2510: HE SEES YOU WHEN YOUR SLEEPING — Crappy Holidays

Author: Someone on Reddit, I think?
Media: Music??
Topic: Santa Claus Is Coming To Town???
Genre: Creepypasta
URL: Trollpasta Rehost
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai and Guard-Novitiate Psk’nyor “Nina” C’hon

Hello hello all you patrons, and happy holidays!

“Oh, bah humglub. Your species takes all the fun out of your holidays, you know that? You have this guy who, when he was born, the local king is supposed to’ve killed every single other whelp in the area just to make sure he got that one, and then the entire point of his life was to get nailed to a piece of wood while he was still alive. And you celebrate this by… bringing a tree indoors and giving each other toys? I’m disappointed!”

Well, I was going to dedicate this post to a goodriff or retrospective of the Christmas episode of CunkToad’s Semper Vigilo Anthologies (assuming he finished the damn thing), but since you did ask…

*Reaches over and presses a button very clearly labelled “CHRISTMAS MUSIC”*

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2461: Play With Me – Creepypasta: The Brain Bleach Archive

Title: Play With Me
Author: Uncertain
Media: Subverted Innocence Stories
Topic: Brain Bleach (Replaced because I’m not making a tag for the original -Editor)
Genre: Creepypasta

URL: Play With Me
Critiqued by Zeus Killer And Lieutenant Nimitz
WARNING: This “story” mishandles a topic that is extremely sensitive-namely Sexual Child Abuse. If you have a trigger related to this, or are uncomfortable with this material, it is strongly encouraged that you skip this riff.  The fic riffed herein is unsuitable for children, adults, algae, single-celled microbes, and other things exhibiting at least three of the seven characteristics indicative of life. 

Zeus:> Hey, Nimitz, I want you to sit down for this.

Nimitz: Sir, I’ll just be fine.

Zeus: I know. But you won’t in about 10 minutes.

*Nimitz sits down*

Zeus: So, the second pasta I’m riffing is…uh…well, it’s very infamous for elements in the story, as a cautionary tale on how NOT to handle certain topics.

Nimitz:…why are you sweating?

Zeus: Because in all honesty, I have no idea if I’m gonna become a pariah after this.

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2459: The Bowser and King Boo Theory — Crappy Pasta

Title: The Bowser and King Boo Theory
Author: MyWorld, whose profile page lists his occupation as “future author and comedian”. The tragic part is, he might just make good on both of those.
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mario
Genre: Creepypasta
URL: The Bowser and King Boo Theory
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai and Guard-Novitiate Psk-Nyor “Nina” C’hon

Hello hello all you patrons! Don your purloined facial tissue and give a good thorough examination to the actions of a cartoon horse’s bladder, because it’s that time of year again!


“Your janitor locked me in the freezer!!”

Not only am I almost certain he had good cause, you are infinitely better off for it compared to having experienced Cupcakes.

“Ok, yeah, good point.

Can I just go back to the freezer now? It wasn’t as stupid in there.”

Sorry! You made your choice! But the faster you play the video with the dancing pumpkin man in it, the faster this’ll be over!

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2454: Cupcakes, Part 2 — Crappy Pasta

While this so-called horror story continues to resoundingly fail at being even remotely scary, it starts to hit pretty hard with the gross-out attempts in terms of blood and guts and also a bizarre focus on the actions of Rainbow Dash’s bladder.

Title: Cupcakes
Author: Sergeant Sprinkles
Media: Cartoon
Topic: My Little Pony
Genre: Creepypasta / “Horror” / Torture Porn
URL: Creepypasta Wiki Rehost
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai and Serketry

Hello hello all you patrons! Inflate your favorite organs and sort your pegasus wings by color because we are back with more Cupcakes goodness.

Don’t you mean…


Hey y’all, Serketry here. Again. Until this fic is as dead as Rainbow Dash. 

And, of course, by ‘goodness’ I mean ‘incredibly repetitive foreshadowing of incredibly repetitive torture porn’.

Last time, Pinkie Pie fed Rainbow Dash a drugged cupcake and tied her up in a torture chamber underneath Sugar Cube Corner. Much capering and posing with skulls ensued, but it was all pretty pointless. And…. that’s literally it.



Dubiously sexual counter: 4

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2453: Voicebox – Chapter 6

Title: Voicebox: A Ticci Toby fanfiction
Author: WhiteSiren
Media: Creepypasta
Topic: Ticci Toby/Jeff the Killer/ Slenderman / etc.
Genre: Horror/Romance
URL: Voicebox
Critiqued by PsychoNerd054

Welcome back to Voicebox. Hope you have your coffee ready, because I don’t. This will perhaps be the most boring chapter of the bunch.

Chapter 6

The next morning after breakfast

You all died! You all died after breakfast! Because Freddy Kruger came out of nowhere and killed you all when you mentioned having breakfast for the 10 millionth time in this story! It seriously gets on people’s nerves!

Toby and I invaded BEN’s room and “borrowed” a laptop so that we could look up the information on Voodoo shops and priestesses.

Because invading on other people’s property is totally justified if you complain about your own privacy being invaded every day!

“Oh god, Ben’s got nothing but pictures of kittens and puppies on his computer. That can’t be! It needs more porno pics of me to make my hatred of him more justified!”

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2449: Spooptoberfest Guest Submission: Red Moon – Creepypasta

Title: Red Moon
Author: Avenging Angel
Media: Internet Legends
Topic: The Moon
Genre: Spoopy Horror
URL: Red Moon
Critiqued by Zeus, Lt. Nimitz, And Sally
Zeus: Okay, now we need to put the helmet on, and make sure the oxygen pump isn’t blocked, or it’s gonna be one short trip.

Nimitz: Got it.

*the two proceed to EVA walk towards a decompressed part of the lower decks*

Sally: Yay, you came back!

Nimitz: Now don’t worry, we have some science to do.

Zeus: Hey, hows it going up there?

Svarti: *through comms* Well, if the amount of messages are any indication, it seems that we accidentally skimmed someone’s ship. We’ll try to negotiate as peacefully as possible, but that Spectre isn’t gonna make it easy on us.

Zeus: Copy. *clears throat* Okay, today’s a special day, for it is the start of me riffing Spooktober pastas.


Zeus: Got to appeal to the kids somehow. Anyways, we have some very special guests, with 2nd Lieutenant Nimitz Levanti and Sally.

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2446: Cupcakes Part 1 — Crappy Pasta

While the creepypasta under riff today is insanely not scary, it does contain some measure of gratuitous gore and you may not want to read it over lunch.

Title: Cupcakes
Author: Sergeant Sprinkles
Media: Cartoon
Topic: My Little Pony
Genre: Creepypasta / “Horror” / Torture Porn
URL: Creepypasta Wiki Rehost
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai and Serketry

Hello hello all you patrons! Plug your nearest housepet into the television set and make sure your doll vaccinations are up to date, because it’s that time of year again!

Today we’re dealing with a ‘fic that I wasn’t originally planning to ever riff due to its potential Librarian-breaker status (you will see why soon). However, I ran into a bunch of other people in a fimfiction forum I frequent saying that maybe it wasn’t so bad and for the time had some interesting ideas. So now I’m going to show exactly why that’s not the case, on a site with an average readership of ten people that none of the commenters on that forum frequent or even know exists.

Yay me!

Yay us, actually. Hey y’all, Serketry here. The Admiral brought me back. For this. Thanks, Admiral. 

Yeah. This is… a doozie.

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