511: crystal heart’s path – Chapter 2

Title: crystal heart’s path
Author: Pyro Tear
Media: TV Show
Topic:  Samurai Jack
Genre: Romance/Adventure
URL:  Chapter 2
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 
 
:sigh:
 
Hi, Patrons.
 
:double sigh: 

I’m here with another chapter of … whatever this is. The fic’s quality is really degrading quickly, in the last chapter there were two “action” sequences in which not much happened except that it was revealed that Amy’s necklace does possess powers of some sort – specifically the ability to give the wearer wings and heal minor injuries. I’m not sure if more powers will pop up, but they probably will. It’s that kind of fic.The chapter begins with the same disclaimer/Author’s Note from the last chapter so I’m just going to move on to the fic proper.

Along the path way through the forest Jack and Amy look about gazing at the view.

:points:

There’s nothing.

:points:

There’s more nothing.

:points:

There’s even more nothing.

Wow, this is oodles of fun.

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510: If You Don’t Have Something Nice to say – Chapter Three

Title: If You Don’t Have Something Nice to say
Author: onlykafei
Media: Video Game
Topic: Fire Emblem (Path of Radiance/Radiant Dawn Duology)
Genre: Romance/Angst
URL: If You Don’t Have Something Nice to say: Chapter 3
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Hello once again ladies and gentlemen, and welcome back to another chapter in this shitfest. Well, we’ve already gone through two chapters, and already this Sue has proven herself unworthy of being part of the Greil Mercenaries. Unfortunately, we still have eight chapters to slog through, so obviously I think we all know that this dumbass gets brought back soon enough.

And more unfortunately, today we see one of the big things that makes this Sue so annoying: she lies. A lot. And I don’t mean good lying, either: she keeps spinning webs of lies even though she is a terrible liar. Seriously, you’ll see what we mean.

Let’s get going. After all, today’s installment is rather long.

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509 resident evil:reborn – Chapter Eleven

Title: resident evil:reborn
Author:
 Insane Doctor The Insane Shadow Hunter and JudgementDragon25
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic:  As many video games as you can shake a stick at, and The Land Before Time
Genre: None listed, and really, it’s hard to categorize such fail
URL: Removed from FF.Net.
Critiqued by TacoMagic

Well, last week’s installment really didn’t do much for the “plot” did it?  Well, the next two chapters are billed as the tour de force conclusion of resident evil:reborn, so maybe we’ll actually be getting some plot.  My optimism has always been my undoing.

Chapter eleven training for the final battle part 1

Oh crap.  Two chapters on training for the boss battle.  There goes my optimism.

*waves goodbye* Read the rest of this entry »


508: From Another World – Chapters 21 and 22

Title: From Another World
Author: EclipsePheniox
Media: Video Game
Topic:  Mass Effect / Parallel Realities
Genre: Supernatural/Romance/AU
URL: From Another World Chapter 21 and Chapter 22
Critiqued by Erttheking

Chapter 21: On they way

*Looks at chapter title*  REALLY!?  Oh fuck let’s get this over with.  Cornelia, you settling in?

*Grunt* Dr. Psycho over there took my short sword and now it has… I don’t even want to know all over it.

Well I’m SORRY!  I was thirsty and King over there broke my usual knife on his last homicidal rampage.

Cool your tits, I ordered a new one on Amazon.  Should be here in a few days if they can find the place.

Where are we anyway?

An asteroid base I built.

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507: Mass Effect: Green Lantern’s Light – Chapter 2

Title: Mass Effect: Green Lantern’s Light
Author: In HarmsWay
Media: Video Game/Comic Book
Topic:  Mass Effect/Green Lantern
Genre: Adventure/Fantasy
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by Lord Tyrannus

Hello patrons, and welcome back to another installment of Mass Effect: Green Lantern’s Light. First off, sorry it took so long for me to do a second chapter review; I had to do some stuff to get ready for college this semester and for a while my laptop didn’t have a working charger, so I couldn’t do anything on it without risking letting the battery die. Now that both of those things are dealt with, however, we can continue.

In our first installment we learned that the Reapers are seeking to bring about Blackest Night, Abin Sur died from standing in front of a Collector ship’s main gun like a deer caught in a pair of headlights, the Normandy was destroyed in a regurgitation of Mass Effect 2’s prologue, and Hal-Jordan Stupard was whisked away to Oa to become a Green Lantern. What literary fail awaits us today? Let’s dig in and find out! Read the rest of this entry »


506: crystal heart’s path – Chapter 1

Title: crystal heart’s path
Author: Pyro Tear
Media: TV Show
Topic:  Samurai Jack
Genre: Romance/Adventure
URL: crystal heart’s path Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

Welcome back, brilliant Patrons!

I’m here with another chapter from crystal heart’s path, the Samurai Jack fic that has opened a new world of transtemporal* suckage.

What happened last time? The audience was introduced to a teenaged Mary Sue named Amy who just happens to be the direct descendant of the source material’s main protagonist, a time-displaced samurai called Jack. She was plucked out of her own time period, conveniently just after she removed her frickin’ sword from her school locker, and dropped at Jack’s feet in the far-flung future where she promptly passed out. They later went clothes shopping and had a forgettable battle with some outlaws, which was the shortest and least exciting scene in the chapter.

The first true chapter begins with yet another Author’s Note/disclaimer and some numbers.

1 *disclaimer* I do not own Samurai Jack, and I have only watched it on TV, but if you plan to say that I am messing up the show with this fanfic. then do that to me in my face and I will fight back.

You do realize you posted this anonymously on the Internet, right?

Thank you ^.^ and enjoy!

2

3 Chapter 1

I’m not really sure where the author is going with these numbers; in the last chapter they were used to kind of break the chapter into sections, but here they are just lumped together.

And now, to the fic! Read the rest of this entry »


505: If You Don’t Have Something Nice to say – Chapter Two

Title: If You Don’t Have Something Nice to say
Author: onlykafei
Media: Video Game
Topic: Fire Emblem (Path of Radiance/Radiant Dawn Duology)
Genre: Romance/Angst
URL: If You Don’t Have Something Nice to say: Chapter 2
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Hello again, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to another installment of If You Don’t Have Something Nice to say. Well, last chapter we got introduced to one of the most vapid Sues I have ever seen in a fanfic. It hasn’t hit Stupard levels of moronic yet, though, so there’s hope for this fic yet.

Let’s go on to Chapter 2, shall we? I imagine the Sue is going to do more stupid shit then…

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