1972: Valkyrie: The Unknown Unit – Chapter Four, Part One

Title: Valkyrie: The Unknown Unit
Author: JewishPotato
Media: Video Game
Topic: Overwatch [citation needed]
Genre: Adventure/PAIN.
URL: Chapter Four
Critiqued by SC, Specs, and Scarlet of Mesyth

Scarlet: So, I notice I’m back.

You are, indeed.

Scarlet: What, because I pissed in your corn flakes or something?

Nah. I just figure you deserve a fairer swing at this riffing thing than the last few dregs of my interest in a fic that I’ve grown to despise.

Scarlet: So you instead foist a fic about imbeciles playing at spy games on me.

Hey, you have to admit, it’s far more engaging material.

Scarlet: …Alright, fair.

*Specs wanders in*

Specs: Hello, it is I- oh, hey, it’s that guy!

Scarlet: Oh, hey, it’s this guy!

You two know each other?

Specs: Yeah, he was The Headsman who cut my head off back in Israel!

…Um.

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1961: Valkyrie: The Unknown Unit – Chapter Three, Part Two

Title: Valkyire: The Unknown Unit
Author: JewishPotato
Media: Video Game
Topic: Overwatch
Genre: Adventure
URL: Chapter Three
Critiqued by SC, Book Specs, Contacts and Bifocals

*Contacts shifts uncomfortably in his seat*

*Bifocals growls, whilst glaring daggers at Contacts*

*Book Specs munches on popcorn and offers the bowl to SC*

I still don’t see what you have against buttered popcorn, bro.

*Book Specs rolls his eyes, and with a single flick of a finger, telekinetically tosses a piece of popcorn at SC’s head; SC deftly avoids the tiny popped projectile*

I mean, I get it’s personal preference, but-

Contacts: Can we please start the riff before she kills me?!

Bifocals: Why do you think I will kill you before the riff?

Contacts: Oh, fucking Christ…

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Art-tastic Saturday! – Overwatch Winter Wonderland

Heyo, people! SC, here. Sorry that I’m posting so late in the day, and that it’s not a riff, but I was trying to do a Christmas oneshot that just wasn’t happening for me, and I wound up deleting it because I finally realized that I was wasting my time on a fic that, realistically, didn’t deserve riffing in the first place. Yes, it was bad, but it wasn’t riffably bad.

Unfortunately, it would have been the Library’s second ever Dragon Age fic, because I’ve been kinda enamored with the series lately (as if my Facebook posts couldn’t clue you in on that), and I feel like it’s a crying shame that we have half a million Mass Effect fics, and therefore have the intricacies of that series almost completely pinned down… and over in the Dragon Age corner, we have Gabriel Hawke. Dragon Age and Mass Effect are almost equal in size, as two of Bioware’s biggest IPs, so I was hoping I could do my part to start evening out the scales a bit.

So, you know, that kinda pisses me off.

Well, Ghostie told me that I could always just toss up some holiday pictures, and since I’m riffing an Overwatch fic, and Blizzard had a holiday-themed event last year (and are in the midst of one right now), why not have some Overwatch Christmas fun?

Mostly just Christmas, though. I guess Blizzard wasn’t sure how to properly represent all the winter holidays of each hero’s respective culture or something. I don’t blame them, that’s probably a lot of holidays to encompass into one game.

So!

Clockwise: Lucio, Tracer, Torbjorn, and Mei. Out the window: McCree.

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1924: Valkyrie: The Unknown Unit – Chapter Three, Part One

Title: Valkyire: The Unknown Unit
Author: JewishPotato
Media: Video Game
Topic: Overwatch
Genre: Adventure
URL: Chapter Three
Critiqued by SC, Specs, Contacts and Glasses

Hello, and welcome back to Valkyrie: The Unknown Unit, by JewishPotato! I’m your host, SC, and last time, Valkyrie put the hurtin’ on some cartel revolutionary goons, broke some more Geneva Convention articles whilst interrogating a guy, then Jack left his computer unlocked with the file he doesn’t want people seeing open for anybody to read, because, you know, that’s smart… oh yeah, and Sports Shades said a real dumb thing and now Shades is distributing punishment as she sees fit.

*Sounds of screaming and the repeated inserting of foot in ass*

*And then there were flamethrowers*

Do I think he’ll learn his lesson? No, but at least it’s entertaining in the moment.

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1919: Valkyrie: The Unknown Unit – Chapter Two, Part Three

Title: Valkyire: The Unknown Unit
Author: JewishPotato
Media: Video Game
Topic: Overwatch
Genre: Adventure
URL: Chapter Two
Critiqued by SC, Contacts and Sports Shades

Hello, and welcome back to Valkyrie: The Unknown Unit, by JewishPotato! I’m your host, SC, and last time, we discovered an INSIDIOUS PLOT™ in Mexico, involving military corruption, drug smuggling by cartels revolutionaries, and the heinous murder of policemen.

What is this wicked plan, you may ask?

Fuck if I know.

…BUT IT’S INSIDIOUS™.

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1913: Valkyrie: The Unknown Unit – Chapter Two, Part Two

Title: Valkyire: The Unknown Unit
Author: JewishPotato
Media: Video Game
Topic: Overwatch
Genre: Adventure
URL: Chapter Two
Critiqued by SC, Specs and Glasses

Happy Thanksgiving, nerds, and welcome back to Valkyrie: The Unknown Unit, by JewishPotato! Yeah, I know I’m two days late on that, but my posts go up on Saturday, what can you do? I’m your host, SC, and last time, Brian got butthurt over having a job that sees him have time to himself once in a blue moon at best, Specs and Glasses got butthurt over bad maintenance of equipment, I got butthurt over the author potentially shoving Valkyrie in the middle of King’s Row, especially with the knowledge that the team was firmly anti-Omnic, and I got butthurt again about them instead being deployed to Mexico to observe activity pertaining to Los Muertos, in defiance of the Mexcian government’s ban on Overwatch activity.

So, overall, a lot of butthurt.

Oh, and speaking of Specs, I decided since he wouldn’t shut up on the radio that he may as well get in on this riff. Besides, Bifocals was getting antsy – I don’t think she’s ever been in a riff long-term before, and two chapters without being swapped was weirding her out. Besides that, I don’t think I’ve ever riffed with just Specs and Glasses before.

Specs: You also haven’t ever done a riff with Contacts and Sportsy. Or Monocle and anybody other than me.

And those riffs will probably never happen, either, because what you’re suggesting is impossible and you know it.

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1891: Valkyrie: The Unknown Unit – Chapter Two, Part One

Title: Valkyire: The Unknown Unit
Author: JewishPotato
Media: Video Game
Topic: Overwatch
Genre: Adventure
URL: Chapter Two
Critiqued by SC, Bifocals and Glasses

Hello, and welcome back to “Valkyrie: The Unknown Unit,” by JewishPotato! I’m your host, SC, joined by Bifocals and Glasses, and last time, we met Ed, did stealth ops badly, accidentally dialed up Mercy on the phone (but promptly hung up on her), and killed three potential informants with only top-layer investigation done to reveal the bare-bones of their mission: sneak into Overwatch facilities that are guarded by morons and swipe all their personnel data for future nefarious doings. The mission was somehow a success, and the team has now departed back to their home base to unwind.

Let’s get back to that, shall we?

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