*flounces into the room with a giant mug of eggnog in her grip*
Welcome back to Betrayal! And speaking of betrayals, all my helpers abandoned me this week when they found out I’d be doing this fic instead of PB:LiW. As I’m on my own, I figured I’d need some foritifcation to make it through.
*sits down in her chair and sets the mug on the desk before pulling a bottle of Fireball Whiskey from her desk drawer*
This should do it!
*adds a generous glug to her eggnog then takes a big swig from her mug*
Now that I’m ready to go, let’s recap. Sakura encountered a couple of demon children and they all exited the forest into the forest, while Naruto et al ate ramen and then went to… someone’s… house. Sakura may or may not have teleported into the scene to hit Naruto. The details are about as muddled as the author’s notes are prolific.
Title: THE PRINCESS BRIDE: LADY IN WAITING
Topic: The Princess Bride (Movie Version)
Critiqued by Lyle, Koori, Lina, and Amon
*Lyle and her crew walk into her riffing chamber. Lyle glances around, then turns to Koori*
I know I’ve been gone for a while but has my office always been this small? And my desk only has a cardboard cutout of a computer on it. Where’s my stuff?
Koori: Crunchy did some remodeling. *walks over to a bookcase on the wall and pulls a candle off a wall sconce next to it. The book case slides to the side, revealing a secret room filled with Lyle’s real riffing desk, console, and the blanket fort*
Lina: A “welcome back” gift from us interns.
Amon: I am not an intern. I am an Aberration.
Lina: Call yourself whatever you want, Handsome, just don’t leave.
Koori: I’m the only actual intern, but we all signed the work order.
*wipes wetness off her face with the back of her hand* Must be some left over construction dust in here. *coughs slightly, clearing her throat* Shall we get to work? *hurries into her new room and settles herself onto her chair* Lina, the wine if you please. Koori, we are going to need cheese, crackers, and glasses. Amon, you’re in charge of the fancy hats.
Amon: Fancy… hats?
Can’t have a fancy party without fancy hats.
Amon: I’m not certain what constitutes a “fancy hat” in your culture.
Just do your best, I’m sure you’ll do fine. There’s a wardrobe room just down the hall, past the alligator trap. Should be labeled “Do Not Enter Upon Pain of Death.”
Amon: I will never get used to this place. *walks out of the room just as Lina emerges from the tent with three bottles of wine* This should get us started!
Koori: *releases a seal on a scroll pulled from her flak jacket, revealing a fine cheese platter, complete with wine glasses, grapes, water crackers, and tiny cheese knives.*
Excellent! We’ll get started on the riff and then pop the cork on those once Amon gets back with our hats!
Hello, everyone! Happy Monday and welcome back to Betrayal. Last time we went through this fic, a lot of cracked-out stupid happened. There was something about Sakura summoning her demon creature who may or may not have killed Ino and then ate her. Neji was overpowered by Sakura and then everyone had a party in the hospital while Neji admitted to Sakura kissing him. This is a bid deal because blue.
I’ve been under the weather lately, so hopefully this chapter doesn’t kill me. Let’s do it.
Hello, lovelies! I’m back this week with the second half of TPB:LiW. I heard last week went really well and I’m glad my guest found his way just fine. I’ve heard he’s gotten quite the warm welcome from the Library. Good job, everyone!
I’ll do a quick sum-up of the last installment since it’s been a few weeks, then we will get started.
A Sue named Fauna, who may actually be a conglomerate of floating body parts, met Humperdinck right after the credits rolled, flounced continually around the room, acted kind of like a bitch, and decided that, instead of untying the prince and earning his gratitude, she would tell him a “fairy tale,” which we all know is really her TWAJEK BAKSTURY!
Koori: Hello everyone! Miss Lyle is at work today – and tomorrow for that matter – in order to get a five-day weekend that starts on Friday, we will be handling the riff today.
Lina: A five-day weekend would just be a week off, there, Perky.
Koori: Not listening! So last time on this piece of crap, there was a confrontation of sorts between Sakura and a bunch of ANBU that aren’t actually ANBU. Bascially, the author just name-dropped enough of the main characters to try to appear as if she’s actually seen the show or read the manga. By the end of the chapter, Sakura summoned something.
Lina: Don’t forget about the copious author’s notes scattered throughout this thing, too. Those have been as much fun as pulling teeth.
Hello my lovelies!
I’ve decided to do a rotating update schedule for a little bit, to break up the pure insanity that is “Betrayal.” One can only take so much of that sort of stupid before one’s eyes go crossed. So, to break it up, I’m going to introduce you to “THE PRINCESS BRIDE: LADY IN WAITING,” a fic which is apparently yelling at us from the get go.
A quick glance at the profile shows that the author is fully capable of not using all-caps to type out fic titles, so I have no idea why they chose to do it this time. If you’d like to take a peek at the profile, be ready for the pretentious ramblings of a supposedly late-30’s obsessive Fright Night fan. Twenty-three of their twenty-four fics are Fright Night. The twenty-fourth you will be reading shortly.
Now, before we begin, I would like to say that this is a hell of a lot easier to read than “Betrayal.” That doesn’t make it better; it’s just bad in different ways. It contains questionable grammar choices and a character that made my Sue-dar buzz before I even finished reading the summary.
Before we begin, I’ll give a brief, spoiler-ridden summary of “The Princess Bride,” for anyone living under a rock these last 30 years. (And yes, Taco, this is all your fault for selecting the novel “The Princess Bride” for our family book club. I’ve just finished it and it made me realize we have not yet touched this fandom in our Library.)
Anyway, the book varies a bit from the movie but, as the author of the book also wrote the screen play, it stays relatively true to the source material. But there are a couple little differences. Given that this fic takes place in the movie-verse, I’m not going to bother pointing out variations between the book and movie. I’ll just go strictly by what happens in the movie. And that is, essentially, this:
Jenny from Forest Gump falls in love with Robin Hood, who is killed off screen. She then has to marry the voice of Jack Skellington because he’s the prince and she’s supposed to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The prince, however, is a giant douche-hat, and hires Rex, the dinosaur from Toy Story, to kidnap and kill her, all while framing their neighboring country so they can have a nice war. Rex uses a pro-wrestler and a young Jason Gideon from Criminal Minds to accomplish this. Rhyming ensues. Then Robin Hood shows up out of nowhere because he’s not dead, he’s a pirate! He defeats Jason and the pro-wrestler but leaves them alive, then kills Rex in a match of wits that was really cheating because “Oh, I’m immune to poison LOL!” Jenny finds out who Robin Hood really is, they get kissy, then they run into a swamp to avoid the voice of Jack Skellington. In the swamp, Jenny nearly gets them both killed because useless, then a small guy in a rat suit tries to eat Robin Hood, they escape the swamp, get captured by the voice of Jack Skellington, Jenny tries to bargain for Robin Hood’s life, gets fooled because still useless, and Robin Hood ends up being the play thing of a guy who seems to be best known for impersonating a member of Spinal Tap named Nigel. Robin Hood gets killed by a machine created by Fake!Nigel, Jenny and the voice of Jack Skellington get married, and the pro-wrestler and Jason Gideon take Robin Hood’s body to Billy Crystal and his wife (Not.a.Witch) in order to bring him back to life. The 3 now-allies storm the castle by lighting the pro-wrestler on fire while he’s in a wheelbarrow (this totally works). Jason Gideon kills Fake!Nigel in revenge for Fake!Nigel killing Jason Gideon Senior, Robin Hood saves Jenny, and the pro-wrestler finds some horses they can all ride away on. The voice of Jack Skellington is, as of the end of the movie, tied to a chair, left to live knowing he was defeated by Robin Hood and his merry men.
Oh, and the whole thing is actually being read to the kid from The Wonder Years by his grandfather, Columbo.
Got it? Okay, let’s go!
Hello, lovelies! After some consideration (not a whole lot, mind you, just some) I’m dropping SONIC HIGH SCHOOL. It was sapping my will to live and just wasn’t funny anymore. So good riddance to the trollfic. Let’s get back to the crackfic I’m doing, instead!
Last time, Sakura ran into Ino, who was turned into a moss-covered cat. Ino told Sakura that she has a demon inside of her and then Sakura fake-exploded, the author threw a random-ass note into the middle of the fic explaining that Sakura didn’t actually explode, made fun of Ino, and then resumed the story. Sakura decides to follow Ino’s advice of skipping town and we find out that Ino is actually serving a dark master (that the author reveals in her author’s notes to be Madara Uchiha, because what the hell is suspense and mystery about, right?)
With that, let’s start the next chapter, which is really an author’s note, because Darksakudragon doesn’t put enough author’s notes before, during, halfway through, and at the end of the prose as it is.