1723: SONIC HIGH SCHOOL – Chapter Twelve

Title: SONIC HIGH SCHOOL
Author: DarkDoomFireMaster
Media:  Video Game
Topic: Sonic the Hedgehog
Genre: Drama/Romance
URL: Chapter Twelve
Critiqued by Lyle and Lina

Lina:  You’re joking, right?  We’re still doing this?

Yeah, I know.  Life got a little sticky and I haven’t had the chance to find anything else to work on.  Hell, I’ve had a hard enough time getting guest riffs scheduled, as I’m sure everyone has noticed.

Lina:  Yeah, you did sort of fuck that all up, didn’t you.

I’d be mad at you for that, but it’s true.  Anyway, the last time we met-

Lina:  Eons ago.

-Tails and Cream had a study session that ended without sexy-times.

Lina:  Thank God.

Did anything else happen?  I honestly can’t remember.

Lina:  I honestly don’t think it matters.

Let’s just get to the next chapter, then.

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1697: Master of the Universe – Chapter One

Title: Master of the Universe
Author: E.L. James
Media: Books
Topic: Twilight
Genre: Drama/Romance
URL: https://ohfifty.com/downloads/MOTU_w_Outtakes_Snowqueens_Icedragon_COMPLETE.pdf
Critiqued by Angie and Lyle

*covers face* I don’t know how to defend this one, guys. I really don’t.

Lyle: *walks in with a giant bag of gummy worms*  What’s this you’ve found? *reads intro stats* E. L. James….  Why does that sound familiar….

She’s the…she wrote that super bad BDSM trilogy ‘Fifty Shades’. It’s also that movie, with like…Dakota Something and Jamie Whatsisface.

Lyle:  Oh. Her. I didn’t realize she wrote more than that.

Actually, she really didn’t. It’s the exact same story, it’s just a Twilight fic instead of something original. It’s the exact same thing as Fifty Shades, word per word basically, just with changed names.

Lyle: *looks at the bag of gummy worms and then hands them to Angie*  I’m going to need something stronger than this.   You go ahead and get started.  I’ll be back in a minute.

Oh no, Lyle. I’ve got alcohol right here. *opens cabinet built into desk* But if you must, I’ll get a head start.

Lyle: I was thinking coffee but that works, too. *grabs a bottle of wine from the cabinet, pops the cork, and takes a swig right from it.*

Well, guess there’s no use fighting it anymore. Let’s dive into the “fan fiction”, Master of the Universe.

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1685: SONIC HIGH SCHOOL – Chapter Eleven

Title: SONIC HIGH SCHOOL
Author: DarkDoomFireMaster
Media:  Video Game
Topic: Sonic the Hedgehog
Genre: Drama/Romance
URL: Chapter Ten
Critiqued by Lyle and Lina

Lina:  You just can’t quit this, can you?

It’s more than I’m lazy and this has more chapters.  Shall we get on with it?

Lina:  Sure. Last time, Sonic and Tails have a lover’s spat, then Knuckles and Espio capoeira’ed around each other for a bit before making out in the hallway.  That’s about it.

This next chapter is called “Tails and Cream.”

Lina:  …Ew.

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1679: SONIC HIGH SCHOOL – Chapter Ten

Title: SONIC HIGH SCHOOL
Author: DarkDoomFireMaster
Media:  Video Game
Topic: Sonic the Hedgehog
Genre: Drama/Romance
URL: Chapter Ten
Critiqued by Lyle and Lina

Lina:  I thought that sobbing voicemail you left me meant you weren’t doing this fic again until you found something else to work on.

I ran out of time to find another one.  That’s why you’re here today.

Lina: I’m not doing this on my own.  I only have a half-hour break from work.

You make your own hours.

Lina:  Yeah, and I made it so I only have half an hour so I won’t have to riff this with you for very long.

Touché.  Well, shall we?

Lina:  What did I miss?

Rouge had her baby in the cafeteria over lunch time, Knuckles was the father, Shadow killed-not-killed his mother in order to protect her from Eggman, Amy’s room was rearranged, and Espio and Knuckles are going to have a throw down because they both slept with Rouge.

Lina:  … Bloody hell.

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1664: SONIC HIGH SCHOOL – Chapter Nine

Title: SONIC HIGH SCHOOL
Author: DarkDoomFireMaster
Media:  Video Game
Topic: Sonic the Hedgehog
Genre: Drama/Romance
URL: Chapter Nine
Critiqued by Lyle and Koori

I can’t.  I just can’t keep this up.

*Lyle is dragged into her office by Koori*

Koori:  Your public needs you, Miss Lyle.  You have no choice.

But this trollfic is sapping my will to live!  Please!  You do it this week!

Koori:  I have to take Barty to the vet again.  It’s been on the calendar for weeks.  I can’t cancel on this short of notice; they have to do special set up for him and you know he won’t let anyone else hold his fin when he gets his vaccines.

But-

Koori: Ask Lina to do it.  *pushes Lyle down onto her chair and then vanishes in a swirl of leaves*

Maybe I will!  *presses a few buttons on her cell phone*

Goddamnit.  *presses another button*  Voicemail.

Fine.  I’ll do it this week but next week I’m going to start alternating this piece of shit with a new fic.

So, summing up the last chapter, Espio decided he didn’t want Rouge to have his baby, so he and Sonic slipped her a “bortion” pill to make her lose said fetus.  However, since she was apparently 9 months along and not 1 day along, she went into labor in the middle of the cafeteria instead.  The school nurse shows up, along with some convenient privacy curtains, and Rouge ends up having a baby that looks like Knuckles.  Drama.  Wee ha-ha.

Oh, did I mention this author thinks babies come out of a woman’s anus?  Yeah.  This is why I’m going back to an alternating schedule.

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1655: SONIC HIGH SCHOOL – Chapter Eight

Title: SONIC HIGH SCHOOL
Author: DarkDoomFireMaster
Media:  Video Game
Topic: Sonic the Hedgehog
Genre: Drama/Romance
URL: Chapter Eight
Critiqued by Lyle and Koori

Warning?  There’s some talk of abortion in this one, although it’s pretty stupidly handled by DarkDoomFireMaster (surprise, surprise)  It’s pretty mild but if you’re sensitive, feel free to skip it.

No Dennis today?

Koori: He had some things he said he needed to take care of at the DRD in order to transfer over to the Library.  He’s planning on telling them that he’s going to infiltrate us or something.

Gotcha.  That gives us some time to set up some classes to break his redundancy habit.  We can work on that when we’re done with today.  Would you care to do our recap?

Koori:  Sure.  In the last chapter, Espio told everyone at school that he and Rouge had sex – if you could call what they did sex – but then told everyone it was a secret and to not tell anyone else.  Sonic couldn’t find Amy at school so he went to her house to look for her.  There he found her tied to the bed with an unidentified something stuffed in her mouth.  Turns out she saw Shadow preparing to kill his mother so he tied her up and *gasp* rearranged her bedroom!

That’s not a euphemism, people.  He literally tied her up, messed up her room, and left.

Koori:  The entire part about a murderous Shadow is swept under the rug, however, as Sonic proceeds to get the important answer on whether or not Amy will sex with him.  Amy tells him she needs to think about it and they go back to school, only to find that Rouge is somehow pregnant already to the point of showing.

And with that, let’s get to the next chapter, titled “Things Change.”

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1648: SONIC HIGH SCHOOL – Chapter Seven

Title: SONIC HIGH SCHOOL
Author: DarkDoomFireMaster
Media:  Video Game
Topic: Sonic the Hedgehog
Genre: Drama/Romance
URL: Chapter Seven
Critiqued by Lyle and Koori and Dennis

Good morning, lovelies!

*glances at the stats list*  Who the fuck is Dennis?

Dennis:  Hi and salutations.  My name is Dennis Dennison.  It’s a pleasure, and I’m happy to be here.

Koori, did you bring the DRD agent that we locked in the closet?!

Koori:  He didn’t want to go back.  With all my increased duties lately, I figured I could use an intern.

Interns don’t have interns!  That would just be redun-

*glances at Dennis, who grins back*

Oh, fine.  Whatever.  Let’s just get the next chapter done, okay?  Anyone want to do the recap?

Dennis:  There was lots of sex happening as two characters had invisible sex without being able to be seen by anybody else.

That’s actually a lot more to the point than I thought a DRD agent would be able to accomplish.  This next chapter is called “Teenage Women.”

Koori:  Sexist Bigot counter on standby!  *sets it on the desk*

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