283: Shinobi & Wizards: Resolution – Chapter Three, Part One

Title: Shinobi & Wizards: Resolution
Author: DragonKnightRyu
Media: Anime / Manga / Book / Movie
Topic: Naruto / Harry Potter
Genre: Fantasy / Adventure / Cross-Over
URL: Shinobi & Wizards: Resolution – Chapter Three
Critiqued by Lyle
Submitted by Mr. Rofapofagus

Yo!  *slouches into the room*  Today we’re going to start Chapter Three of the Naruto/Harry Potter travesty abbreviated as “SW:R.”  Last time, we watched as Team Stu’s jonin sensei failed to protect himself from three genin and Harry-Sue-Jade decided to take her team to Harry Potter Land in order to learn to be wizards, even though they’re already ninja.  I think this picture summarizes my mental picture pretty well:

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282: A burning Rose – Chapter Five or Eight, Part Two

Title: A burning Rose
Book / Movie
AU / Crime / Adventure
A burning Rose – Chapter Five or Eight
Critiqued by Ghostcat

Hello, my sweet Patrons! Are you ready to get to the exciting conclusion of Chapter 5 or 8? First, let’s recap what happened in the beginning of the chapter; AbR made a dinner date with Munchkin, found a gangster named Godbole whom she instantly trusts for no damned reason to help her in her scheme, and now we’re all caught up.

The pacing of this fic has been about as slow and plodding as a club-footed turtle, but things promise to pick up speed after the shark-jump dinner date. Speaking of the dinner date from Hell, let’s jump on in!

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281: Parallel Realities – Chapter Sixteen

Title: Parallel Realities
Author: InHarmsWay
Media: Video Game
Topic:  Mass Effect
Genre: Supernatural/Romance/AU
URL: Parallel Realities: Chapter 16
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Hello once again, children. Welcome back to Parallel Realities.

Okay. After that break of two fics, we can finally return to Parallel Realities and start looking at this fic’s ME2 arc. As I said, I’ll have to go through the ME2 arc in two goes: so for this, I will look at the first ten chapters of the arc, and then take a short break. After that, we’re going to look at the second batch of ten chapters, and snark at that.

And then, we’re going to take a break from that before going to the ME3 arc. Okay.

For a brief recap of the entire ME1 arc (and trust me, you’ll need it), here we go: John G. Stupard is the last of the articians, a human-like species that suffered the dumbest zombie apocalypse in recent memory at the hands of Cerberus. The parallel galaxy sent Stupard to the ME galaxy, following Cerberus there. However, Stupard then finds out about the Reapers through a ton of convoluted plot contrivances, mostly by way of the Oracle, who is some kind of weird spirit lady who is making Stupard go through things that are not in any way, shape, or form a shameless and incredibly lame excuse to stay close to canon a series of trials that help him unlock his ‘true potential’ while also opening some truly massive plot holes. Along the way, he goes through ME1, falls in love with Tali’Zorah nar Rayya, and gets closer to the games than any AU fic has any right to.

And when we last left Stupard, he had just gotten killed as per the fucking stupid excuse to stick to canon Trial of Metamorphosis. And now that ME2 is here…

Well, let’s get started!

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280: A Jedi’s Destiny: Episode I: Rise of the Sith – Chapter Two, Part Two

Title: A Jedi’s Destiny: Episode I: Rise of the Sith
Author: Jedi472
Media: Movie
Topic: Star Wars / Land Before Time
Genre: Sci Fi / Adventure
URLA Jedi’s Destiny: Episode I: Rise of the Sith – Chapter 2
Critiqued by TacoMagic

Welcome back to the second half of chapter 2 of A Jedi’s Destiny.

Last time we were introduced to our main protagonist Markus.  He’s a murdering Teeny-Stu who can book impossible flights at the last minute and avoid airport security with the cunning use of Hollywood physics.  In the first half of the chapter, Markus destroys some research data/plans/whatever at a poorly-designed top-secret US Army research facility and then makes an improbable getaway made possibly only through inept security.  He catches a flight to London and goes up to what is presumably his apartment.  We join Markus already on location in his boring apartment room.

Markus tossed the suitcase on bed, preferring not to set it on the already-cluttered desktop. Markus stepped over and sifted through the pile on the desk, stacking together books, videogames, movies, trying to make some room for his computer’s monitor and keyboard. Markus smirked, his expression almost sad as he beheld a full bottle labelled “Corona”.

Oh-em-gee!  He’s 16 and drinking crappy beer!  What a rebel!  Seriously, most teens in England are drinking good beer, so he’s really going against the flow here.  And I can relate to his sadness at beholding the full bottle:  I’d be pretty sad too if the only beer I had handy was a warm bottle of Corona.

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279: Lament of Day – One Shot

Title: Lament of Day
Author: Keysofsnow
Media: Book
Topic: Fairy Tale
Genre: Angst / Friendship
URL: Lament of Day
Critiqued by Addicted Reader

Well, hello there.  Please, come in, join me.  For today’s snarking, I have wandered back to the “fairy tale” section.  Today’s fanfic is a very vague and poorly worded retelling of “Beauty and the Beast.”  The author starts the body of the story with the summary, so let’s just jump right in:

Lament of Day

Beauty and the Beast. Because things are less clear in the dark, and make light of it for me.

That is not a sentence.  And other than naming the fairy tale being fanfic’d here, it is pretty devoid of information.  But you can all see why I picked it to snark.

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278: When you love someone – Chapter Four, Part Two

Title: When you love someone
Author: hot-chick down under
Media: Television
Topic: House M.D.
Genre: Drama/Romance
URL: When you love someone – Chapter Four
Critiqued by Frozenpoodlemeat

We’re closing in on the end of this story and have maybe two parts left to go depending on how many snarky comments I have to make.  I’ll invite you all to make some predictions as to how this will end.  Anyway, we last left Trisha as she drifted off to sleep while curled up with a bottle of booze she did not drink.

The next morning after breakfast was done and the daily report came through, Chase went to work, Trisha did her usual street patrol and after that was done she drove Cameron to work and went in with her.

So, I wonder how long it takes Trisha to do her street patrol if she did it between breakfast and taking Cameron to work.  I’d assume Cameron is working first shift, but maybe not.

“Dr Cameron can I see you for a moment?” called Cuddy

“Yeah sure”

And the respect that Cameron feels for Cuddy is painfully obvious; she feels none.

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277: Shinobi & Wizards: Resolution – Chapter Two, Part Two

Title: Shinobi & Wizards: Resolution
Author: DragonKnightRyu
Media: Anime / Manga / Book / Movie
Topic: Naruto / Harry Potter
Genre: Fantasy / Adventure / Cross-Over
URL: Shinobi & Wizards: Resolution – Chapter Two
Critiqued by Lyle
Submitted by Mr. Rofapofagus

Konnichiwa.  Today we’ll be finishing up chapter two of the epic* story “Shinobi & Wizards: Resolution,” a cross-over fic that tries to merge Harry Potter with Naruto in the most baffling way ever.  Harry Potter, portrayed by a girl named Jade, is a newly-graduated ninja who is madly in love with the author, a guy named Ryu.  Naruto is their best friend and all three of them have been raised as siblings.  On top of that, the author apparently hates everyone in the Naruto universe because no one has been portrayed as even remotely close to canon.

*Not epic in the slightest.

The last time we met, we were introduced to a jonin (highest rank) ninja named Hachi, which means “eight” in Japanese.  Number Eight, a non-canon character, will most likely be cell-leader of Team Stu.  Jade/Harry has to decide if she wants to take her team away from everything they’ve ever known in order to learn to be a wizard so she can defeat Voldemort.  Let’s see what happens!

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