2497: Olympus: The Immortal Child – Part Two

Title: Olympus: The Immortal Child
Author: crazyCULTure
Media: Books
Topic: Percy Jackson and the Olympians
Genre: Adventure/Friendship
URL: Olympus: The Immortal Child
Critiqued by Angie and Queenie


Queenie: No.


Queenie: Fuck off.

What if I don’t?

Queenie: I’ll send a strongly worded letter to Taco.

But don’t you want to watch me suffer?

Queenie: Always. But in having me riff it with you you’re making me suffer too.

What if I…take you to Denny’s afterwards?

Queenie: *groans* Alright, fine. What’s happened so far?

Jack shit. The author basically kept saying the same things over and over for several hundred words.

Queenie: I think I’m caught up.

Read the rest of this entry »

2489: Olympus: The Immortal Child – Chapter One

Title: Olympus: The Immortal Child
Author: crazyCULTure
Media: Books
Topic: Percy Jackson and the Olympians
Genre: Adventure/Friendship
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by Angie



Uhh…hey everyone, it’s been a hot minute, huh?

If nothing else, it’s been long enough for me to finally watch the Star Wars franchise, the entire MCU, the X-Men franchise, and the Jurassic Park series. I even played Mass Effect for the first time (as far as you know). Imagine all the new fanfiction topics I can riff on now.


Anyway, here’s a Percy Jackson fanfiction I found on the orphans sheet.

Don’t look at me like that, I’m lazy. Shut up.

Read the rest of this entry »

2460: Halloween Oneshots – Spooptoberfest Part Four

Title: Halloween Horror
Author: LyricalxRose
Media: Book
Topic: Harry Potter
Genre: Spoopy Horror, Drama, Fantasy
URL: Halloween Horror
Critiqued by TacoMagic

Welcome back to the Spooptoberfest, Patrons!  This week we’re going to do something that last week I said I had no plans on doing, and that’s Harry Potter Halloween fics!  See, in the comments last week Bats mentioned that there must be a ton of holiday nothing fics for Final Fantasy 7, which is absolutely true.  However, there are so, so many more for Harry Potter; a quick check indicates that there are roughly thirty-times more.

And, most of them are bad.

But we aren’t just about bad here in the Library, no, we’re also about, well, this:

View the night of Voldemort’s attack on the Potters through the eyes of Ami, Harry’s twin sister.

Brace yourselves patrons, this is going to be exceptionally pointless.

Read the rest of this entry »

2436: MediEvil Oneshots

Title: A Dog’s Loyalty
Author: Top-Hat Lycanthrope
Media: Video Game
Topic: MediEvil
Genre: Hurt/Comfort/Friendship
URL: A Dog’s Loyalty
Critiqued by TacoMagic

Hey, patrons, welcome back to Wednesday!  With the Library’s official unofficial Spooptacular on the horizon, I thought I’d start getting us in the mood by savaging a few fics based on the MediEvil franchise.

For those who haven’t been exposed to it, MediEvil is a set of two Playstation games released in 1998 and 2000.  There is technically a third game, MediEvil: Resurrection released in 2005, but it’s a re-imagining of the first game and not really a fresh entry to the series.  The games follow the comedic exploits of Sir Daniel Fortesque, a charlatan knight who is killed by the first arrow fired in the only battle he ever participated in, and his quest for posthumous redemption by saving the kingdom from the evil wizard Zarok.

Actually, the game does a fair job of introducing itself, so why don’t I just let it do that.

Despite some control flaws, it’s a great little game that combines a hack-n-slash beat-em-up style game such as Gauntlet Legends or Diablo with exploration and puzzling as found in Legend of Zelda.  There is also a remaster of the first game coming out in October that I’d be more excited about if it wasn’t a PS4 exclusive.  So it goes.

Read the rest of this entry »

2386: Crimson Whirlwind – Oneshot

SC’s Note: Any instance of gender pronouns being capitalized is not random, nor is it a grammatical error on my end. It’s actually fairly common, when discussing gods, to capitalize their respective pronouns as a show of reverence.

Also, friendly reminder, and text you see highlighted like this, mouse over to see the hidden text. Does not work on mobile.

Title: Crimson Whirlwind
Author: ChaosDancer12
Media: Video Game
Topic: Final Fantasy 13
Genre: Adventure/Friendship
URL: Fic
Critiqued by SC and Teh Specs

Hello, and welcome back to the Library of the Damned! I’m your host, SC, still trying to get myself back to my old riffing self again, and as such, we have a new oneshot we’ll be tackling this week!

Well… I say oneshot, but it’s technically two chapters. Except that the first chapter is literally a paragraph long and serves only as a means of setting the scene for the rest of the fic, if the author ever cares to continue on with it (it was posted on the seventh and updated a day later, so there’s a high likelihood that it’ll update again after this riff), so it’s really not a “chapter” at all.

Also, I brought this idiot with me.

Specs: Hi!

Yeah, I’m back to babysitting these dipshits again, and given that somebody thought it was cool to let them use military hardware (not naming names or anything, Minh’s cousin), I’ve now come to the conclusion that the next time I need to dump them off on somebody else, they’re going to Scarlet.

Scarlet, out in the hall: Don’t you place that evil upon me, sir!

At least you’ll make sure they behave!

Scarlet, out in the hall: Yes! By killing them! Repeatedly! I am a bad parenting figure, why don’t you understand this?!

Specs: Also, it’s kind of really rude of you to leave me to be “babysat” by the man who beheaded me at the height of my prime, not gonna lie.

Read the rest of this entry »

2367: Diary of an Outsider – Chapter 3

Author: IMakeBadPuns
Media: Video Game
Topic:  The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: Adventure/Friendship
URL: Chapter 3
Critiqued by Ghostcat




Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to what is thus far the last chapter of LegolaSue’s epic tale about a life that is so boring she doesn’t want to talk about even though she can’t really shut up about it. So it goes.

The chapter starts off with an Author’s Note. Because of course it does.

A/N – You lucky, lucky people. Not only do you get updated versions of Chapter 1 and 2, but you also get a third chapter.

Which, for some reason, was not edited to make it “easier to read” so it’s just one long Wall-o-Text. Yay.

And potentially a fourth, all in one day.

Spoiler alert – there’s no fourth chapter. At all. It’s been five years.

No promises though, it just depends how much longer I can stay awake (thanks college, you suck).

If you think college is bad, have I got some depressing news regarding what happens when you join the workforce.

Anyway, I hope you guys and gals enjoy this. If you do, there’s a handy Follow/Favourite button you can use. There’s also a Review button, if you feel like telling me how I’m doing (it’ll really help). See you guys next time.

Except there’s not a next time, because the fic just kind of fizzles out. And this is the only fic the author has ever posted on ff.net.

Tirdas the 26th of Last Seed

So, we meet again. I’m not ignoring you. I’ve just been busy.

With stuff and/or things?

With stuff. And things. Important things.

Oooh, both stuff and things! And the things are important! But probably boring so she’s not going to talk about them.

Read the rest of this entry »

2365: Diary of an Outsider – Chapter 2


Author: IMakeBadPuns
Media: Video Game
Topic:  The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: Adventure/Friendship
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by Ghostcat




Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to another chapter/ diary entry from our tweenaged LegolaSue whose name I’ve completely forgotten. The last chapter ended with her getting ready to head up to Bleak Falls Barrow with her “brother-elf” Faendal. I’m sure that’s going to go very well.

This chapter starts off with an Author’s Note.

A/N – Hey guys, IMBP here. This is the first story I’ve ever written. Everyone has to start somewhere right? But regardless of how many I may write, everyone needs reviews in order to improve. So far out of my 8 views, only 1 person has reviewed it (thank you distant-echoes), which is alright I suppose but more is always better. I would prefer if it was all constructive criticism, but I’m not gonna cry over something like “Your story sucks”. Anyhoo, I’m probably boring you by now so here’s Chapter 2. If you like it, please Follow/Favourite.

Well, aren’t you in for a treat.

Sundas the 24th of Last Seed

Hey You. That’s what I’ve decided to call you. Imagination isn’t my strong point.

I would have never guessed.

Read the rest of this entry »