Hello, dear Patrons!
Because I’ve had a terrible week and need something light and frothy that I don’t really have to concentrate on, I’m bringing you a little oneshot from a cute little game we haven’t covered before – Slime Rancher!
Slime Rancher is, as you might have guessed from the name, is a farming simulator of sorts and like most simulators there’s a very minimal amount of plot. You play as Beatrix, a new resident of the Far Far Range on an alien planet far from Earth. This planet contains unique lifeforms, the various slimes, that produce a valuable resource called “plorts” when you feed them. (Yes, it’s their poop. Which they will eat if given a chance. Try not to think about it too much.) Most of the “farming” is done using a Vac-Gun, which allows you to gather resources (food, plorts, slimes) and then shoot them into or at things. As you progress through the game you unlock different areas with different slimes that have different properties, such as Rad Slimes that have a radioactive aura surrounding them, or Tangle Slimes, who can send roots underground to nab plorts and chickens from other areas. The more dangerous or problematic the slime, the more valuable their plort may be – I say “may” because the prices fluctuate and the game has an actual reactive market system as well; selling a lot of one particular type of plort will cause the price to drop and hording a bunch of plorts rather than selling them makes them more scarce and thus more valuable. It’s quite relaxing to play, as long as you don’t think about how you’re imprisoning creatures and force-feeding them for profit.
Title: If Brawls Subspace Emissary had dialogue
Media: Video Game
Topic: Smash Brothers
URL: Introduction, The first fight and the aftermath, and the start of Pits adventure
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck
Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome back to the Library for more fun times. I’m Herr Wozzeck, and… well, we’re about to do something completely different today.
So you’ll notice that, with most times in the Library, we have a lot of people trying to write fanfics like they are literally a film. Invariably, they all fall flat, because film and written media are nowhere near the same thing. So of course, because authors don’t know how to parse out the differences, we get epic fails all around.
Today’s fail on that front is… decidedly different. Not only is it naked plot regurgitation, not only is it literally trying to be video game cutscenes, not only is it in script format… well…
I’ll let the summary explain:
This fanfiction is basically what the title says. I liked Subspace, but I wanted some dialogue in it, since some scenes didn t make sense to me. I recommend playing Subspace or watching a Walkthrough to understand everything. But the game is 10 Years old. So, I think you would know everything already.
So basically, what you’re saying is that this whole story’s existence is actually kinda unnecessary, and your media literacy is so poor that you don’t know how to read visual storytelling.
This is gonna be fun! Read the rest of this entry »
Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author: Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy
It’s Wednesday again, so you know what that means?
“You subject me to the least Star Wars-like Star Wars fic you could find?”
Well, not ONLY that, but largely that, yes. Last time not a lot happened. Essentially Vikki took the ten minutes of the game you spend on the Dampé hookshot quest and stretched it out to five-thousand words of her characters talking about the quest and bumbling around. Oh, and Dampé the malformed gravedigger has been replaced with Shad’s model from Twilight Princess, because sexy. We ended the riff last week right as the party finally got themselves into the caves under Dampé’s grave and met up with his ghost.
“That is distressingly terse for as long as the entry was last week.”
Unfortunately Vikki isn’t really aware that there is a difference between fleshing-out a scene, and padding it to within an inch of its life. Speak of which, let’s dive back into the padding already in progress!
[As promised, we’re actually getting the guest riffs up. Here’s a little Halloween riff from Delta… four days after Thanksgiving. Whoops. – BatJamags]
Title: Doom: Repercussions of Evil/ Mark II
Author: Peter Chimarea (Original)/ Abby Zanella (Mark II)
Media: Video Game
Genre: Sci-Fi/Parody (Original)/ Horror/Sci-Fi (Mark II)
URL: Original/Mark II
Critiqued by Delta XIII
Happy Spoop Month, friends!
Well, here we are. Picking the lowest of low-hanging fruit. A story that rivals My Immortal and Full-Life Consequences in the realm of So Bad It’s Good:
Doom: Repercussions of Evil
Honestly, I’m a little surprised no one else has riffed this fic, even just for a laugh.
Now, the original fic is too short to riff by itself, so I’ve decided to add on a little something extra: Repercussions of Evil Mark II, a rewrite of the infamous story that gives it proper spelling, grammar, and prose, making it an actual story.
This should be fun.
So, without further ado, let’s rip and tear into it, shall we?
Title: Mandalorian Effect
Media: Film/Video Game
Topic: Star Wars/Mass Effect
URL: Chapter 3
Critiqued by BatJamags (BadJamags)
Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m coming out swinging again for another less-than-fantastic chapter of Mandalorian Effect!
Last time, the Mandalorians engaged in “diplomacy” with the quarians, Mando Stu obviously started lusting after Tali and (*gag*) vice versa, and now they’re one fleet with a name so stupid I can’t even be bothered to repeat it. The Discount Malevolence is the flagship because fuck you the Stu is more important.
Now, in this chapter… Oh, fucking hell. Hello, Council Bashing! How have you been? It’s been a long five minutes since I’ve seen you.
Hey guys next chapter.
Why thank you for gracing us with your infinite wisdom, author. How else could we have possibly known that the next chapter was starting?
Nothing new to say so lets just get on with it.
Are you for fucking real? Let me put this in big bold letters, just for any patrons who may be confused on the point.
If you don’t have anything to say, don’t write a fucking author’s note. If what you have to say is not directly related to the story, don’t write an author’s note. If what you have to say can be communicated through the narrative, don’t write an author’s note. Put it in future chapters or edit previous ones accordingly. If you want to respond to reviews, do it by PM. If, for some reason, these qualifications haven’t eliminated anything you would want to say in an author’s note, then put it at the bottom of the chapter. Professional authors don’t need ANs, and neither do you.