2376: Mass Effect: The First War — Chapter 1 Part 2

Title: Mass Effect: The First War
Author: ProfFartBurger
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Mass Effect: The First War,  the purported mother-of-all HFY ‘fics which thus far is shaping up to be a particularly boring, lazy, plot-regurgitational, bog-standard HFY ‘fic.

Hmm.

Maybe CT was right about it being the purest form of the species after all.

Also, I have said it before and will say it again. Prepending “Mass Effect:” to the title of your Mass Effect ‘fic  accomplishes jack diddly because we already know what category it’s in and it also makes the ‘M’ section unreasonably large when sorting ‘fics by alphabetical order. So quit already.

Anyway, last time we got a bunch of codex entries outlining the development of human society in the absence of some of the technology the prothean ruins canonically contained. It occurred… pretty much exactly the same as in canon, just a little slower and there are AIs. Yay mankind, I guess.

first_war_bb_1

We left off just as things were actually supposed to start narratively happening, with an expedition to open an unexplored Mass Relay.

Read the rest of this entry »


Fillertastic Special: AdmiralSakai and Serketry Riff Terrible MLP Fanart Episode III– Revenge of the Shit

You should know the drill by now. There’s a lot of My Little Pony fanart out there, and most of it is terrible or has unpleasant implications or is just plain confusing, and so Serketry and I riffed it over Steam chat and then reformatted everything into a Library post.

Read the rest of this entry »


2375: The Purple Queen – Chapter 14

Title: The Red Queen
Author: Dravyn LeCrux
Media: Web Series
Topic: RWBY
Genre: Drama/Tragedy
URL: Chapter 14
Critiqued by BatJamags

Crisis on Infinite Snakes

Uwaah count: 13
A Sentence Fragment count: 36

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and, if any of you happen to be French, Happy Bastille Day! Are you happy yet? Good, now I’m going to ruin the mood by showing you more of this fic. This chapter is entitled “Don’t Tread On Me,” which makes me think I should’ve been scheduling this closer to the 4th, but meh. Let’s get started.

Nipping at her nose was a slight chill.

Yuletide carols being sung by a choir, and folks dressed up like Eskimos?

Read the rest of this entry »


2371: Mass Effect: The First War — Chapter 1 Part 1

Title: Mass Effect: The First War
Author: ProfFartBurger
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons!

This is going to be a weird ‘fic for me because I am going into it almost completely by reputation. Usually I go into these ‘fics having read or at least skimmed significant sections of them, but that’s not the case here. CunkToad has been recommending it to me as some kind of ultimate progenitor of the crypto-fascist HFY subgenre and I really don’t know a lot more about it than that. Given that it started in 2013 I find its ur-example status rather suspect, but we shall see.

Read the rest of this entry »


2368: The Purple Queen – Chapter 13

Title: The Red Queen
Author: Dravyn LeCrux
Media: Web Series
Topic: RWBY
Genre: Drama/Tragedy
URL: Chapter 13
Critiqued by BatJamags

It was…………………………………………………….Bat-Ozpin!

Uwaah count: 12
A Sentence Fragment count: 32

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and hey, it’s more of this. Aren’t you excited? No? Great!

Last time, Ruby had a fight with Roman, Emerald, and Mercury. Cinder showed up. My chapter summaries continued being depressingly short.

‘Okay,’ Ruby mused to herself. ‘This is getting a little complicated. Roman alone would have been a tough fight, and his two new henchmen didn’t seem to be the type of just drop so easily. And to top it all off, this woman managed to fight off Miss Goodwitch, a capable and well trained Huntress with years of experience under her belt.

Whose job apparently entails being Ozpin’s coffee-getter.

This isn’t exactly looking the best.

The fic? I should think not.

The White Fang goons have already been taken care of, so should I just have Dinah and the other retreat? I can probably escape from here pretty easily. Shit!’

The four villains just kind of stood there, slack-jawed, while Sueby had her internal debate.

Ruby was thinking deeply about her present situation. To say it was bad wouldn’t be the entire truth, nor would it be entirely incorrect.

It would, however, be a way of wasting entirely too much of the reader’s time on nothing.

Three variables.

Three Sentence Fragments! Three! Ah-ah-ah! Count: 33

Read the rest of this entry »


2366: The Purple Queen – Chapter 12

Title: The Red Queen
Author: Dravyn LeCrux
Media: Web Series
Topic: RWBY
Genre: Drama/Tragedy
URL: Chapter 12
Critiqued by BatJamags

The Superior Spider-Grimm

Uwaah count: 12
A Sentence Fragment count: 30

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with another exciting chapter of The Red Queen! Last time, Bat-Ozpin learned that the reports of Sueby’s death were so blatantly fake a brain-dead squirrel could see it greatly exaggerated and sent Yang and Jaune to go look for her. Meanwhile, Sueby went to a place and bought things and maybe saw Roman Torchwick. The latter sequence of events took up the bulk of the wordcount because of course it did.

So, let’s dive into the next chapter!

Read the rest of this entry »


2363: Sonichu — Issue 3 Sub-Episode 4 and Issue 4 Sub-Episode 5

Title: Sonichu
Author: Christine Weston Chandler, aka. Christopher Weston Chandler, aka. Christian Weston Chandler, aka. Chris-Chan
Media: Webcomic
Topic: Sonic The Hedgehog / Pokemon / IRL / Yu-Gi-Oh
Genre: “Parody”, apparently.
URL: Issue 3 Template Box and Issue 4 Template Box
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to the wonderful world of Sonichu!

Previously, Hedgehog Of Color tried to steal a McGuffin, but a cluster of recolored Sonichus with elemental powers beat the stuffing out of him and took it back.

That’s… literally it.

Typo Cunter: 61

Read the rest of this entry »