1794: The Lone Wolf Of The Normandy — Chapter 2

Title: The Lone Wolf of the Normandy
Author: SSJ Lone Wolf
Media: Games
Topic: Halo / Mass Effect
Genre: Sci-Fi/Adventure
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by
AdmiralSakai and JLT. Troy Fisher

Hello hello, all you patrons and welcome back to The Lone Wolf Of The Normandy, SSJ Lone Wolf’s ME/Halo crossover that is doing its level best to asymptotically approach EclipsePheniox in quality!

Last time Logan-B312 the Noble Stu got barfed onto Eden Prime during the geth/Reaper raid, and immediately put his god-mode Forerunner augmentations to good use by blowing up a bunch of husks and geth and then mentally undressing Jane Shepard and Ash Williams. He saved Nihlus from getting shot by Saren and then immediately beat the shit out of the entire Normandy landing team for having the gall to point their guns at the giant black armored thing that showed up behind them without any warning instead of immediately dropping to their knees in abject worship of his mighty Hyper-Lethal-Vectorness. No hard feelings were had, however, and Logan proceeded to steal all the badassery in the area for himself while disarming the bombs Saren had planted at the Eden Prime docking area. Then Shepard got a headfull of Beacon pretty much as canon, only Logan got to be all Edward Culleny in giving her permission to lose consciousness before carrying her back to the ship.

Amorous Counter: 26

Show and Tell Counter: 7

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1787: The Lone Wolf Of The Normandy — Chapter 1 Part 2

Title: The Lone Wolf of the Normandy
Author: SSJ Lone Wolf
Media: Games
Topic: Halo / Mass Effect
Genre: Sci-Fi/Adventure
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by
AdmiralSakai and JLT. Troy Fisher

Hello hello all you Patrons! And welcome back once again to the fetid pile of rampant Stupidity that is The Lone Wolf of the Normandy.

Last time we got introduced to Logan-B312, aka. *gags* The Grim Reaper, aka. *gags harder* Hyper-Lethal Vector. He got left behind on Reach when the Covvies invaded and almost got himself killed, but then brought back to life by some Forerunner AI called Militant Bias that spent basically the whole rest of the chapter giving him upgraded armor – sorry, upgraded “amour” – upgraded biomedical shit, upgraded weapons to fire upgraded bullets, a Slipspace thingy in his tactical pad that lets him carry basically an entire armory’s worth of gear around and teleport it out whenever he needs it, the military AI Auntie Dot as his own personal assistant on a chip in his helmet, and probably for that matter an upgraded meter-long dick as well. Then he got sent through a portal to what I can only assume is this Eden Prime place the summary talked about, and that was really about it.”

Show and Tell Counter: 6

Amorous Counter: 26

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1782: The Lone Wolf Of The Normandy — Chapter 1 Part 1

Title: The Lone Wolf of the Normandy
Author: SSJ Lone Wolf
Media: Games
Topic: Halo / Mass Effect
Genre: Sci-Fi/Adventure
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by:
AdmiralSakai and JLT. Troy Fisher

Hello hello all you patrons!

*In the rollie-chair next to Sakai’s, a young man dressed in olive-drab Marine-issue body armor shifts position awkwardly. He is lean but well-built, with pale skin and brown hair cropped military-short.*

Uhhh… hi?”

Let me introduce Junior Lieutenant Troy William Fisher of Love of a Spartan fame- today’s tactical adviser, DRD-repellant, and all-around badass.

So… stuff goes on on this screen and we have to pick it apart for the audience? That’s how it works?”

Basically. Let’s start with something… wow. Ok, so this guy. This guy has sixteen different Halo ‘fics, each and every one of them dealing with his Noble-Six Stu. Twelve of them are bizarre crossovers where Noble is transplanted to some random franchise that I am fairly certain does not want him, including Naruto, Bioshock Infinite, and Percy Jackson & The Olympians… or, in this case, Mass Effect.

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1662: Garfield Effect: Galaxy Adventure – Part Four? (Chapter Eleven)

Title: Garfield Effect: Galaxy Adventure
Author: ShakespeareHemmingway
Media: Video Game/Comic
Topic: Garfield/Mass Effect
Genre: Sci-fi/Adventure/crossover
URL: Chapter Eleven
Critiqued by agigabyte

Warning: Explicit sexual content and strong sexism are pretty much guaranteed. I seriously don’t even need to look.

X as Lasagna Counter: 3

”You’re on a ship, in space” Counter: 14

Cain: Hello, everyone. Interesting thing to note, Library of the Damned is the third result when you search “Garfield Effect Galaxy Adventure.” Does this call for celebrations? Regardless, let’s begin.

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1617: Profesor Lupus 2: Fighting Moudlermore – Chapters 1 and 2 (Oneshot)

Title: Profesor Lupus 2: Fighting Moudlermore
Author: KingAurthr2
Media: Book/Movie
Topic: Harry Potter / Lord of the Rings
Genre: Mystery/Adventure
URL: Profesor Lupus 2: Fighting Moudlermore
Critiqued by The Wheel

Hello, I’m the Wheel, and I’m back with the sequel to Profesor Lupus and the Curse of the Wearwolf! The author, KingAurthr2, abandoned this story after only two chapters, so I can cover it in one shot. So without further ado, let’s get started!

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1583: Profesor Lupus and the Curse of the Wearwolf – Chapters Six and Seven

Title: Profesor Lupus and the Curse of the Wearwolf
Author: KingAurthr2
Media: Book/Movie
Topic: Harry Potter / Lord of the Rings
Genre: Mystery/Adventure
URL: Chapter Six
Critiqued by The Wheel

Hello, I’m The Wheel, and welcome to the final installment of my riff on “Profesor Lupus and the Curse of the Wearwolf!”

Last time, Lupus, Saruman, and McGonagall arrived at Hogwarts, only to find that the names of the school houses were different in the past, in a blatant contradiction of canon. Lupus and McGonagall were sorted into “Buffalo Charge House,” which is apparently Gryffindor, while Saruman was put in the precursor to Slytherin, “Ghost Hand House,” which makes me think of the High Five Ghost on Regular Show. The next day, Lupus and McGonagall had a Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson with a teacher who turned out to be Moldermore (Voldemort’s father) in disguise. Moldermore tried to kill Lupus, but Lupus escaped and ran to Dumbledore’s office.

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1559: Profesor Lupus and the Curse of the Wearwolf – Chapter Four and Five

Title: Profesor Lupus and the Curse of the Wearwolf
Author: KingAurthr2
Media: Book/Movie
Topic: Harry Potter / Lord of the Rings
Genre: Mystery/Adventure
URL: Chapter Four
Critiqued by The Wheel

Last time on “Profesor Lupus,” Lupin and Saruman arrived at Platform 9¾ before leaving the station and going to Diagon Alley to get school supplies, then coming back to the station and finally getting on the train. A young Minerva McGonagall, who will apparently be one of their classmates, rode in a train carriage with them. There was some brief consternation during the ride when the train came to a stop, and a villain named “Moldermore” who was erroneously claimed to be Voldermort’s father arrived to make a vague threat before disappearing.

Chapter 4 opens with the students finally arriving at Hogwarts, and the customary start-of-term feast in the Great Hall.

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