2241: Mandalorian Effect – Chapter 8

Title: Mandalorian Effect
Author: Nicranger
Media: Film/Video Game
Topic: Star Wars/Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 8 – https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11814489/8/Mandalorian-Effect
Critiqued by BatJamags (BadJamags)

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with more of Mandalorian Effect, the fic that kinda sucks. A lot.

Last riff, Dickhead was a dickhead. I instituted a counter to tally up particularly infuriating instances of his dickheadedness, but now I’m scrapping it because I was buzzing it every other ficbit.

Let’s get started, shall we?

New Mandalore, Mining Region

Because the entire planet has one singular mining region

“Tali for the love of Mandalore just tell me what it is you want me to see!” Demanded Alren for the hundredth time as the Qurian women just continued to smile and lead him along one of the many tunnels that made up New Mandalore’s mining district.

“For the love of Mandalore?” Uh, shit-for-brains, you’re Mandalore. That’s what you get to be when you’re in charge of the Mandalorians.

The young leader was not in a very good mood as he had been woken up fairly early and dragged here by Tali because apparently the miners had found something that was very important. Or so Tali had said.

Oh, hell. What new little hunk of bullshit is the fic dumping on him this time?

“No Alren it’s a surprise.” Responded Tali as she continued to drag Alren down another tunnel.

No Alren, and no punctuation either.

Thats a fair tradeoff Ill take it

Read the rest of this entry »


2235: Mandalorian Effect – Chapters 6 and 7

Title: Mandalorian Effect
Author: Nicranger
Media: Film/Video Game
Topic: Star Wars/Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 6
Critiqued by BatJamags (BadJamags)

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with more of Mandalorian Effect, the fic that dares to tread no new ground whatsoever and blindly regurgitate pretty much every other Mass Effect crossover ever.

Let’s get a start on Chapter 6, shall we?

Hey guys I’m back with the next chapter and I just want to say that the size of the Citadel was a typo and not because I actually thought the damn thing was only 5 kilometers long.

Go fix it, then.

it was supposed to say 45 and a slight error occurred so don’t go biting my head off for it okay?

You only mentioned it so that your Stu could be smug about it (And alright, fine: both Death Stars would have dwarfed the Citadel – 120 and 160 kilometers for each of them to the Citadel’s 45, but these asinine size comparisons really just make the phallic symbol jokes too obvious). You’ll get no sympathy from me.

Now lets just get on to the next chapter of the story!

No, let’s wallow in your insipid author’s notes for the entire chapter.

Read the rest of this entry »


2229: Mandalorian Effect – Chapters 4 and 5

Title: Mandalorian Effect
Author: Nicranger
Media: Film/Video Game
Topic: Star Wars/Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 4
Critiqued by BatJamags (BadJamags)

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and this fic still exists!

I just made myself sad.

As Alren reached the hangar bay he stepped out to see the forces he had requested along with a certain Quarian amongst them.

The undertrained fifteen-year-old engineer is put on the strike team because the power of boners is stronger, and I hate that this story is making me type that just for the sake of a CinemaSins reference.

He didn’t question it as she was a Mandalorian now so she did qualify to be a part of the team he would be leading to kill that bastard Turian who dared to attack them without reason other than a wounded ego.

You mean the turian of likely legitimate parentage who chose to defend his galaxy from a sudden incursion by a smug prick. You’re the one who’s throwing a hissy fit over your bruised ego. It is truly fascinating the regularity with which idiots can point fingers that should be pointed back at themselves.

Read the rest of this entry »


2199: Mandalorian Effect – Chapter 3

Title: Mandalorian Effect
Author: Nicranger
Media: Film/Video Game
Topic: Star Wars/Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 3
Critiqued by BatJamags (BadJamags)

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m coming out swinging again for another less-than-fantastic chapter of Mandalorian Effect!

Last time, the Mandalorians engaged in “diplomacy” with the quarians, Mando Stu obviously started lusting after Tali and (*gag*) vice versa, and now they’re one fleet with a name so stupid I can’t even be bothered to repeat it. The Discount Malevolence is the flagship because fuck you the Stu is more important.

Now, in this chapter… Oh, fucking hell. Hello, Council Bashing! How have you been? It’s been a long five minutes since I’ve seen you.

Hey guys next chapter.

 Why thank you for gracing us with your infinite wisdom, author. How else could we have possibly known that the next chapter was starting?

Nothing new to say so lets just get on with it.

Are you for fucking real? Let me put this in big bold letters, just for any patrons who may be confused on the point.

If you don’t have anything to say, don’t write a fucking author’s note. If what you have to say is not directly related to the story, don’t write an author’s note. If what you have to say can be communicated through the narrative, don’t write an author’s note. Put it in future chapters or edit previous ones accordingly. If you want to respond to reviews, do it by PM. If, for some reason, these qualifications haven’t eliminated anything you would want to say in an author’s note, then put it at the bottom of the chapter. Professional authors don’t need ANs, and neither do you.

Read the rest of this entry »


2194: Mandalorian Effect – Chapter 2

Title: Mandalorian Effect
Author: Nicranger
Media: Film/Video Game
Topic: Star Wars/Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by BatJamags (BadJamags)

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with…

Shit.

I was kind of hoping it was just a bad dream.

Well guys here’s the next chapter!

No, really? This is the next chapter? I could never have guessed. I mean, I suppose in hindsight, the fact that the words stopped at the end of the last chapter and then I clicked on the “next chapter” button and then the words started here could’ve been subtle foreshadowing, but if so, it flew right over my head. In fact, I’m not sure there was any way for you to clarify this except through an author’s note. Really, you’re doing the entire fanfiction community a public service here. I-

*Gets spritzed with water by GoodJamags*

GoodJamags: Down, boy.

Read the rest of this entry »


2188: Mandalorian Effect – Chapter 1

Title: Mandalorian Effect
Author: Nicranger
Media: Film/Video Game
Topic: Star Wars/Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by BatJamags (BadJamags)

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m here with a little gem of Stu wank I dug up off the crossover section of FF.net. I assume you’re all sufficiently familiar with the Mass Effect universe that I won’t need to provide any preamble for that, and the basics of Star Wars are pretty common knowledge.

However, I will take the time to talk about the Mandalorians. I don’t personally like them all that much (I can guarantee that ME won’t like much of what I have to say about them but I’ll try to be diplomatic), but I suppose they warrant some epic music to set the mood.

There we go.

Read the rest of this entry »


2180: Scott Pilgrim X Mass Effect – Chapter 6

Title: Scott Pilgrim X Mass Effect
Author: WildeHoppsShipper
Media: Video Game/Movie/Graphic Novel
Topic: Scott Pilgrim/Mass Effect
Genre: Sci-Fi/Adventure
URL:  Scott Pilgrim X Mass Effect: Chapter 6
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Hello folks, and welcome to the last chapter of Scott Pilgrim X Mass Effect. Well, this has been a stupid fest, and it just got worse after the way Ramona decided to crash the fic. Literally, why did this writer think any of this was a good idea? I just… Why!?

*headdesk*

Eh, at this point, it’s honestly not worth asking. So you know what? Let’s just get to it. The sooner we can get started, the sooner we can finish, and that’s all we really need, yes?

Read the rest of this entry »