1833: DEAD SPACE: NUM63R5- Chapter 1

 

Title: DEAD SPACE: NUM63R5
Author: Eu Tyto Alba
Media: Video Game
Topic:  Dead Space
Genre: Horror/Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to another fic! This one isn’t technically listed as a crossover, but it does draw “inspiration” from other source materials besides the Dead Space canon. Let’s take a look at the summary, shall we?

(Inspired by a change I’d have made to the series cannon: instead of a religion, Unitology should’ve been numerology.) The crew and passengers of the Ivory Star interstellar cruise ship Scheherazade begin experiencing widespread mental collapse en-rout to destination Methuselah. One afflicted young man, however, develops a singular version of the symptoms that keeps him…together.

Most of that seems pretty innocuous, save for that parenthetical statement at the beginning. Changing the Unitology faith to something based on numerology instead of having it focus on the promise of Convergence would fundamentally alter a substantial portion of the Dead Space universe. There would have to be some substantial world-building done to pull it off.

Time to go to the fic!

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1829: Elsa’s Night at Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza – Chapters 1-5

Title: Elsa’s Night at Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza
Author: Christopher Spielberg
Media: Video Game/Movie
Topic: Five Nights at Freddy’s/Frozen
Genre: Humor/Horror
URL: Chapter 1
URL: Chapter 2
URL:  Chapter 3
URL: Chapter 4
URL: Chapter 5
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to another fic. This one is from my pile of short and strange crossovers; more specifically it is a crossover between Five Nights at Freddy’s and Frozen, because …. I don’t really know why anyone would cross those two canons. I picked this one from the half-dozen or so that were in that particular section, so let’s take a look at the summary to see what attracted my attention.

When a letter has mailed to Elsa in Arendelle, there is a job where she can get 150 a night. But when she gets there, she senses that something isn’t right with the pizzeria…

Right away I can spot some questionable grammar and a shaky premise, as well as the use of numerals in the narration. I assume this is going to be an AU fic, which is common in crossovers with very disparate canons, because why would a queen take a job in a pizzeria? There’s also a very high number of chapters in relation to the fic’s word count – a little over two thousand words spread over five chapters – and while there is no set chapter length this sort of disparity is rarely a good sign.

Let’s look at the fic!

Based on SMG4’s Mario/FNAF crossover.

This actually took me a bit of digging; I thought at first that this was another fanfic based off of a fanfic, but there is no fanfic author by that name on any of the main sites. Turns out that SMG4 is a channel on YouTube that does mostly mash-up videos, so this is a fanfic based on a YouTube video.

That’s promising.

(without bad words and inappropriate scenes; has alternative scenes with Frozen)

So not only is it a fanfic based on a YouTube video, but the author took out the “inappropriate” bits and bad language and added in a dash of Frozen instead. I don’t see how this could possibly go wrong.

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1825: The Marissa Games – Chapter Eleven

Title: The Marissa Games
Author:  Marissa the Writer
Media: Books/Movies/Video Games
Topic: The Hunger Games / Portal / MIB II / Team Fortress / Thomas the Trai- [Fuck it, I’m not adding any more to this list!  – Lyle]  The Kitchen Sink
Genre: Not Listed
URL:  Chapter Eleven
Critiqued by agigabyte and Ghostcat

Not a Verb Counter: 768

Scatology Counter: 103

*Cain and Goddess are bickering about something or other, waiting for Ghostie and Syl to arrive*

Cain: Again, this simply won’t work. We don’t have the numbers to tide Vagueness’s apparently infinite-

Goddess: Not just yours, perhaps, but-

Cain: Wait a moment. Monitor, attain my permission before beginning the recording, in the future.

Goddess: Also, that was a dick move.

(Very well. -Monitor)

Cain: Now, anyway, if I’m right, Syl and Ghostie will arrive, bursting through the door… now.

:Everyone stares at the door in anticipation:

Cain: … Any moment now.

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1824: Batman and The Hunter Chap 1 & The Batman and The Hunter A Lady Waiting Chp 2 – Oneshots?

 

Title: Batman and the Hunter Chap 1
Author: Lisa Glider
Media: TV Show
Topic: Batman: The Animated Series/”Mythology”
Genre: Drama
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

Hello, Patrons, and welcome to a new fic! No more boring Slender Man halfheartedly chasing an androgynous drone around the forest! This particular fic is listed as a crossover between Batman: The Animated Series (my all-time favorite show and the reason I love Batman so much) and “Mythology”, which seems to be where most authors stick things that don’t really go anywhere else. Let’s take a look at the summary, shall we?

Lisa Glider, a cat gryphoness/princess is held against her will and there’s no one who can save her…or is there? Read on and find out.

:looks up at author’s name:

I think I can spot the SI Sue already. Also, a gryphon (or griffin, both spellings are accurate) is an eagle/lion hybrid with the head, wings, and talons of an eagle and the body of a lion but this particular one apparently has an extra helping of regular cat in her to give her those kawaii desu! kitty ears. And she is a princess. Because that is a thing that can happen, I guess.

Let’s go to the actual fic, shall we?

Gotham City. A place of corruption, crime, and a law breakers paradise. People lived in fear, as mad men steal, rob, and take lives within their own ways. However, a major plan was going change the city forever, not even The Dark Knight would know what to do.

This looks a lot more like a summary than the actual fic summary does.
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1820: Slender: Find the Eight Pages They Said : Chapters 8 & 9

 

Title: Slender: Find the Eight Pages They Said
Author: seclinalunica
Media: Video Game/Creepypasta
Topic: Slender: The Eight Pages
Genre: Horror/Suspense
URL: Chapter 8
URL: Chapter 9
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

 

 

Hello, and welcome to the end of this long, slow slog that is this fic. I don’t think I’ll do a recap of the last two chapters because honestly it has just been more of the same ol’, same ol’. Even the characters seem like they are getting tired of this nonsense.

The second last chapter of the story. I hope all of you have been enjoying it so far. Please review.

I assume the author meant “second to last” and isn’t under the impression that you can have more than one “last” chapter.

Sweet mercy, I really hope they don’t think that.

Chapter seven: Page 7

3:00 am:

As a reminder, it was exactly six-thirty when the Nameless Narrator abandoned their car and started on this little adventure, which was eight and a half hours ago. The Nameless Narrator has been constantly moving the entire time, the closest thing to rest that they have gotten is when they became wedged in those rocks, so they must have the stamina of the gods to still be able to even function at this point.

“Paaaaaagggge where are yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy yooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu?”

…I guess the Nameless Narrator has decided to give up any pretense of stealth since it has become clear that Slendy has no interest in capturing them.

It’s three Am, and I have been searching for the seventh page approximately…honestly, I’ve stopped keeping track of the time.

I haven’t! It’s been super-easy to keep track of the time, BECAUSE YOU TIME-STAMP EVERY FRICKIN’ SCENE!

Slendy appeared a few minutes ago.

Let me guess; he just stared at you for a minute and then vanished without doing anything.

Now between the rusted tankers, he wasn’t there; I assume that he is behind me, and will stay behind me until I discover the last page.

And, following the Badfic Code, your first and only assumption is going to be the correct one.

I searched high and low, from left to right, but I hadn’t seen any foreign objects.

Your fingers must be getting tired from all that clicking … I mean, your eyes must be tired from all that visual searching you’re doing in what is totally not a video game!

I was wandering amongst the perimeter of the multiple tankers which was probably a mistake.

Darling, this whole fic has been a mistake.

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1816: Slender: Find the Eight Pages They Said : Chapters 6 & 7

Title: Slender: Find the Eight Pages They Said
Author: seclinalunica
Media: Video Game/Creepypasta
Topic: Slender: The Eight Pages
Genre: Horror/Suspense
URL: Chapter 6
URL: Chapter 7
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons and welcome to another chapter!

In our last little trip down the rabbit hole the Nameless Narrator wandered around (again) and found a piece of paper (again) flicked their flashlight off and on repeatedly (again) and was half-heartedly stalked by Slendy (again). The only really interesting bit was the reveal that the Nameless Narrator might have cybernetic eyes, since they can zoom in on objects. I choose to believe that this is also the reason they keep seeing static whenever Slendy is near, even though that’s more of an analog thing rather than a digital thing, because otherwise I’m gonna stab someone.

To the fic!

AN: here’s chapter 5. please read, review and enjoy.

There are two red flags that indicate that a fic author is losing enthusiasm for their fic; that the chapters start getting noticeably shorter, and if they had been adding long chatty Author’s Notes to the chapters that those ANs get significantly shorter as well. This can also lead to the length of time between chapters increasing – complete with apologetic “sorry it’s late” ANs – sometimes to the point that the fic is completely abandoned, but to their credit this author does actually stick with it until the eighth page is collected. There’s even a set-up for the sequel fic.

Chapter five: page 5

11:30 pm:

:headdesk:

Again with the time stamps.

I’ve moved past anger at this point, I just want to know why it’s taking the Nameless Narrator so frickin’ long to get this done. The author has been sticking to the game pretty closely so the playable area shouldn’t be that big, and (as the Nameless Narrator has already discovered) the pages are typically on or near very visible landmarks. Hell, they probably could have figured out how to hot-wire the truck from a few chapters back in a fraction of the time this scavenger hunt has taken and just driven through the gates.

The bathroom was extremely dark, and running around with the flashlight turned off would be bad news.

The stupid flashlight has been turned off and on so many times I honestly can’t keep track whether or not it’s supposed to be on or off right now.

I noticed that the flashlight was starting to dim.

Probably because you’ve been flicking it on and off so much, or because you’ve been wandering around in a dark forest for half the night.

Continuing on my journey through the multiple bathrooms, I became extremely nervous when turning corners.

That’s the first sensible thing you’ve narrated, since Slendy does have a habit of popping up as you turn a corner.

As I slowly peeked around the corners, I waited for a petite amount of static,

You’re waiting for a what kind of static?

The author is listed as Canadian in their profile, but this is the first time that there’s been any French in the fic so I had just assumed they were from one of the English-speaking portions of America’s Hat.

so that I had a rough idea where Slender was without having a surprise heart attack.

Is there any other kind? Much like the Spanish Inquisition, you don’t really expect to have a heart attack.
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1811: Slender: Find the Eight Pages They Said : Chapter 5

 

Title: Slender: Find the Eight Pages They Said
Author: seclinalunica
Media: Video Game/Creepypasta
Topic: Slender: The Eight Pages
Genre: Horror/Suspense
URL: Chapter 5
Critiqued by Ghostcat and Syl

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to another chapter of this plodding Slender Man fic. I’ve gone over the notes from the previous chapter when I was unavoidably detained, and…

“Detained?” :snorts: “You fell asleep!”

:clears throat: Yes, well; in my defense this is a really boring fic in which nothing ever happens, not even when Slendy does bother showing up.

“Tell me about it. At least you didn’t have to sit through that weird-ass tunnel/roll cake scene.”

Anyway; in case you can’t tell, Syl is riding shotgun with me on this chapter. Something about having to put in a minimum number of hours in order to qualify for a replacement phone, or something. When Lina starts using legalese I kind of space out.

“Hmph. I wouldn’t be in this mess if you hadn’t eaten my phone.” :sighs: “The things I do for an unlimited data plan.”

I didn’t eat it, I just bit it a little; I never swallowed.

“That’s what they all say, love.”

:coughs: Do you think you could get your mind out of the gutter long enough to give the synopsis of the last chapter?

“What’s to tell? Some genderless drone in a sweater that may or may not have pockets found a piece of paper on a tanker and then wandered around a tunnel that might have actually been a roll cake before running off again.”

So basically a whole lot of nothing, just like the other chapters.

“You’re the one who picked this fic, not me.”

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