*Lina plops down into Lyle’s chair and presses a few buttons on the desk.*
She owes me so much for this.
*pops her neck and rolls her shoulders*
Welcome, Patrons, to THE PURPLE BRIDE: LADY IS WHINING. I’m Lina and I’m taking over for Lyle today. She has a new work schedule and can’t be here right now.
*straightens a few papers on the desk and glances at them*
If I’ve gone over Lyle’s notes correctly, the last time we saw this fic, the Sue coerced a marriage proposal from Humperdinck while he was tied to a bed. Then they fucked, although they did so “off screen,” so the thesaurus was spared from having to come up with twenty different ways to say they fucked. Small victories.
Let’s see what this chapter has in store for us.
Happy New Year, lovelies! *holds up a wine glass in a toast* Welcome back to “Betrayal!” Are you ready to start this year with a metric ass-load of gibberish? No?
Last time on this disaster, the entirety of Konoha hung out in Sakura’s apartment and got attacked by Female Demon Puss in Boots. Sakura and the other cat, which was supposed to be a neko-girl but the author forgot this while writing, hung out in a tree. Author’s notes continued to be pointlessly prolific.
*raises glass again* Strap in, lovelies. Here we go!
*Walks into the rifting chamber, limping like she just got off a two-day trail ride astride an obese horse*
Hello, lovelies! *sits in her chair, wincing* So, I had surgery on both legs over the course of the last two weeks, with my most recent one today actually. *props her pressure-bandaged left leg up on a stool* Since I’m out for the count right now, I figure I’ll have plenty of time to do a riff. Let’s recap and then get to it!
Last time, our author waxed poetic about Fauna-Sue attending a ball, doing her best to subtly* catch Humperdinck’s eye.
*She was as subtle as a Bird of Paradise.†
*flounces into the room with a giant mug of eggnog in her grip*
Welcome back to Betrayal! And speaking of betrayals, all my helpers abandoned me this week when they found out I’d be doing this fic instead of PB:LiW. As I’m on my own, I figured I’d need some foritifcation to make it through.
*sits down in her chair and sets the mug on the desk before pulling a bottle of Fireball Whiskey from her desk drawer*
This should do it!
*adds a generous glug to her eggnog then takes a big swig from her mug*
Now that I’m ready to go, let’s recap. Sakura encountered a couple of demon children and they all exited the forest into the forest, while Naruto et al ate ramen and then went to… someone’s… house. Sakura may or may not have teleported into the scene to hit Naruto. The details are about as muddled as the author’s notes are prolific.
Title: THE PRINCESS BRIDE: LADY IN WAITING
Topic: The Princess Bride (Movie Version)
Critiqued by Lyle, Koori, Lina, and Amon
*Lyle and her crew walk into her riffing chamber. Lyle glances around, then turns to Koori*
I know I’ve been gone for a while but has my office always been this small? And my desk only has a cardboard cutout of a computer on it. Where’s my stuff?
Koori: Crunchy did some remodeling. *walks over to a bookcase on the wall and pulls a candle off a wall sconce next to it. The book case slides to the side, revealing a secret room filled with Lyle’s real riffing desk, console, and the blanket fort*
Lina: A “welcome back” gift from us interns.
Amon: I am not an intern. I am an Aberration.
Lina: Call yourself whatever you want, Handsome, just don’t leave.
Koori: I’m the only actual intern, but we all signed the work order.
*wipes wetness off her face with the back of her hand* Must be some left over construction dust in here. *coughs slightly, clearing her throat* Shall we get to work? *hurries into her new room and settles herself onto her chair* Lina, the wine if you please. Koori, we are going to need cheese, crackers, and glasses. Amon, you’re in charge of the fancy hats.
Amon: Fancy… hats?
Can’t have a fancy party without fancy hats.
Amon: I’m not certain what constitutes a “fancy hat” in your culture.
Just do your best, I’m sure you’ll do fine. There’s a wardrobe room just down the hall, past the alligator trap. Should be labeled “Do Not Enter Upon Pain of Death.”
Amon: I will never get used to this place. *walks out of the room just as Lina emerges from the tent with three bottles of wine* This should get us started!
Koori: *releases a seal on a scroll pulled from her flak jacket, revealing a fine cheese platter, complete with wine glasses, grapes, water crackers, and tiny cheese knives.*
Excellent! We’ll get started on the riff and then pop the cork on those once Amon gets back with our hats!
Hello, everyone! Happy Monday and welcome back to Betrayal. Last time we went through this fic, a lot of cracked-out stupid happened. There was something about Sakura summoning her demon creature who may or may not have killed Ino and then ate her. Neji was overpowered by Sakura and then everyone had a party in the hospital while Neji admitted to Sakura kissing him. This is a bid deal because blue.
I’ve been under the weather lately, so hopefully this chapter doesn’t kill me. Let’s do it.
Hello, lovelies! I’m back this week with the second half of TPB:LiW. I heard last week went really well and I’m glad my guest found his way just fine. I’ve heard he’s gotten quite the warm welcome from the Library. Good job, everyone!
I’ll do a quick sum-up of the last installment since it’s been a few weeks, then we will get started.
A Sue named Fauna, who may actually be a conglomerate of floating body parts, met Humperdinck right after the credits rolled, flounced continually around the room, acted kind of like a bitch, and decided that, instead of untying the prince and earning his gratitude, she would tell him a “fairy tale,” which we all know is really her TWAJEK BAKSTURY!