2114: yandere gamzee x reader- the phantom of the school – “for your info” and Chapter 4

Title: yandere gamzee x reader- the phantom of the school
Author: otaisi
Media: Webcomic
Topic: Homestuck
Genre: Humor/Mystery
URL: “for your info” and Chapter 4
Critiqued by BatJamags (BadJamags) and Whirlybat von Flubbertybubble

I do Not Think it Means what You Think it Means count: 17

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags…

Whirlybat: And I’m your guest guest host, Whirlybat von Flubbertybubble…

And we’re back with more of this deliciously awful readerfic! Goody. Now, let’s take a look at the next chapter.

okay, I’m so, so sorry that I didn’t upload sooner ^^”’

Whirlybat: What the hell, narrator? You just left me in suspended animation?

I think this is the author. And author, you don’t have to upload on a set schedule. Personally, I prefer to write the entire fic before I start uploading (which is why I don’t upload anything – I never finish any of my projects).

but, tbh I kinda got lost in my homestuck cosplays.

Well, I hope you cosplay better than you write.

But now some good news: I finally found someone willing to correct my typing errors and misspells XD so the text should be better now in the future XD

Well, that’s a good sign.

Whirlybat: You mean other than the time paradox?

Don’t worry about that.

sooo i want you to introduce u to my now cowriter ( and matesprite) nivisrenee (instagram) would be awesome if you go and check her out ^^

And that’s a bad sign. OK, “Matesprit” (only one “e”) is a term related to Troll romance. I was hoping to avoid the alien-birds-and-bees lecture, and guess what?

Whirlybat: I give up. What?

I still can! Here’s the comic’s explanation, copy-pasted for your convenience:

> BatJamags: Locate the comic’s long-winded explanation of troll romance.

You fail.

> BatJamags: Just link the wiki article.

You do that.

http://mspaintadventures.wikia.com/wiki/Quadrants

There we go. Though I have some gripes with how the wiki explains things (while it’s similar and largely recognizable, flushed romance is not technically the same thing as human romance, so the human/human pairings don’t belong on that list).

oh, and if you like the story, pls start to bug me on my instagram ( ) so I will perceed soon ^^ thx XD

OK, and there we go. Well, that was a short chapter. Bye, everybody!

Whirlybat: Wait, what?

The chapter’s over! Duh.

Whirlybat: We’re only at two pages, even with your babbling!

Well, what did you expect? Did you want the chapter to have a chapter in it? Silly Whirlybat. But if you’re going to be insistent about it, I suppose we can look at Chapter 4.

Days pass by and you get no messages from Aradia. It is actually kind of frustrating. Not sure what to think, you close the tap and walk downstairs to the entrance, ready to leave for school.

You close the “tap?”

On your way, you go through what happened over the last week. After your secret admire told you to forget about Dave, you figure there is no way it was Dave writing the letters… sadly. Maybe you can get a clue if you text him. Perhaps… get a hint on who it might be? No luck so far. On the other hand, your admirer did also stop to talk about Dave. Or any other classmates. He obviously gets upset whenever you mention someone else, but that’s it. You mostly talk about yourself. (He just won’t stop asking about you). So you told him about your past, childhood, previous school’s and your family. Sometimes it seems like he knows some of those things already…

Whirlybat: I feel like I should be more concerned about this.

Sadly, you didn’t get him to talk at all. Nothing about himself. Not even his name. The only thing he tells you is that you don’t know him anyway and that he doesn’t want you to look him up somehow… so you don’t even try anymore…

Stop taking orders from your stalker!

Whirlybat: Nuh uh, I’ve got three more pages to go until I get my paycheck.

*Whispering* The poor dear doesn’t realize her paycheck is $0.00.

You spend most of your time up in the 4th floor now. You walk around and look through the rooms. Some of them look like no one has entered them in years… which is probably the case.

Gee, how’d you figure that one out, Sherlock?

Whirlybat: Using my amazing powers of deduction.

I assume the process went something like this:

DetectiveDefectiveDekektiveDeshrektive

Others seem like they are used daily (what is the actual surprise for you). Beside room 420 there are 2 others that have no dust what so ever… there is also one locked room that is marked as a boxroom.

Alright, now what the fuck is a boxroom?

Whirlybat: It’s a room. With boxes.

Or a room with a boxing ring.

Whirlybat: No. Then it would be a boxingringroom. Idiot.

You open several cabinets, drawers and closets, revealing nothing more than some simple school stuff… nothing out of the ordinary.

You know. Stuff. Like all the things, and whatnot.

It is actually pretty frustrating that you haven’t gotten any more Information. Like… none at all. You think about giving up… your only hope is Aradia… and if she doesn’t answer, you’ll have to drop the case… but it is probably for the best. This topic keeps you awake for days. You didn’t get much sleep, you couldn’t concentrate and your trust in your friends is fading away. This crap is destroying your life!

Yeah, being stalked tends to do that.

Today, Friday, you will change your plans and stop searching for something that doesn’t exist!

Whirlybat: And finally call the police, right, narrator?

Yeah, no.

After your internal monologue, you arrive at school and join your friends in the classroom. The lessons are as boring as always.

You’re one to talk.

During the break, you eat with them. You can’t help but feel left out. They act as always but you just can’t fit in anymore… it feels like you’ve changed without noticing. But everyone else stayed as they were before. Your friendship bonding seem so far away and abstract… without saying anything, you pack your stuff and leave the table, ignoring your friends questions.

Nice job with the “stop being paranoid” plan.

Whirlybat: It was worth a half-hearted one-paragraph effort!

Not long after, you find yourself in the hallway leading to the staircase you always take to get to room 420. While climbing up, you hear some strange noises from the third floor. Curious, you look for the source. You turn around some corners until you stand in front an empty room. (Quite many empty rooms here…)

Yes. Many empty rooms, and much Tarzan grammar.

You open the door a bit and glance inside. What you see halts your breath. Dave and John are making out on top of a desk…

I feel a disturbance in the force, as if a thousand poorly-drawn shipping charts cried out in anger, and were suddenly silenced.

you didn’t even notice that they left earlier than you. You… actually don’t know how to feel. Your mind tells you that you should be happy for your two best friends. It tells you this so obviously that it hurts. … but your heart burns. You feel like falling as you see Dave kissing someone else. It physically hurts you to see them. Your hopes shatter and you can’t hold back the tears as you run away.

And now we interrupt our regularly scheduled horror story (actually the genre’s listed as humor/mystery for some reason) for SHIPPING DRAMA!

You run and run and run and all you can think of is how dumb you are for even thinking about such a relationship. It was so obvious! But you still built your hopes up. And even though you know you never had a chance, you still can’t help but envy John. God, how you hate him right now! But Dave was never yours. John is not the bad one here! It’s… you. And you hate yourself for wishing to get in between those two.

Damn, the author’s hardcore about this pairing (as is most of AO3 and a significant chunk of ff.net, now that I think about it). Canon-wise, it’s vaguely implied that Dave might kinda have some feelings for John or something, but John is pretty explicitly straight.

You slam the door shut and sit down on the ground, crying. After you calm down a bit, you look up and around the place. You made it to room 420… even though you had no special place you wanted to go. You just wanted to get away from everyone, everything. You wanted to be at a place where you could be you… and apparently this is this place. It seems that you grew close to the mysterious guy who writes you daily. You even feel safe around him now… though you’ve never seen him nor do you know his name.

Whirlybat: Uh… Why do I feel safe around the evil ninja stalker murder clown?

I don’t know, but he has an oddly extensive contingent of fangirls.

After rubbing away your tears, you sit down at the desk and start writing. Since you stay here so often, you already have a spare stack of paper and a pen stashed away. You tell him everything. Your feelings for Dave, what happened, how you feel thanks to Dave and John and to this secret no one wants talk about. And you don’t stop. Not even the bell announcing the next class can’t stop you.

That’s what’s wrong with kids of today! They spend all their time crying about shipping drama and never show up to their vaguely-defined lessons!

After you’ve written down everything, you look at the 4 letters you have finished. You overthink it for a second but let’s be real: he seems to be the only one you can talk to… isn’t he? After placing them in the drawer you leave and join your class after making up an excuse.

There’s no excuse! You’ll never learn about the stuff now!

Most classmates just look at you without a second thought. It hurts you to see Dave immediately turn back to watch John. You sit down, feeling dead inside, eyes still red from crying and no one seems to care…

Well, there’s always murderclown.

You are watching Whirlybat from your seat.

Ow! Author, would you cool it with the POV whiplash?

She looks horrible. Puffy eyes, red skin. Whirlybat clearly was crying.

Or was left out in the sun too long. Ruined a perfectly good raisin.

Whirlybat: *More sniffling*

It seems like no one else cares at all.

Accurate.

But you can’t ignore it. You keep an eye on her since … someone… does so as well. You can’t let him get too close to her. He can hurt others.

Oh, this isn’t Gamzee.

But he is still your moirail.

It’s Karkat? I expected his narration to be a bit more…

Whirlybat: Angry?

Yeah, something like that.

You have to help him somehow. You are the only one able to rescue everyone involved… he only listens to you.

Sometimes. You hope at least…

Whirlybat: That’s reassuring.

Gog… why is this so hard…

It’s hard. It’s hard, and nobody understands.

You watched your love as she cried her beautiful eyes out on your side. Well, she didn’t know you were there. But you saw her. You saw everything. And now you’re reading Whirlybat‘s story. MOTHERFUCKER! How dare they hurting my WiCkEd sIsTeR?!

Well, looks like we’re in murderclown’s POV now.

HONK

honk

HONK

After finishing the letters you crawl back into the vents located in the back of the room in the ceiling. You have to follow your heart~

 

In no time you arrive at the closest opening to her classroom. You watch her sitting down. And your brother is watching her… but can you even trust him anymore?! He tried to BETRAY you! And took her miracle letter away!

Author, we all know it’s Karkat. You can say his name.

You watch them all.

honk

You look at Dave.

And the Dave stares into you?

And John.

And sentence fragments.

And Karkat.

Yeah, you already mentioned him.

And Whirlybat.

Ah, there you are. I was wondering where you’d run off to.

Glad you are sober …

Unlike the narrator.

how else could you get such great ideas~

HONK

You smile and creep back into the darkness…

honk

Better safe than –

HONK

And on that incoherent note, the fic ends.

Whirlybat von Flubbertybubble: *Leaping out of the fic* Holy shit, that was painful.

At least the prose actually did get better at the end.

Whirlybat von Flubbertybubble: And we didn’t give that plot much more chance to develop.

Well, next time, GoodJamags is going to take another plunge into the edgy world of the Shadow Warriors, so until then, farewell!

*SLAM!*

I do Not Think it Means what You Think it Means count: 17

And now, your out-of-context quote from the next riff:

Now, who was it that was looking for a plot regurgitation song? I think it was Herr, right? Well, now we have one.


2108: yandere gamzee x reader- the phantom of the school – Chapter 3

Title: yandere gamzee x reader- the phantom of the school
Author: otaisi
Media: Webcomic
Topic: Homestuck
Genre: Humor/Mystery
URL: Chapter 3
Critiqued by BatJamags (BadJamags and Whirlybat von Flubbertybubble)

(Note: I promise the imitation-Homestuck formatting goes away in this riff and doesn’t come back. Apologies to those who were annoyed by it.)

I do Not Think it Means what You Think it Means count: 16

> BatJamags: Introduce the riff.

Huh? You’re not BatJamags.

> Who’s this douchebag?

Enter name, idiot.

> Enter name.

Your name is WHIRLYBAT VON FLUBBERTYBUBBLE.

Read the rest of this entry »


2102: yandere gamzee x reader- the phantom of the school – Chapter 2

Title: yandere gamzee x reader- the phantom of the school
Author: otaisi
Media: Webcomic
Topic: Homestuck
Genre: Humor/Mystery
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by BatJamags (BadJamags)

I do Not Think it Means what You Think it Means count: 16

Riffstuck

Your name is BATJAMAGS. You’re an idiot with an internet connection. Truly, a rare specimen. You have a wide variety of INTERESTS, most of which are, much like you, IDIOTIC. One of these interests is MAKING FUN OF BAD FANFICTION. You are quite certain this is a productive use of your time.

> BatJamags: Write the riff normally.

No.

Read the rest of this entry »


2097: yandere gamzee x reader- the phantom of the school – Chapter 1

Title: yandere gamzee x reader- the phantom of the school
Author: otaisi
Media: Webcomic
Topic: Homestuck
Genre: Humor/Mystery
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by BatJamags (BadJamags) and Whirlybat von Flubbertybubble

I do Not Think it Means what You Think it Means count: 11

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags…

Whirlybat: And I’m your guest host, Whirlybat von Flubbertybubble…

And we’re back with more messy readerfic! What fun!

Chapter 1

You sit at home in your bed. In your hands is a little white letter. Again. You read it over and over again. The same few words every time.

This is notable because letters are well known for having different content every time you read them.

Read the rest of this entry »


2091: yandere gamzee x reader- the phantom of the school – Prologue

Title: yandere gamzee x reader- the phantom of the school
Author: otaisi
Media: Webcomic
Topic: Homestuck
Genre: Humor/Mystery
URL: Prologue
Critiqued by BatJamags (BadJamags) and Whirlybat von Flubbertybubble

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with-

Whirlybat von Flubbertybubble: WHIRLYBAT VON FLUBBERTYBUBBLE STRIKES AGAIN!

You didn’t have to say your name. We can see it right there in your nametag.

Whirlybat von Flubbertybubble: Well, “I strike again!” wouldn’t be very cool, would it?

You say that like the thing you said was cool.

Whirlybat von Flubbertybubble: But it was ironic!

I’ll give you one thing; you’re a master of segues.

Since this is a fandom that hasn’t come up much on this website, I am left with the Herculean task of *shivers* explaining Homestuck. First, it is a thing. Second, the type of thing that it is, is kind of similar to a webcomic, and the word “webcomic” is really much more descriptive than the word “thing,” which is why I put that up in the “Media” spot.

Read the rest of this entry »


2085: The Shadow Warriors – Chapter 15

Title: The Shadow Warriors
Author: Shadow knight1121
Media: Comics
Topic: Justice League
Genre: Crime/Mystery
URL: Chapter 15
Critiqued by BatJamags (GoodJamags)

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with another installment of The Shadow Warriors!

Last time, we finished up the chapter really early, so that was great fun. Oh, and something probably happened in the story, too.

Chapter 15: A New Villain

I’m sure he’ll be well thought-out and interestingly characterized.

Read the rest of this entry »


How to Not End Up in the Library: On the Care and Feeding of Outlines

So, as I write this, SC wasn’t able to get a riff in on time, so I’m thinking maybe we can turn things like these into a pool of potentially useful filler for when a normal post can’t go up and there are no guest riffs to fill the spot. Basically, though, we talk a whole lot about what not to do when writing on this website, but we don’t spend as much time addressing what to do. As such, we’re doing some writing advice posts. The other Librarians are still working out what they’ll write about, but I’m taking the lead with something I’m pretty good at: outlining and narrative structure.

One of my catchphrases when riffing or commenting (along with “FUCKING BLUSHERS!” “That’s not how [X] works,” “Bow chicka bow wow,” and “Bullshit.”) is “Outline your shit.” Most of those are for comedic effect, but outlining is one of the most important parts of writing.

Read the rest of this entry »