2194: Mandalorian Effect – Chapter 2

Title: Mandalorian Effect
Author: Nicranger
Media: Film/Video Game
Topic: Star Wars/Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by BatJamags (BadJamags)

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags, and I’m back with…

Shit.

I was kind of hoping it was just a bad dream.

Well guys here’s the next chapter!

No, really? This is the next chapter? I could never have guessed. I mean, I suppose in hindsight, the fact that the words stopped at the end of the last chapter and then I clicked on the “next chapter” button and then the words started here could’ve been subtle foreshadowing, but if so, it flew right over my head. In fact, I’m not sure there was any way for you to clarify this except through an author’s note. Really, you’re doing the entire fanfiction community a public service here. I-

*Gets spritzed with water by GoodJamags*

GoodJamags: Down, boy.

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2192: Akechi’s Rebirth – Chapter 2

Title: Akechi’s Rebirth
Author: An Angel Flying with broken wings
Media: Video Game
Topic: Persona 5
Genre: Family/Humor
URL:  Akechi’s Rebirth: Chapter 2
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Hello ladies and gents, and welcome back!

Well, we’ve got all sorts of bullshit from last week, with the premise just falling flat on its face. So, uh, how much worse can we get?

Do I want an answer to that question?

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2191: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Eleven, Part Two

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Heyo, patrons!  Welcome back to The True Force, the fic that’s big on regurgitation but small on Force.  With me again is our Star Wars correspondent retired Darth Lord Crunchy.

“I hope there is actually some Star Wars this week to provide my expertise on.”

What are you talking about, there was Star Wars last week.

“Obi Wan stood next to a building and tried to make small talk.  That scarcely counts.”

It doesn’t?  Oh.  Well then this week is going to be a bit of a let down.

“Curses!”

Speaking of let downs, last week was light on the story and heavy on the padding.  In this case we shoveled through about six thousand words of Link being understandably upset to find himself seven years in the future amidst an apocalypse that he had a hand in bringing about.  After a little ‘run of sadness’ followed by more talking about how upset he is, the plot eventually decides it’s okay for him and Ashei to recognize each other, and they do so.  That was pretty much it.  Also, Link can apparently use the Force now, because that was needed.

Onwards to disappointment!

“Not among the more encouraging battle cries I have rallied to.”

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2190: Sly cooper and the gang in: Red Tide — Chapters 2 and 3

Title: Sly Cooper and the gang in: Red Tide
Author: Stalin69
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Sly Cooper Trilogy / Zootopia
Genre: Adventure/Crime
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai, JLT. Troy Fisher, and Chief Director (Ret.) Dominic Torus

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Sly Cooper and the gang in: Red Tide.

Previously, we spent a great deal of time watching Sly and Carmelita talk about nothing much following Cooper’s recovery from a brief coma and admission that he had lost most of his memories of being a part of the Cooper Gang.  After that there was a flashback for no apparent reason involving Carmelita’s boss- someone or something known only as “Chief Wiggins”- running from thugs hired by what I can only assume is a Zootopia character named ‘Mr. Big’ alongside Sly’s dad, who in this story is named ‘Zach’ and is a broey womanizing douchebag. Also in the present Sly got approved as an Interpol agent and beat up a bunch of test dummies and then Bentley put his logo on the lens of a security camera to presumably indicate that he was trying to contact Sly although it’s really not clear. Oh yeah and did I mention that the entire thing is in script format?

“I’m beginning to question the decisions that led me to this point.”

“Aww, quit your bellyachin’. We haven’t even gotten into combat yet.”

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2188: Mandalorian Effect – Chapter 1

Title: Mandalorian Effect
Author: Nicranger
Media: Film/Video Game
Topic: Star Wars/Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by BatJamags (BadJamags)

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags, and I’m here with a little gem of Stu wank I dug up off the crossover section of FF.net. I assume you’re all sufficiently familiar with the Mass Effect universe that I won’t need to provide any preamble for that, and the basics of Star Wars are pretty common knowledge.

However, I will take the time to talk about the Mandalorians. I don’t personally like them all that much (I can guarantee that ME won’t like much of what I have to say about them but I’ll try to be diplomatic), but I suppose they warrant some epic music to set the mood.

There we go.

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2187: FNG – Chapter Three, Part One (But it’s actually Chapter Two, Part One)

Title: FNG
Author: Richie23
Media: Video Game
Topic: Rainbow Six: Siege
Genre: Suspense/Adventure
URL: Chapter Two
Critiqued by SC and Operative SC

Hello, and welcome back to “FNG,” by Richie23! I’m your host, SC, joined by myself, and last time, we bounced back and forth between Thatcher and Thermite chatting about how complete ass-backwards bullshit cool and awesome their new recruits sounded on paper, watching Jon and Citrus continue hating each other on a plane ride, and watching Six give Thatcher and Thermite a critical mission objective to lead a fireteam to Heathrow and secure the dipshits as they disembark their plane.

I also made a bunch of half-assed excuses completely justified why it took me so long to complete one chapter of this riff, whilst simultaneously giving Chosen Undead SC perpetual nightmares.

Operative SC: Now he’s clinging to the chandelier, chucking Soul Arrows at anybody who tries to get him to come down.

Frankly, I’m amazed he found a chandelier strong enough to hold his weight. Guy’s in, like, sixty pounds of armor.

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2186: A Teen in Skyrim – Scenarios 1 & 2 – Oneshot

Title: A Teen in Skyrim
Author: Ploytheist
Media: Video Game
Topic: The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre:Adventure
URL: Scenario 1
URL: Scenario 2
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to yet more Skyrim fanfiction! I know, I know; but don’t worry! I’m getting Diablo III so that will probably distract me from my current obsession with Skyrim. Maybe.

And in a stark contrast to the last offering, this one not only doesn’t make your eyes scream in agony, but it is actually fairly entertaining despite all the red flags the summary raises.

Speaking of the summary…

A teenager awakens in Skyrim and cannot wait to experience this whole new reality. A look into what might actually happen if a modern teenaged player found themselves in the game of Skyrim.

I know, this looks like yet another fanfic where the plucky young protagonist Stu/Sue gets drawn into a source material via some method that is never adequately explained – and it is. Just not in the way you’re thinking.

You’ll see what I mean. On to the fic!

 

A Teen in Skyrim

Polytheist

Disclaimer: all copyrighted material belongs to their respective owners

A teenager awakens in Skyrim and cannot wait to experience this whole new reality.

A Teen in Skyrim

Gee, I wonder what the title of the fic is?

It’s funny the first things that race through your mind as you drift away from the land of dreams.

I assume that’s a fancy way of referring to the process of waking up; usually the only thing I’m thinking about when I wake up is how to coordinate the removal of several sleeping cats from my person with as little blood loss as possible so I can finally get out of bed and switch off the frickin’ alarm clock on the other side of the room.

It was like some kind of weird checklist: male, eighteen and destined to remain unemployed because the Americans decided to show off their stellar intellectual reputation by giving loans to people they knew couldn’t pay them back thereby poisoning the Global Economy; or so my Dad ranted after he was made redundant a year back.

Which totally sounds like something a barely coherent eighteen year old American male would be thinking at whatever-o’clock in the morning.

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