2829: The New Thunderbolts — Chapter 11
Posted: June 29, 2021 Filed under: Admiral Sakai, Comic, New Thunderbolts, Thunderbolts | Tags: AdmiralSakai, Adventure, Comic Book, Don't Cut Yourself on All That Edge, Jeff Clone, Mall Ninjutsu, Mystery, Pretentious as Fuck, Shut up shut up shut up shut up shut UP!!!!!, Thunderbolts, WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN 9 CommentsTitle: New Thunderbolts
Author: Impurest Cheese
Media: Comic Book
Topic: Marvel (Per fanfiction.net’s inadequate categorization), Thunderbolts (More specifically)
Genre: Adventure/Mystery
URL: Chapter 11
Critiqued by BatSakai and Guard-Warlock-Novitiate Psk’Nyor “Nina” C’Kane
Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatSakai, and I’m back with more of New Thunderbolts.
Previously, we witnessed each and every one of the Thunderbolts wander off at the behest of unconvincing hallucinations and end up royally freaking out (Abe being swarmed by giant beetles and Melissa following a girl named Troll into a convenience store where a black wall of fog did… nothing at all, really, and also Venom attacked her) leaving Tony The Civilian Reporter cowering in the middle of the street like the useless waste of space he is. Diana the CompuSue at least managed to find where Scarecrow was hiding out and beat him up a little, but he ran off and now Diana is hallucinating some tool with God Pronouns who apparently is her original boss or something. It’s all quite stupid, and very perfunctory.
Written One-Handed Counter: 7
“And all of this has nothing to do with the actual comic special Fear Itself despite constantly bringing up people and ideas from the actual comic special Fear Itself.”
2828: Halo: the Art of War – Chapter 8, Part 1
Posted: June 27, 2021 Filed under: Halo, Halo: the Art of War | Tags: Adventure, batjamags, Gary Stumanity, Halo, Pacing Trainwreck, Politics, Pretentious as Fuck, Sci-Fi, Shut up shut up shut up shut up shut UP!!!!!, Tryhard with a Vengeance, Video Game, WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN 15 CommentsTitle: Halo: the Art of War [sic]
Author: Havoc-legionnaire
Media: Video Game
Topic: Halo
Genre: Sci-Fi / Adventure
URL: Chapter 8
Critiqued by: BadJamags AdmiralJamags and GoodJamags Retired Darth Lord GoodJamags, Esq.
Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back-
Uh, GJ?
“Yes?”
That’s not one of Sakai’s minions.
“I am branching out.”
But that’s not the- oh, forget it.
Disclaimer: I can’t believe that this still has to be said, but Halo is all 343 Industry’s. Any attempts to sue the author will net you at most one of my doomsday devices (Go ahead and take, I have more!).
“If there is one thing I have learned in my time as a Sith Lord, it is that an excessive quantity of doomsday devices is a sure sign of overcompensation.”
You’ve been a Sith Lord for like five minutes.
“Yes, and even I know this.”
A/N: As always, my deepest appreciation for my beta Tikigod. They help make this story possible (and having some semblance to English instead of lower Slobovian).
You know, I like how the grammar on this note doesn’t actually make much sense.
“Perhaps this story is written in upper Slobovian.”
Note: TBX stands for Thermobaric Explosives, basically a fuel air bomb.
Oh god.
“Wait, no, I think this is a good sign.”
I’ll bite: how so?
2867: Tale of a Dark Pizzeria Past – Chapters 4 & 5
Posted: June 25, 2021 Filed under: Five NIghts at Freddy's, Tale of a Dark Pizzeria Past | Tags: Ghostcat, Video Game 14 CommentsTitle: Tale of a Dark Pizzeria Past
Author: ilovedove
Media: Video Game
Topic: Five Nights at Freddy’s
Genre: none given
URL: Chapter 4
URL: Chapter 5
Critiqued by: Ghostcat
Hello and welcome back, dear Patrons!
In the first three – THREE – chapters of this fic, a fourteen year old boy decided to take a job at Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzeria because reasons. (I think there was some vague stuff about needing money, but it was never really elaborated on. A bucket of skin was also mentioned.) Not really sure why the restaurant decided to hire the kid, or even how they managed to legally do so since he is an unsupervised minor and there was also a decided lack of anything resembling a hiring process, but then the boy got stabbed to death so there’s other things to worry about now. It was also confirmed in one of the brief Author’s Notes that the child, Kevin, is indeed an author self-insertion. Who is now dead.
Make of that what you will.
On to the fic!
The story’s not over yet
Yeah, I know; there’s, like, four more chapters to go. Not sure how that’s going to happen with a dead protagonist, but I assume magic and/or ghosts will be involved.
Kevin woke up and saw he still in the back room.
… Or he’s a zombie now. I guess that’s also an option.
2826: The Evil within Chapter One
Posted: June 24, 2021 Filed under: Godzilla, The Evil within | Tags: Em Kay, Godzilla, Movie, Tragedy 8 CommentsTitle: The Evil within
Author: godzillagirl
Media: Movie
Topic: Godzilla
Genre: Tragedy
URL: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/2672508/1/The-Evil-within
Critiqued by: Em Kay
Greetings and salutations, Librarians and fellow patrons. I’m your guest snarker for the day, Em Kay. Today we’ve got the last of godzillagirl’s three fics, a four chapter ditty called The Evil within. This one is tagged as tragedy, so I can only assume it’s full of angsting teenage kaiju crawling in their crawl.
Let’s see what the summary gives us.
An evil spirit has come to monster island and has taken over one of the monster’s body. It’s up to Harmony to save the people of monster island and save the wrold from total distruction
“One of the monster’s body” could conceivably refer to Ghidorah, if you consider Ichi, Ni, and Kevin to be separate entities that share a common body. However, I’m going to assume that instead it’s just godzillagirl’s lack of proofreading at work.
And it looks like godzillagirl got bored with Sue-kura and made another, even more Sue-ish sounding main character. Hooray.
Well, this fic isn’t going to riff itself. Let’s start on chapter one.
2825: The War of R-Tron Series 1 – Chapters Six, Seven, and Eight
Posted: June 23, 2021 Filed under: Original Work, The War of R-Tron Series 1 | Tags: Adventure, Original Fiction, Sci-Fi, TacoMagic, Your Librarians Have Old Shames 11 CommentsTitle: The War of R-Tron Series 1
Author: TacoMagic
Media: Uh, paper?
Topic: Original Story (With obvious M.A.S.K. and Star Trek: TNG influences)
Genre: Sci Fi / Adventure
URL: The War of R-Tron Series 1
Critiqued by TacoMagic
Welcome back! Today we finish off The War of R-Tron Series 1 of 1.
Last time things got thick and chunky with lots of sudden, and from behind, exposition and battle padding, a token funeral, and a confirmation that the evil robots are in fact a Borg expy. Also, nitrogen.
Let’s finish this mess off!
Library of the Damned 
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