2626: Mass Murder Effect: The First War Crime (Was Committed by the Protagonists) — Chapter 13 Part 1

Title: Mass Effect: The First War
Author: ProfFartBurger
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 13
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Mass Effect: The First War!

Last time, after thoroughly bungling their own attempt at peace talks with the Council, the Stumans shot their way off the Citadel by deploying incendiary bombs against civilian targets and a physically-dubious mondo EMP that blacked out the whole station. Also, despite having had access to the Citadel Codex thanks to the quarians well beforehand, none of the Stumans’ forces know what biotics are. And there’s a small clot of knockoff-SPARTANS left hiding on the station with Yet Another Nuke and several shipping containers full of building-sized mechs, all of which are somehow supposed to help them capture or kill Tarren Sparatus since the author has developed some sort of weird obsession with him specifically to the exclusion of other turians.

first_war_bb_11

Read the rest of this entry »


2608: My life as Spitfire: A sex-ed story. — One-Shot

Title: My life as Spitfire: A sex-ed story.
Author: Duskrunner
Media: Television
Topic: My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic
Genre: Romance, Slice of Life, Sex PSA
URL: Entire Fic
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai and Serketry

-WARNING-

In case the title did not give it away, this ‘fic attempts to discuss sex and relationships in some detail. The fact that it is on the Library should tell you how well it succeeded.

Expect not just somewhat more frank addressing of anatomy than is normal for polite conversation, but also the introduction of MRA-y talking points and authorial reactions to same.

Also, this riff is about twice as long as our usual maximum– that’s why it’s going up on Monday instead of Tuesday, so that people have some more time to read it and wade through its somewhat weightier subject matter before Taco’s comes along.

Hello hello all you patrons!

After the fascist fizzle that was To Last A Thousand Years, I’m about ready to go back to Mass Effect: The First War, but before then I felt like staking a one-shot or two, so… here we are, with… My Life as Spitfire: A sex-ed story., which I can only read in the same way as Rogue One: A Star Wars Story.

Also, yes, the period is indeed part of the title.

Howdy y’all, Serketry here. I can tell the Admiral here’s getting a little bogged down at RiffCon, so I thought I’d clock back in and do my part to lighten the load, as it were. A janitor’s work is never done. 

Read the rest of this entry »


2607: Predators and Prey – Chapters 7 and 8

Title: Predators and Prey
Author: CablesAndCrack (Apparently with some collaboration with someone named CMR Rosa)
Media: Comic Book
Topic: Birds of Prey
Genre: Drama / “Romance”
URL: Chapters 7 and 8
Critiqued by BatJamags

WARNING: The fic has rape scenes. It’s bad. While the over-the-top gross-out factor is lower due to excessive summarization, the plot itself is not entirely dissimilar to Celebrian.

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with the thrilling conclusion of our adventure through the mind of a very disturbed author.

Last time… Hell, it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters anymore. Basically, sex happened, none of it consensual.

Read the rest of this entry »


2598: To Last A Thousand Years — Chapter 3

-WARNING-
After several thousand words of nothing much, the author finally begins to slip out of pure Wehraboo territory and into actual neo-Naziism with a big long rant containing Holocaust-denialist talking points.

Also, he gets creepy.

Title: To Last A Thousand Years
Author: TallYapflip
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Sci-Fi/Adventure
URL: Gone.
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to To Last A Thousand Years. Last time, some Chancellor von Jerkoffen guy complained that the Council was taking too much time setting up a reasonable response to the Reapers instead of… setting up a reasonable response to the Reapers. Except maybe the Reapers aren’t coming and he wants them to talk about some other unknown issue that’s bothering him? It’s all very unclear.

And then the first part of the Noveria mission happened, with automated defenses at Peak 15 in place of any geth.

thousand_years_bb_3

Friendly Neighborhood Nazis Counter: 9

Porsche Counter: 5

Read the rest of this entry »


2589: To Last A Thousand Years — Chapter 1 Part 3

-WARNING-
This chapter contains more potential flamebait in the form of the author continuing to ramble about the Middle East, zionism, communism, and a bunch of other random hot-button crap.

Also, there are still Nazis.
Theoretically.

Title: To Last A Thousand Years
Author: TallYapflip
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Sci-Fi/Adventure
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to To Last A Thousand Years. It’s been a while, actually, due to my own writing kind of taking over for a little bit, but now I’m back in this for as long as it takes to finish this stupid Wehraboo ‘Muchafic that I riffed as a break from The First War but is turning out to be basically exactly like The First War.

Last time we got… a timeline. A timeline in which, after very rapidly exterminating all of the Communist powers (and also the Japanese Empire) from the world, the Third Reich pretty much took a back seat to our old pal ‘Murca, which along with Great Britain had been given a paper-thin fascist makeover. Britain and Russia somehow got absorbed into the Reich and France never stopped being under the Vichy government, but other than that the Nazis really did not do much other than murderize the Communists (who I thought they had already messily exterminated) in Vietnam. A sort of Space Race happened (more of a space run, really, or possibly a space wank, since the might of the Wehrmacht the author had already eliminated every possible competitor) where the Third Reich was more of a Third Wheel to the Axis-aligned United States, complete with side-by-side flags on the Moon. Although they did manage to allow everyone on Earth with a telescope to get a look at their enormous Axis Space Station which could hold twelve men inside of it at once.

If you are wondering what any of this has to do with Mass Effect, yeah, the answer is ‘not very much at all’. Presumably the slight chronological acceleration of the milestones of the space program had something to do with the crashed Council ship they’d encountered in Antarctica, but it never really says. Somewhat more sophisticated but not particularly Council-like technology just kind of pomfs into being for no reason.

We’ve just gotten up to about 1981 in the timeline and it is still going.

Friendly Neighborhood Nazis Counter: 7

Read the rest of this entry »