2218: A Zelda Christmas – Oneshot

Author: Rinnocent One
Media: Video Game
Topic: Legend of Zelda series
Genre:Humor/Friendship
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

 

 

Happy [insert preferred festive nomenclature here], dear Patrons!

I have returned with another Christmas themed oneshot – and it’s not from Twilight! It is a Zelda fic, though; there seems to be quite a number of Zelda-themed Christmas fics, oddly enough they mostly seem to be retoolings of ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas and one that was basically an abbreviated version of the first chapters of A Christmas Carol starring Ganon as Scrooge. Because that makes sense, I guess.

As is the custom during these festive times, let’s take a look at the fic summary.

Comepltely random. one shot. Slight Yaoinessjust for like two seconds.

…Is it too late to pick the Ebenezer Ganondorf fic instead?

Okay me and my friend were talking about contests we sould do for our Zelda guild during the holidays and i just came up with some funny ideas.

You were thinking about contests you could run and that made you have fanfic ideas? That doesn’t sound very promising. While there are many literary works that use competitions in their narrative framework, I don’t know if fandom contests would be the best source of inspiration.

So here they are, a Christmas Fanfic in September.

Which I’m reading in December, because things posted to ff.net aren’t frozen in time. The Internet is not Brigadoon.

I am sorry for the OOC-ness of this story but im bored, and really random. But You’ll laugh.

Sweet mercy, this is one of those “OMG Sooo random!” fics where the author shoves a bunch of offensive/gross/weird/etc stuff into a poorly written fic and then excuses it all because they are bored or tired or just so damn eccentric that the rules governing the creation of a functional narrative don’t apply to them.

Dammit. This is just going to be one long train wreck, isn’t it?

I DO NOT own the Legend of Zelda games nor will i ever but enjoy this fic.

Based upon what I’ve seen already, I find it doubtful that I will.

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2156: No Regrets, No Sad – Chapter 1 – Oneshot?

Title: No Regrets No Sad
Author: LisaFanGamer
Media: Video Game
Topic: Slender: the Eight Pages
Genre: Hurt/Comfort/Friendship
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons!

Well, it’s October again – the month when some of us dust off our spoopiest fics for your entertainment. Or, in my case, dig out some more Slender Man fics. Because dear gods, that is a deep well of weird.

And, once again, this is a Hurt/Comfort and/or Friendship fic – because there are apparently a lot of people who find Slendpai to be a comforting and/or arousing presence, which kind of makes me think they didn’t fully understand the game or creepypastas.

Since this is a very short chapter/oneshot, let’s look at the summary.

After Hilda’s dad dies in car accident, she becomes depress and alone until her friend, Melanie helped her deal with the lost and pain but it never heals. She almost gets killed by bullies until someone saves her, the Slender man. She gets scared of him but tells her he will not hurt her. With this, they’ll create a friendship and experience feelings that they never felt before.

We seem to be hitting all the favorites found in Slendpai fics; a young person with a Tragek Past including a dead parent is being abused and/or bullied but is saved by Slendpai, becomes besties with him and then immediately starts having sexy thoughts about the faceless Lothario.  I don’t know why so many Slendpai fics have the same elements.

Now, on to the fic itself.

Life isn’t so happy for me. I used to be a cheery, happy person but now, I feel like I don’t exist like a ghost.

So … Nameless here feels like the opposite of a ghost? I don’t know if I should feel insulted or not.

I feel empty, weak like a doll. Broken.

Please let me know if we’re going to venture too far into the Swamps of Sadness, so I can go put my hip waders on.

I wished I was dead.

I’m going to need the waders, aren’t I?

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2113: A Branch of Burden – Chapter Seven, Part Two – FINALE

Title: A Branch of Burden
Author: Ravager Animas
Media: Video Game
Topic: Etrian Odyssey
Genre: Adventure/Friendship
URL: Chapter Seven
Critiqued by SC

Hello, and welcome back to “A Branch of Burden,” by Ravager Animas! I’m your host, SC, and last time, we had a relatively uneventful post focused on Little Miss Runemaster. Well, and we learned that the Asshole Guild Sniper is actually not part of that guild in the first place, but that wasn’t all that eventful either.

In fact… no offense to Ravager Animas, but I’m just gonna take my own advice from last week and nix the rest of this chapter, in favor of a blanket overview of what happens. Because unfortunately, even though the action picks up a bit in part two, here, it’s still just a whole lot of nothing really going on. This entire chapter is literally just introducing us to a new protagonist, and there are parts where even the narration seems to just be droning on in boredom. I read through this part of the chapter and realized that if I tried to actually riff anything, all I’d be able to say is, “wow, look how boring this all is.”

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2107: A Branch of Burden – Chapter Seven, Part One

Title: A Branch of Burden
Author: Ravager Animas
Media: Video Game
Topic: Etrian Odyssey
Genre: Adventure/Friendship
URL: Chapter Seven
Critiqued by SC and Scarlet of Mesyth

Hello, and welcome back to “A Branch of Burden,” by Ravager Amimas! I’m your host, SC, and last time, Falahein sprung a Cunning Trap™ on the Asshole Guild, successfully incapacitating their members… save for that fucking Sniper who got away in spite of being atomic punched the fuck out by Little Miss Landsknecht. In spite of this, the mission was considered complete, and everybody went back to the inn to take a well-earned rest day (except for Vaseline, who went to get hammered).

This week, we’ve reached the last chapter of the fic: “Sisters”. This might end up being two parts, or it might not, but that remains to be seen. Important to note, however, is that this chapter is from Little Miss Runemaster’s point of view, so sayeth Ravager Animas. So that should be interesting.

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2090: A Branch of Burden – Chapter Six, Part Two

Title: A Branch of Burden
Author: Ravager Animas
Media: Video Game
Topic: Etrian Odyssey
Genre: Adventure/Friendship
URL: Chapter Six
Critiqued by SC

Hello, and welcome back to “A Branch of Burden,” by Ravager Animas! I’m your host, SC, and last time, we discussed at length the various reasons for the various issues I noted throughout the riff. We also discussed at length how the samurai classes of Etrian Odyssey went from being boring glass cannons to glass cannons that wear all the adornments, but that’s largely irrelevant to the riff at large. There was also a big ol’ fight scene which culminated in Little Miss Landsknecht ripping a frog limb from limb, which was metal as hell.

This week, we’re gonna be finishing up chapter six so that I can move on to the last chapter and put this riff to bed, so let’s not waste anymore time!

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2079: A Branch of Burden – Chapter Six, Part One

Title: A Branch of Burden
Author: Ravager Animas
Media: Video Game
Topic: Etrian Odyssey
Genre: Adventure/Friendship
URL: Chapter Six
Critiqued by SC

Hello, and welcome back to “A Branch of Burden,” by Ravager Animas! I’m your host, SC, and last time, basically a whole lot of nothing happened, then the team made it back to Tharsis and decided to launch an investigation into the Shithead Guild who’ve been robbing people all over the place. I also finally decided to bring up that Ravager Animas has been less than subtle about their EO3 preferences, given that there’ve been references to either the game, itself, or Ravager Animas’ guild, in every chapter so far. After that, I went on a long rant about how Little Miss Runemaster is basically dead weight, and then we finished the riff off with me asking a lot of questions that I hope will get answered this week.

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2066: A Branch of Burden – Chapter Five

Title: A Branch of Burden
Author: Ravager Animas
Media: Video Game
Topic: Etrian Odyssey
Genre: Adventure/Friendship
URL: Chapter Five
Critiqued by SC

Hello, and welcome back to “A Branch of Burden,” by Ravager Animas! I’m your host, SC, and last time, Falahein went down into the Lush Woodlands, I yammered on and on and on about maps like some senile old sailor who doesn’t know how to shut up (I also tried to convince the Secret Clubhouse that we needed to make a map of the Library so that people could finally know how to get around the joint, but all those maps either exploded or devoured themselves, so that’s apparently a no-go), and then the team tried to steal treasure from a sleeping Cutter without dying. They succeeded, and were then promptly robbed by a guild of assholes who I’m not entirely convinced aren’t some of our interns misbehaving again, and as one final fuck-you to the newbies, the asshole guild purposely wake up the Cutter to tear them apart.

And that’s where we come back into the action, here in chapter five, “Our Own Sense of Justice.”

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