2032 Betrayal – Chapter Eight (Which Is Chapter Nine, But Isn’t Even a Chapter) and Chapter Nine (Which Is Really Chapter Eight But Is Listed as Chapter Ten)Posted: May 14, 2018
*walks into the riffing chamber carrying an extra large coffee in each hand*
Good morning, lovelies!
*sits down at her desk and takes a sip from each drink*
Lina has bribed me to keep her out of today’s riff after what I did to her last week. I am okay with this.
*takes another drink of her coffees before setting them both down on the desk and rubbing her hands together*
I have a treat and a half for you guys today. We’re going to get through more than one chapter of this rhinoceros excrement! Hold your collective groans for after the riff, please. Let’s recap, then get to it.
Last time on “Betrayal,” Sakura and Shikamaru joined the Akatsuki because why the fuck not?
I have such mixed feelings about this fic. On one hand, thank god it’s more coherent than Betrayal. On the other hand, not this shit again.
The things I do for you, my lovelies.
Last time, Lina was good enough to take over the riffing of this fic for me. This time, she told me to bugger off with a rusty spoon and threatened to shove a scone “somewhere entirely unpleasant” if I dared try to drag her into today’s riff. So I hog-tied her with some Vampire-Proof Rope™. Say hello to the readers, Lina.
Lina: *tied to her chair, arms pinioned at her sides* Fuck off, ya cunt.
Ooo, someone is testy today. Why don’t you recap what happened in the last riff; it might make you feel better.
Lina: *in a high, whining voice* I hate pink! I hate blue! You’re all so stupid!
Yeah, that sound about right.
What do you mean, “who the hell are you?” I haven’t been gone that long, have I? I mean, really. How many other owls do you see around here?
Large Warship: Hoo!
Shush, you. *scritches L.W. behind the wings*
Perhaps today’s riff will jog some memories. Or cause some aneurysms.
Welcome back to the next chapter of “Betrayal,” a fic where logic is made up, and the plot doesn’t matter. Last time on this monstrosity of wutness, Sakura ran into Shikamaru and he joined her posse. That’s… it. That’s all that happened last chapter.
*Lina plops down into Lyle’s chair and presses a few buttons on the desk.*
She owes me so much for this.
*pops her neck and rolls her shoulders*
Welcome, Patrons, to THE PURPLE BRIDE: LADY IS WHINING. I’m Lina and I’m taking over for Lyle today. She has a new work schedule and can’t be here right now.
*straightens a few papers on the desk and glances at them*
If I’ve gone over Lyle’s notes correctly, the last time we saw this fic, the Sue coerced a marriage proposal from Humperdinck while he was tied to a bed. Then they fucked, although they did so “off screen,” so the thesaurus was spared from having to come up with twenty different ways to say they fucked. Small victories.
Let’s see what this chapter has in store for us.
Happy New Year, lovelies! *holds up a wine glass in a toast* Welcome back to “Betrayal!” Are you ready to start this year with a metric ass-load of gibberish? No?
Last time on this disaster, the entirety of Konoha hung out in Sakura’s apartment and got attacked by Female Demon Puss in Boots. Sakura and the other cat, which was supposed to be a neko-girl but the author forgot this while writing, hung out in a tree. Author’s notes continued to be pointlessly prolific.
*raises glass again* Strap in, lovelies. Here we go!
*Walks into the rifting chamber, limping like she just got off a two-day trail ride astride an obese horse*
Hello, lovelies! *sits in her chair, wincing* So, I had surgery on both legs over the course of the last two weeks, with my most recent one today actually. *props her pressure-bandaged left leg up on a stool* Since I’m out for the count right now, I figure I’ll have plenty of time to do a riff. Let’s recap and then get to it!
Last time, our author waxed poetic about Fauna-Sue attending a ball, doing her best to subtly* catch Humperdinck’s eye.
*She was as subtle as a Bird of Paradise.†
*flounces into the room with a giant mug of eggnog in her grip*
Welcome back to Betrayal! And speaking of betrayals, all my helpers abandoned me this week when they found out I’d be doing this fic instead of PB:LiW. As I’m on my own, I figured I’d need some foritifcation to make it through.
*sits down in her chair and sets the mug on the desk before pulling a bottle of Fireball Whiskey from her desk drawer*
This should do it!
*adds a generous glug to her eggnog then takes a big swig from her mug*
Now that I’m ready to go, let’s recap. Sakura encountered a couple of demon children and they all exited the forest into the forest, while Naruto et al ate ramen and then went to… someone’s… house. Sakura may or may not have teleported into the scene to hit Naruto. The details are about as muddled as the author’s notes are prolific.