1800: The Lone Wolf Of The Normandy — Chapter 3

Title: The Lone Wolf of the Normandy
Author: SSJ Lone Wolf
Media: Games
Topic: Halo / Mass Effect
Genre: Sci-Fi/Adventure
URL: Chapter 3
Critiqued by
AdmiralSakai and JLT. Troy Fisher

Hello hello all you Patrons! Welcome back once again to The Lone Wolf Of The Normandy, where Noble Six just keeps digging himself deeper and deeper into douchehood.

Last time the Normandy actually managed to put the idiot under arrest and convey him to the Citadel to become somebody else’s problem, during which time he mostly just sat in the cargo bay and periodically attacked his guards without Captain Anderson ever doing anything to retaliate. When they docked he incapped still more of the crew- including Anderson himself- and snuck out into the docking area. It’s really a miracle he didn’t kill anybody, and really he should have because he shot eight Marines in the legs with those superpowerful gravity rounds and left them unconscious on the floor for like ten minutes with no medical attention whatsoever.”

Show and Tell Counter: 15

Amorous Counter: 29

Collateral Douchebag Counter: 5

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1794: The Lone Wolf Of The Normandy — Chapter 2

Title: The Lone Wolf of the Normandy
Author: SSJ Lone Wolf
Media: Games
Topic: Halo / Mass Effect
Genre: Sci-Fi/Adventure
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by
AdmiralSakai and JLT. Troy Fisher

Hello hello, all you patrons and welcome back to The Lone Wolf Of The Normandy, SSJ Lone Wolf’s ME/Halo crossover that is doing its level best to asymptotically approach EclipsePheniox in quality!

Last time Logan-B312 the Noble Stu got barfed onto Eden Prime during the geth/Reaper raid, and immediately put his god-mode Forerunner augmentations to good use by blowing up a bunch of husks and geth and then mentally undressing Jane Shepard and Ash Williams. He saved Nihlus from getting shot by Saren and then immediately beat the shit out of the entire Normandy landing team for having the gall to point their guns at the giant black armored thing that showed up behind them without any warning instead of immediately dropping to their knees in abject worship of his mighty Hyper-Lethal-Vectorness. No hard feelings were had, however, and Logan proceeded to steal all the badassery in the area for himself while disarming the bombs Saren had planted at the Eden Prime docking area. Then Shepard got a headfull of Beacon pretty much as canon, only Logan got to be all Edward Culleny in giving her permission to lose consciousness before carrying her back to the ship.

Amorous Counter: 26

Show and Tell Counter: 7

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1787: The Lone Wolf Of The Normandy — Chapter 1 Part 2

Title: The Lone Wolf of the Normandy
Author: SSJ Lone Wolf
Media: Games
Topic: Halo / Mass Effect
Genre: Sci-Fi/Adventure
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by
AdmiralSakai and JLT. Troy Fisher

Hello hello all you Patrons! And welcome back once again to the fetid pile of rampant Stupidity that is The Lone Wolf of the Normandy.

Last time we got introduced to Logan-B312, aka. *gags* The Grim Reaper, aka. *gags harder* Hyper-Lethal Vector. He got left behind on Reach when the Covvies invaded and almost got himself killed, but then brought back to life by some Forerunner AI called Militant Bias that spent basically the whole rest of the chapter giving him upgraded armor – sorry, upgraded “amour” – upgraded biomedical shit, upgraded weapons to fire upgraded bullets, a Slipspace thingy in his tactical pad that lets him carry basically an entire armory’s worth of gear around and teleport it out whenever he needs it, the military AI Auntie Dot as his own personal assistant on a chip in his helmet, and probably for that matter an upgraded meter-long dick as well. Then he got sent through a portal to what I can only assume is this Eden Prime place the summary talked about, and that was really about it.”

Show and Tell Counter: 6

Amorous Counter: 26

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1782: The Lone Wolf Of The Normandy — Chapter 1 Part 1

Title: The Lone Wolf of the Normandy
Author: SSJ Lone Wolf
Media: Games
Topic: Halo / Mass Effect
Genre: Sci-Fi/Adventure
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by:
AdmiralSakai and JLT. Troy Fisher

Hello hello all you patrons!

*In the rollie-chair next to Sakai’s, a young man dressed in olive-drab Marine-issue body armor shifts position awkwardly. He is lean but well-built, with pale skin and brown hair cropped military-short.*

Uhhh… hi?”

Let me introduce Junior Lieutenant Troy William Fisher of Love of a Spartan fame- today’s tactical adviser, DRD-repellant, and all-around badass.

So… stuff goes on on this screen and we have to pick it apart for the audience? That’s how it works?”

Basically. Let’s start with something… wow. Ok, so this guy. This guy has sixteen different Halo ‘fics, each and every one of them dealing with his Noble-Six Stu. Twelve of them are bizarre crossovers where Noble is transplanted to some random franchise that I am fairly certain does not want him, including Naruto, Bioshock Infinite, and Percy Jackson & The Olympians… or, in this case, Mass Effect.

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1662: Garfield Effect: Galaxy Adventure – Part Four? (Chapter Eleven)

Title: Garfield Effect: Galaxy Adventure
Author: ShakespeareHemmingway
Media: Video Game/Comic
Topic: Garfield/Mass Effect
Genre: Sci-fi/Adventure/crossover
URL: Chapter Eleven
Critiqued by agigabyte

Warning: Explicit sexual content and strong sexism are pretty much guaranteed. I seriously don’t even need to look.

X as Lasagna Counter: 3

”You’re on a ship, in space” Counter: 14

Cain: Hello, everyone. Interesting thing to note, Library of the Damned is the third result when you search “Garfield Effect Galaxy Adventure.” Does this call for celebrations? Regardless, let’s begin.

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1576: Normandy High 2: Cryogenic Boogaloo – Chapter Seven

Title: Subject 23: Cryonics
Author: The Eezoman
Media:  Video Games
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: Subject 23: Cryonics: Chapter 7
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the finale of this stupid series. It’s been a long time coming, and now, here we are, ready to end this pile of fuck. And man, what a dumb pile of fuck it was. It almost makes me glad that this right here is deadfic, you know?

Anyway, let’s not waste any more time. We’ve got a shitty series to finish, and not a moment too soon!

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1562: Normandy High 2: Cryogenic Boogaloo – Chapter Six

Title: Subject 23: Cryonics
Author: The Eezoman
Media:  Video Games
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: Subject 23: Cryonics: Chapter 6
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Hello ladies and jellyspoons, and welcome back to the Library of the Damned. I’m your host Herr Wozzeck, and we’re back into the fray with more self-insert bullshit. How bullshit does it get?

Well… let’s find out, shall we? We’re only two chapters away from the end of this shitty sequel!

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