1885: Fazbear Q & A – Chapters 4 & 5

 

Title: Fazbear Q & A
Author: Lolita Westmore
Media: Video Game
Topic: Five Nights at Freddy’s
Genre: Humor/Supernatural
URL Chapter 4
URL Chapter 5
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

Hello, and welcome back to this odd little fic! Not a whole lot happened in the last three chapters, most of which could summarized as ‘stuff happened, little of it related to the source materials’, and I assume the trend will continue.

I don’t own the FNAF series. Just the storyline and Baby.

As we’ve covered extensively in the past, you do NOT need to add disclaimers to a fic – especially not the same exact disclaimer to every blasted chapter.

Ninety years without slumbering (tick, tock, tick, tock), his life’s seconds numbering (tick, tock, tick, tock), it stopped short –never to go again- when the old man died.”

If those look like song lyrics, it’s because they are; specifically the chorus from a very old song called “My Grandfather’s Clock”, which is what the Marionette’s music box plays to keep it quiet. Gold star to the author for that obscure bit of FNAF trivia.

The comforting tinkles of the music box filled a room littered with toys and posters, virtually untouched by time.

This isn’t going to be like one of those artsy ASMR videos, is it?

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1855: Earthbound: Forgotten Heroes – Oneshot

Title: Earthbound: Forgotten Heroes
Author: TrashyFlower
Media: Video Game
Topic: EarthBound
Genre: Adventure/Humor
URL: Earthbound: Forgotten Heroes
Critiqued by TacoMagic

Hey, folks!  It’s that time again!  Time for Earthbound!

*Swenia swaggers in carrying Jiwe*

“Good, that seems tame enough.”

What are you doing here?

“Procuring a babysitter.”

*Swenia plops Jiwe onto Taco’s lap*

What!? Why?  Can’t you use one of the minions?

“Not today.  We’re busy getting the birthday party ready and, as you know, that’s an ‘all hands on deck’ situation.  And since somebody is too busy riffing to help, I figured he could at least watch the guest of honor while we set up.”

That time of year again, is it?

“I’ve been told to expect it almost annually.  Now you two have fun!”

*Swenia saunters out*

Can’t you just walk like normal people!?

“I’m not a normal people!”

*Taco heaves a sigh and look at Jiwe*

I suppose you’re my co-pilot today, then.

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1834: Tales of Vesperia 2: The Blastia Age Restored, Chapter 8

Title: Tales of Vesperia 2: The Blastia Age Restored
Author: MrAwesomeMattyDA
Media: Video Game
Topic: Tales of Vesperia
Genre: Adventure/Humor
URL: Chapter Eight
Critiqued by SC, Teh Specs and Book Specs

*Specs wanders into the riffing chamber*

Specs: Sorry I’m late, I overslept. Again. Because for some reason, Booky didn’t whoop my ass awake toda-

*Book Specs turns and adjusts his glasses at Specs*

Specs: …Well, that would explain it.

I’m gonna go ahead and ignore the fact that Booky beating the ever-loving shit out of you is how you keep on schedule.

Specs: I mean, it’s effective, isn’t it?

…So anyhow, while we were waiting for you to get here, Booky was telling me about the one and only time he ever took on an apprentice.

Specs: Oh yeah?

Yeah, it didn’t end well for the apprentice:

Yes, Booky’s apprentice was a Megumin cosplayer. No, I don’t know why.

According to Booky, modern-day magi are fucking useless.

*Book Specs rolls his eyes and adjusts his glasses*

Specs: He says that’s an understatement.

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1812: Tales of Vesperia 2: The Blastia Age Restored – Chapter Seven

Title: Tales of Vesperia 2: The Blastia Age Restored
Author: MrAwesomeMattyDA
Media: Video Game
Topic: Tales of Vesperia
Genre: Adventure/Humor
URL: Chapter Seven
Critiqued by SC and Teh Specs

Hello, and welcome back to Tales of Vesperia 2: The Blastia Age Restored, by MrAwesomeMatty! (Whose name I should probably endeavor to actually write correctly, as I keep forgetting the DA part of his user handle…) I’m your host, SC, joined by Teh Specs, and last time, Tai “fought?” Adecor and Boccos, resulting in grievous bodily harm from to all parties, then the mostly-gathered Brave Vesperia ditched Tai’s ass, shortly before Leblanc showed up to be, well, himself. This proved to be an insult too great to Tai, who flipped a bitch and stormed off after the group, grumbling all the while.

We come now to chapter seven, fittingly titled “Not the greatest of first impressions.”

Specs: These last couple chapter titles have been oddly appropriate.

I know, it’s like Matty was trying to do our job for us.

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1799: THE PRINCESS BRIDE: LADY IN WAITING – Chapter One, Part Two

Title: THE PRINCESS BRIDE: LADY IN WAITING
Author: GaGa4FrightNight
Media: Movie
Topic: The Princess Bride (Movie Version)
Genre: Romance/Humor
URL:Chapter One
Critiqued by Lyle

Hello, lovelies!  I’m back this week with the second half of TPB:LiW.  I heard last week went really well and I’m glad my guest found his way just fine.  I’ve heard he’s gotten quite the warm welcome from the Library.  Good job, everyone!

I’ll do a quick sum-up of the last installment since it’s been a few weeks, then we will get started.

A Sue named Fauna, who may actually be a conglomerate of floating body parts, met Humperdinck right after the credits rolled, flounced continually around the room, acted kind of like a bitch, and decided that, instead of untying the prince and earning his gratitude, she would tell him a “fairy tale,” which we all know is really her TWAJEK BAKSTURY!

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1791: Tales of Vesperia 2: The Blastia Age Restored – Chapter Six, Part Two

Title: Tales of Vesperia 2: The Blastia Age Restored
Author: MrAwesomeMattyDA
Media: Video Game
Topic: Tales of Vesperia
Genre: Adventure/Humor
URL: Chapter Six
Critiqued by SC, Teh Specs and Contacts

I bet you thought I was joking about inviting Contacts, huh?

Specs: I was kinda hoping you were.

Contacts: Am I gonna get my head cut off again?

We’re probably about to run smack-dab into a combat scene, so it’s possible.

Contacts: Right, then I’m out of he-

*The sound of a shotgun pump being jacked stops Contacts dead in his tracks*

Sit your ass down.

Contacts: …Right, then I’m staying right where I am, like a good boy.

That’s better.

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1781: THE PRINCESS BRIDE: LADY IN WAITING – Chapter One, Part One

Title: THE PRINCESS BRIDE: LADY IN WAITING
Author: GaGa4FrightNight
Media: Movie
Topic: The Princess Bride (Movie Version)
Genre: Romance/Humor
URL:Chapter One
Critiqued by Lyle

Hello my lovelies!

I’ve decided to do a rotating update schedule for a little bit, to break up the pure insanity that is “Betrayal.”  One can only take so much of that sort of stupid before one’s eyes go crossed.  So, to break it up, I’m going to introduce you to “THE PRINCESS BRIDE: LADY IN WAITING,” a fic which is apparently yelling at us from the get go.

A quick glance at the profile shows that the author is fully capable of not using all-caps to type out fic titles, so I have no idea why they chose to do it this time.  If you’d like to take a peek at the profile, be ready for the pretentious ramblings of a supposedly late-30’s obsessive Fright Night fan.  Twenty-three of their twenty-four fics are Fright Night.  The twenty-fourth you will be reading shortly.

Now, before we begin, I would like to say that this is a hell of a lot easier to read than “Betrayal.”  That doesn’t make it better; it’s just bad in different ways.  It contains questionable grammar choices and a character that made my Sue-dar buzz before I even finished reading the summary.

Before we begin, I’ll give a brief, spoiler-ridden summary of “The Princess Bride,” for anyone living under a rock these last 30 years.  (And yes, Taco, this is all your fault for selecting the novel “The Princess Bride” for our family book club.  I’ve just finished it and it made me realize we have not yet touched this fandom in our Library.)

Anyway, the book varies a bit from the movie but, as the author of the book also wrote the screen play, it stays relatively true to the source material.  But there are a couple little differences.  Given that this fic takes place in the movie-verse, I’m not going to bother pointing out variations between the book and movie.  I’ll just go strictly by what happens in the movie.  And that is, essentially, this:

Jenny from Forest Gump falls in love with Robin Hood, who is killed off screen. She then has to marry the voice of Jack Skellington because he’s the prince and she’s supposed to be the most beautiful woman in the world.  The prince, however, is a giant douche-hat, and hires Rex, the dinosaur from Toy Story, to kidnap and kill her, all while framing their neighboring country so they can have a nice war.  Rex uses a pro-wrestler and a young Jason Gideon from Criminal Minds to accomplish this.  Rhyming ensues. Then Robin Hood shows up out of nowhere because he’s not dead, he’s a pirate!  He defeats Jason and the pro-wrestler but leaves them alive, then kills Rex in a match of wits that was really cheating because “Oh, I’m immune to poison LOL!”  Jenny finds out who Robin Hood really is, they get kissy, then they run into a swamp to avoid the voice of Jack Skellington.  In the swamp, Jenny nearly gets them both killed because useless, then a small guy in a rat suit tries to eat Robin Hood, they escape the swamp, get captured by the voice of  Jack Skellington, Jenny tries to bargain for Robin Hood’s life, gets fooled because still useless, and Robin Hood ends up being the play thing of a guy who seems to be best known for impersonating a member of Spinal Tap named Nigel.  Robin Hood gets killed by a machine created by Fake!Nigel, Jenny and the voice of Jack Skellington get married, and the pro-wrestler and Jason Gideon take Robin Hood’s body to Billy Crystal and his wife (Not.a.Witch) in order to bring him back to life.  The 3 now-allies storm the castle by lighting the pro-wrestler on fire while he’s in a wheelbarrow (this totally works).  Jason Gideon kills Fake!Nigel in revenge for Fake!Nigel killing Jason Gideon Senior, Robin Hood saves Jenny, and the pro-wrestler finds some horses they can all ride away on.  The voice of Jack Skellington is, as of the end of the movie, tied to a chair, left to live knowing he was defeated by Robin Hood and his merry men.

Oh, and the whole thing is actually being read to the kid from The Wonder Years by his grandfather, Columbo.

Got it?  Okay, let’s go!

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