Title: The Pirate and the Peasant
Topic: Frozen, Rise of the Guardians, Brave, Tangled, How to Train Your Dragon, Peter Pan, Percy Jackson and The Olympians
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by Ghostcat (with special guest Syl)
Hello, my lovely Patrons! I’m back with another chapter of this short little pirate-themed mash-up and once again accompanying me is Syl.
“Why am I here again?”
Because I don’t know anything about pirates.
“Neither does the child writing this thing.”
… I have booze?
:props bare feet up on desk: “Works for me.”
So let’s review what happened last time; :flips through notes: Not a whole lot by the looks of it. Our fearless pirate captain Elsa scattered her crew on various missions…
“That have nothing to do with being a pirate.”
And was on her way to steal the crown jewels…
“Which are nothing but a dinky tiara.”
When she decided to hire a couple of local goons to do the job so she could chase after some man-candy.
“He’s barely boy-candy.”
That just sounds so wrong.
Hey guys, and welcome back to the Library! Who else is looking forward to sub-par formatting by a pretentious author?
Well too bad, you’re getting it anyway!
Let’s get going, shall we?
Welcome back to Wednesday, patrons! This week we have one of those nice cleansing fics. It’s bad, but not offensively so. Overall, it comes off as mostly harmless; just a bad little fic that’s got a decent enough idea behind it, but is ruined by an unskilled writer who wasn’t able to flesh out an idea and make sure characters act the way they should. Among other things.
“That sounds relatively pleasant, actually.”
As I said, tearing into one of these is good for cleaning the soul of some of the worse things we’re exposed to because it’s a much more light-hearted experience. Also, it’s worth noting that this fic is rated K+ and is based on a children’s cartoon show, which means that we don’t even have to worry about a lot of the crap that we have to deal with in the more ‘mature’ fics. Nope, this is going to be a nice-
Scrooge juggles business and his nephews. One-shot. Applied to lyrics from “Go The Distance” from Disney’s Hercules.
“It appears there are going to be song lyrics.”
I know. I’m scared, hold me.
“How about no.”
Ert: Something just occurred to me. What is the purpose of this story? Most stories have an overarching plot, some sort of goal that the characters spend the majority of the story reaching towards. The only thing that this story has to offer is “Keel Vilebloods” who A. haven’t really DONE anything and B. are pretty small-time in the grand scheme of both RWBY and Bloodborne. You can actually beat Bloodborne without setting a foot in Cainhurst Castle. And even then the story is only giving the minimal amount of time to that with Crow, as far as I’m concerned, doing everything in the less efficient way possible. On purpose. As such this story really feels kind of aimless.
Chapter 11: Unleash the Beast
Thankfully now, it was lunch time. Granted hunger was the last thing on his mind he needed quite BAD, which is why he tried his damnest to avoid them.
Cornelia:…I have no idea what that sentence is trying to say. Writing tip. Go back and make sure that your sentences actually make sense before you publish.
Thankfully no one had the right mind to spend their time in the library. He took a seat in the corner sun rays seeped through the large windows providing a warmth to the tired hunter. He closed his eye and let himself drift in his own consciousness.
Goeth: *Grunts* I have no idea how Crow’s mind works or how you can float in your “own consciousness” but it somehow flooded the room I’ve been setting up. Great. Gotta break out the pumps.
The hunter walked aimlessly around the dead village, his mind was empty desolate of any thoughts,
Ert: There’s a metaphor for the story right there.
the hunter collapsed on to a headstone, after a violent cough he looked at his hand to see blood coming out.
Cornelia: Wait, he coughs and blood comes out of his hand? What’s up with this guy’s body?
He struggled to get up, he placed his hand on the grave then use that as a support, his leg felt numb and his body felt like lead. Just another day in Yharnam as Gehrman told the hunter thousands of times.
Ert: Uh, you rarely talk to Gehrman in game…unless they mean Crow by that-THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T NAME CHARACTERS AFTER ALREADY EXISTING CHARACTERS!
Title: Shinobi & Wizards: Resolution
Media: Anime / Manga / Book / Movie
Topic: Naruto / Harry Potter
Genre: Fantasy / Adventure / Cross-Over
URL: Chapter Seven
Critiqued by Lyle and the shinobi intern Koori
Good morning, lovelies! Welcome back to the next chapter of “S&W:R.” Last time we met Harry-Sue and
DKR Ryu hosted a surprise birthday party for Naruto where the cheapest teachers in the universe pooled together the money they found in the couch cushions to buy him a box of chocolate. Then the events with Mrs. Norris getting petrified happened twenty days early and Ryu offered to find the solution because Stu. Koori flipped a table and we discovered that Hiru the Leech is sentient. Let’s see what fun is in store for us in this next chapter!
Koori: Chamomile on stand-by. *pours hot water over a tea strainer into a large teapot*