2106: The Power of Thee – Chapter 4

Title: The Power of Thee
Author: FariyFlare
Media: Video Game
Topic: Five Nights at Freddy’s
Genre: Adventure
URL: Chapter 4
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to the last chapter!

When last we met, the Narrator did some fan[ERROR:GENDER NOT FOUND]ing over Golden Freddy, the floor gave way to reveal a suddenly appearing lake of lava so that the Narrator could rescue Golden Freddy and then in turned be rescued by the animatronic. Then the lava inexplicably sealed up the hole in the floor. (I blame Crunchy for that one.) Presumably this means all the animatronics are now able to move around, so hopefully one side of the “they’re not afraid of us”/”we can’t move!” broken record will no get any play in this chapter.

And hey! There’s no key at the top! Not even an Author’s Note. Normally this would make me happy, but I’m wondering if that just means that none of those Reader fic shorthands like Y/N appear in the chapter.

Me and Golden came running out of the room, and notice that something was off right away.

The fact that it should be ‘Golden and I’?

Relf, Valery, Ben and Ann were gone, nowhere in sight.

I guess they meant so little to the fic that they just evaporated.

And just then, as if a spell had been broken, the animatronics sprung to life.

Because that’s definitely something abandoned machinery that’s been sitting around for decades can do.

Bonnie, Chica and Freddy jumped off the stage and frantically started to search the room.

Weren’t they able to ‘see’ the room in some fashion? Did they not notice what happened to the Character Blob?

Foxy then comes running out of Pirate’s Cove and joins in the search.

How did he know that was something he needed to do? He was off by himself in an enclosed section.

After a bit of watching them, I found my voice under all my worry and surprised, and called out to them, “What happened? Where Ann, Relf, Ben and Valery?”

Quick, check the floor for recent volcanic activity!

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2101: The Power of Thee – Chapter 3

 

Title: The Power of Thee
Author: FariyFlare
Media: Video Game
Topic: Five Nights at Freddy’s
Genre: Adventure
URL: Chapter 3
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome back to another chapter! In the last one there was a lot of face and/or head ripping off, but roughly seventy-five percent of the chapter was the animatronics talking amongst themselves about how the kids were totes not scared of them! Amazeballs!

Let’s start off this chapter with :sigh: yet another key.

 

Y/N: Your name

E/C: Eye color

H/C: Hair color

H/L: Hair length

H/T: Hair type {curly, wavy, straight, ect}

F/C: Favorite color

Y/T: Your Town/Hometown

POV: Point of View

A/N: Author Note

This one does not have an attached Author’s Note, but that inclusion of a place makes me worried. Is the audience going to have to provide the setting on top of everything else? And how is the author going to manage to write in a way that would accommodate their audience’s various and diverse hometowns? The only way to do that would be by being as vague as possible.

I’ve answered my own question, haven’t I?

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2096: The Power of Thee – Chapter 2

Title: The Power of Thee
Author: FariyFlare
Media: Video Game
Topic: Five Nights at Freddy’s
Genre: Adventure
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to the second chapter of this Reader fic! In the first chapter, the Narrator disclosed to their friends – whom I shall call Generic Guy, Annoying Girl, Homestuck, and Highlighter – that the Narrator had discovered the real location of Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzeria – and it’s within walking distance! What a complete shock!

The chapter starts off with the same key … wait a second. What’s that?

Y/N: Your name

E/C: Eye color

H/C: Hair color

H/L: Hair length

H/T: Hair type {curly, wavy, straight, ect}

F/C: Favorite color

POV: Point of View 

:eye-twitch:

There’s going to be POV Tags. Awesome. My favorite.

A/N: Author Note

This is for both boys and girls. Girls are on the left and boys on the right, but you can choice what option you want though.

I can’t tell if that A/N tag is meant to be attached to this disclaimer, or if it is just a warning of things yet to come.

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2089: The Power of Thee – Chapter 1

Title: The Power of Thee
Author: FariyFlare
Media: Video Game
Topic: Five Nights at Freddy’s
Genre: Adventure
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons!

I was thinking to myself, “You know what I haven’t done recently?”

:Syl’s voice drifts down from the rafters:

“Anyone?”

I’m ignoring you. Anyway, I was thinking to myself “You know what I haven’t done in a while? A Reader fic!”

“Bollocks to this.” :drops down from the rafters and heads for the door: “I’ll be at the pub.”

Calling the janitor’s closet a pub doesn’t make it one, but whatever.

So, back to the fic. Unlike many Reader fics, which struggle with the format for a single chapter, this one actually stretches over several chapters. There’s still a lot of struggling, but now it has been greatly expanded, so there’s that to look forward to.

Let’s take a look at the summary, shall we?

Y/N and her/his friends are big fans of the renown horror game, Five Nights at Freddy’s. They bet every game including the extra nights that were thrown at them, they pretty much everything about the game. But one night, Y/N and her/his friends find out about something that they don’t know what to think of. Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzeria was right down the road. (My 1st reader insert)

Right away I can tell the grammar is going to be an issue. And the fic is apparently going to be in the frequently annoying first-person rather than the eye-bleeding second-person, so that’s a mixed blessing.

Now, to the fic!

Brace yourself, Whirlybat, I think you’re in for a rough ride.

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2078: Zelda Erotica: The Pegging Princess – Oneshot

 

Title: Zelda Erotica: The Pegging Princess
Author: The Masked Sage
Media: Video Game
Topic: The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
Genre: Romance/Humor
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat with special guest Syl

 

 

 

—WARNING—

—THIS FIC IS NSFW/NSFC—

— OBVIOUSLY—

—I MEAN, JUST LOOK AT THE TITLE—

 

Hello, dear Patrons!

This little oneshot is (superficially) from the Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild universe, but it’s … Not exactly canon-friendly.

“So says you. Who knows what Little Miss Princess gets up to in her spare time?”

:Ghostie sighs:

You all know Syl, of course.

:Syl winks at the Patrons:

Charming. Let’s begin with the summary, shall we?

“As long as we get to the good stuff soon, dumpling.”

Don’t worry. This fic is exactly what it says on the tin. The author has a whole collection of these fics.

With Calamity Ganon sealed, Zelda and Link allow their love to grow. After returning from an expedition, Zelda can’t wait to show Link her newest Sheikah invention: intimacy technology.

I know the Sheikah were clever and had loads of gadgets, but “intimacy technology”? What does that even mean?

“Bet you a nickel Link fucks a Guardian.”

That’s not a bet I’d want to win. Or even contemplate.

(This story is considered Zelda erotica, and it contains adult themes and content. Critiques RE the style and storytelling are encouraged, so please leave your detailed suggestions/solutions in the reviews.)

:static-filled burst of hoots and whistles:

What was that?

“I’m Skyping with the other Sisters of Sin. They didn’t want to miss Gumdrop’s Thai cooking class.”

Dammit! That was today?

“Don’t worry, Glasses says she can save you some basil chicken.”

Easy on the archeopteryx, please.

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2036: She’s Got a Little Bit of Raptor in Those Angel Eyes – Chapters 10 & 11

Title: She’s Got a Bit of Raptor in Those Angel Eyes
Author: AmazingGraceless
Media: Movie/Book
Topic: Jurassic Park/Jurassic World/Twilight
Genre: Adventure/Family
URL: Chapter 10
URL: Chapter 11
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to another helping of Raptorpire and Co!

In the last chapter, Lex spun some terrible lies and then revealed some truths in an even more terrible way, Lex and the boys did some car things to a Jeep twice as old as they are, we found out that Carlisle is actually the director of the VH Project, and there’s even more human/raptor hybrids running around on the island.

I think that was the highlights. To the fic!

Carlisle had delivered slips to each of the remaining victims of Project VH. He’d watched them leave on the ferries.

Huh. I guess there isn’t going to be a Sue Squad. Kind of makes me wonder why the author felt the need to introduce these characters if they were just going to be put on a bus (or ferry) immediately.

He was relieved to see that they were safe. If only he could just get Lex and the rest of his family off of the island. He walked back into the hotel to see Alice leading the rest of his family and a disgruntled Rosalie.

Why not send the human members of the Family Blob away? The sparklepires and werewolves can probably handle themselves if they work together, but the squishy humans are in very real danger.

“Carlisle!” Alice’s angelic face was distraught and she hugged her father figure.

That’s a weirdly purple way to phrase things.

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2018: She’s Got a Little Bit of Raptor in Those Angel Eyes – Chapter 7

Title: She’s Got a Bit of Raptor in Those Angel Eyes
Author: AmazingGraceless
Media: Movie/Book
Topic: Jurassic Park/Jurassic World/Twilight
Genre: Adventure/Family
URL: Chapter 7
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

 

Hey there, dear Patrons, and welcome to the riff of the year! (Literally.) Just kidding, it’s another chapter of the Wonderful World of Magical DNA.

Not much happened in the last chapter, just the Family Blob getting a vague idea of where Lex might be based on Charlie’s remote cell phone tracking app of dubious legality.

Now, to the fic!

“So your grandfather sponsored both parks?” Gray asked as they continued to hike through the jungle.

…Wha?

“Yeah,” Lex answered. “He was a friend of John Hammond’s.”

“Must be pretty old,” Zach commented.

This is a weird discussion for them to be having – or partially having, since they seem to be in the middle of it right now.  I don’t think either of the boys would have asked Lex any questions about her grandfather in passing while they are running for their lives from a vicious dinosaur, so she must have deliberately brought it up. For what purpose I know not, but it smells faintly of a Sue’s self-important bragging to me.

“Doesn’t look it,” Lex admitted. “A lot of plastic surgery. Get this, they even manipulated their skin to make it sparkle in the light.”

Is that really the explanation that Lex is going to use to explain the sparklepires’ sparkle?  And what does that even mean? That they had some kind of special plastic surgery to embed glitter in their skin? It makes zero sense. The narration has already made it clear that Lex knows her adoptive family are sparklepires, so either the author forgot or this is Lex’s lame attempt at explaining why there family twinkles in the sun so that the Volturi don’t come after them.

“They sparkle?” the boys chorused.

Yes, and it’s completely ridiculous.

Lex nodded and smirked.

:distant explosions:

I didn’t hear that.

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