2203: The Blue-Haired Tyrant: A Slime’s Perspective – Oneshot

Title: The Blue-Haired Tyrant: A Slime’s Perspective
Author: Howling Din
Media: Video Game
Topic: Slime Rancher
Genre: Humor/Adventure
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons!

Because I’ve had a terrible week and need something light and frothy that I don’t really have to concentrate on, I’m bringing you a little oneshot from a cute little game we haven’t covered before – Slime Rancher!

Image result for slime rancher

Slime Rancher is, as you might have guessed from the name, is a farming simulator of sorts and like most simulators there’s a very minimal amount of plot. You play as Beatrix, a new resident of the Far Far Range on an alien planet far from Earth. This planet contains unique lifeforms, the various slimes, that produce a valuable resource called “plorts” when you feed them. (Yes, it’s their poop. Which they will eat if given a chance. Try not to think about it too much.) Most of the “farming” is done using a Vac-Gun, which allows you to gather resources (food, plorts, slimes) and then shoot them into or at things. As you progress through the game you unlock different areas with different slimes that have different properties, such as Rad Slimes that have a radioactive aura surrounding them, or Tangle Slimes, who can send roots underground to nab plorts and chickens from other areas. The more dangerous or problematic the slime, the more valuable their plort may be – I say “may” because the prices fluctuate and the game has an actual reactive market system as well; selling a lot of one particular type of plort will cause the price to drop and hording a bunch of plorts rather than selling them makes them more scarce and thus more valuable. It’s quite relaxing to play, as long as you don’t think about how you’re imprisoning creatures and force-feeding them for profit.

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2198: Sam, the GunWielding Nord – Oneshot

 

Title: Sam, the GunWielding Nord
Author: Gluten Free Sandvich/NordChicken09
Media: Video Game
Topic: The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: Adventure/Fantasy
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons! I hope all my fellow Americans -and residents of any other country that has succumbed to the Black Friday madness – are enjoying the annual Festival of Buying that follows after the Festival of Eating. Welcome to what will probably be the last Skyrim fic for a while. Unless I find some when I go looking for holiday fics, that is.

The description summary is very light, it only states that this is a “modern” Skyrim fan story, which together with the title leads me to assume that it is definitely going to be an AU fic.

Sam the Gun-wielding Nord

A skyrim fan story

By NordChiken09

:looks up at header:

Huh. Either the author changed their name after posting this, which is unlikely since their account has had zero activity on it, or they wrote it for another site and just copy and pasted the whole thing without bothering to change anything.

chapter 1: D9jrf2 destruction

Gesundheit.

Sam ran around back. A bullet pierced his shoulder and went deep.

That’s what happens when you go to one of those back alley bullet piercers.

He stumbled, but regained his balance and resumed his task of finding his cousin, Brendan.

I think I would be more concerned with finding out who shot me – unless Brendan was the trigger man.

He rounded the corner and jumped behind a fake rock, connected to water tubing which flooded the miniature plastic waterfall.

Why did Sam just connect himself up to a waterfall of plastic? I thought he was in a hurry.

Sam took off his ruined leather jacket, stained with blood. He soaked it in the water.

NO! DON’T JUST DUNK LEATHER IN WATER!!!!

You are going to absolutely ruin it. To get blood out of leather you need a little warm water, gentle soap frothed into foam, and a soft cloth.

The stains didn’t come off, but at least the blood was gone.

…So the blood is gone, but there’s still a bloodstain?  How do?

Another bullet, flaming this time, flew past his head and wedged into a tree, setting it on fire.

Something tells me the author has managed to confuse bullets with arrows.

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2186: A Teen in Skyrim – Scenarios 1 & 2 – Oneshot

Title: A Teen in Skyrim
Author: Ploytheist
Media: Video Game
Topic: The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre:Adventure
URL: Scenario 1
URL: Scenario 2
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to yet more Skyrim fanfiction! I know, I know; but don’t worry! I’m getting Diablo III so that will probably distract me from my current obsession with Skyrim. Maybe.

And in a stark contrast to the last offering, this one not only doesn’t make your eyes scream in agony, but it is actually fairly entertaining despite all the red flags the summary raises.

Speaking of the summary…

A teenager awakens in Skyrim and cannot wait to experience this whole new reality. A look into what might actually happen if a modern teenaged player found themselves in the game of Skyrim.

I know, this looks like yet another fanfic where the plucky young protagonist Stu/Sue gets drawn into a source material via some method that is never adequately explained – and it is. Just not in the way you’re thinking.

You’ll see what I mean. On to the fic!

 

A Teen in Skyrim

Polytheist

Disclaimer: all copyrighted material belongs to their respective owners

A teenager awakens in Skyrim and cannot wait to experience this whole new reality.

A Teen in Skyrim

Gee, I wonder what the title of the fic is?

It’s funny the first things that race through your mind as you drift away from the land of dreams.

I assume that’s a fancy way of referring to the process of waking up; usually the only thing I’m thinking about when I wake up is how to coordinate the removal of several sleeping cats from my person with as little blood loss as possible so I can finally get out of bed and switch off the frickin’ alarm clock on the other side of the room.

It was like some kind of weird checklist: male, eighteen and destined to remain unemployed because the Americans decided to show off their stellar intellectual reputation by giving loans to people they knew couldn’t pay them back thereby poisoning the Global Economy; or so my Dad ranted after he was made redundant a year back.

Which totally sounds like something a barely coherent eighteen year old American male would be thinking at whatever-o’clock in the morning.

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2181: EDLER SCROLLS: SKYRIM CHAPTERS ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, and FIVE – Oneshot?

 

Title: EDLER SCROLLS SKYRIM
Author: jonathan burns
Media: Video Game
Topic: The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: none given
URL: Chapter 1
URL: Chapter 2
URL: Chapter 3
URL: Chapter 4
URL: Chapter 5
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

—WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD—

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to a new fic. I found this one – or, to be entirely accurate, these five since each chapter is listed as a separate fic – when I was looking for trollfics in the Elder Scrolls section.

Since each individual chapter is listed as a separate fic, they each have their own “plot summary”, but I’m only going to show the first one since the rest are just things like “this is where it gets good” and “THIS GETS INTERESTING”, both of which are total lies.

this follows a story of two lovers that have a forbidden love

For those of you unfamiliar with the source materials, the addition of the Hearthfire DLC give players the option to marry certain characters (with no restrictions on gender, making same-sex couples possible if that’s your thing) and adopt children. While there are plenty of fics featuring romances between the player character, called Dovahkiin or Dragonborn, and these available spouses, there’s also quite a few where the pairing features a character not available for matrimony. Since this summary mentions a “forbidden love” it could mean the latter rather than the former.

On to the fic!

As a man looked at me strange I didn’t look back cause I know I had brought

dishonor to the people I had loved and my family who I had left behind in my

greed I had lost the one thing keeping the alive.”

…Well, I’m completely lost. Is this supposed to be dialogue?

A high elf here in carriage what did you do to get here? rob a market? kill a

guard? what? tell me tell me.

Is any of this supposed to be dialogue? The only thing I can really get from this is that the narrator and a High Elf are in a carriage together.

I lifted my head knowing what I had done was nothing compared to them I

simply shrugged them off and said nothing.

We get it, you’re the worse person ever. Can we get some sort of setting for this pity party?

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2175: Skyrim High School Halloween Special – Oneshot

Title: Skyrim High School Special
Author: Reenava
Media: Video Game
Topic: The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: Romance/Parody
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

Spooky tidings, dear Patrons!

I’ve recently been playing a lot of The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim – and getting killed by a lot by that damned frost troll near High Hrothgar, curse its many eyes – which made me think to myself; “You know what would be fun to riff? A Skyrim trollfic!”

And it is Halloween-themed, which works out well all around.

I’m fairly certain that this is a trollfic; the author has a whole collection of “high school” fics and every one I skimmed through was very similar to this one. Let’s take a look at the summary, which is a good way to judge the tone of a fic.

This is the Halloween special of skyrim high.

:glances at title:

You don’t say?

It is set during after Skyrim high. This is just a fun sotry about Halloween, i hope you enjoy it.

Ah. It’s a fic set both during and after an earlier fic written by the same author, making it doubly removed from the source materials.

Warning: do not read before youve read my other sotry, Skyrim High, or else you will reed spolers

I have read part of the first Skyrim High and it is only notable for the number if times “Totes” and “totally” are used. It is very much the written equivalent of Valley Girl speak.

Now, on the the fic!

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2169: An Un-Forgetful Summer – Chapters 1 & 2

Title: Un-Forgetful Summer
Author: IceyFox98
Media: Video Game
Topic: Slender: the Eight Pages/Portal/SCP: Containment Breach?
Genre: Sci-Fi/Adventure
URL: Chapter 1
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to another short little fic from the Slender section of ff.net. As an added bonus, this one bills itself as a crossover with the Portal series, because that’s definitely a thing that should exist. It’s not like having a gun that allows you to instantaneously step away from wherever Slender Man is would eliminate any of tension typically found in the source materials or anything.

Let’s take a look at the summary, shall we?

A 16 year old boy named James hopes that his Summer will be more exciting since most of his friends are off to camp or just out of state. But he finds himself pulled into something he didn’t bargain for.

That’s probably one of the most generic sounding descriptions I’ve read in a long time, but at least the author didn’t go with the old favorite “I suk at summeries, plez read!” or something similar.

A Un-Forgetful Summer
Chapter 1

In case you forgot what you were reading between the time you clicked on the fic and it opened.

I stared at the ceiling of my room silently thinking to myself. The clock beside my bed radiating a faint red glow.
“2 in the morning” I said to myself as if anyone would care.

Trust me, I don’t.

It’s been 3 days since school ended and I’ve been finding it hard to fall asleep more and more each night.

So? I don’t know how it is for other people, but whenever I have the chance to set my own hours and not adhere to a schedule – like on the weekends or during holidays – I tend to stay up later because I know I don’t have to get up at a certain time. Add in my irregular insomnia and I doubt I’ve had anything resembling a “normal” sleep pattern for years.

After a good 5 minutes of watching the ceiling be a ceiling I get up and quietly slip out of my window onto the roof. I live in a nice two story house, so I have a nice view of my block.

That sounds kind of dangerous, but I’ve lived in a two-story house with a porch where you could climb out of the upper story window and sit on the porch roof.

  Usually watching the stars makes me sleepy. And I could feel it creeping up on my restless body. Before I slipped back inside a faint shine flew across the sky.
“A shooting star!” I said in excitement.
I closed my eyes and wished with all my heart. I slept back inside and crawl into bed. Slowly, but surely, falling asleep.

Apparently, getting super excited at seeing a shooting star makes it much easier to fall asleep. I would think it would be the exact opposite, but there you go.

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2162: the dare – Oneshot

Title: the dare
Author: odvie
Media: Video Game
Topic: Slender: the Eight Pages
Genre: Supernatural
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

 

— CAUTION—

— CONTAINS POTENTIAL TRIGGERS —

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to another Slender Man fic! This particular oneshot has what can only be described as a very minimal summary.

 A woman spends the night in the forest as a dare, not aware of the creature lurking in the shadows. Rating T for safety.

That could literally apply to any of a number of different animals and mythical creatures.

Hello everyone, I’m just trying to write in english, so be nice with me. ^^’

The author is a native French speaker and this is one of only two fics they have written in English; that said, the structure isn’t all that bad. There are a few quirks but they aren’t really what drew my attention. Not by a long shot.

It’s based on a personnal theory about the slenderman being able to feed on energy instead of souls (so he doesn’t have to kill his preys) or flesh.

Which is a very intriguing theory, and would explain how he can “feed” without having any visible mouth.

After all, we don’t know much about him…

The Slender Man is a child born of the Internet who has evolved his own mythos, but there are still gaps that a clever author could make use of.

Please enjoy the little text.

I assume that means ‘short story’ and isn’t a reference to the font size.

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