1519: Heroes and Villains – Chapter Five, Part Two

Title: Heroes and Villains
Author: Horrible’s Igor
Media: Television / Movies
Topic: Buffy: The Vampire Slayer / Kitchen Sink
Genre: Supernatural/Drama
URL: Heroes and Villains
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Eliza

Welcome back, patrons!

“Unnnngggghh.”

You doing okay over there?

“No, I don’t think I am.  Why is it time to read this fic again, didn’t we just do that?”

Well, our schedule is weekly and it’s been a week.

“Oh.  I seem to have missed a few days since last time.  Like all of them.”

I keep telling you not to let the girls bait you into drinking with them.

“But it was so pink and fizzy!”

Look, Syl is completely immune to poison and thus alcohol, Swenia is heavily resistant to poison and thus alcohol, and Shades is … well Shades.  They don’t understand safe limits!

“But it was Glasses who wanted to do drinks!”

Don’t make me send Markus as a chaperon.

Anyway, last time we got to learn a bit more about Jim.  As it turns out he is probably not a watcher.  However, he still is a demon or vampire hunter of some kind.  Illogically so since he’s also a professor of California literature.  I’m not saying he can’t be both, but without any kind of backstory or establishment, I’m not buying it.  After a short fight with a vampire, he learns that Willow is back and evil, so he heads over to Buffy’s place.  They discuss Willow a bit, then eventually they agree that they should start researching the situation.  And that was pretty much it.

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1518: X-Com: Mass Effect: Chapter 4 & Chapter 5 Part 1

Title: X-Com: Mass Effect
Author: Dragonsong2795
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect/XCOM
Genre: Sci-Fi
URL:  Chapter 4 and 5
Critiqued by Erttheking

Ert:…Huh

Nora: What’s up Ert?

Ert: I got a reply from the author, Dragonsong2795, when I left reviews on this this story and its rewrite

Goeth: Don’t keep us in suspense what’s the word?

Ert: He said my review that teared it apart was the best review that he had ever gotten. And that in the remake, he was upset that only three people disapproved of what Novus did, because that was his intention. Huh.

Nora: So is this story good now?

Ert: Fuck no, it’s god awful. If the author wanted people to think that he didn’t do a very good job of expressing it. All this means is that I feel slightly less comfortable taking pot shots at the author himself. I’m still ripping this thing a new one.

Goeth: Same old same old. Time for a new chapter.

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1517: No One in this World is Perfect – One Shot

Title: No One in this World is Perfect
Author: Draco Malfoy is Blonde
Media: Books / Movie
Topic: Harry Potter / The Great Gatsby
Genre: Tragedy/Angst
URL: No One in this World is Perfect
Critiqued by Addicted Reader

::Addicted Reader wanders absent-mindedly into the Riffing Room::

::looks around::

Oh, there are Patrons here!  I guess I should do a riff.  Hold on, let me go find something.

::starts rummaging through ff.net::

Well, last time we were in the Harry Potter crossover section, specifically the bottom of the list where the canons with exactly one crossover story are listed.  Let’s keep looking there.

::scrolls for a while::

Oh, Great Gatsby!  That must be that odd little underwear fic from a while ago.

::clicks link::

Huh, it’s something else.

::spends a while clicking links and mumbling something about dashes and underscores::

Ok, so there are two listings for “Great Gatsby” under HP crossover.  There are four fics, including the underwear one, under one listing and just this one under the other.  The fic is short and the summary presents a premise worth looking at, so here goes:

Short conversation between Jay Gatsby and Severus Snape; because women are fickle or dead. (Gatsby didn’t die.)

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1516: Garfield Effect: Galaxy Adventure – Chapter Ten

Title: Garfield Effect: Galaxy Adventure
Author: ShakespeareHemmingway
Media: Video Game/Comic
Topic: Garfield/Mass Effect
Genre: Sci-fi/Adventure/crossover
URL: Chapter Ten
Critiqued by agigabyte

X as Lasagna Counter: 3

”You’re on a ship, in space” Counter: 14

Cain: Welcome back to… well, I don’t even need to say anything by now. The continued existence of this fic speaks for itself. Today, I’m riffing on my own (except for Monitor, but he’s always here), as everyone else is off doing other things to ensure the continued existence of the Gemini. I, meanwhile, have to continue riffing this fic, or the Library may kick us out. *Cracks knuckles* Oh, I needed that. Let’s begin.

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1515: 101 Recipes for Blending Canons! – Chapters 6-9

Title: Spyro the Hedgehog Hearts Sun Bros. Brawl (a.k.a. element)
Author: sephchipmunk
Media: Video Game(s)
Topic: …A lot of them
Genre: I dunno, “Clusterfuck?”
URL: element
Critiqued by SC and Sports Shades

As you can see, this fic leaves little in the way of me taking it seriously.

Sports Shades: No kidding.

…By the way, I was gonna have your evil twin be here so I could put that whole deal to bed, but he never showed up.

Sports Shades: Oh, you mean that guy?

*Sports Shades points to a thoroughly eviscerated corpse*

Sports Shades: Yeah, he bumped into me on the way here and made the mistake of challenging me to a duel because he thought I besmirched his honor. That didn’t go so hot for him.

…Well, nuts to that plan, then.

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1514: The Before time of Lock, Shock and Barrel – Chapter 1

Title: The Before time of Lock, Shock and Barrel
Author: Miyuki Kawaiinoda
Media: Film
Topic: Nightmare Before Christmas
Genre: Romance/Drama
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

Hello, loverly Patrons!

I’m here with a new fic! “New” being a relative term, as it was published way back in the mists of 2003. It comes to us from the Nightmare Before Christmas section, an area we’ve had experience with before so I don’t need to do a SC-style infodump. Let’s take a look at the summary, shall we?

BARREL’S IS UP!.oOFinally Anyway remeber this is Lock, Shock and Barrel’s past live. RR :D Rateing went up cause of Cursing….ON WITH THE SHOW!

:winces:

You can probably guess why this fic attracted my attention, it’s just waving all kinds of red flags. And I checked the fic’s rating; it’s listed as T, so I don’t expect too many naughty words in this fic. That’ll be a nice change.

To the fic!

Miyuki: YAY!!!!! MY FIRST NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS FANFIC!!!!!! ::throws confetti::

:eye-twitch:

There’s a chatty Author’s Note at the beginning. Yay.

ahem, anyway, I have decided to……write….THE ORIGINS OF LOCK, SHOCK, AND BARREL!!!!!

Huh. In theory, this would be an excellent idea. The three trick-o-treaters are secondary characters who aren’t explored in any great detail, so they are ripe for the picking.

This is NOT, I repeat NOT historically accurate,

:eye-twitch:

it was just a background for the fic so, do not complain!!!

:eye-twitching intensifies:

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1513: Normandy High 2: Cryogenic Boogaloo – Chapter Three

Title: Subject 23: Cryonics
Author: The Eezoman
Media:  Video Games
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: Subject 23: Cryonics: Chapter 3
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Hello ladies and jellyspoons, and welcome back for more Subject 23. I’m your host Herr Wozzeck, and…

Well, really, what else would you be here for? Shitty writing, shitty characters… and both are par for course in Subject 23, ain’t they?

So without further ado, let’s jump back into this festering pile of sequelitis, shall we? We’ve still got a hell of a story to finish!

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