Hello hello all you patrons! Welcome back to The Lone Wolf Of The Normandy.
“Last time the Normandy finally got to this random ‘jungle planet’ the Kilimanjaro was ditched on, dropped off the various Spartans it had onboard, and then immediately left again.
I really can’t blame them.
Anyway, pretty much the whole rest of the chapter was spent watching Jun, Six, Jorge, and that stupid ‘Blaze’ fucker wandering around killing a bunch of batarians in increasingly stupid ways before the UNSC Spirit Of Fire showed up out of the fucking blue and dropped off a fuck-load of troops to further fuck things up.”
Show and Tell Counter: 66
Amorous Counter: 116
Collateral Douchebag Counter: 39
Sorry these keep taking so long; my laptop was having a few problems. Plus, it takes me a while to regain the motivation to continue with this.
I’m starting to think I should have stuck with squirrelking fics a bit longer.
By the way, from now on, I’m going to keep my 500 sins of pettiness separate from the main counter and add them in at the end. This is mostly to make it easier for me to type, so that I don’t have to keep remembering to add the extra 500.
- Title: The Frozen Nightwatch
Media: Video Game/Movie
Topic: Five Nights at Freddy’s/Frozen
URL: Chapter 3
Critiqued by Ghostcat
Hello, and welcome to the third (and so far last) chapter!
At the end of the last chapter – which was full of the dry recitation of the deaths of many, many citizens of Arendelle as well as a gross cold and soggy chocolate pancake/whole strawberry/whipped non-dairy product sandwich – Anna read Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza ad in the newspaper and immediately decided that it was the perfect job for her despite the opposite being true.
On to the fic!
Oh, look; a time stamp. :eye-twitch: Awesome. Just what the fic needed.
Hey, folks! It’s that time again! Time for Earthbound!
*Swenia swaggers in carrying Jiwe*
“Good, that seems tame enough.”
What are you doing here?
“Procuring a babysitter.”
*Swenia plops Jiwe onto Taco’s lap*
What!? Why? Can’t you use one of the minions?
“Not today. We’re busy getting the birthday party ready and, as you know, that’s an ‘all hands on deck’ situation. And since somebody is too busy riffing to help, I figured he could at least watch the guest of honor while we set up.”
That time of year again, is it?
“I’ve been told to expect it almost annually. Now you two have fun!”
*Swenia saunters out*
Can’t you just walk like normal people!?
“I’m not a normal people!”
*Taco heaves a sigh and look at Jiwe*
I suppose you’re my co-pilot today, then.
Title: Unknown Origins
Media: Video Games
Topic: Fallout: New Vegas
Genre: Adventure and Romance
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by Angie and Hiraani
Helloooo, friends! My name is Hiraani, and Angie…. *awkwardly looks over to Angie, slamming her head against the wall*
Angie: It’s stupid! It’s so fucking stupid! This fic is terrible!
Angie needs a little break, so I’m going to be filling in for this chapter. Which…judging by the Prologue, will take me eleven years. That’s okay! Let’s dive into Unkno—
Queenie: *slams open the door with her foot* I AM HERE TO HELP.
Queenie: I HAVE BEEN SENT BY THE ROYAL GUARD.
Queenie: No, the royal guard.
Okay. So Gumdrop.
Queenie: Anyway, they informed me that inferior human left you alone to review this fic.
Angie? She’s not that bad. And it’s only for this chapter—
Queenie: The chapter that will take several thousand weeks to review in its entirety? Right. Let’s take a look at Unknown Origins.
Hello, and welcome back to another chapter of potential trollfic! In the last chapter we were presented with the implausible scenario of the entire country of Arendelle moving to Portland, Oregon followed by an exceptionally dull play-by-play of some of the gameplay mechanics.
Never have I prayed so fervently for a jumpscare.
On to the fic!
# -Back at the sisters’ house, Saturday, March 17, 1983- #
Yay, another time-stamp. And it’s one that reminds me of a gritty crime drama, which is going to put a weird cast on things.
Anna lay in her bed, snuggled up in her bed sheets with her red hair all messed up.
A nice warm bed with a built-in snuggle buddy sounds pretty damn good.
She then woke to a familiar smell.
This is why you shouldn’t have spicy foods before bed.
Yeah, right; I’m sure it was ‘chocolate’ that she was smelling.
She blinked open her sleepy eyes, and smelled the scent of chocolate getting heavier.
Someone open a window before she melts the wallpaper!
She sat up in her bed and rubbed her eyes with her right hand as to get the bits of sleep out. She was now wide awake.
Anna wakes up a lot faster than I do, and I usually have several hungry cats wanting my attention to help me out.
‘Is Elsa cooking something?’ she thought to herself.
Or the house could be made out of chocolate and is also on fire. But your hypothesis is good, too.
Media: Video Games
Genre: Stupid Fucking Idiots Doing Stupid Shit
URL: Chapter Three
Critiqued by Leider Hosen and Sabre-Captain Kallybre Drygg
!!Warning!! Atop previous warnings of abduction trivialization, suddenly and from behind we have mild rape trivialization. Great.
Welcome patrons, to the fanfics! Last time on “Succubus”: Kitty Sue went to her “home”, which is really a trust between two sly business owners, and made poorly written love to Sammy G. In the haze of afterglow, Sammy G warped her into Skyrim and played mad scientist with her DNA. And that’s about it.
-Kallybre chugs from a sizable cask of whisky- Huff, I believe I’m in the proper state of mind to be reading this now. Let’s get it over with.