And Then SC Took a Nap.

Hey, folks. Just gonna jump in real quick before the next riff goes up here [It was then that he realized that Sakai’s riff posted two hours early again, and he did not, in fact, jump in real quick before the next riff went up here], let you all know that I’m gonna be taking a break from riffing for a little while. I won’t go too much into why, but the general gist is in the title: I am super damn tired recently, and can barely work up the nerve to do much of anything right now, which has been directly contributing to me being so rare to see around here. If you feel like you need more info, I gave the full story to the folks in the Secret Clubhouse, so one of them can fill you in if I don’t get around to answering you myself.

No worries, this is only a temporary thing, and I’ll still be bebopping around here during my time off. I just need to get my vigor back, is all.

Catch you when I wake up.


(PS: Don’t let the Specs and Co. do any stupid bullshit. I’m holding you all responsible for keeping those dumbfucks in line, and will be quite cross if I wake up to find the world a smoldering ruin.)

2264: They Chose To Remain — A Retrospective

Title: They Chose to Remain
Author: AdmiralSakai
Media: Film
Topic: Jame’s Cameron’s Avatar
Genre: Adventure/Sci-Fi/Author Tract
URL: DeviantArt Gallery Page
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Yes, you read that correctly, I am indeed riffing an old shame of mine. Or, well, not riffing, exactly, because for reasons I will be getting into below this thing is a potential Librarian-breaker and I am extremely disinclined to do a full riff of it. I’ve actually been considering bringing it onto LotD for a good long while now, but due to its aforementioned unriffability I wasn’t entirely sure how to go about doing that until I saw HerrWozzek’s retrospective on Mass Vexations and decided I liked that format. If someone does want to riff it the link is in the page header and I can also put it in the orphaned-fics table, but you are a braver soul than I and I can already predict you are unlikely to see the far side of the thing. So let’s go ahead and dive into They Chose to Remain (Or, Why Getting An A In AP Computer Science Does Not Make You Isaac Asimov (You Self-Righteous Fuckwit)).

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2261: Portal 3 Aperture Again! – Chapter 4


Author: terminalvelocityrunner
Media: Video Game
Topic:  Portal
Genre: Humor/Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 4
Critiqued by Ghostcat






Hello, dear Patrons!

Welcome to another chapter of incomprehensible Portal fic which really hasn’t had much to do with the actual source materials it is allegedly based on. In the last chapter a bunch of stuff happened that was quite hard to follow, but can be condensed down into “The Sue appeared. Hijinks ensued.” The neurotoxin generator ran amok, there were lasers, and Chell;s wait was cut off but she got better thanks to the aforementioned Sue. The Sue in question, TSue, vanished into the Void at the end of the chapter, presumably going back to whatever headquarters she has because … I’m not really sure. She seemed mad about something, possibly because she was sent to destroy someone who had no frickin’ idea what was going on.

And now, on to the fic!

“There you are.

Which starts with random unattributed dialogue. Yay.

i hadn’t herd from you and when the power went out, i got worried” said the figure.

Hello, mysterious figure! Are you Mysterious Figure #1 or Mysterious Figure #2? Or perhaps you’re a completely different Mysterious Figure? And who could tell the difference? (Or even care at this point?) You could all be frickin’ Goombas for all the audience knows, but that would mean turning this fic into a crossover and don’t nobody want that.

“FUCKING SAVE IT! You are now under charges for tricking me into attempting to eliminate innocents for your personal gain!” said T.

So … If they hadn’t been completely ignorant then it would have been okay to murder them to death for personal gain? Or was it okay to kill them, as long as no one benefited from the deaths? I’m a bit confused.

And do you mean attempted murder charges with a dash of fraud thrown in for flavor? Because those are real crimes that people can be charged with, not that nonsense you spouted.

“Wait, what are you doing?!” asked the figure.


I have no idea. I don’t know where you’re supposed to be or even who you are. Goombas, maybe?

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Sunday Special: Batman 1939: The Dangers of Being Cold

Title: Batman 1939: The Dangers of Being Cold
Author: Stewart M
Media: Comic Book
Topic: Batman
Genre: Can’t find one (there was a fanfiction upload at one point, but that seems to have disappeared), so let’s call it Mystery/Adventure
URL: Here you go
Recommended by BatJamags

“Oh, Bats is doing a Sunday Special? He must’ve finally gotten through the Backlog of Doom?”

Yeah, no. We’ve still got three more Shadow Warriors chunks and three more fics (all of which are long as balls) to clear before that happens (not to mention any seasonal riffs I break all that up with), assuming I don’t get any further during that time. I just wanted to inject a little positivity into the proceedings before we… proceed.

So, my new tradition (which I actually came up with in September but like hell am I going to go back and screw over the scheduling of my riffs that are already done to implement it) is that I’m going to recommend a good fic between each of my bad fics. Until I run out of good fics, which won’t take overwhelmingly long because I don’t read all that much fanfiction outside of what I do for the Library. But I’m hoping this’ll motivate me to find some more good ones.

Today’s recommendation is a Batman fic because I’m kind of extremely predictable like that. The premise of the fic is that Batman’s first outing as Batman was his real-world publication date of May, 1939, though characters introduced much later like Slade Wilson and Amanda Waller are also featured. The plot concerns a string of corpse thefts escalating into murder, which Batman traces back to a military base outside of Gotham. He’s forced to recruit Catwoman to help him break in and figure out what the corpses are being used for.

It features fantastically intricate worldbuilding, excellent pacing, gripping tension, awesome fight scenes (but not too many), and Amanda Waller being hilariously badass as usual. Also, lots of cutesy little references to stuff (mostly stuff that’s actually relevant to DC continuity, and even the external references are still fairly on-topic), which you could view as a good or bad thing depending on your point of view and how many of them you catch.

There are two sequels. The first one, which wasn’t finished when I read it, is actually a Wonder Woman crossover, but I don’t remember the plot very clearly. I haven’t seen the third and most recent installment at all.

Overall, the original in particular is easily the best fanfic I’ve ever read, and I can’t recommend it enough. I’ll see you guys next time with a considerably less well-written Batman fic.


2235: Mandalorian Effect – Chapters 6 and 7

Title: Mandalorian Effect
Author: Nicranger
Media: Film/Video Game
Topic: Star Wars/Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 6
Critiqued by BatJamags (BadJamags)

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with more of Mandalorian Effect, the fic that dares to tread no new ground whatsoever and blindly regurgitate pretty much every other Mass Effect crossover ever.

Let’s get a start on Chapter 6, shall we?

Hey guys I’m back with the next chapter and I just want to say that the size of the Citadel was a typo and not because I actually thought the damn thing was only 5 kilometers long.

Go fix it, then.

it was supposed to say 45 and a slight error occurred so don’t go biting my head off for it okay?

You only mentioned it so that your Stu could be smug about it (And alright, fine: both Death Stars would have dwarfed the Citadel – 120 and 160 kilometers for each of them to the Citadel’s 45, but these asinine size comparisons really just make the phallic symbol jokes too obvious). You’ll get no sympathy from me.

Now lets just get on to the next chapter of the story!

No, let’s wallow in your insipid author’s notes for the entire chapter.

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2199: Mandalorian Effect – Chapter 3

Title: Mandalorian Effect
Author: Nicranger
Media: Film/Video Game
Topic: Star Wars/Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 3
Critiqued by BatJamags (BadJamags)

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m coming out swinging again for another less-than-fantastic chapter of Mandalorian Effect!

Last time, the Mandalorians engaged in “diplomacy” with the quarians, Mando Stu obviously started lusting after Tali and (*gag*) vice versa, and now they’re one fleet with a name so stupid I can’t even be bothered to repeat it. The Discount Malevolence is the flagship because fuck you the Stu is more important.

Now, in this chapter… Oh, fucking hell. Hello, Council Bashing! How have you been? It’s been a long five minutes since I’ve seen you.

Hey guys next chapter.

 Why thank you for gracing us with your infinite wisdom, author. How else could we have possibly known that the next chapter was starting?

Nothing new to say so lets just get on with it.

Are you for fucking real? Let me put this in big bold letters, just for any patrons who may be confused on the point.

If you don’t have anything to say, don’t write a fucking author’s note. If what you have to say is not directly related to the story, don’t write an author’s note. If what you have to say can be communicated through the narrative, don’t write an author’s note. Put it in future chapters or edit previous ones accordingly. If you want to respond to reviews, do it by PM. If, for some reason, these qualifications haven’t eliminated anything you would want to say in an author’s note, then put it at the bottom of the chapter. Professional authors don’t need ANs, and neither do you.

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2197: Akechi’s Rebirth – Chapter 3

Title: Akechi’s Rebirth
Author: An Angel Flying with broken wings
Media: Video Game
Topic: Persona 5
Genre: Family/Humor
URL:  Akechi’s Rebirth: Chapter 3
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Well, we’re back with this pile of crap, are we?


Fuck’s sake. I guess we can look forward to more of the bashing train, can’t we? I mean, I dunno about you, but I am not looking forward to this.

Well, let’s get to it. I dunno about you, but I just can’t wait to do this stuff!

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