613: Twitanic: Blue Eyes – Chapter 1, Part 1

 

Title: Twitanic: Blue Eyes
AuthorNeleh the eccentric girl
Media: Book / Movie
Topic:  Twilight/Titanic
Genre: Romance / Drama
URL:    Twitanic: Blue Eyes – Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

Good day, dear Patrons!

Now, you might have taken a look at the title of today’s post and said to yourself “Didn’t Ghostie already riff Twitanic? It won several Sucktastic Awards last year!” And yes, I did and it did – but if you cast your minds back to the beginning of that series, you may remember that I mentioned that there were several fics that had some version of “Twitanic” as their title.

This is one of them. I can feel how excited you are.

This chapter is extremely long, longer than some of the one-shots I’ve done.The fic’s total word count is about 13k; nearly half of that is just this chapter. Because of this, I’m dividing the chapter into parts to make it easier for me to handle. And also because there is something so soul-shatteringly stupid that I had to call it a day before I injured someone.

Enjoy!

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612: Twenty Warriors – Chapters Eleven and Twelve

Title: Twenty Warriors
Author: Herr Wozzeck
Media:  Video Games/Comics/Movies/Cartoons
Topic: Skies of Arcadia/Fire Emblem (Path of Radiance/Radiant Dawn duology)/X-Men/Punisher/Super Smash Brothers/Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles/Tales of Symphonia/Dead or Alive/Riviera: The Promised Land/Gears of War
Genre: Adventure/Fantasy
URL: Twenty Warriors: Chapter 11 and Chapter 12
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Hello once again, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome back to Twenty Warriors. Well, thankfully, this installment of snark is able to cover two chapters, ‘cause there’s a mostly not-terrible scene in one of them, and the second chapter is actually very short.

And that actually will bring us to the half-way point, and thank God for that! Honestly, this fic’s biggest problem is that it’s just completely boring when it’s not presenting us with logic fails, and the logic fails aren’t really frequent enough in the first half of the fic for there to be anything interesting to point out.

But we’ll worry about the obscene logic fails of part two of this fic later. For now, let’s just get these two chapters out of the way, and then next week we can move on to something else and take a break from this! So let’s get started!

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611: Raptor and I – Chapter Fifteen

Title: Raptor and I
Author:
 Akashi.Cloud / ZincRae
Media: Movie
Topic:  Jurassic Park
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: Raptor and I: Chapter 15
Critiqued by The Frunky Pair

Wait… we’re still the Frunky Pair?  Did it get stuck?

“Yeah, what gives?  Every week it has been different… and then it stops?”

This is nearly as disturbing as all the changes.

Moving on. Read the rest of this entry »


610: Twin Humanities – Chapter 15 & Chapter 16 (Part 1)

Title: Twin Humanities
Author: max7238
Media: Video Game
Topic:  Dark Souls
Genre: Adventure Romance
URL: Chapter 15 & Chapter 16
Critiqued by Erttheking

E:  *Sigh* Hello once again and welcome back to Black Rock Shooter, with special guest star Dark Souls.  And guess what we start off this week with?

Event 15: No Holds Barred

“-cuse me… Hello? Are you alright?” said a voice. Seiko woke slowly, exhausted from overloading her Abyss power. It was a woman’s voice, but the hands on Seiko’s shoulders felt like those of a skeleton. Seiko opened her piercing blue eyes to see a young woman with long wavy hair that fell just below her shoulders. The woman wore a black dress that ended in the middle of her thighs, but below the dress she wore leggings that ended in the middle of her calves. She had simple black shoes, and a white bow on her dress on her left hip. Her hands, currently on Seiko’s shoulders to gently shake her awake, were nothing but black bones coming out of her long sleeves. Behind her, in the corner, a black scythe of the same black bone material leaned against the wall. Taking all this in, Seiko looked into the woman’s piercing green eyes. As Seiko finished processing her location and the person talking to her, she finally answered with a nod and sat up fully.

E:  That’s right, ANOTHER anime girl.  Read the rest of this entry »


609: My Immortal – Chapter Seventeen and Eighteen

Title: My Immortal
Author: Tara (reposted by the lovely internet trolls)
Media: Book / Movie
Topic:  Harry Potter
Genre: Romance / angst
URL:  My Immortal – Chapter Seventeen and Eighteen
Critiqued by Lyle

As usual, this fic contains mention of suicide and horribly written sex scenes that contain very little sex.  Please skip it if you are bothered by these topics.  Additionally, this post contains many visual aids, one of which depicts anorexia.  Reader discretion is advised.  Thanks!

Good morning, class.  Happy Monday!  Is everyone ready to dive into the wonderful world of My Immortal, the fic that was gloriously puked up by Tara many a year ago?   I thought so.  Let’s do it!

Last time we had a bit of “Rez Suck Media,” which we decided is our new term for when the author starts writing something, then jumps back in time with no indication that there is a flash back.  The overall effect makes it appear that the author forgot they already went over a part that hasn’t actually happened yet in the bulk of the story.  In the case of chapter 16, we saw Voldemort rocking out on stage at a concert that, according to the rest of the chapter, hadn’t happened yet.  Fun!

The scene opened with Ebony and Draco at the concert, moshing away as they do.  Suddenly, the lead singer of My Chemical Romance ripped off his face to reveal he was none other than the Dark Lord.  Then, without any sort of warning, Ebony and Draco break out in an argument about how Ebony refuses to go to the concert with Draco because of how they had “sex” after the last one they went to.  Never mind that they can’t keep their hands off each other.  What would it matter if this concert lead to hot, wild lovin’?

Ebony decides to go anyway and then Vodka’Cran takes her to a gothic clothing shop in Hogsmeade where the shop owner, the erstwhile “Tom Rid”, gushes over her and gives her a dress for free.  She calls him a pervert and Hagrid shows up to tell her to get back to the castle.

That’s all that happened last so, with that, let’s move forward!  As usual, I’ll work to decipher the nonsensical author’s note that precedes the “story.”

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608: Mass Effect: Green Lantern’s Light – Chapter Three

Title: Mass Effect: Green Lantern’s Light
Author: In HarmsWay
Media: Video Game/Comic Book
Topic:  Mass Effect/Green Lantern
Genre: Adventure/Fantasy
URL: Chapter 3
Critiqued by Lord Tyrannus

Hello patrons, and welcome to yet another installment of Mass Effect: Green Lantern’s Light. Yes, I know, I haven’t posted an update to this review in forever, and I apologize for being lazy. But, seeing as this is a new year, I figured it would be a good time to get back to work on some previously unfinished projects, including this review. So without further ado, let’s continue.

When we last left off, Atrocitus escaped confinement on Ysmault due to laughably inept security, Shepard met the Guardians of the Universe and began his Green Lantern training under Kilowog, and we met a few soon-to-be Red Lanterns, one of whom is a FUCKING CAT!!! Before anyone asks, yes I am still pissed off about that. I WANTED A KROGAN RED LANTERN, DAMN IT!!!

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607: Devil May Cry: Remake – Chapter Three, Part Two

Title: Devil May Cry 4: Remake
Author: LightBlueLightning
Media: Video Game
Topic:  Devil May Cry
Genre: Humor/Romance
URL: Chapter Three
Critiqued by SC

Hello again, and welcome back to Antithesis Of God Is On The Verge Of Tears, Fourth Book In The Saga: Newly Edited!

Or, as it’s better known in English, Devil May Cry 4: Remake, by LightBlueLightning.

When we last left off, we finally met Jessica Rabbit Isis the Mary Sue, who butchered one of my favorite songs; my ears and eyes bled from a songfic moment with pointless phoneticism of the wrong syllables; I blew my stack (and some ammo, which I feel like I’ll unfortunately be needing sometime down the line) over an egregious lack of the use of the spacebar; my inner Grammar Nazi was very grumpy; and Little Misplaced Barista vanished all of a sudden.

And Dante got a cocktease. Which seems out of character because he, himself, revels in being a cocktease.

Eh, details.

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