1881: Maya and Raider – Chapter Five

Title: Maya and Raider
Author: Eclipsepheniox
Media: Video Game
Topic: Borderlands
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: Chapter 5
Critiqued by Delta XIII

[SETTING: Delta’s bedroom. Delta is sleeping in his armchair, curled up like a cat. An alarm suddenly blares from his cell phone, causing him to jerk up in shock.]

Wuzzat?!

…oh, right. The riff.

*turns off alarm*

*clears throat*

Welcome back everyone! Sorry I couldn’t do the riff in person last time, but as soon as I saw that abrupt sex scene, I knew I’d need to either put myself into a mini-coma, or drink myself into a stupor.

And after the fiasco of my last drunken stupor, well… the decision was obvious.

Anywho, on to the show!

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1880: Unknown Origins – Chapter One, Part Four

Title: Unknown Origins
Author: Cyberweasel89
Media: Video Games
Topic: Fallout: New Vegas
Genre: Adventure and Romance
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by Hiraani and Queen Malieasha of Jacelajoglia

Queenie: Hello, dear ones! Welcome back to Unknown Origins.

Welcome back to Everything Sucks: Part Nine. *continues stuffing mouth with Toaster Strudels*

Queenie: Also, Angie decided to drop Coffin Rock to devote her time to watching us suffer.

Angie: *from the other room* That’s not what I said, and you know it. But thank you for trying.

Queenie: No problem. Anyhow, when we last left off, we met Sunny Smiles, Chet continued to be a pervert beyond belief, and Hiraani had a mental breakdown.

What do you mean, had?

Queenie: Oh, but before we go on. Happy almost Halloween!

We were so close.

Queenie: Hiraani, what are you dressed up as?

I am glad you asked. I dressed up as First Lady Nancy Reagan to honor—

Queenie: I dressed up as a queen. So.

Groundbreaking.

Queenie: Let’s continue on.

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1877: Toxic Promises – Oneshot

Title: Toxic Promises
Author: Girl With The Dandelion
Media: Movies
Topic: Land Before Time / Jurassic Park
Genre: Romance / Angst
URL: Toxic Promises
Critiqued by TacoMagic

Hey,patrons,welcomebacktoWednesday!Ididn’tsleepwelllastnightandhavehadfivecupsofcoffeeinthelasthoursoletsgetriffing!

BAAAAAAAA!

*GONG*

Thanks, bud, I think I’m good now.

So, it wouldn’t be a one-shot marathon without something with dinosaurs in it!

BAAAAAA!

Adopted doesn’t count because it wasn’t a one-shot.

Anyway, for our obligatory Dinosaur fic, I’ve got a cross that could possibly work!  It doesn’t, but it could!  The cross is Land Before Time and Jurassic Park.  And I’m saying it could work because they both involve dinosaurs.  You know, sorta like how The Shawshank Redemption and Ace Ventura both have humans in it!

Since neither of these are new canons, we can just get right to it with the summary!

What normally would have taken months, even years to adjust to, took only a few minutes for Cera to fathom.

Hey look, overwrought prose in an angst fic, who could have predicted that!?

BAAA.

Look, personally I consider the word misuse a bonus, but you can call it what you like.

Given that summary and the edgelord name “Toxic Promises” you all should have some idea of what we’re getting into.  So let’s go!

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1874: Unknown Origins – Chapter One, Part Three

Title: Unknown Origins
Author: Cyberweasel89
Media: Video Games
Topic: Fallout: New Vegas
Genre: Adventure and Romance
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by Hiraani and Queen Malieasha of Jacelajoglia

Helloooo, friends. I’m Hiraani…

Queenie: I’m Malie.

And today we’re reviewing more Unknown Origins. Joy. Last time we drank. It was fun. Let’s read.

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1872: Slenderman: 8 Pages of Ecstasy Part I – Oneshot

Title: Slenderman: 8 Pages of Ecstasy: Part I
Author: HidingFromSlender
Media: Video Game/Creepypasta
Topic: Slender: The Eight Pages
Genre: Romance/Horror
URL Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons!

You know, after the unexpected skeleton sex last time I thought I would go a little easier on you fine people.

I thought about it, but I’m not.

As you can tell from the title and header, this is a Slender Man fic – and it is a Romance! You know how much I love those. This is also a Horror fic, and really does have a little touch of horror in it. (Also a little touching and some very odd euphemisms.) It doesn’t get very graphic, but it really isn’t the sort of thing you should expose young, impressionable minds to either.

Let’s look at the summary!

She finds herself in the clutches of Slender, first in pleasure, then in terror.

I hope this isn’t a Reader fic; poor Whirlybat is still traumatized from the skeleton sex. Let’s go to the fic and see, shall we?

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1867: One Night – Oneshot

Title: One Night
Author: MooneyNights
Media: Video Game
Topic: Undertale
Genre: ”Romance”
URL Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

—WARNING—

—CONTAINS SEXUALLY EXPLICIT MATERIAL—

—NSFW/NSFC—

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to a little oneshot I found recently in a canon we haven’t explored before – Undertale. You know what that means, right?

:cracks knuckles:

Prepare for a SC-style info-dump!

Undertale is a top-down dungeon crawling RPG with old-school pixelated graphics that has a genderless child named Frisk as the main character. Frisk falls into the Underground, a secret realm under the Earth where monsters were banished by the strongest human wizards after the humans defeated the monsters in a war. There is a magic barrier separating the monsters from the human world and only those who possess a human soul can cross this barrier. In order to destroy the barrier, seven human souls are needed – and it is revealed that Asgore Dreemurr, the King of the Underground, has six souls harvested from humans who have fallen into the Underground. Due to some very tragic back story, Asgore has declared war on humanity and wants Frisk’s soul to break the barrier. (But he’s not the only one.) Asgore is very conflicted about it and seems genuinely sad that he has to kill the player to achieve his goals, but he is willing to do it.

The sad yet murderous bastard

Frisk has to travel through the Underground to reach their goal and on the way meets skeleton brothers, an anime-obsessed scientist with a massive crush on a badass one-eyed fish woman, that same one-eyed fish woman, sexy seahorse men, the Tems, and other assorted characters along the way. There are three main paths that the game can take; Neutral, Pacifist, and Genocide. Like most RPGs there is a points system; in this case killing monsters will increase the player’s LV (also called LOVE) and EXP. However, it’s not until just before the big boss fight with Asgore that it is explained by Sans, a deceptively laid-back skeleton who likes to make bad puns and whose dialogue is in lowercase Comic Sans (get it?), that the LV/LOVE stands for Level Of ViolencE that measures your capacity to hurt others and the EXP are EXecution Points, which are a way of quantifying the pain you have inflicted on others. If you have been killing the citizens of the Underground to increase your LV and EXP, you’ve actually been a horrible villain and not a hero.

Oops.

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1864: Maya and Raider – Chapter Four

Title: Maya and Raider
Author: EclipsePheniox
Media: Video Game
Topic: Borderlands
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: Chapter 4
Critiqued by Delta XIII

[SETTING: The bedroom mentioned in the trailer for this series. There is now a black armchair in front of the bed, low enough so as to not block the TV. Delta is slumped over in this chair, keyboard still in his lap, fast asleep while relaxing music plays quietly from the TV. As the music comes to an end, a recorded message suddenly starts playing.]

Hi everybody! Sorry I can’t greet you personally, but even after just skimming through this chapter, I just know I’m going to need a veeeeeeery long nap to recover. Don’t worry, by the time you get this message, the riff will already be done and dusted, so without further ado:

EVERYTHING WRONG
WITH
Maya and Raider
Chapter 4

 

(dear God)
(why am I doing this to myself)

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