You might have noticed that yesterday I posted a guest shot and instead I’m posting my riff today. That’s because we were out of spoop-themed guest posts, which was a problem because today is
And we’re going to end this like we started it, with some Star Wars! But, this time the fic is actually about Halloween!
Our Star Wars correspondent is absent this week due to a sudden compelling need to spend all day on the heat rock, so we’ll just muddle through without him.
Onward to glory and summary!
An in-between Story for Two Sith Lords and an elf.
I immediately regret my life choices!
“Two Sith Lords and an Elf” is a collection of various fics written by Warious that is kind of its own little fan canon. Based on the handfull of chapters I read, it’s a super cringy collection of small fics that all star herself. I’ll probably get around to riffing those some day, but you don’t really need to know much about them for this little Halloween spinoff.
Darth Maul and Darth Warious give an account of what happened one October month in preparation for Halloween.
That’s what we call a “nothing fic confirmation” ’round these parts.
Title: Eternal Senia: Blooming on the other side
Author: Kiyo Takahashi
Media: Video games / Manga
Topic: Eternal Senia and Bloom into You.
URL: Eternal Senia: Blooming on the other side
Critiqued by Zeus Killer Productions
Zeus: Well, truth be told, I was NOT expecting something like this, but I like it.
*holo-projector reels up*
Eternal Senia was a free RPG Maker game released around 2014, with a total playtime of about 4 hours. It’s actually kinda fun gameplay wise, but that’s not what most fans like. It’s the story.
Title: Jason Michael
Topic: Jeff The Killer (I think?)
URL: Trollpasta Wiki Rehost
Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai and Guard-Novitiate Psk’nyor “Nina” C’hon
Hello hello all you patrons! Put on your Lava Wings and make sure you have a plan to give the appearance of having escaped from being trapped inside a painting without actually leaving the painting, because it’s that time of year again!
Today is a momentous and auspicious day in the history of spoop, my dear patrons, because at long last THE TROLLPASTA WIKI IS BACK ONLINE WITH A NEW HOSTING SERVICE!!
“Ia! Ia! Trollpasta fthaghn!”
No more scrounging around a bunch of merely bland, forgettable pastas to get to the few that are outrageously bad. Now they’re all in one place!
“No more having pastas get deleted mid-riff, or between when we deciide to riff them and actually get around to it!”
“I mean, look at this! I just clicked on a link randomly, and I got a Jeff Clone with terrible grammar called Jason Michael!”
No, it’s not in fact slasher-slash.
“Aww, glub. Serves me right for getting my hopes up, I guess.”
Did you know the DRD apparently made a gun for Borderlands 3?
Like, I don’t even have a joke here, I just find this really amusing.
Anyway, on with the show.
Maya and Raider
(you know the drill by now)
You’re reading about another dimension, a dimension not only of prose and narrative but of pure, concentrated suck. A journey into a twisted land whose boundaries are that of a poor writer’s feeble imagination. That’s the header up ahead—your next stop, the Badfic Zone!
Title: Until Dawn Remix (Syoc) [sic]
Media: Video Game
Topic: Until Dawn
Genre: Romance / Horror
Critiqued by BatJamags (BadJamags and GoodJamags) and Spider-Man
Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags…
GoodJamags: And I’m your guest host, GoodJamags…
… And we’re back with the last fic for this year’s Badfic Zone. This one comes from the Until Dawn section of ff.net. Until Dawn is a narrative game with a branching story that I would have played if it weren’t a goddamn PlayStation exclusive. Seriously, guys. I am not going to buy an extra console just to play a couple games, and neither are most other people. What do you think you’re accomplishing with all of these fucking exclus-
GoodJamags: That’s enough out of you. The story of the game is as such: We focus on a group of dumb horny teenagers who make an annual trip to a remote Canadian ski lodge on a mountain top with sketchy cell reception. The real plot twist is that most of them can actually not die if you make the right choices (and have a very steady hand for the motion-control minigames – or turn vibrations off and put the controller down on a table). Our initial group includes siblings (whose father owns the lodge) Hannah, Beth, and Josh Washington, along with generic protagonist Samantha “Sam” Giddings, recovering dick Mike Munroe, shy and withdrawn Ashley Brown, resident nerd Chris Hartley, petty and judgmental Emily Davis, good-nature jock Matt Taylor, and airhead Jess Riley.
GoodJamags: In the prologue, Mike, Ashley, Emily, Matt, and Jess play a prank on Hannah. She’s got a crush on Mike, so he invites her to his room alone. She gets a little overexcited, and the ensuing debacle is caught on camera by the other pranksters. Hannah, understandably upset, flees into the night, pursued by Beth. The two get lost in the woods, pursued by something that the player doesn’t get a clear look at, and fall off a cliff.
GoodJamags: The plot picks back up when Josh has unexpectedly invited everyone back to the lodge the following year, apparently hoping to mend the bridges that were burned. They begin to realize that a killer is hunting them down… except then it turns out there is no killer. Josh just wanted them to think there was as a revenge prank for what happened to Hannah and Beth. Problem is, the antics caused by the fake killer get the attention of the mountain’s other inhabitants: wendigoes, nigh-invulnerable undead creatures that used to be a group of miners that got trapped and resorted to cannibalism to survive. Long story short, Josh dies at some point no matter what (though where and how varies), but the others can actually all be OK if you’re careful. Basically it’s a Telltale-style story game, and it’s up to you whether you play the horror tropes straight or subvert them by having the characters be smart and sensible and survive by working as a group. Pretty cool.
You know what else is pretty cool?
Owning an X-Box One and not a PS4 and not being able to play the game because it’s an exclusive for no reason.
GoodJamags: I will tranquilize you again.
Yeah, whatever. Anyway, the Until Dawn section of ff.net has a disturbingly large number of assorted self-inserts, OC-fics, and other Sue indicators on its front page alone (at least, when you narrow by the “horror” genre tag, which I do whenever I’m looking for Badfic Zone oneshots). This one jumped out at me because it’s an SYOC (“submit your own character”) fic, and that’s always a terrible sign.
GoodJamags: So, let’s dive in and see if any of these guys have generic fire powers or vaguely-defined “experiments” as a backstory!
I’m hoping for a Russian stereotype that can shoot bullets out of the air.
Syoc for the game Until Dawn.
I said it was “submit your own-”
GoodJamags: Yeah, but the one in the summary isn’t an acronym. It’s just a nonsense word.
Enjoy the story of a group of teens trying to survive the night. Will they kill each other or fall in love.
Will they end questions with question marks.
Spectre Myrai: *grumble*
Spectre Myrai: …Alright, fine, you weren’t making shit up about the weird porn chicks. Being sparred with, and subsequently hit on, by a lion was an… interesting experience.
And then you knocked her the fuck out.
Spectre Myrai: About the point where she started making suggestive use of the words “reach” and “flexibility” was where I finally snapped. Shades and the one who kept bouncing back and forth between adulthood and adolescence gave it a seven out of ten, which I feel is a bit harsh, considering I didn’t have much time to wind up that shot.
Shades might have docked points for not letting her keep that gun.
Spectre Myrai: It was stolen property, and she used to be a cop, she should fucking know better.
Hello, and welcome back to “Athame’s Light,” by Legionary Prime! I’m your host, SC, joined by Spectre Myrai, and last time, not a whole lot in the way of the story happened – it was just Udina, Anderson and Hackett talking about who to choose for humanity’s first Spectre. So naturally, they throw their bid in on one actual human, and the human-born Asari, in an incredible display of missing the point of a human Spectre. Not to mention, both their candidates come from the same family lineage, with the reasoning behind their selection ultimately boiling down to, “their parents are famous, and one’s a human-born Asari, so we gotta.” Sure, there was a token mention of actual merits, but those were glossed over. Meanwhile, lacking for stuff to say, I quizzed Myrai on her pre-Spectre and post-Reaper War days, just to liven up the atmosphere.
I’ll probably be doing that again, as we progress into the second half of chapter two, today. Or maybe not, as this is where we finally meet Asari!Shep, who the fic has so far been building up as somebody important enough to override the major political stepping stone that appointing a human to the Spectres was meant to be for humanity in the first game.
For real, I’m fine with a non-human hero of Mass Effect, but that kind of necessitates building your own plot rather than going by the one laid out in the games, as the way human Shepard got things done is something only human Shepard could reasonably do. Not for lack, or abundance of ability in any particular areas, but because there are just some situations in the games where anybody other than a human Shepard would be fucked, for one reason or another. I believe it was none other than ME-Iron-Maiden who laid it out as so: Alienkind have had too much time to grow complacent with the way things work. Any effort to make proactive moves is quickly shot down. If humanity and our insistence on reaching for ever-greater glory hadn’t come along, the Reapers would have steamrolled the galaxy, because nobody would be in any condition to fight back due to sheer laziness. Hell, this goes straight down to Shepard’s own teammates: Without Shepard to intervene and ask the hard questions they didn’t want to hear, Wrex, Tali, Garrus, and every other alien Shepard worked with would have been content to just go about their day-to-day, until they all wound up dead, I assume, because all of Shepard’s squadmates have a really bad habit of making poor life choices that inevitably lead them to major conflicts. I suspect Legionary Prime knows this to some degree, as their main protagonists are an Asari and a human.
Spectre Myrai: And so, to counter that, they’re being riffed by an Asari and a human.
Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to another Spooktober oneshot!
This one does not contain Slendpai, and isn’t even listed as Horror but does draw on a horror game as its source material so I’m considering that a win. In a manner of speaking, of course. And it was apparently written by a Pokemon, so there’s that.
Here’s the summary, such as it is.
On Halloween night, the Marionette decided to take a trip to see a friend of his. The only one that can help him with his current situation. However, would Kec ever agree to do something that could very well cost him his life? (Tie-in to “Five Nights of Truth or Dare at Freddy’s.”)
I’m going to assume that this Kec is going to be a blatant author insert character. This fic is also apparently associated with another fic by the same author; I skimmed through some of it and it’s basically what it says on the tin. The animatronics play Truth or Dare with questions and dares that have been submitted by the fic’s readers. It’s about what you would expect from that premise, and seems to have been abandoned a few years ago. I assume because the author stopped getting ‘suggestions’ to substitute for plot.
Now, on to the fic!