Eighth Annual Sucktastic Award Ceremonies

Hello, patrons, and welcome to the Eighth Annual Sucktastic Award Ceremony!  After a frenzied week of voting with the second-largest turnout we’ve had to date, the polls are now closed and we’re ready to announce the winners, if you can call them that.

Before we get started, I’d like to point out that we have no ties; something that hasn’t happened since 2014.  Thanks, everyone, for being so definitive!  And thanks to the authors as well for making our job of figuring out which of your fics sucks the most that much easier.

Anyway, let’s cut the pomp and get to what everyone is here for!

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Sunday Special: Batman 1939: The Dangers of Being Cold

Title: Batman 1939: The Dangers of Being Cold
Author: Stewart M
Media: Comic Book
Topic: Batman
Genre: Can’t find one (there was a fanfiction upload at one point, but that seems to have disappeared), so let’s call it Mystery/Adventure
URL: Here you go
Recommended by BatJamags

“Oh, Bats is doing a Sunday Special? He must’ve finally gotten through the Backlog of Doom?”

Yeah, no. We’ve still got three more Shadow Warriors chunks and three more fics (all of which are long as balls) to clear before that happens (not to mention any seasonal riffs I break all that up with), assuming I don’t get any further during that time. I just wanted to inject a little positivity into the proceedings before we… proceed.

So, my new tradition (which I actually came up with in September but like hell am I going to go back and screw over the scheduling of my riffs that are already done to implement it) is that I’m going to recommend a good fic between each of my bad fics. Until I run out of good fics, which won’t take overwhelmingly long because I don’t read all that much fanfiction outside of what I do for the Library. But I’m hoping this’ll motivate me to find some more good ones.

Today’s recommendation is a Batman fic because I’m kind of extremely predictable like that. The premise of the fic is that Batman’s first outing as Batman was his real-world publication date of May, 1939, though characters introduced much later like Slade Wilson and Amanda Waller are also featured. The plot concerns a string of corpse thefts escalating into murder, which Batman traces back to a military base outside of Gotham. He’s forced to recruit Catwoman to help him break in and figure out what the corpses are being used for.

It features fantastically intricate worldbuilding, excellent pacing, gripping tension, awesome fight scenes (but not too many), and Amanda Waller being hilariously badass as usual. Also, lots of cutesy little references to stuff (mostly stuff that’s actually relevant to DC continuity, and even the external references are still fairly on-topic), which you could view as a good or bad thing depending on your point of view and how many of them you catch.

There are two sequels. The first one, which wasn’t finished when I read it, is actually a Wonder Woman crossover, but I don’t remember the plot very clearly. I haven’t seen the third and most recent installment at all.

Overall, the original in particular is easily the best fanfic I’ve ever read, and I can’t recommend it enough. I’ll see you guys next time with a considerably less well-written Batman fic.


2134: Sly Cooper: Thief Of Virtue — Pages 266 through 285

This is the point where the comic starts to veer into topics which cannot be properly addressed without major spoilers for the ending of the first Sly Cooper game. Also, Davidson starts leaning really hard on the ‘current events’ political button. Or at least what the current events were as of 2014.

Title: Sly Cooper: Thief Of Virtue
Media: Video Game
Topic: Sly Cooper
Genre: None Given
URL: DeviantArt Gallery Page
Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Sly Cooper: Thief Of Virtue, which for the time being at least has resumed not being a porno.

Previously the Cooper Gang, Carmelita, and Ned all teamed up and parachuted into some unknown part of Africa in order to rob Colonel Zahn of his final share of the Cooper Loot. This actually went pretty well until Sly saw a second, green-colored Magical Mystery Crystal in Colonel Zahn’s vault and it made him freak out; and Zahn’s engineer used that ‘spike’ Weeb Thug planted way back in the Kre mission to blow up Bentley’s computer. We left off just as some of Zahn’s men were making a half-hearted attempt to kill Sly with a Gatling gun.

Oh yeah, and there was also some cop drama when a pushy, textwalling bureaucrat named Judge Bubo took it upon himself to upbraid Director Torus for ‘militarizing’ Interpol by equipping his rank-and-file officers with body armor, despite the fact that officers had just died because they didn’t have the firepower to go up against Captain Snow and Colonel Zahn (the current crime-boss-du-jour) is stockpiling guided missiles and tanks.

We resume the Zahn heist already in progress.

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Art-tastic Wednesday! – A Whole Lotta Buffy

A fine Wednesday to you, folks! You may be wondering where Taco’s riff is – well, he wasn’t able to make it this week, so we at the Secret Clubhouse decided to throw out some fanart in place of his usual riff. I decided to look for Buffy fanart, because that’s what he’s riffing right now.

And boy, I’ll tell you what, I had a hell of a time finding fanart for Buffy the Vampire Slayer. For some odd reason, I couldn’t find anything that I thought would really work for here. My Google-Fu is shit, guys.

Luckily for me, Ghostie chipped in as well, and by our efforts combined, we managed to find a healthy little cluster of images for you folks to enjoy.

Have a wonderful Wednesday! (How could you not? You’ve been spared from suffering through badfics today!)

One of Ghostie's finds. Artist is princessamalthea on DeviantART.

One of Ghostie’s finds. Artist is princessamalthea on DeviantART.

This is my find. Spotted it on Pinterest. Unfortunately, I don't know the artist. Any help would be appreciated!

This is my find. Spotted it on Pinterest. Unfortunately, I don’t know the artist. Any help would be appreciated!

Another one of Ghostie's finds: Buffy vs. Twilight, part one, by jarjarrr.

Another one of Ghostie’s finds: Buffy vs. Twilight, part one, by jarjarrr.

And one more from Ghostie: Buffy vs. Twilight, part two, by jarjarrr again.

And one more from Ghostie: Buffy vs. Twilight, part two, by jarjarrr again.

Monday Special – Neil Gaiman’s “Snow White” Fanfiction

Hello, dear Patrons.  Lyle’s out today, so I’ve stepped in to gush about two amazing short stories based on “Snow White.”  I encountered one while working on the snark of “Poison” and immediately knew I had to contrast the two.

That story, along with the one I will discuss below, is by my most recent favorite author Neil Gaiman.  “Snow, Glass, Apples,” which I found in Gaiman’s short story collection Smoke and Mirrors, tells the story of “Snow White” from the perspective of the Evil Queen Stepmother – except that she’s not evil.  It takes all of the familiar story elements we know from “Snow White” – the stepmother, the banishment and cutting out her heart, dwarves, poison apples, a prince finding Snow White – and tells them with a twist without assuming we can fill in the parts the author doesn’t feel like telling.  It’s a well-crafted story that could stand on its own that at the same time really makes the reader stop and think about the familiar story it’s based on.  As Gaiman says in the story intro in Smoke and Mirrors:  “I like to think of this story as a virus.  Once you’ve read it, you may never be able to read the original story in the same way again.”  In a good way.

The other story, “The Sleeper and the Spindle,” was commissioned as fanfiction, more or less.  Gaiman chose two of his favorite fairy tales, “Snow White” and “Sleeping Beauty,” and imagined “[…] what would happen if two stories were happening at the same time?  And what if the women who were already the subjects of those stories had a little more to do, and were active and not passive … ?”  (From the story intro in Trigger Warning.)  Snow White has already reached her “happily ever after” and is about to marry the prince when she sets off to find the source of a mysterious epidemic of falling asleep.  At the center of it, she finds Sleeping Beauty, but she’s not quite who the reader expects.

This story just came out as an illustrated book by itself, and the samples I’ve seen of the artwork are gorgeous.  But that wouldn’t matter if the story weren’t so compelling to begin with.

Both of these stories show fanfiction at its best:  well-written stories that use familiar elements in interesting new ways.  I strongly suggest you check them out.