1880: Suicidal Nightmare– Crappy Pasta

Title: Suicidal Nightmare
Author: CreepyPastaPrincessLuna
Media: Animation
Topic: My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic
Genre: Dark, Slice-Of-Life, and Other (it’s really just a creepypasta)
URL: Suicidal Nightmare
Critiqued by:
AdmiralSakai and Nina

WARNING

In case you couldn’t figure it out from the goddamn title, the pasta being riffed today contains potential flamebait in the form of a very strange handling of suicide. It’s not on the level of, say, a certain infamous Spongebob Squarepants ‘pasta previously riffed here, but exercise caution in the comments regardless. Also, expect the usual spoopy staples of random gore and character torture.

Hello hello all you patrons! Grab a heaping helping of cat brains and submit any roasted-fetus complaints to the Bureau of Demonic Affairs, because it’s time once again for…

spoop4

Roll it!”

Wait, no, that can’t be right!”

Ooooooooooh, yes it can!

What do you get when you combine the circle-jerking groupthink of the Creepypasta Wiki with the “anything goes” quality standards of fimfiction.net?

Why, ponypasta, of course!

Because nothing chills the blood like a show about magical talking horses who learn lessons about friendship, amiright?

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1876: Necrosleep Part 2– Crappy Pasta

Title: Necrosleep
Author: Lemniscate64
Media: Film??
Topic: Experiments In The Revival of Organisms, I guess
Genre: Creepypasta
URL: Necrosleep
Critiqued by:
AdmiralSakai and Nina

Hello hello, all you patrons! Sign on up for the Nocturnal Underground and hail your nearest Stan, because it’s time once again for…

spoop4

“Roll it!”

 

Last time in part one of this ‘Necrosleep’ thing we got introduced to Reed Murdock, your creepypasta-standard loser Millennial sympathy sponge who somehow makes enough money off of his personal blog and random Internet shenanigans to rent his own apartment and feed/bathe/otherwise maintain a hairless Sphynx cat named Twig. Oh yeah, and his whole blog is included in a case file which reveals that at some point soon he’s going to die under suspicious circumstances.

“It doesn’t take a shoggoth-tsui to figure out that those circumstances are probably going to be related to the fact that Reed just swallowed a pill of the titular ‘necrosleep’, which he was basically handed for free by a representative of a shadowy Ukranian black-market pharmaceutical outfit with more blatant occult imagery and code-words packed into it than a witches’ sabbath in the Great Library of R’lyeh -well, technically his neighbors got handed it for free since he’s stealing their Internet signal, but the important bit seems to be that all of their products (which is basically just necrosleep, a pill that supposedly lets you never have to sleep) are credited to some flat-face scientist named ‘Doctor Hail A. Stan’. Yes, really.”

We resume Reed’s blog already in progress.

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1872: Slenderman: 8 Pages of Ecstasy Part I – Oneshot

Title: Slenderman: 8 Pages of Ecstasy: Part I
Author: HidingFromSlender
Media: Video Game/Creepypasta
Topic: Slender: The Eight Pages
Genre: Romance/Horror
URL Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons!

You know, after the unexpected skeleton sex last time I thought I would go a little easier on you fine people.

I thought about it, but I’m not.

As you can tell from the title and header, this is a Slender Man fic – and it is a Romance! You know how much I love those. This is also a Horror fic, and really does have a little touch of horror in it. (Also a little touching and some very odd euphemisms.) It doesn’t get very graphic, but it really isn’t the sort of thing you should expose young, impressionable minds to either.

Let’s look at the summary!

She finds herself in the clutches of Slender, first in pleasure, then in terror.

I hope this isn’t a Reader fic; poor Whirlybat is still traumatized from the skeleton sex. Let’s go to the fic and see, shall we?

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1870: Necrosleep Part 1 — Crappy Pasta

Title: Necrosleep
Author: Lemniscate64
Media: Film??
Topic: Experiments In The Revival of Organisms, I guess
Genre: Creepypasta
URL: Necrosleep
Critiqued by:
AdmiralSakai and Nina

*Guard-Novitiate Psk’nyor “Nina” C’hon staggers back into the control room from a generally armory-ward direction, smelling strongly of single-malt Scotch and wearing only a white ‘Straight Outta Innesmoth’ t-shirt a size too small for her and what look disturbingly like UNSC-Marine-issue men’s boxer shorts.

Due to her current somewhat disheveled state, it takes her a few moments to realize that RIFFCON seems to have undergone some… changes. Many of the fluorescent ceiling lights are cracked and broken, casting dark, ominous shadows over the hyper-realistic-blood-red carpeting; those terminals which are still functional display a number of popular 90s cartoon and video game characters dying increasingly violent deaths to the haunting strains of the original Lavender Town theme; several sections of raised floor shift dangerously as the skeletons beneath them threaten to pop out; and even the open spaces near the walls seem occupied by ghostly, supernatural forms that give the faintest suggestion of formal business attire. In the middle of it all sits the Admiral, dressed in a white Linkin Park hoodie and smiling an absurdly wide smile.*

“…

Awwww, glub no.”

Ohohoho, yes! My fellow patrons, it’s that time of year once again, so get Ready For Round 2, don’t GO TO SLEEP, and prepare to enjoy…

spoop4

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1820: Slender: Find the Eight Pages They Said : Chapters 8 & 9

 

Title: Slender: Find the Eight Pages They Said
Author: seclinalunica
Media: Video Game/Creepypasta
Topic: Slender: The Eight Pages
Genre: Horror/Suspense
URL: Chapter 8
URL: Chapter 9
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

 

 

Hello, and welcome to the end of this long, slow slog that is this fic. I don’t think I’ll do a recap of the last two chapters because honestly it has just been more of the same ol’, same ol’. Even the characters seem like they are getting tired of this nonsense.

The second last chapter of the story. I hope all of you have been enjoying it so far. Please review.

I assume the author meant “second to last” and isn’t under the impression that you can have more than one “last” chapter.

Sweet mercy, I really hope they don’t think that.

Chapter seven: Page 7

3:00 am:

As a reminder, it was exactly six-thirty when the Nameless Narrator abandoned their car and started on this little adventure, which was eight and a half hours ago. The Nameless Narrator has been constantly moving the entire time, the closest thing to rest that they have gotten is when they became wedged in those rocks, so they must have the stamina of the gods to still be able to even function at this point.

“Paaaaaagggge where are yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy yooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu?”

…I guess the Nameless Narrator has decided to give up any pretense of stealth since it has become clear that Slendy has no interest in capturing them.

It’s three Am, and I have been searching for the seventh page approximately…honestly, I’ve stopped keeping track of the time.

I haven’t! It’s been super-easy to keep track of the time, BECAUSE YOU TIME-STAMP EVERY FRICKIN’ SCENE!

Slendy appeared a few minutes ago.

Let me guess; he just stared at you for a minute and then vanished without doing anything.

Now between the rusted tankers, he wasn’t there; I assume that he is behind me, and will stay behind me until I discover the last page.

And, following the Badfic Code, your first and only assumption is going to be the correct one.

I searched high and low, from left to right, but I hadn’t seen any foreign objects.

Your fingers must be getting tired from all that clicking … I mean, your eyes must be tired from all that visual searching you’re doing in what is totally not a video game!

I was wandering amongst the perimeter of the multiple tankers which was probably a mistake.

Darling, this whole fic has been a mistake.

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1816: Slender: Find the Eight Pages They Said : Chapters 6 & 7

Title: Slender: Find the Eight Pages They Said
Author: seclinalunica
Media: Video Game/Creepypasta
Topic: Slender: The Eight Pages
Genre: Horror/Suspense
URL: Chapter 6
URL: Chapter 7
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons and welcome to another chapter!

In our last little trip down the rabbit hole the Nameless Narrator wandered around (again) and found a piece of paper (again) flicked their flashlight off and on repeatedly (again) and was half-heartedly stalked by Slendy (again). The only really interesting bit was the reveal that the Nameless Narrator might have cybernetic eyes, since they can zoom in on objects. I choose to believe that this is also the reason they keep seeing static whenever Slendy is near, even though that’s more of an analog thing rather than a digital thing, because otherwise I’m gonna stab someone.

To the fic!

AN: here’s chapter 5. please read, review and enjoy.

There are two red flags that indicate that a fic author is losing enthusiasm for their fic; that the chapters start getting noticeably shorter, and if they had been adding long chatty Author’s Notes to the chapters that those ANs get significantly shorter as well. This can also lead to the length of time between chapters increasing – complete with apologetic “sorry it’s late” ANs – sometimes to the point that the fic is completely abandoned, but to their credit this author does actually stick with it until the eighth page is collected. There’s even a set-up for the sequel fic.

Chapter five: page 5

11:30 pm:

:headdesk:

Again with the time stamps.

I’ve moved past anger at this point, I just want to know why it’s taking the Nameless Narrator so frickin’ long to get this done. The author has been sticking to the game pretty closely so the playable area shouldn’t be that big, and (as the Nameless Narrator has already discovered) the pages are typically on or near very visible landmarks. Hell, they probably could have figured out how to hot-wire the truck from a few chapters back in a fraction of the time this scavenger hunt has taken and just driven through the gates.

The bathroom was extremely dark, and running around with the flashlight turned off would be bad news.

The stupid flashlight has been turned off and on so many times I honestly can’t keep track whether or not it’s supposed to be on or off right now.

I noticed that the flashlight was starting to dim.

Probably because you’ve been flicking it on and off so much, or because you’ve been wandering around in a dark forest for half the night.

Continuing on my journey through the multiple bathrooms, I became extremely nervous when turning corners.

That’s the first sensible thing you’ve narrated, since Slendy does have a habit of popping up as you turn a corner.

As I slowly peeked around the corners, I waited for a petite amount of static,

You’re waiting for a what kind of static?

The author is listed as Canadian in their profile, but this is the first time that there’s been any French in the fic so I had just assumed they were from one of the English-speaking portions of America’s Hat.

so that I had a rough idea where Slender was without having a surprise heart attack.

Is there any other kind? Much like the Spanish Inquisition, you don’t really expect to have a heart attack.
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1811: Slender: Find the Eight Pages They Said : Chapter 5

 

Title: Slender: Find the Eight Pages They Said
Author: seclinalunica
Media: Video Game/Creepypasta
Topic: Slender: The Eight Pages
Genre: Horror/Suspense
URL: Chapter 5
Critiqued by Ghostcat and Syl

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to another chapter of this plodding Slender Man fic. I’ve gone over the notes from the previous chapter when I was unavoidably detained, and…

“Detained?” :snorts: “You fell asleep!”

:clears throat: Yes, well; in my defense this is a really boring fic in which nothing ever happens, not even when Slendy does bother showing up.

“Tell me about it. At least you didn’t have to sit through that weird-ass tunnel/roll cake scene.”

Anyway; in case you can’t tell, Syl is riding shotgun with me on this chapter. Something about having to put in a minimum number of hours in order to qualify for a replacement phone, or something. When Lina starts using legalese I kind of space out.

“Hmph. I wouldn’t be in this mess if you hadn’t eaten my phone.” :sighs: “The things I do for an unlimited data plan.”

I didn’t eat it, I just bit it a little; I never swallowed.

“That’s what they all say, love.”

:coughs: Do you think you could get your mind out of the gutter long enough to give the synopsis of the last chapter?

“What’s to tell? Some genderless drone in a sweater that may or may not have pockets found a piece of paper on a tanker and then wandered around a tunnel that might have actually been a roll cake before running off again.”

So basically a whole lot of nothing, just like the other chapters.

“You’re the one who picked this fic, not me.”

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