2059: A Branch of Burden – Chapter Four, Part Two

Title: A Branch of Burden
Author: Ravager Animas
Media: Video Game
Topic: Etrian Odyssey
Genre: Adventure/Friendship
URL: Chapter Four
Critiqued by SC

Hello, and welcome back to “A Branch of Burden,” by Ravager Animas! I’m your host, SC, and last time, Vaseline kept pissing off Little Miss Landsknecht, which wasn’t very hard to do because Little Miss Landsknecht has all the maturity of a thirteen year old (barring the various thirteen year olds who went on to become riffers here at the Library, I mean), and then Little Miss Landsknecht dropped a massive fuck-you on Vaseline that caused her to get all grumpy. Then Little Miss Landsknecht went to the Berund Atelier and accidentally went full-homo with Wynne, who is at least half her age, thus making the gesture illegal in pretty much all fifty states. Failing to recover from that faux pas, Little Miss Landsknecht went back to the skyship and caught her guild in the midst of illicit confectionery gambling and promptly called the guards to arrest the criminals did nothing, and then the guild set back out to the Lush Woodlands, with Vaseline offering precisely zero words of warning about the devilishly handsome, cock-sure bastard with an awesome moustache waiting for them at the bottom.

And then I had to cut the chapter short because I procrastinated again. Whoops.

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2053: A Branch of Burden – Chapter Four, Part One

Title: A Branch of Burden
Author: Ravager Animas
Media: Video Game
Topic: Etrian Odyssey
Genre: Adventure/Friendship
URL: Chapter Four
Critiqued by SC, Contacts and Specs

Hello, and welcome back to “A Branch of Burden,” by Ravager Animas! I’m your host, SC, joined by Teh Specs and Contacts, and last time, we were introduced to Little Miss Fortress Brave Sir Vaseline, Harbinger of Nope, of the Ex-Ex-Ex-Exporadats, Field Commander of Falahein (Who is Also a Fangirl), a mopey veteran explorer whose entire guild bought it against the Berserker King in the Lush Woodlands except for her, and as a way of repairing her damaged pride, she made it a point to jump to the defense of rookie explorers in the Old Forest Mine who had the misfortune of meeting a Nomad Baboon – by telling them to run the fuck away, before promptly following suit. Well, turns out the rookies she saved were Little Miss(-es?) Runemaster, Landsknecht, and Medic Fraud, and soon after she discovered that they were part of a famous guild… well, a guild named in honor of a famous guild, anyhow… she wound up joining forces, and immediately set to work groaning over how dumb they all were.

Meanwhile, in the Library, Iris was horribly, horribly abused for the entirety of the riff, and after the chapter ended, she swore to never do another riff. Again. She says that every single time she’s here.

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2047: A Branch of Burden – Chapter Three

SC’s Note: The acronym tag returns! Reminder, any text you see highlighted like this, mouse over it to see the details; acronym tags don’t work in mobile format, so any of you reading this riff on your phones get to suffer.

Title: A Branch of Burden
Author: Ravager Animas
Media: Video Game
Topic: Etrian Odyssey
Genre: Adventure/Friendship
URL: Chapter Three
Critiqued by SC, Contacts and Iris Windchaser

Contacts: So, I’m here.

Yup.

Iris: And I’m here, too.

Indeed.

Contacts: Why?

It’s an Etrian Odyssey riff.

Contacts: Oh, neat.

Iris: Still doesn’t explain why I’m here.

Irisaer

Iris: I’m sorry, what?

Irisaer

Iris: Oh, fuck me…

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Art-tastic Saturday! – Etrian Odyssey Stuff (or, “SC is a Lazy Bitch”)

Howdy, folks!

So, as the title very clearly indicates, I procrastinated like a fool, and my riff wound up not getting finished on time.

…So here, have some pictures as a half-hearted apology for it!

Firstly, from Etrian Odyssey Untold: The Millennium Girl, DeviantART user Ritzueli gives us a look at the Story Mode party:

Counter-clockwise: Arthur the Alchemist, Raquna the Protector, The Highlander the… uh… Highlander, Simon the Medic, and Frederica, the titular Millennium Girl.

Etrian Odyssey 2: Heroes of Lagaard gives us a very bored Gunner gal having herself a tea, seemingly unaware that she’s about to be slaughtered by butterflies and a mole (no, really, that’s what that pink-and-purple thing in the corner is):

BEHIND YOU, ASSHOLE! YOU DON’T HAVE TIME FOR TEA!

DeviantART user thejabawack introduces us to their guild, “Scoobs,” from Etrian Odyssey 3: The Drowned City:

In order from left to right: Zodiac, Princess, Monk, Gladiator and Hoplite.

Over in Etrian Odyssey 4: Legends of the Titan, it would appear that one of the Landsknechts got into a bit of a shouting match with Chrom from Fire Emblem: Awakening, and things have gotten a bit out of hand:

Oh my.

And finally, in Etrian Odyssey 5: Beyond the Myth, DeviantART user Kuerag shows us a guild of adventurers taking a quick lunch break:

In order from left to right: Dragoon, Warlock, Rover, Herbalist, and Masurao.

Have a good weekend, everybody!


2037: A Branch of Burden – Chapter Two

SC’s Note: This riff was written prior to a conversation between Ravager Animas and I which revealed that they’re actually really cool, and I should probably be less of a dick. So, you know, keep that in the back of your mind as you read this chapter.

Title: A Branch of Burden
Author: Ravager Animas
Media: Video Game
Topic: Etrian Odyssey
Genre: Adventure/Friendship
URL: Chapter Two
Critiqued by SC

Hello, and welcome back to “A Branch of Burden,” by Ravager Animas! I’m your host, SC, and last time, I talked everybody’s ears off about how Atlus are bastards and Etrian Odyssey is a colorful game series about evil trees, human hubris, and some random group of assholes rising to heroic status just for going from point A to point B without dying. We were then introduced to our stupidly-named protagonists, who I will instead be referring to as Little Miss Landsknecht and Theodore Logan, Spock, The Rock, Doc Oc and Hulk Hogan-

…Uh…

I mean, Little Miss Landsknecht and Little Miss Runemaster all came out of nowhere lightning-fast, and they kicked Chuck Norris in his cowboy ass-

Okay, so, I might have watched The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny again before writing this riff.

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2030: A Branch of Burden – Chapter One

Title: A Branch of Burden
Author:Ravager Animas
Media: Video Game
Topic: Etrian Odyssey
Genre: Adventure/Friendship
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by SC

Hello, and welcome back to the Library of the Damned! I’m your host, SC, and after finishing up Foreigners and Templars, I think I’m about tapped out on my interest in Dragon Age fics for the moment. It was a mix of Light Sorcerer’s writing being really frustrating (and also creepy) to read, my own information overload extravaganza, and the fact that had Jack not called them off, the Inquisition would have strung me up by my nuts for all those acronym tags I used.

Everybody’s a critic.

So, since this is the case, I’ve decided to move on to a riff from a somewhat more obscure canon that I enjoy – Etrian Odyssey!

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2024: Foreigners and Templars – Chapter Five, FINALE (for now)

SC’s Note: Friendly reminder, if you see any text highlighted like this, mouse over it to read the hidden footnotes. However, if you’re viewing this riff on mobile, unfortunately, the acronym tag doesn’t work in that format. Why is life so hard?

Additionally, if you see any black bars in the text, that’s me saving you the pain of reading a sentence of really, really shitty “elven” language. I suffered through it, so you don’t have to!

Title: Foreigners and Templars
Author: Light Sorcerer
Media: Video Game
Topic: Dragon Age
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: Chapter Five
Critiqued by SC, The Angriest Noblewoman in Thedas, Inquisitor Jacob “Jack” Trevelyan, and Janice Hawke

Anita: …Wait, so, Ostwick is ruled by a teyrn?

Jack: Yes it is.

Anita: Wouldn’t that then make it a teyrnir?

Jack: No. It is a city-state in the Free Marches. Teyrnirs are Ferelden territory.

Anita: But it’s ruled by a teyrn!

Jack: Yes.

Anita: So it’s a fucking teyrnir!

Jack: No.

Anita: I don’t fucking understand…

Janice: It’s a Free Marches thing, most people don’t understand. Myself among them.

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