2579: Mileena’s Humanity – Chapter Four

Title: Mileena’s Humanity
Author:  Spirit.of.Bardock
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mortal Kombat
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/11898341/4/
Critiqued by: ME-Iron-Maiden


Hello and welcome back to the riff of “Mileena’s Humanity”. I’m your host ME-Iron-Maiden and last time, we left off with our “hero” continuing to act like a douche rocket, Mileena suddenly having a breakdown and crying her eyes out and then acquiescing to sex with Ju’Stu. Ju’Stu, as you’ll recall tried to cave her skull in with a baseball bat, bosses her around, and force-feeds her shit that could well be toxic to her due to her unique physiology. So, of course, he’s “saved her life” and now she’s gonna bang him.

Before we begin, let’s post the current Darwin List for Ju’Stu.

  • Performed an unprovoked attack on Mileena
  • Isn’t afraid of the teeth she can easily use to rip him in half
  • Seems intent on pissing her off
  • Gives her weapons
  • Invades her personal space when she’s pissed off
  • Casually keeps his guard down around the psychotic cannibal
  • Takes a commanding/bossy tone with a woman who is known as the Mad Empress of Outworld for her sadism and brutality to her own subjects
  • Gets preachy with Mileena after finger-flicking her forehead

*opens a bottle of rocket-grade tihaar, sets the popcorn machine to overdrive, and cues up the porn music*

Let’s do this.

Read the rest of this entry »

2576: Love and War – Chapter 5

Title: “Love and War”
Author: Z3R0 L0V3
Media: Video games
Fandom: Pokémon
Genre: Adventure and romance (additional tags: AU, Pacing Trainwreck, Fanfic in Name Only)
URL: Chapter 5
Critiqued by eatpraylove 

Welcome back to “Love and War”, patrons! Been a while, huh?

Last chapter, our two protagonists finally got the hell away from the Sinnoh royal palace after the worst assassination attempt ever and some boringly-written fight scenes. Amazingly, the cliché counter remained at a solid thirteen (plus some side orders of “why”) with nary an uptick to be seen.

Here’s hoping things go back to just boring rather than full-on stupid. I know it’s also stupid of me to hope that, but I’m an incurable optimist dammit.

*sits in riffing chair*

Chapter 5

Z3R0 L0V3 – I apologize for the delay in this chapter. I had a case of writer’s block. Here’s another chapter! Happy Reading! 

I don’t own anything!

You guys know you don’t really have to put disclaimers in front of your fanfic, right? Especially not in front of every single chapter.

Dawn looked down at the blade that was in her hand.

She still couldn’t wrap her head around what had happened. Paul had tried to kill her. The man her parents were going to have her marry had tried to kill her, yet they didn’t even know. 

*siren goes off*

*hits random button; sounds of screaming and gunfire from the hallway*

Thanks, Marcus!

Read the rest of this entry »

2573: Fazbear Park – Chapters 1 & 2

Title: Fazbear Park
Author: SirDelvinAndMegaMike
Media: Books/Movies
Topic: Five Nights at Freddy’s/Jurassic World
Genre: Romance
URL: Chapter 1
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by Ghostcat

Hey there, Patrons!

I was combing through my short fics to see what caught my fancy and near the bottom of the bin was this very short little treasure.

It’s a Jurassic Park/World and Five Nights at Freddy’s crossover.

And it’s tagged as a Romance.

Soooo … That’s a thing that exists. Let’s look at the summary, shall we?

InGen and Fazbear Entertainment come together to recreate the popular FFP and Jurassic World!

With two companies with such sterling track records regarding customer safety I can’t see how that would ever go wrong, but I can’t help but notice that a theme park featuring genetically engineered organisms doesn’t have much in common with a children’s party restaurant. There might be a pizzeria inside Jurassic World somewhere, probably the food court because there’s always a food court, but the summary makes it sound as if the two things are completely equal.

Welcome home! Rated M for language, violence, and suggestive themes.

Oh, I don’t like that.

Read and please please PLEASE review. Fem! Mangle and Fem! OC. Couldn’t find JJ in the character list, just put her as OC. Please review. If you read, review review review!

Do you think the author wants reviews?

Read the rest of this entry »

2572: Kirby: Welcome to Smash Bores – Chapters Fourteen and Fifteen

Title: Kirby: Welcome to Smash Bros
Author: Quartz2006
Media: Video Game
Topic: Super Smash Bros.
Genre: Romance/Tedium
URL: Chapter 14 and Chapter 15
Critiqued by Elysium16 and Rimura (Special Guest Taelle)

Current Counts

Null and Void: 21

Rimura: *wearing an extremely forced smile* Elysium?

Elysium: *faux-innocently* Yes?

Rimura: Do you or do you not hate me?

Elysium: I don’t, of cour—

Rimura: *false smile slides off to be replaced with barely restrained rage* THEN WHY DID YOU INVITE TAELLE HERE?!

Taelle: It isn’t my fault you’ve made so many enemies.

Rimura: *continuing as though Taelle never spoke* Who’s next? Yanaran? Elkos? Telina forbid, Ratura?

Elysium: Er… LOOK, WE’RE LIVE!

Taelle: What?

Elysium: *WAY too cheerfully* Welcome back, patrons!


Elysium: *talking over him* Last time, nothing interesting happened and I wanted to bang my head against a brick wall! And this time…


Read the rest of this entry »

2571: Mileena’s Humanity – Chapter Three

Title: Mileena’s Humanity
Author: Spirit.of.Bardock
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mortal Kombat
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: Chapter 3
Critiqued by: ME-Iron-Maiden

Hello everyone and welcome back to the riff of Mileena’s Humanity. I’m your host ME-Iron-Maiden and last chapter proved somewhat enlightening with regards to our “hero” Ju’Stu. For example, we learned that he has precisely zero survival instincts and is a total prick to one of Outworld’s deadliest fighters.

Let’s see what we have to put up with today.

AN: Ok sorry for taking so long with this chapter, a lot of stuff happened since the last one. Such as losing my laptop to the Blue Screen. And also thank you everyone that reviewed and faved this, to the reviewer who asked for a female OC x Mileena, I may get around to it. However since it’s almost summer, I’m going to be busy with stuff. A lot of which is Let’s Play and work.

Read the rest of this entry »

2568: Harry’s Hidden Sibling – Chapter 1, part 3

Title: Harry’s Hidden Sibling
Author: AuthorAndrewCharlusPotter
Media: Books/Movies
Topic: Harry Potter
Genre: Romance
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat



Yello, dear Patrons, and welcome to the last of this one chapter long fic that has lasted for-frickin’-ever. Kind of fitting that we’re ending it on Friday the Thirteenth, I guess.

In the last segment, there was … Ummm…

:flips through notes: 

Dream sequence … :flip:  Shenanigans … :flip-flip: The whole under-aged soul bond … thing …

:tosses notebook over her shoulder:

Fuck if I know what was going on.

Onward to the bitter end!

Albus had to go alone to change the story, for the greater good. he didn’t want the Longbottom line to end, but he knew Harry had to be born a year earlier if necessary to give Lord Voldemort a choice between the two boys.

I don’t really think that’s how a prophecy works, dude.

As I’ve already pointed out there were likely a number of children born around the vague time period specified by Trelawney’s prophecy – July, 1980 – and I’m sure statistically speaking a good number of them would have been male and their parents would have been apposed to Voldemort. I assume the whole reason Neville is the only other candidate is due to the fan theories that he was the Chosen One from the prophesy, not Harry.

 Hopefully the soul bond will still be in effect for Harry and Ginerva and if possible I may need to interfere again.

Because even though he’s now going to be born a year earlier, Harry is going to be the exact same person because reasons.

Wait a second … Interfere? When did he interfere before now? Was it when he gave the Potters the special soul-bonding rings? Or did I miss something during that endless dream sequence? Because I was fairly well plastered for most of it.

Don’t drink knife polish and fancy perfume, kids. You’ll end up having to get your liver vacuumed out by a guy who is overly fond of leeches, which is far less fun than it sounds.

Read the rest of this entry »

2565: Harry’s Hidden Sibling – Chapter 1, part 2

Title: Harry’s Hidden Sibling
Author: AuthorAndrewCharlusPotter
Media: Books/Movies
Topic: Harry Potter
Genre: Romance
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat


[Note from FutureGhostie – I’m not going to put a full content warning tag on this, but it goes off the rails very quickly and touches on some disturbing subject matter. Nothing graphic, but it does involve children and ‘age of consent’ shenanigans.]


Hello, dearest Patrons, and welcome to the second installment of this rambling fever-dream of a fic. In the first chunk James and Lily (and possibly another James) were married, resulting in a ‘weak’ soul bond, and a year later Dumbledore received the book prophecy from Professor Trelawney and then decided to take a quick nap. Onward into … whatever this is!

~Albus Dumbledore’s Dream~

I guess this tag is here in case having Dumbledore cast a spell on himself in a mix of broken Latin and English wasn’t enough of a clue that he was going to be forcing himself to fall asleep and have a convenient prophetic dream.

St. Mungo’s…

Sept. 19, 1979

This is Hermione’s canonical birth date, although I would assume she was born in a Muggle hospital and not St. Mungo’s. I doubt any wizarding family would go to St. Mungo’s – or, to use the hospital’s full name, St Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries – for a normal birth since childbirth is not a magical malady or injury. There’s not really a lot of information regarding childbirth given in the books, but St. Mungo’s various floors are described and none of them contain a maternity wing so I assume that wizarding families either go elsewhere or use the services of a magical midwife or something similar.

Albus made his way along with his headmistress Minerva McGonagall to visit old friends of theirs who have just given birth to their first child.

Minerva said, “She’s beautiful.”

Is McGonagall practicing for when she sees the baby, or does she think the hallway is beautiful?

Lily smiled, “She is she has James’s eyes just a shade dark and could be mistaken for brown but there is a tinge of blue-grey to be known as hazel eyes and she has my father’s hair.

I think Lily is still enjoying the effects of whatever medication they’ve given her. I wish she would share.

Read the rest of this entry »