2601: CODE VEIN: The Queen’s Loyal King – Chapter One, Part Two

Title: CODE VEIN: The Queen’s Loyal King
Author: Silver the snow wolf
Media: Video Game
Topic: Code Vein
Genre: Romance/Adventure
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by SC and Revenant SC

*SC and Revenant SC wander into the riffing chamber; SC is hobbling along on crutches, and Revenant SC is trying not trying at all to avoid laughing*

Revenant SC: Say what you will about us Revenants, at least I don’t have to worry about breaking my leg. All I’d have to do is disperse myself, and oh, look! Leg’s all better!

Fuck you, it’s not broken, it was a dislocated kneecap that got put back in and now I just have to play gentle with it for six weeks.

Revenant SC: And yet they put you in a cast?

Knee immobilizer, thank you kindly. And I only have to wear it when my knee starts to hurt, otherwise I can take the thing off and put some weight on this leg for a little bit of time per day.

Revenant SC: So tell me again how you hurt yourself coming down from a stepladder?

You think I won’t kill you just because you’re a Revenant, but motherfucker, I know where the BOR parasite keeping you alive is.

*SC finally makes it to the computer, and with all the elegance of a dancer, he swings his bad leg up in the air, letting his foot rest on the desk, and flops mightily into the seat, his crutches clattering to the floor*

…Fuck. Could you pick those up for me?

Revenant SC: Sure thing, S-Cripple.

I will fucking end you.

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2590: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Twenty-Six, Part One

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Hey, patrons.  Now that things have settled into a new routine for me, unstable as it is, I finally have the time and energy to devote to getting some more True Force churned out.  Even so, expect the next few installments to be shorter than typical as I catch my stride.

Crunchy?

“Perhaps I will go with something more coherent this week due to our lengthy absence.  The previous chapter was devoted to the party exploring the Gerudo Mines which, among other things, became the new home of the carpenter sidequest canonically present in the Gerudo Fortress.  Additionally, the Gerudo’s experiments into fusion power were unearthed to no meaningful end.  That is the entirety of anything meaningful from the last chapter, and both are a bit of a stretch to call ‘meaningful’.”

That is near frighteningly comprehensible for a recap.”

“I shall endeavor to adhere to my prior standards in future installments.”

Let’s check out this chapter’s inane disclaimer.

Disclaimer: It’s becoming increasingly difficult to write witty sayings about how I don’t own anything except the plot…

It’s kind of adorable that you thought any of the disclaimers were witty.

now, where’s that cyber feather duster? I’d better find it before I start sneezing up a storm…

… Wha?

“One assumes Vikki is allergic to the lack of dust in the air thus she needs to stir some up.”

True as that may be, why the hell is that in the disclaimer?

Author’s Notes-

Sorry it’s been a while since my last update, I recently started a new webcomic series on my Tumblr, and as I’m updating every Friday (barring some kind of emergency or something), it’s been difficult to get each comic done in time in order to be able to set aside time to write…

Irrelevant, but I have seen the comic series in question and, aside from it being about something I have no interest in, it’s not terribly drawn even if I find the writing to be lackluster.  Certainly it’s far better than this fic by a tremendous margin.

Oh, and college isn’t helping all that much. Even when I want to write during the week I usually pass out for a nap when I get home.

“Also entirely without relevance.”

Anyway, I’m shooting for our group of adventurers to finally make it to the Colossus in this one.

Will they succeed?

Hey look!  Relevant, but doesn’t need to be an author’s note because we’ll know how far the fic gets just by reading it.

Let’s find out, shall we?

“Hold, was declining an option that I was not made aware of?”

Only if you want to get worked over by Carlos.

“There are worse fates.”

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Fillertacular Special: AdmiralSakai and Serketry Riff Even More Godawful MLP Fanart (And A Wikipedia Page)

Hello hello all you patrons! Somebody didn’t post something somewhere, or something, so we’ve got an empty posting slot and a crapton of terrible MLP fanworks that Serketry and I riffed in Steam chat- and also a random Wikipedia page that pissed me off and I bothered him about. So let’s dive back into the wonderful world of anthropomorphic horse-girl pinups, bizarre facial expressions, and EEEEDGE!

As always, expect some rather more risque than usual visuals, and Serketry will be in bold.

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2468: Halloween Oneshots – Spooptoberfest End

Title: A Sith’s Halloween
Author: Master Darth Warious – Lady of Chaos
Media: Movie
Topic: Star Wars
Genre: Spoopy Horror, Humor
URL: A Sith’s Halloween
Critiqued by TacoMagic

You might have noticed that yesterday I posted a guest shot and instead I’m posting my riff today.  That’s because we were out of spoop-themed guest posts, which was a problem because today is

HALLOWEEN!

And we’re going to end this like we started it, with some Star Wars!  But, this time the fic is actually about Halloween!

Sorta.

Our Star Wars correspondent is absent this week due to a sudden compelling need to spend all day on the heat rock, so we’ll just muddle through without him.

Onward to glory and summary!

An in-between Story for Two Sith Lords and an elf.

I immediately regret my life choices!

“Two Sith Lords and an Elf” is a collection of various fics written by Warious that is kind of its own little fan canon.  Based on the handfull of chapters I read, it’s a super cringy collection of small fics that all star herself.  I’ll probably get around to riffing those some day, but you don’t really need to know much about them for this little Halloween spinoff.

Darth Maul and Darth Warious give an account of what happened one October month in preparation for Halloween.

That’s what we call a “nothing fic confirmation” ’round these parts.

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And Then SC Took a Nap.

Hey, folks. Just gonna jump in real quick before the next riff goes up here [It was then that he realized that Sakai’s riff posted two hours early again, and he did not, in fact, jump in real quick before the next riff went up here], let you all know that I’m gonna be taking a break from riffing for a little while. I won’t go too much into why, but the general gist is in the title: I am super damn tired recently, and can barely work up the nerve to do much of anything right now, which has been directly contributing to me being so rare to see around here. If you feel like you need more info, I gave the full story to the folks in the Secret Clubhouse, so one of them can fill you in if I don’t get around to answering you myself.

No worries, this is only a temporary thing, and I’ll still be bebopping around here during my time off. I just need to get my vigor back, is all.

Catch you when I wake up.

-SC

(PS: Don’t let the Specs and Co. do any stupid bullshit. I’m holding you all responsible for keeping those dumbfucks in line, and will be quite cross if I wake up to find the world a smoldering ruin.)


2264: They Chose To Remain — A Retrospective

Title: They Chose to Remain
Author: AdmiralSakai
Media: Film
Topic: Jame’s Cameron’s Avatar
Genre: Adventure/Sci-Fi/Author Tract
URL: DeviantArt Gallery Page
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Yes, you read that correctly, I am indeed riffing an old shame of mine. Or, well, not riffing, exactly, because for reasons I will be getting into below this thing is a potential Librarian-breaker and I am extremely disinclined to do a full riff of it. I’ve actually been considering bringing it onto LotD for a good long while now, but due to its aforementioned unriffability I wasn’t entirely sure how to go about doing that until I saw HerrWozzek’s retrospective on Mass Vexations and decided I liked that format. If someone does want to riff it the link is in the page header and I can also put it in the orphaned-fics table, but you are a braver soul than I and I can already predict you are unlikely to see the far side of the thing. So let’s go ahead and dive into They Chose to Remain (Or, Why Getting An A In AP Computer Science Does Not Make You Isaac Asimov (You Self-Righteous Fuckwit)).

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2261: Portal 3 Aperture Again! – Chapter 4

 

Author: terminalvelocityrunner
Media: Video Game
Topic:  Portal
Genre: Humor/Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 4
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons!

Welcome to another chapter of incomprehensible Portal fic which really hasn’t had much to do with the actual source materials it is allegedly based on. In the last chapter a bunch of stuff happened that was quite hard to follow, but can be condensed down into “The Sue appeared. Hijinks ensued.” The neurotoxin generator ran amok, there were lasers, and Chell;s wait was cut off but she got better thanks to the aforementioned Sue. The Sue in question, TSue, vanished into the Void at the end of the chapter, presumably going back to whatever headquarters she has because … I’m not really sure. She seemed mad about something, possibly because she was sent to destroy someone who had no frickin’ idea what was going on.

And now, on to the fic!

“There you are.

Which starts with random unattributed dialogue. Yay.

i hadn’t herd from you and when the power went out, i got worried” said the figure.

Hello, mysterious figure! Are you Mysterious Figure #1 or Mysterious Figure #2? Or perhaps you’re a completely different Mysterious Figure? And who could tell the difference? (Or even care at this point?) You could all be frickin’ Goombas for all the audience knows, but that would mean turning this fic into a crossover and don’t nobody want that.

“FUCKING SAVE IT! You are now under charges for tricking me into attempting to eliminate innocents for your personal gain!” said T.

So … If they hadn’t been completely ignorant then it would have been okay to murder them to death for personal gain? Or was it okay to kill them, as long as no one benefited from the deaths? I’m a bit confused.

And do you mean attempted murder charges with a dash of fraud thrown in for flavor? Because those are real crimes that people can be charged with, not that nonsense you spouted.

“Wait, what are you doing?!” asked the figure.

:shrugs:

I have no idea. I don’t know where you’re supposed to be or even who you are. Goombas, maybe?

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