Title: A customary waffles to an isolated existence
Topic: Harry Potter/Hamilton/My Immortal
Genre: Humor and Romance
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by Angie
It gets worse!
Welcome back, guys, gals and non-binary pals and I’m reviewing the long awaited sequel to “A spiritual waffles after an isolate existence”. This was written more than a year after the original because it’s clearly a story that needed to be continued. This sequel is significantly shorter, clocking in at just under seven hundred words, where the original was around sixteen hundred. Keep in mind these are both several chapters long. It’s also significantly worse, seeing as the grammar quality took a massive nose dive.
(Note: When I copied this onto Google Docs, it rounded out to one and a half pages. This is going to be mighty fun.)
Hello and welcome back! Originally I was going to feature some of the Thomas the Tank Engine smut I found, but decided against it. There’s only so much homosexual train sex I can subject you all to, so I think some things are better off never bringing to light.
Well, at least not until next week, anyway.
So, in lieu of of getting to see Thomas getting railed by Diesel Ten, I’ve brought you the Tom and Jerry fic “It Started With That Girl.” That Girl is probably GirlWoman, so we’re all very excited.
I mean, she is most definitely not a Sue, right!?
Layla. Layla Katherine Munson.
She’s an odd one. She stands up for Mouse/Cat friendship.
… right? Please?
She eats fish and cheese.
I suppose that’s better than the damn panda who keeps shooting up our bar.
What else? Oh, yeah. She’s half cat and half mouse.
Of course. You can’t have a Tom and Jerry fic without those two going on a homosexual romp, right? Not to say that there’s anything wrong with a homosexual romp, but Tom is like ten-times the size of Jerry. The logistics are both unlikely and/or extremely painful from Jerry’s end of things.
Hey, patrons! We’ve got a holiday coming up, so you know what that means? Yup, another holiday-themed Final Fantasy VII fic! Aren’t you just super excited!?
Tough, we’re doing it anyway. Let’s take a look at the steamy summary before we jump in!
Here’s what happens some of our fave FFVII gals do their part for Halloween.
I am suddenly filled with deep foreboding. It’s probably nothing.
Title: THE PRINCESS BRIDE: LADY IN WAITING
Topic: The Princess Bride (Movie Version)
Critiqued by Lyle, Koori, Lina, and Amon
*Lyle and her crew walk into her riffing chamber. Lyle glances around, then turns to Koori*
I know I’ve been gone for a while but has my office always been this small? And my desk only has a cardboard cutout of a computer on it. Where’s my stuff?
Koori: Crunchy did some remodeling. *walks over to a bookcase on the wall and pulls a candle off a wall sconce next to it. The book case slides to the side, revealing a secret room filled with Lyle’s real riffing desk, console, and the blanket fort*
Lina: A “welcome back” gift from us interns.
Amon: I am not an intern. I am an Aberration.
Lina: Call yourself whatever you want, Handsome, just don’t leave.
Koori: I’m the only actual intern, but we all signed the work order.
*wipes wetness off her face with the back of her hand* Must be some left over construction dust in here. *coughs slightly, clearing her throat* Shall we get to work? *hurries into her new room and settles herself onto her chair* Lina, the wine if you please. Koori, we are going to need cheese, crackers, and glasses. Amon, you’re in charge of the fancy hats.
Amon: Fancy… hats?
Can’t have a fancy party without fancy hats.
Amon: I’m not certain what constitutes a “fancy hat” in your culture.
Just do your best, I’m sure you’ll do fine. There’s a wardrobe room just down the hall, past the alligator trap. Should be labeled “Do Not Enter Upon Pain of Death.”
Amon: I will never get used to this place. *walks out of the room just as Lina emerges from the tent with three bottles of wine* This should get us started!
Koori: *releases a seal on a scroll pulled from her flak jacket, revealing a fine cheese platter, complete with wine glasses, grapes, water crackers, and tiny cheese knives.*
Excellent! We’ll get started on the riff and then pop the cork on those once Amon gets back with our hats!
Hello, and welcome back to this odd little fic! Not a whole lot happened in the last three chapters, most of which could summarized as ‘stuff happened, little of it related to the source materials’, and I assume the trend will continue.
I don’t own the FNAF series. Just the storyline and Baby.
As we’ve covered extensively in the past, you do NOT need to add disclaimers to a fic – especially not the same exact disclaimer to every blasted chapter.
“Ninety years without slumbering (tick, tock, tick, tock), his life’s seconds numbering (tick, tock, tick, tock), it stopped short –never to go again- when the old man died.”
If those look like song lyrics, it’s because they are; specifically the chorus from a very old song called “My Grandfather’s Clock”, which is what the Marionette’s music box plays to keep it quiet. Gold star to the author for that obscure bit of FNAF trivia.
The comforting tinkles of the music box filled a room littered with toys and posters, virtually untouched by time.
This isn’t going to be like one of those artsy ASMR videos, is it?
Hey, folks! It’s that time again! Time for Earthbound!
*Swenia swaggers in carrying Jiwe*
“Good, that seems tame enough.”
What are you doing here?
“Procuring a babysitter.”
*Swenia plops Jiwe onto Taco’s lap*
What!? Why? Can’t you use one of the minions?
“Not today. We’re busy getting the birthday party ready and, as you know, that’s an ‘all hands on deck’ situation. And since somebody is too busy riffing to help, I figured he could at least watch the guest of honor while we set up.”
That time of year again, is it?
“I’ve been told to expect it almost annually. Now you two have fun!”
*Swenia saunters out*
Can’t you just walk like normal people!?
“I’m not a normal people!”
*Taco heaves a sigh and look at Jiwe*
I suppose you’re my co-pilot today, then.
Title: Tales of Vesperia 2: The Blastia Age Restored
Media: Video Game
Topic: Tales of Vesperia
URL: Chapter Eight
Critiqued by SC, Teh Specs and Book Specs
*Specs wanders into the riffing chamber*
Specs: Sorry I’m late, I overslept. Again. Because for some reason, Booky didn’t whoop my ass awake toda-
*Book Specs turns and adjusts his glasses at Specs*
Specs: …Well, that would explain it.
I’m gonna go ahead and ignore the fact that Booky beating the ever-loving shit out of you is how you keep on schedule.
Specs: I mean, it’s effective, isn’t it?
…So anyhow, while we were waiting for you to get here, Booky was telling me about the one and only time he ever took on an apprentice.
Specs: Oh yeah?
Yeah, it didn’t end well for the apprentice:
According to Booky, modern-day magi are fucking useless.
*Book Specs rolls his eyes and adjusts his glasses*
Specs: He says that’s an understatement.