with a fic that explores so many diverse ways of padding things out.  Anyway, let’s jump in right where we left off:

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2231: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Fourteen, Part One

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

And we’re back for chapter fourteen!  The Forest Temple – Part two.

I’m so, so sorry.

“I refuse to accept your apology.”

I wasn’t apologizing to you, your suffering is acceptable.

“There is hope for you yet, my boy!  Shall I handle the refresher?”

Knock yourself out.

“Last time there was a significant amount of dungeon crawling regurgitated directly from Ocarina of Time.  Intermixed in that procession of plagiarism was quite a lot of childish bickering and backbiting passed off as character interaction.  There was also an instance of an armed spider corpse which we are still remaining on alert for.”

Was that really it?

“Even coming up with that much required me to stretch quite a bit.”

Gods, I forgot how much nothing is in this damn thing.  Speaking of long-winded nothing, since this is a new chapter we have a header to tackle.

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2212: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Thirteen, Part Two

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

My how the time flies when you’re deep in the throes of an eggnog fueled holiday daze.

“Yet you maintain that Sithmas is the most stressful of the winter holidays.”

Dude, most of the other holidays don’t involve having to plan defenses against Thanos’ invading forces.

“I assure you his company is still more genial than that of Krampus.”

No argument there.  Anyway, what happened last week?

“If I must.  The adventuring party had finally made their way to the Lost Woods in search of the Forest Temple.  On their way, they stumble upon a wolfing in progress, which they prevented with an application of lethal force; pick up another party member, who is predictably pointless yet still a better guide than Ashei; and eventually square off against a giant moblin, who absolutely was not Cyber-Carl.  After some decidedly asinine combat acrobatics, not-Carl is dead and they proceed into the Sacred Meadow, where Sheik was waiting for them with a sheet music delivery.”

Amazingly, as padded as it was, the first half of this chapter upholds our observation that the game-plot exposition chapters have significantly more going on in them than the chapters where Vikki is trying to write her own stuff.  Speaking of exposition, let’s just pick up where we left off: the party once again stopping to discuss something that just happened.

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