1768: The Girl – Chapter Nine

Title: The Girl
Author: MRobitussin
Media: Books
Topic: The Outsiders
Genre: Romance
URL: Chapter Nine
Critiqued by Angie and Hiraani

*shakes Magic 8 Ball* Will there be Socs and Greasers in this chapter?

“Ask Later.”

*Angie walks angrily into the broom closet, sopping wet. Hiraani is waiting for her. She sits down*

Hiraani: What happened?

Nothing.

Hiraani: Why are you all wet?

No reason.

Hiraani: …you fell into the shark tank again, didn’t you.

…maybe.

Why are you here?

Hiraani: You said I could riff with you.

Oh. *rubs eyes* That’s right. Alright, let’s read The Girl.

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1764: Fall to Equestria – Chapter Fifteen (But really Chapter Thirteen)

Title: Fall to Equestria
Author: doomboom1234
Media: Television/Cartoon
Topic: My Little Pony: FIM
Genre: Sex/Comedy/Human/Random/Romance
URL:  Chapter Fifteen Thirteen
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai and Serketry

-WARNING-

Beware, for here be dragons. Or at least more hardcore pony porn.

Hello hello all you patrons!

Welcome back to Fall to Equestria, ruining awesome characters since late 2012.

Last time our plucky protagonist Loser Martin was captured by the Changelings, promptly escaped through a method so stupid and thermodynamically dubious that I refuse to even recap it, and then immediately turned himself in again. This led to fortunately unconsummated sexytimes with Queen Chrysalis, who apparently was not evil at all and just misunderstood (needing a whole three sentences from the Stu to devolve into a sobbing wreck). Then Princess Celestia showed up and did the first sensible thing in the ‘fic, namely magic-blasting Loser Martin to within an inch of his life while trying to shoot the Queen.

With his miraculous Stu powers he somehow survived the blast. Well, he’s bleeding out, but considering that that Celestia was trying to kill Chrysalis and we’ve seen her literally blast enemies apart, Loser should be chunky salsa by now.

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1762: Love & Bullets – Chapter Ten

Title: Love & Bullets
Author: MissScorp
Media: Comics
Topic: Batman
Genre: Drama/Romance
URL: Chapter 10
Critiqued by BatJamags (BadJamags and GoodJamags)

WARNING: Author still thinks she can write about domestic abuse. Given that she can’t write healthy interpersonal relationships, my hopes aren’t high. Thankfully, it’s still just referenced and not shown.

What do you need us for? count: 12

Dick is a dick count: 7

Bullet count: 0

Hello, once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BadJamags…

GoodJamags: … And I’m your guest guest host, GoodJamags…

… And we’re back for more of Love & Bullets, the fic that should be over already. Last time, we had another pointless fucking flashback. This time, we’ll dive into chapter 10 and hope that the fic will actually do something.

GoodJamags: And in case you’re wondering, no. The canned author’s note hasn’t gone away. Sadly. It’s not that bad on a first viewing, but at the top of every chapter, it’s just frustrating to see.

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1760: Brego’s Mistress – Chapter Four

Title: Brego’s Mistress
Author: hannah.jpg
Media: Books
Topic: Lord of the Rings
Genre: Drama and Romance
URL: Chapter Four
Critiqued by Angie

I’m too harsh on fanfiction. You know? I, uh…it’s just been a really really weird year full of a lot really weird fanfiction.

Let’s just…let’s just get into another chapter with no plot of Brego’s Mistress.

*coughs, hacks*

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1757: Fall to Equestria – Chapter Fourteen (Which is really Chapter Twelve)

Title: Fall to Equestria
Author: doomboom1234
Media: Television/Cartoon
Topic: My Little Pony: FIM
Genre: Sex/Comedy/Human/Random/Romance
URL:  Chapter Fourteen Twelve
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai and Serketry

-WARNING-

While there’s nothing at all explicit for a change, this chapter does contain some potential flamebait in the form of nonconsensual Changeling ‘seduction’ attempts.

Hello hello, all you patrons, and welcome back to the horror that is Fall of Equestria.

Last time Loser Martin got into a pretty explicit ‘massage’ with Aloe and Lotus…

And racked up a bunch more sexual favors…

… then had the ‘pleasure’ of finding Princess Luna sleeping ontop of him like the world’s largest, pointiest housecat before someone or something

Wasn’t me! (Though I wish it was…)

finally did what we’ve all been wanting to do since Chapter One and knocked him out cold.

Bad touch counter: 47

He woke up in a room with green slime and a mattress, and that brings us to Chapter Twelve, “Understanding the misunderstood”.

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1756: Love & Bullets – Chapter Nine

Title: Love & Bullets
Author: MissScorp
Media: Comics
Topic: Batman
Genre: Drama/Romance
URL: Chapter 9
Critiqued by BatJamags (BadJamags and GoodJamags)

What do you need us for? count: 12

Dick is a dick count: 7

Bullet count: 0

Hello, once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BadJamags…

GoodJamags: … And I’m your guest guest host, GoodJamags…

… And we’re back for more of Love & Bullets, the fic where I’ve literally lost count of how many chapters it’s been since the plot moved forward. So far, the format has just been:

Someone points out something entirely logical.

A pointless flashback meant to counter their point happens, but fails to actually address the point.

A cliffhanger happens that doesn’t actually lead to anything different from what we’ve been seeing this whole time.

GoodJamags: So, let’s hope that chapter nine will actually do something.

If it does, it’ll be after the canned author’s note.

GoodJamags: And the line break! Don’t forget the line break!

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1755: Earth to Skinny – Chapter One

Title: Earth to Skinny
Author:
CrashBurnGlobal
Media:
Cartoons
Topic:
Steven Universe
Genre:
Romance/Humor
URL:
Chapter 1
Critiqued by KittyNoodles

I have no guests with me today. I need none. Any humor in this will either be black as pitch or extremely dry. Don’t complain; it’s still Lent at the time of writing, and I tried to give up an activity I do not have the physical fortitude to give up for forty-six days.

I don’t care if that’s too much information. I’m wallowing in failure, and the only way I can think of to lift my spirits is by riffing bad fanfiction.

I’m sure we’re all familiar with one CrashBurnGlobal, yes? The lovely ficcer who graced our library with his presence and expressed a great deal of dissatisfaction with our less than impressed reception of his work?

Unfortunately for CBG, doing this drew attention to him. It elevated him from bad ficcer of the week to someone worth looking at a little more closely, and so – being a creature driven almost entirely by curiosity and spite – I did just that.

CrashBurnGlobal has written a Steven Universe fanfiction.

Poorly.

Hello, naughty ficcer. It’s riffing time.

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