2641: My Heart Beats For Love – Finale

Title: My Heart Beats For Love
Author: 9PoisonIvy9
Media: TV Show
Topic: BBC Sherlock
Genre: Romance/Family
URL: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/6224389/10/
Critiqued by Em Kay, Conan the Snakebarian, and David, the Czech Exchange Student

**WARNING**

This fic romanticizes domestic violence. Anyone sensitive to this may wish to avoid this fic.

Hello again, Librarians and patrons. I’m here, sheltering in place with David, the Czech Exchange Student-

David: Halo.

-and Conan the Snakebarian-

Conan: Sss!

-for the fifth and final installment of everyone’s favorite BBC Sherlock songfic!

*crickets*

So let’s go ahead and snip the title-

*snip*

-the summary-

*snip*

-and the song lyrics-

*snip*

-that the author refuses to leave off of each chapter.

Chapter 10

I may look like nothing to you,

But I can fight and I will fight

That’s the opposite of what has been happening in this fic.

Anyway, let’s get to the recap that the author also refuses to remove from every. Single. Chapter.

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2637: My Heart Beats For Love, Chapters Seven, Eight, and Nine

Title: My Heart Beats For Love
Author: https://m.fanfiction.net/u/2168747/
Media: TV Show
Topic: BBC Sherlock
Genre: Romance/Family
URL: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/6224389/7/
Critiqued by Em Kay, Conan the Snakebarian, and David the Czech Exchange Student

**WARNING**

This fic romanticizes domestic violence. Anyone sensitive to this may wish to avoid this fic.

Hello again, patrons and Librarians! I’m Em Kay, hunkering here, snackless, in the loaner riff chamber with Conan-

Conan: Ssss!

-and David.

David: Gratings.

Today we’re hopefully going to tackle three chapters of our lovely songfic, since two of them are very short.

Let’s cut right to the recap, shall we?

Last time, Sherlock and John had a sleepover at EmmySue’s palace and Daddy McEvil made EmmySue even more of a D.I.D. because Sherlock didn’t fall for her the first time.

To the fic!

Title: My Heart Beats For Love

Still a bad title for anything.

Then there’s the summary-

*snip*

-and song lyrics-

*snip*

-which leaves us with less than a page of actual chapter.

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2643: My Heart Beats For Love – Chapters Five and Six

Title: My Heart Beats For Love
Author: https://m.fanfiction.net/u/2168747/
Media: TV Show
Topic: BBC Sherlock
Genre: Romance/Family
URL: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/6224389/5/
Critiqued by Em Kay, Conan the Snakebarian, David the Czech Exchange Student

**WARNING**

This fic romanticizes domestic violence. Anyone sensitive to this may wish to avoid this fic.

*The pink Teapot of Snake sits next to Em’s desk, but no one is in sight.*

*muffled shouts are heard in the hallway and Conan cautiously peeks his head out of the cauldron-sized teapot*

*A bedraggled Em rips the door open and rushes inside clutching a single bag of Circus Peanuts, slamming the door closed quickly behind her*

-selves a civilized society!

*the muffled shouts slowly dissipate*

Oh, *ahem* hello there, Librarians and patrons! Isn’t it a great day to stay inside, practice some social distancing, and *eyes the door* not hoard all the snack foods?

*Em takes her seat at the desk next to Conan, who eyes the bag quizzically*

Today we should pass the halfway mark of this pointless songfic, which is good because I’m getting tired of EmmySue’s Sound of Music stage family.

Quick recap:

Daddy McEvil, who has an “everlasting life” stone that somehow helps him change identities, showed up to give EmmySue an excuse to call Sherlock and Watson over.

*Em opens the bag and reluctantly bites into a Circus Peanut*

Conan: Sssss?

It was either this or unsweet tea, and ain’t nobody taking that.

Hey, where’s David?

Conan: *shrugs* Sss.

How do you do that without shoulders?

Well, I’m sure he’ll show up. Let’s get this over with.

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2639: Mileena’s Humanity – Chapter Six

Title: Mileena’s Humanity
Author:  Spirit.of.Bardock
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mortal Kombat
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/11898341/6/
Critiqued by: ME-Iron-Maiden

Hello everyone and welcome to a new installment of “Mileena’s Humanity”. I’m your host ME-Iron-Maiden and last time I absolutely lost my shit over the MASSIVE shark jump that is Ju’Stu, an untrained rando, having the stamina to have a nine session sex marathon with Mileena and somehow having the strength to kill legendary God-killer Liu Kang. We also got teased with a showdown between Mileena and Kitana only for the author to completely ignore it and only show us Mileena walking away from whatever happened there.

We also got an updated Darwin List

  1. Performed an unprovoked attack on Mileena
  2. Isn’t afraid of the teeth she can easily use to rip him in half
  3. Seems intent on pissing her off
  4. Gives her weapons
  5. Invades her personal space when she’s pissed off
  6. Casually keeps his guard down around the psychotic cannibal
  7. Takes a commanding/bossy tone with a woman who is known as the Mad Empress of Outworld for her sadism and brutality to her own subjects
  8. Gets preachy with Mileena after finger-flicking her forehead
  9. Makes out with the cannibal who has teeth that can tear a chunk out of a thresher maw
  10. Lets the cannibal give him a blowjob
  11. Shakes the violent cannibal awake from a dead sleep

With that out of the way, let’s get to it. We start with yet another author’s note.

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2623: My Heart Beats For Love – Chapters Three and Four

Title: My Heart Beats For Love
Author: 9PoisonIvy9
Media: TV Show
Topic: BBC Sherlock
Genre: Romance/Family
URL: My Heart Beats For Love
Critiqued by Em Kay

**WARNING**

This fic romanticizes domestic violence. Anyone sensitive to this may wish to avoid this fic.

*Conan opens the door for Em, whose arms are loaded down with snacks. David is already seated on his stool next to Em’s desk.*

Greetings and salutations, Librarians and patrons! I’m Em Kay. You remember David-

David: Halo.

and Conan.

Conan: Sssss.

 We’re back with more of the vaguely domestic violencey, vaguely murdery, BBC Sherlock songfic, My Heart Beats For Love.

*Em dumps the snacks onto the desk and takes her seat.*

Last time, Sherlock and John took one look at the plot and immediately abandoned it. Instead, they hung out with adoptive mom/half-brother EmmySue until she kicked them out.

*Em opens a bag of chips*

Let’s see how long it takes us to get to Chapter 3.

Title: My Heart Beats For Love

Yup. Still stupid.

Then we have the summary again

*snip*

-and more lyrics from the title song.

*snip*

Chapter 3

Ah, here we go. Chapter 3.

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