1973: Bid My Blood To Run — Chapter 1

Title: Bid My Blood To Run
Author: Jaeger Gypsy Danger, who somewhat oddly has written no Pacific Rim ‘fics
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Romance/Hurt-Comfort
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued By: AdmiralSakai and Senior Cabalist-Lieutenant Rijus Ta’nin

WARNING

The ‘fic being riffed today contains potential flamebait in the form of yet another borderline-abusive relationship. And also more pseudo-MRA bullshit.
And porn. Lots and lots of porn.

Hello hello all you patrons. Rijus and I are back once more-

Please let me go, or at least let me die with some modicum of honor.”

-with another Mass Effect ‘fic, and while the last one basically forgot that turians existed, this one loves them a little too much.

Summary: A different approach to the FemShep/Garrus relationship. He’s a turian and perhaps not always the kind-hearted and gentle teddy bear we’ve come to expect. Adult situations about adult relationships. Rated M for a good reason.

TITLE: Bid My Blood To Run

CHAPTER: One

AN: Three Evanescence songs “Bring Me to Life,” “Haunted,” and “My Immortal” served as my inspiration. Adult stuff in here.

So, Rijus, are you sure we didn’t somehow end up in an alternate timeline where the Soviet Union took over the entire galaxy, right?

Ummm… fairly, yes. Why?”

Because I’m seeing nothin’ but red flags.

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1971: A Raptor Love – Chapter 3

 

Title: A Raptor Love
Author: Neongirl786
Media: Book/Movie
Topic: Jurassic Park
Genre: Romance/Adventure
URL: Chapter 3
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to another chapter of (alleged) raptor lovin’!

In the last chapter Nameless was finally able to treat Flint’s superficial burns with magically appearing medical supplies, although they spent most of the time just watching Flint sleep like some kind of weirdo before wandering back to their dorm room. The timeline of the fic has been weird; Nameless went from a summer intern on their first day to someone who has been at the park for an extended period of time within the space of a few paragraphs. It’s a really wonky timesquiggle that really never acknowledges that there’s been any kind of linear progression of time at all.

Sunlight assaulted my eyes as birds chirped their bright, cheery morning tunes. I immediately closed my eyes, but the bright image was already burned into my retinas.

Didn’t Nameless pull all the curtains closed the night before?

My head felt groggy, like there was a thick, cloudy mist blanketing all my thoughts, and my body was a lead weight stuck on the bed.

Yeah, but you’re a college student. I don’t see how this would be different from a normal morning. It isn’t even really all that different from the previous “Nameless wakes up late” scene in the first chapter.

I reluctantly stood up, causing my sheets to pool around my ankles.

… Nameless does not know how to make their bed properly. Or they are literally standing up on top of their bed.

I shivered harshly at the abrupt cold, but knew that I had to get ready.

From what I remember, Nameless put on flannel pajamas (that they brought with them to a tropical island) before wrapping themselves in a blanket-burrito. If anything, they are probably too hot, not too cold.

Today, I’m supposed to be leading a group of people, two paleontologists, a mathematician, a lawyer and two kids, around the park, and introduce them to most of our dinosaurs while going over the safety measures we take into account for both the guests and the animals.

…Right. Because of course the park would want to give such a tremendous responsibility for a tour that will determine if the board of directors will continue funding the park – a role which the park owner John Hammond has in the original, highlighting just how important it is – to the summer intern who can’t even come in out of the rain at night.

:headdesks:

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1968: A Raptor Love – Chapter 2

 

Title: A Raptor Love
Author: Neongirl786
Media: Book/Movie
Topic: Jurassic Park
Genre: Romance/Adventure
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to another chapter of exciting dinosaur on human action!

At least I assume we’ll eventually be getting to the exciting dinosaur on human action; the first chapter did little more than introduce the nameless and genderless protagonist before dumping them into the raptor enclosure alone with no supplies and no hope of doing anything useful.

Let’s see how they’re doing, shall we?

The alpha raptor lying on the damp ground eyed me wearily as I settled on my knees beside her.

Despite only being injured on her forelimbs, the raptor is laying down in a vulnerable position. I’m still kind of hoping she’s the bait to get Nameless closer, but that’s probably just wishful thinking.

Her clawed hands were burned a deep, dark red and trembled underneath her weight as she attempted to stand and assert her dominance.

If she was so concerned with trying to assert her dominance, why was she laying down in the first place? Showing a weakness, like those burns, would just be asking for one of the other raptors to challenge for the position of alpha.

That’s when I noticed it.

What?

“She” was actually a he!

… So ‘it’ is the raptor’s penis?

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1965: A Raptor Love – Chapter 1

Title: A Raptor Love
Author: Neongirl786
Media: Book/Movie
Topic: Jurassic Park
Genre: Romance/Adventure
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons!

As you can tell from the fic rundown, this is a Jurassic Park Romance fic, and – surprise, surprise – it isn’t Taco who’s riffing it!

Shocking, I know.

Let’s take a look at the summary, shall we?

My first Jurrasic Park fic and my second actual fic. A girl is working on Isla Nublar when the storm comes and all the power is shut off. The raptors, who have taken a liking to her after she visited them several times, see this as a chance to escape, but the alpha isn’t leaving without her, his mate. This story is basically their adventures and struggles before and after the storm

Yeah, this looks like another fic ‘inspired’ by Raptor and I or Life with Raptors or any of the numerous other fics written in this vein. Taco wasn’t kidding when he said there were a lot of these. Most likely the Sue will be a high school student inexplicably hired as a groundskeeper and/or vet tech and receive countless special privileges despite have no qualifications that would entitle them to such.

~I just wanted to say a quick thanks to all my readers, old and new~

I just had a birthday, so I’m now one year closer to being an old reader. I’ve already got my shakin’ cane polished and a rocking chair to go with my horde of cats.

Today was my first day on the job and I was scared witless.

That sounds about right for a first job.

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1960: Whatever McGill Can Do I Will Do Better – Chapter 4

 

 

Title: Whatever McGill Can Do I Will Do Better
Author: Beowulf the Novelborn
Media: Video Game
Topic: Subnautica
Genre: Adventure/”Romance”
URL Chapter 4
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to another updated fic!

This is the Subnautica fic of asteroid-punching ship defenses fame, the previous chapters can be found here. The timing is quite appropriate, considering that the game finally fully launched on Tuesday after years in beta and having the launch date constantly pushed back due to technical problems. (EDIT: And in a nicely ironic turn of events, the launch livestream ended up being delayed due to technical difficulties.)

When last we left the “trouble-sought son” he was playing around with the fabricator and scanner, and there was an unknown person trapped in a PRAWN suit who managed to blast themselves out of some sand.

On to the fic!

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1959: Maya and Raider – Chapter Nine

Title: Maya and Raider
Author: 
Eclipsepheniox
Media: Video Game
Topic: Borderlands
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: 
Chapter 9
Critiqued by Delta XIII

Happy New Year, peeps and creeps! (yes, I know the New Year has long since passed, shut up.)
Welp, let’s get on with this.

EVERYTHING WRONG
WITH
Maya and Raider
Chapter 9

(here we go again)

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1948: THE PRINCESS BRIDE: LADY IN WAITING – Chapter Two, Part Two

Title: THE PRINCESS BRIDE: LADY IN WAITING
Author: GaGa4FrightNight
Media: Movie
Topic: The Princess Bride (Movie Version)
Genre: Romance/Humor
URL:Chapter Two
Critiqued by Lina

*Lina plops down into Lyle’s chair and presses a few buttons on the desk.*

She owes me so much for this.

*pops her neck and rolls her shoulders*

Welcome, Patrons, to THE PURPLE BRIDE: LADY IS WHINING.  I’m Lina and I’m taking over for Lyle today.  She has a new work schedule and can’t be here right now.

*straightens a few papers on the desk and glances at them*

If I’ve gone over Lyle’s notes correctly, the last time we saw this fic, the Sue coerced a marriage proposal from Humperdinck while he was tied to a bed.  Then they fucked, although they did so “off screen,” so the thesaurus was spared from having to come up with twenty different ways to say they fucked.  Small victories.

Let’s see what this chapter has in store for us.

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