1662: Garfield Effect: Galaxy Adventure – Part Four? (Chapter Eleven)

Title: Garfield Effect: Galaxy Adventure
Author: ShakespeareHemmingway
Media: Video Game/Comic
Topic: Garfield/Mass Effect
Genre: Sci-fi/Adventure/crossover
URL: Chapter Eleven
Critiqued by agigabyte

Warning: Explicit sexual content and strong sexism are pretty much guaranteed. I seriously don’t even need to look.

X as Lasagna Counter: 3

”You’re on a ship, in space” Counter: 14

Cain: Hello, everyone. Interesting thing to note, Library of the Damned is the third result when you search “Garfield Effect Galaxy Adventure.” Does this call for celebrations? Regardless, let’s begin.

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1576: Normandy High 2: Cryogenic Boogaloo – Chapter Seven

Title: Subject 23: Cryonics
Author: The Eezoman
Media:  Video Games
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: Subject 23: Cryonics: Chapter 7
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the finale of this stupid series. It’s been a long time coming, and now, here we are, ready to end this pile of fuck. And man, what a dumb pile of fuck it was. It almost makes me glad that this right here is deadfic, you know?

Anyway, let’s not waste any more time. We’ve got a shitty series to finish, and not a moment too soon!

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1562: Normandy High 2: Cryogenic Boogaloo – Chapter Six

Title: Subject 23: Cryonics
Author: The Eezoman
Media:  Video Games
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: Subject 23: Cryonics: Chapter 6
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Hello ladies and jellyspoons, and welcome back to the Library of the Damned. I’m your host Herr Wozzeck, and we’re back into the fray with more self-insert bullshit. How bullshit does it get?

Well… let’s find out, shall we? We’re only two chapters away from the end of this shitty sequel!

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1548: Normandy High 2: Cryogenic Boogaloo – Chapter Five

Title: Subject 23: Cryonics
Author: The Eezoman
Media:  Video Games
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: Subject 23: Cryonics: Chapter 5
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Hello folks, and welcome back to Subject 23: Cryonics! It’s time for more stupid with the world’s most epic Gary Stu!

And what will happen this time? Well, hopefully we’ll finally break this stupid fucking “can’t spit it out” bullshit that has been a hallmark of both these fics, right?

*breathes in*

Let’s find out, shall we?

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1532: Normandy High 2: Cryogenic Boogalo – Chapter Four

Title: Subject 23: Cryonics
Author: The Eezoman
Media:  Video Games
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: Subject 23: Cryonics: Chapter 4
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Hello folks, and welcome back to Normandy High once again. I’m your host Herr Wozzeck, and we are back in the fray for more shitty, shitty action with the world’s worst-written Marvel superhero.

Well, after seeing the way it fucked Zaal’Koris’ canon characterization in the ass for drama, what else can really be said about this fic so far? You know, apart from “well, shit, it’s more of the same stupid”, anway.

Well, let’s find out, shall we? Here we go!

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1530: X-Com: Mass Effect: Chapter 6 & 7

Title: X-Com: Mass Effect
Author: Dragonsong2795
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect/XCOM
Genre: Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 6 & 7
Critiqued by Erttheking

Ert: Well, we’re almost over. And there’s not that much this time around. With any luck our suffering will be over soon.

Nora: Plans for next week?

Ert: Unclear. I considered doing his rewrite of this story and just counting it as one big story, but I’m not sure I want to. It’d be retreading old ground basically. I’m tired of stuffing the ballot box for the Sucktastic Awards with EP stories, the Final Hunt got taken down, Persona 3 Trade Me hasn’t updated since I finished with it, and everything else I’ve rifted in the last three years I fully covered. I’m gonna have to go fishing for new stuff.

Goeth: Maybe we should try something anime related. There’s not too much of that on the library.

Ert: Fics about anime? No. Anime inspired stuff? Not so much. But still, it’s worth a look. Maybe Full Metal Alchemist and…I always wanted to do Berserk.

Nora: You do that and we’re gonna be putting trigger warnings up just because the base material is that dark.

Ert: It’s just a though.

Advanced apologies, this is a short chapter, more to get me back in the swing of writing for X-Com: Mass Effect then anything else.

Goeth: And then the chapter after this one was the last.

Nora: Oops

However I decided that just giving the information was boring and probably not fun to read,

Ert: *Swears angrily in the distance*

Nora: Little late to realize that Dragon.

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1524: X-Com: Mass Effect: Chapter 5 Part 2

Title: X-Com: Mass Effect
Author: Dragonsong2795
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect/XCOM
Genre: Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 5
Critiqued by Erttheking

Ert: After dealing with a fuckwit co-worker who thinks he’s SO FUCKING FUNNY with his fucking sexist, racist and homophobic jokes, I’m looking forward to dealing with something I’m allowed to swear loudly about.

Nora: Ert, we know. You won’t stop ranting about him. Just let it all go. All into the badfic.

Goeth: Let the hate flow through you.

Ert: This is why I don’t use the Red Ring anymore.

X-C:ME

Dreadnought ‘Felara’ Bridge.

“Captain we are receiving a Communication’s signal from the Unknown Vessel” When the Felara’s comm officer shouts out this message the entire bridge immediately stands at attention.

Lidanya starts to panic slightly, ‘A first contact situation, am I really going to be in command for this? Goddess I hope I don’t screw this up!’

Ert: I already feel that you are massively under qualified for this. I mean it’s perfectly normal to be nervous. To openly show it, particularly in front of the rest of the crew, is something someone of your status should not be doing. You’re a captain. You’re supposed to set an example for the rest of your crew.

Nearby Benezia shakes her head at the nervousness of Lidanya, although she has to admit that she is also feeling a little apprehensive at this, to be on board the first official Asari ship that this new species will meet. It’s very nerve wracking, especially for the less experienced crew members who’ve grown up with the horrific tales of first contact with the Rachni and the events of the Krogan Rebellions.

Nora: That doesn’t make any sense. First contact with the Krogan went extremely well. The Krogan Rebellions came up centuries later. A more appropriate example would be first contact with the Yhag.

Goeth: But the story is so busy drilling it into our heads that the Council is wrong. We can’t bring up a situation when they did something right.

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