Title: Love and War
Author: Z3R0 L0V3
Media: Video Game
Genre: Adventure / Romance
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by eatpraylove
Welcome back to “Love and War,” fellow patrons. Last chapter, we met our protagonist, Princess Dawn of Sinnoh, and her intended, Prince Paul of Hoenn (rather than of Veilstone for some reason). We also met the author’s primary flaws as, well, an author: Terse paragraphs, a total lack of background description, punctuation errors I didn’t waste time pointing out, and a helping of clichés just for good measure.
(I’m still scratching my head over the visible lack of any actual Pokémon in this AU.)
We also got treated to an equally daybook (thanks to BatJamags for reminding me what that’s called in the comments section) but far more dramatic ending that hinted at a larger plot than just relationship drama! Let’s see where it goes from here. And before I forget, the cliché counter is currently at five.
*sits back down in riffing chair*
*sips tea* Ahhhh. Tea makes everything more bearable.
Hello, dear Patrons!
As has become my custom lately, I’ve decided to clear out a few short fics and/or oneshots before starting on something longer. This particular fic is just two short chapters; there’s been no activity on the fic since early 2018 so it possibly has been abandoned, but then again we’ve seen authors go longer stretches between updates before. It’s also from the Jurassic Park/World canon, but this time I’ve picked a fic that doesn’t contain human/raptor hybrids or sparklepires. Probably. It’s been a while since I skimmed through it.
To the fic!
I was outside working on my dirt bike my dad got me to drive around on.
Your dad bought you a broken dirt bike? I guess he really doesn’t want to to “ride around” all that much.
The stupid thing kept stalling. I would have to go to the main park to get the stuff i need to fix it.
Because parks are well-known for stocking spare parts for crotch-rockets.
I looked up when i heard the door to the bungalow open.
…Is Nameless fixing their bike inside a house?
“Morning sweetheart.” my dad said as he walked down the steps and kissed me on the head. “Morning dad. Did you see breakfast on the counter?” he nodded and sat down in front of his own bike. “I did. Thank you.” i mumbled a quiet your welcome. He had a late night last night with the girls. They’ve been moody lately. Usually when he’s up super late he has a headache when he wakes up.
Are we eventually going to get some sort of description of something? Where this bungalow is, who Nameless is, who their father is, what “girls” he was up late with, anything? Are these “girls” children who couldn’t sleep, or was Daddy Nameless out with some bar-skanks?