2414: Deity Battle! – Chapter 1

Title: Deity Battle!
Author: Vanitus Omnipotent
Media: Literature/Web Show
Topic: Mythology/Death Battle
Genre: Adventure/Supernatural
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to a wacky little potential oneshot that is possibly the work of a troll or someone with strong trollish leanings. They have multiple fics in their profile, which is unusual for a troll, but none are very good so they could just be a regular badfic author. It is supposedly a crossover between Mythology and Web Shows, which are two categories that have a tendency to catch some of the most vague and pointless crap set adrift in the sea of pointless crap that is ff.net’s massive catalogue of badfics – however, this fic actually does fit into those categories.

Shocking, I know. Let’s look at the summary, shall we?

Inspired by Death Battle. Do you want to see your favorite deities fight? Can you see Aphrodite fight to the ‘death? Well, this is for you!

I am curious to see who Aphrodite would be throwing hands with, because I guarantee she would cut a bitch. The Goddess of Beauty does not mess about.

With the OC’s Jen and Greg, your mythological questions will be answered!

Considering how fluid and downright contradictory mythology as a whole can be, I find that extremely unlikely.

Now, on to the fic proper.

Rules:

No using mortals or demigods

No summoning monsters unless they are their symbols of power

You get stronger if you find small tributes to you in the battle, but lose strength if they are for the other deity

No outside assistance or the use of anything outside the contestant’s pantheon or mythos

No attempts to use crowd members or you get disqualified

And finally, no cheating.

Xxxxx

…Or some sort of rules list that is in the beginning of the fic for some reason. Not one hundred percent sure why this is even here; this is supposed to be a fanfic, not a forum RPG. Presumably the author was hoping to get submissions from the audience, or something of that nature. SO far there’s only a few reviews, and one of them is a bunch of Hitler copy-pasta.

-Somewhere on earth, New York-

That is not very helpful. According to placesnamed.com, there are seventy-four locations called “New York” just in the United States – presumably there are locations outside the US as well that would increase that number. Unless it’s supposed to be set in a place called Earth that is in New York state. I don’t even know if such a place exists.

:Google break:

Sadly, no.  The closest thing I can find is a restaurant called Graffiti Earth that’s in New York City.

“Looks like there’ll be rain again, good thing I packed an umbrella.” drawled a man looking outside while brushing his hair.

This man was a tall man with black hair in a bob cut style, wearing a casual black dress shirt, dark gray pants, a red tie and dark brown eyes.

While I applaud his forethought in bringing an umbrella, I’m more concerned with why he is wearing brown eyes. And where exactly is he wearing them? Tucked into his lapel?

This was a normal day for him actually, go to work, eat some churros, try to get a date, rinse and repeat.

Unless he’s a professional hair-brusher, he’s not doing anything of those things right now.

But today, well it might change forever if he finishes his hair before he realized that he was only five minutes late for work.

Nani?

What does that even mean?

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