2309: Varren-Chasing Simulator: Unwanted Sychological Advisement — Chapter 4 Part 1

Title: Mass Effect: United Species Aliance [sic]
Author: Delfim the Black Kitsune
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Sci-fi/Romance
URL: Chapter 4
Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai and Specialist Adrian Sevarra

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Mass Effect: United Species Aliance. Last time the Nautilus wound up ambushed over Horizon by a salarian I am almost positive was voiced by Tim Currey, but thanks to Commander Delfim’s passable ability to recognize and respond to extremely basic maneuvering tactics the crew of the USA’s ultra-high-tech billion-credit supership were able to narrowly escape with only moderate damage. And also kill every last one of the salarians.

hfy_4_delfim

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2305: Pokemon The Kanto Harem Chronicles – Chapters Four and Five

Title: Pokemon The Kanto Harem Chronicles
Author: Prince Sonic WindStriker
Media: Video Game
Topic: Pokemon
Genre: Romance/Adventure
URL: Chapter 4 and Chapter 5
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

WARNING: This fanfiction contains several NSFW elements, including possible scenes of sexual activity with a minor. I do plan on skipping over all portions of the fic with underage sexual activity, but reader discretion is HIGHLY advised.

Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome back for more chapters in the fucking Pokemon child pornography fanfic. I’m your host Herr Wozzeck, and…

*sigh*

Well, since we’re really gonna do this fic some more, let’s just get right into it, yes? Anything I could say at this moment really won’t change the fact that this is written by a guy who really needs the services of a mental health professional, so let’s just get into it!

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2304: Maya and Raider – Chapter XIII

Title: Maya and Raider
AuthorEclipsepheniox
Media: Video Game
Topic: Borderlands
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: Chapter 13
Critiqued by Delta XIII

Well, it was only slightly more than one month this time! That’s progress, right?
…right?
(plsdontkillme)

Anyway, let’s get on with this.

EVERYTHING WRONG
WITH
Maya and Raider
Chapter 13

(spoilers)
(as if you care)

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2303: Varren-Chasing Simulator: Unwanted Sychological Advisement — Chapter 3 Part 3

Title: Mass Effect: United Species Aliance [sic]
Author: Delfim the Black Kitsune
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Sci-fi/Romance
URL: Chapter 3
Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai and Specialist Adrian Sevarra

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Mass Effect: United Species Aliance. Last time the Nautilus finally started its actual mission, which began as a shakedown cruise over Horizon, then turned into a reconnaissance mission, and is now shaping up to be a full-scale attritional slugfest. More specifically, Admiral Shepard (who, remember, was originally not supposed to be a significant element in this story) got reports of ‘mysterious ships’ showing up near the planet, and so decided to send the untested, skeleton-crewed Nautilus out to find them. Then Captain Delfim came across an Incredibly Obvious Trap in the form of a derelict salarian freighter and, instead of radioing in the discovery and skedaddling like a sensible person would do and like he was explicitly ordered to do, he decided he was going to stay and fight the three other ships that showed up to spring the trap.

hfy_3_delfim

We left off just as the order to general quarters was given, although of course Delfim didn’t call it that, he called it ‘ALL PERSONAL, BATTLE POSITIONS AND WEAPONS ARMED’ because why spend two words on something when you can spend ten?

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2298: Varren-Chasing Simulator: Unwanted Sychological Advisement — Chapter 3 Part 2

Title: Mass Effect: United Species Aliance [sic]
Author: Delfim the Black Kitsune
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Sci-fi/Romance
URL: Chapter 3
Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai and Specialist Adrian Sevarra

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Mass Effect: United Species Aliance!

Last time, Commander Delfin toured the Nautilus even though we already learned everything about it in the beginning of Chapter Two, and had another argument with the pet varren he for some reason decided to bring with him on a combat deployment. Other than that not a lot got done, and what did get done got done really fucking slowly.”

bingo_2

Yeah, this story is shaping up to be less “Humanity fuck yeah!” and more just “Delfim fuck yeah!”. Or possibly “Dialogue fuck yeah!”.

Speaking of which, we left off just before Delfim was preparing to make a ship-wide speech to rally his crew. Given that last time it took him multiple paragraphs to tell his pet varren not to piss on things, I’m not optimistic.”

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My Inner Life: Redux – Chapter 1 Part 1 (FILLER!)

[Sorry this is late, but nobody scheduled anything for today and this has been sitting around in the drafts for a while. It’s another slightly-updated scrapped riff from years ago, because we need more filler, and why let this go to waste, right?

Also, rereading before posting, there are a surprising number of BadJamags’ catchphrases and running gags that I started with GoodJamags in this riff. Huh.]

Title: My Inner Life
Author: Link’s Queen
Media: Video Game
Topic: Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: My Inner Life (Full Story)
Critiqued by BatJamags (GoodJamags)

*GoodJamags walks into the secret base’s prison block. There is a glass cell at the end of the hall.*

*In the glass cell, BadJamags is waiting*

BadJamags: Hello, GoodJamags.

Drop the Hannibal Lecter routine and tell me how to stop the fic.

BadJamags: Now, now. Is that any way to greet an old friend?

I never met you before I went through the portal. Tell me how to stop the fic.

BadJamags: *Sigh* You can’t stop it. Door won’t let you out until you riff it, and you can’t close it without going through Door.

Didn’t I explode the door for my dramatic entrance?

BadJamags: Not the door, Door. He respawned and is back where he started.

Are you implying the door is sentient?

BadJamags: Actually…

BadJamags: I have no fucking idea, but it kinda seems like it could be the case. I’m not bullshitting you about needing to riff the fic, though.

Why can’t I just let it sit there?

BadJamags: BLUE.

Makes sense to me.

*In the riffing chamber*

Hello once again for the first time, patrons! I’m your guest host, GoodJamags.

Today, I’ll be picking up where my evil counterpart left off with My Inner Life.

Last time, Link’s Queen ranted, raved, and spat nails like an immature child about her reviewers supposedly ranting, raving, and spitting nails like immature children.

And she had the gall to call them hypocrites.

This time, we start the actual story.

The Beginning

Well…

At least it’s spelled properly.

I will never forget the day, the day I met Link.

*Alarms blare*

Ah, you have the DRD here too? I suppose some things are universal constants.

*John Johnson walks in*

John Johnson: Hello. My job is that whenever there’s a redundancy, I’m supposed to shoot you whenever there’s a redundancy which means I have to shoot you.

Huh?

*Headshotted in the head*

It was a warm spring day; I was on my usual trip back to Hyrule with my wagon of goods to sell in Hyrule market at the annual Spring Festival (1).

Ah. Here we have, aside from the cumbersome sentence, the first of this story’s footnotes. What does this footnote say about the annual Spring Festival?

(1) The Spring Festival is a celebration of the upcoming season change from Winter to Spring. This celebration is held every year to celebrate the planting of the year’s crops and to prey to Mother Sclyina for a prosperous crop season.

It’s an annual festival, held every spring. Thanks, Captain Obvious.

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2294: Pokemon The Kanto Harem Chronicles – Chapters 2 and 3

Title: Pokemon The Kanto Harem Chronicles
Author: Prince Sonic WindStriker
Media: Video Game
Topic: Pokemon
Genre: Romance/Adventure
URL: Chapter 2 and Chapter 3
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

WARNING: This fanfiction contains several NSFW elements, including possible scenes of sexual activity with a minor. I do plan on skipping over all portions of the fic with underage sexual activity, but reader discretion is HIGHLY advised.

Well, we’ve moved away from Harry Potter is a Communist once again, ladies and gentlemen, and we’re back on some more Pedophilic Fun Times from the Haus of Borba. This time, we’ve got more forays into the Pokemon world, and what else are we going to expect, except insane times with the little pedophilia stuff.

So… uh… I guess we’re just gonna jump into it, huh?

Let’s… uh… get started here!

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