Title: Blue Moon
Topic: Lord of the Rings/The Smurfs
Genre: Angst and Humor
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by Angie and Queenie
Queenie: “Australian, not Scottish.”
Queenie: “That’s why Jack calls him a kangaroo at one point.”
I will physically fight you.
Welcome back to Angie Pays for Her Sins. This time, I’m reviewing a Lord in the Rings fanfiction to repay for Brego’s Mistress.
Queenie: I went through the tiresome labor of searching for a fanfiction, and I stumbled upon a crossover between some Earth cartoon called The Smurfs. The title is also the name of a beer brand. So…that’s fun.
This fic is called Coors Light.
Queenie: That’s…nope. That’s incorrect. The fic is called Blue Moon. Let’s begin.
Hey folks, welcome to another Taco Wednesday! Yeah, that’s right, I don’t have to bend to your trendy alliteration!
This week I’ve got a new source material for you all: Warframe. For the uninitiated, Warframe is a free-to-play game where you essentially get to be a futuristic space ninja called a Tenno whose consciousness controls futuristic suits of power armor called warframes. The actual plot of the game takes a pretty hefty backseat to the gameplay and exists mostly as lore that you can dig up from the in-game Codex. Warframe somewhat oldschool in that regard, so I don’t have much in the way of an infodump for you all. And, in fact, this fic exists pretty well apart from any canon plot. The bare-bones of the plot is that centuries ago the Orokin controlled the Sol solar system and tried to expand to the Tau system. This pissed off the Sentients, a machine race that were already living there, which kicked off a massive war. Many atrocities later, which included unleashing the Infestation, the Orokin eventually learned to tap into void energy in order to create Warframes piloted by the Tenno. These warframes were eventually able to push back the Sentients, who had been winning the war, retake all their territory, and eventually crush them. In their last-ditch effort to avoid complete extermination, the Sentients unleashed Natah who took control of the warframes and turned them back against the Orokin. This left both empires essentially destroyed and the war ended. At this point Natah was supposed to destroy the warframes to complete her mission, but as she had grown an affection for them, instead placed them in stasis.
Centuries later the Sol system has become divided by two rivaling factions: The Grineer, the ancient military slave-race of the Orokin, and the Corpus, a merchant faction based around technological research and trade. At this point both the Grineer and Corpus begin to “dig too deep” for the ancient technologies. The Grineer, in their attempts to capture the weapons of Orokin, inadvertently begin an awakening of the Warframes, who, under the direction of Lotus, forcibly take up a position of balance and peace keepers between the two factions. Meanwhile, the Corpus begin to experiment with the remnants of the Infestation, which had previously been battled back into a state of quasi-dormancy by the Grineer. These experiments rather predictably end with them unleashing a brand-new full-blown Infestation. This quickly catches Lotus’s attention and she sends the Warframes in to investigate and start to work on fighting back the rising tide of infested.
As for the game itself, I’d call it among the best free-to-play games currently out there. The game’s model allows access to the vast majority of content without requiring any purchase, with all of the things absolutely requiring money being aesthetic in nature. There IS a premium currency that’s primarily used to unlock extra equipment storage, speed up farming, or buy more aesthetics, but the game allows it to be traded for items, so those who don’t want to spend any of their own money can farm up some sought-after equipment and trade players whose wallets are a bit looser. It helps that the game itself is also pretty damn fun, provided that jumping around like a cocaine-fueled rhesus monkey while spraying bullets everywhere and hitting things with a giant axe fits your description of fun. It certainly fits mine.
And that’s way more than you really need to know for this fic. The fic is “Rage, Burning Bright,” and if that mega-edgelord title is anything to go by, we may as well queue up all the Linkin Park and Evanescence songs right now.
Thanks, bud, I think I’m good now.
So, it wouldn’t be a one-shot marathon without something with dinosaurs in it!
Adopted doesn’t count because it wasn’t a one-shot.
Anyway, for our obligatory Dinosaur fic, I’ve got a cross that could possibly work! It doesn’t, but it could! The cross is Land Before Time and Jurassic Park. And I’m saying it could work because they both involve dinosaurs. You know, sorta like how The Shawshank Redemption and Ace Ventura both have humans in it!
Since neither of these are new canons, we can just get right to it with the summary!
What normally would have taken months, even years to adjust to, took only a few minutes for Cera to fathom.
Hey look, overwrought prose in an angst fic, who could have predicted that!?
Look, personally I consider the word misuse a bonus, but you can call it what you like.
Given that summary and the edgelord name “Toxic Promises” you all should have some idea of what we’re getting into. So let’s go!
— CONTAINS INAPPROPRIATENESS —
Generic winter solstice greetings, Patrons!
I hope you are enjoying whatever holiday you may or may not celebrate. Since I’ve finished up with my last fic, I thought I’d follow my pattern from last year and go looking for a holiday-themed oneshots. And, lucky for you, I found quite a few! These two from the Danny Phantom series are both super-short, so today’s a two-fer post!
“WOO-HOO! Double trouble!”
:sigh: Also, Syl is back. And I’m pretty sure she’s drunk.
“Well, your bathtub is full of eggnog and I don’t want it to go to waste.” :sips from giant novelty mug shaped like a reindeer:
:deep, long-suffering sigh: Great.
Just a quick re-cap of the premise for the source materials, since I’ve covered fics from this section before I’m not going to go too in-depth. The animated show follows the adventures of Danny Fenton, who (thanks to a malfunction in one of his parents’ ghost-catching gadgets) can transform into a ghost form called Danny Phantom. Hijinks ensue.
Depends on the fanfic.
A word of warning; while both of these fics are technically Christmas-themed, they are not light and frothy drabbles. Prepare yourself for extremely serious subject matter.
:Syl reaches across the desk and places a festively blinking Santa hat on Ghostie’s head:
…Thanks, that really sets the tone that I was going for.
Good morning, lovelies. Welcome back to “A Daughter,” a fic that moved at a snail’s pace for first two chapters and suddenly skipped half the year in one paragraph. Pacing? What’s pacing?
Last time, Selene Darkness Raven Dementia McNoodlefish attempted to befriend Harry et al, went to Defense Against the Dark Arts, and then skipped half the year and ended up in a really worrisome relationship with Draco where she stays silent when he abuses other people and tries to cover his actions up by giving his victims candy and hugs.
The next chapter is, thankfully, shorter than the previous one. Onward!
Good morning, everyone! Welcome back to “A Daughter.” Last time we met, Cellophane was sorted into Slytherin. That’s seriously the only thing that happened.
*sets the buzzer out on the desk*
This thing is up to 15 and we’re only starting the second chapter. It’s a bit longer than the previous installments, but a good chunk of today is just the lyrics to “Nights in White Satin”.
My apologies to The Moody Blues.
Welcome back, dearest patrons, to the suckfest that is “A Daughter.” Last time, we met
Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way Selene Amelia Badelia Anna Banana Melinda-Belynda Serpentine. She made the Sue Counter hit 10 before the end of the fucking prologue, which really wasn’t even a prologue but more of a rambling exposition that ended in her gothing out on the train to Hogwarts. To summarize what happened last time, all I really need to do is say she’s a part-Veela, “Pureblood Slytherin” luggage rack secret daughter of Snape and a Ravenclaw, the latter of which won’t tell anyone that she’s the girl’s mother, pretending instead to be the girl’s aunt. Luggage Rack is also a first year who will be going right into the second year classes because she can do spells without a wand and without speaking, even though she’s only eleven.
Part of me really, really wishes I could write this all off as the work of a troll, but considering the author introduces herself as “Dymond (pronounced Diamond just spelled differently)” in her profile, I think this girl is actually under the impression that her Sue is quality writing.