2319: Varren-Chasing Simulator: Unwanted Sychological Advisement — Chapter 4 Part 3

Title: Mass Effect: United Species Aliance [sic]
Author: Delfim the Black Kitsune
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Sci-fi/Romance
URL: Chapter 4
Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai and Specialist Adrian Sevarra

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Mass Effect: United Species Aliance. Last time, the crew of the Nautilus went to visit Tuchanka in order to suck off the krogan a bunch test out their new Mako against some klixen or whatever. This resulted in a lot of scenery porn, a stupid meeting with Urdnot Wrex and his stupid kid, and the revelation that Commander Delfim and possibly the Alliance more broadly are taking kickbacks from a krogan arms manufacturer and for whatever reason damned proud of it.

hfy_4_delfim

Honestly, the whole ‘graft in space’ angle was the most interesting thing to come out of this ‘fic in a good long while.

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2314: Varren-Chasing Simulator: Unwanted Sychological Advisement — Chapter 4 Part 2

Title: Mass Effect: United Species Aliance [sic]
Author: Delfim the Black Kitsune
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect (and Sonic the Hedgehog and Star Trek???)
Genre: Sci-fi/Romance
URL: Chapter 4
Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai and Specialist Adrian Sevarra

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Mass Effect: United Species Aliance, the only Mass Effect Gary Stumanity ‘fic to be almost completely upstaged by the primary Stu’s pet varren.

Last time, Shepard and Delfim had a chat to deduce the blindingly obvious fact that having just been involved in a well-planned ambush by an organized and well-equipped force might indicate that somebody wishes the USA harm. Then Delfim and his harem-component XO had a conversation about underwear for no reason, and they got assigned to clear out a klixen nest on Tuchanka as a field test for their new MAKO. Normally I’d be flagging this as another excuse to be all “look at my tech, my tech is amaaaaazing!’ in our faces, but the previous Stu-masterbating scenes have all been so perfunctory in this thing that I suppose it’s really anybody’s guess.

hfy_4_delfim Read the rest of this entry »


2309: Varren-Chasing Simulator: Unwanted Sychological Advisement — Chapter 4 Part 1

Title: Mass Effect: United Species Aliance [sic]
Author: Delfim the Black Kitsune
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Sci-fi/Romance
URL: Chapter 4
Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai and Specialist Adrian Sevarra

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Mass Effect: United Species Aliance. Last time the Nautilus wound up ambushed over Horizon by a salarian I am almost positive was voiced by Tim Currey, but thanks to Commander Delfim’s passable ability to recognize and respond to extremely basic maneuvering tactics the crew of the USA’s ultra-high-tech billion-credit supership were able to narrowly escape with only moderate damage. And also kill every last one of the salarians.

hfy_4_delfim

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2303: Varren-Chasing Simulator: Unwanted Sychological Advisement — Chapter 3 Part 3

Title: Mass Effect: United Species Aliance [sic]
Author: Delfim the Black Kitsune
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Sci-fi/Romance
URL: Chapter 3
Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai and Specialist Adrian Sevarra

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Mass Effect: United Species Aliance. Last time the Nautilus finally started its actual mission, which began as a shakedown cruise over Horizon, then turned into a reconnaissance mission, and is now shaping up to be a full-scale attritional slugfest. More specifically, Admiral Shepard (who, remember, was originally not supposed to be a significant element in this story) got reports of ‘mysterious ships’ showing up near the planet, and so decided to send the untested, skeleton-crewed Nautilus out to find them. Then Captain Delfim came across an Incredibly Obvious Trap in the form of a derelict salarian freighter and, instead of radioing in the discovery and skedaddling like a sensible person would do and like he was explicitly ordered to do, he decided he was going to stay and fight the three other ships that showed up to spring the trap.

hfy_3_delfim

We left off just as the order to general quarters was given, although of course Delfim didn’t call it that, he called it ‘ALL PERSONAL, BATTLE POSITIONS AND WEAPONS ARMED’ because why spend two words on something when you can spend ten?

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2298: Varren-Chasing Simulator: Unwanted Sychological Advisement — Chapter 3 Part 2

Title: Mass Effect: United Species Aliance [sic]
Author: Delfim the Black Kitsune
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Sci-fi/Romance
URL: Chapter 3
Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai and Specialist Adrian Sevarra

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Mass Effect: United Species Aliance!

Last time, Commander Delfin toured the Nautilus even though we already learned everything about it in the beginning of Chapter Two, and had another argument with the pet varren he for some reason decided to bring with him on a combat deployment. Other than that not a lot got done, and what did get done got done really fucking slowly.”

bingo_2

Yeah, this story is shaping up to be less “Humanity fuck yeah!” and more just “Delfim fuck yeah!”. Or possibly “Dialogue fuck yeah!”.

Speaking of which, we left off just before Delfim was preparing to make a ship-wide speech to rally his crew. Given that last time it took him multiple paragraphs to tell his pet varren not to piss on things, I’m not optimistic.”

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2292: Mass Effect: United Species Aliance — Chapter 3 Part 1

Title: Mass Effect: United Species Aliance [sic]
Author: Delfim the Black Kitsune
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Sci-fi/Romance
URL: Chapter 3
Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai and Specialist Adrian Sevarra

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Mass Effect: United Species Aliance. Last time, it was revealed that the Nautilus‘s engineer (who is also the XO) was chosen for this assignment at least in part because Commander Delfim has a thing for quarians and the Admiralty that actually runs the USA government wants to learn more about him or control him somehow. Also everybody boarded the Nautilus and Commander Delfim chased a varren named Seiko around the ship and introduced the crew we already knew about and still don’t care about for three thousand words.

That was literally it.

The HFY Bingo Board is, once again, unchanged:

bingo_2

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2286: Mass Effect: United Species Aliance — Chapter 2

Title: Mass Effect: United Species Aliance [sic]
Author: Delfim the Black Kitsune
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Sci-fi/Romance
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai and Specialist Adrian Sevarra

-WARNING-
The Autism Avenger rides once again in this chapter with a whole bunch more condescending ‘educational’ drivel.

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Mass Effect: United Species Aliance.

“Last time we got to watch… well, just a bunch of meetings, really. Specifically, Commander Shepard introduced the crew of the Nautilus, which consisted of a male and female krogan, a male and female quarian, two rachni, two geth, and another human to make a total of two along with Commander Delfim Traynor.”

They were all pretty generic and forgettable, although at least now the Nautilus can serve double duty as an ark.

Oh yeah and there was also some preaching about Traynor being autistic but nothing really came of it.

“Nothing really came of the chapter itself, now that I think about it.”

Yeah, the HFY Bingo Board didn’t even update.

bingo_2

Although the author does kind of imply that even people on the very high end of the “High-Functioning Autism” diagnostic category are complete basket-cases by claiming that Delfim Traynor is high-functioning and then making him a complete basket-case.

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