2234: FNG: Chapter Three, Part Three (But it’s actually Chapter Two, Part Three)

Title: FNG
Author: Richie23
Media: Video Game
Topic: Rainbow Six: Siege
Genre: Suspense/Adventure
URL: Chapter Two
Critiqued by SC and Operative SC

Hello, and welcome back to “FNG,” by Richie23! I’m your host, SC, joined by myself, and there was really no good reason that it took me this damn long to update the riff. In fact, I procrastinated so hard on this that I’ve completely forgotten where we ended off last time.

Operative SC: Something about an airport?

I’ll probably look at the previous posts later and feel dumb for forgetting, but for right now, I’m just gonna assume it’s not important and forge ahead.

Operative SC: The SC Method: “Uh, shit, well, let’s just go with it and hope for the best.”

Works like a charm.

Operative SC: Except when it doesn’t.

Which is frequently.

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2210: FNG – Chapter Three, Part Two (But it’s actually Chapter Two, Part Two)

Title: FNG
Author: Richie23
Media: Video Game
Topic: Rainbow Six: Siege
Genre: Suspense/Adventure
URL: Chapter Two
Critiqued by SC and Operative SC

Hello, and welcome back to “FNG,’ by Richie23! I’m your host, SC, joined by myself, and last time, one or more bitches were flipped in the comments regarding some painfully bad suggestions from the fic’s reviews for how to improve an already terrible gun design. Meanwhile, in the fic, a squad of Rainbow operators sat around holding their dicks at an airport while Robert(s) got held up by English customs.

Yeah, not a whole lot happened last time, admittedly.

Operative SC: Thankfully, the writing in this is so bad that we somehow failed to notice that it was all padding.

Maybe you did, I knew it immediately. That whole part of the chapter was just dudes sitting around in an airport, how could it have been anything else?

Operative SC: I was kind of hoping that Richie would just have some random terrorist attack occur at the airport, because I saw “squad of operators” and “airport” and immediately began thinking of the No Russian mission in Modern Warfare 2. That would’ve been some action, at least.

And you thought a team of Thermite, Twitch, Glaz and Thatcher would be the guys to handle it?

Operative SC: I mean, I’d have to rig up some high-tension bullshit to get it to work, but there’s at least one scenario in my mind where they’re the perfect team for the job.

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2187: FNG – Chapter Three, Part One (But it’s actually Chapter Two, Part One)

Title: FNG
Author: Richie23
Media: Video Game
Topic: Rainbow Six: Siege
Genre: Suspense/Adventure
URL: Chapter Two
Critiqued by SC and Operative SC

Hello, and welcome back to “FNG,” by Richie23! I’m your host, SC, joined by myself, and last time, we bounced back and forth between Thatcher and Thermite chatting about how complete ass-backwards bullshit cool and awesome their new recruits sounded on paper, watching Jon and Citrus continue hating each other on a plane ride, and watching Six give Thatcher and Thermite a critical mission objective to lead a fireteam to Heathrow and secure the dipshits as they disembark their plane.

I also made a bunch of half-assed excuses completely justified why it took me so long to complete one chapter of this riff, whilst simultaneously giving Chosen Undead SC perpetual nightmares.

Operative SC: Now he’s clinging to the chandelier, chucking Soul Arrows at anybody who tries to get him to come down.

Frankly, I’m amazed he found a chandelier strong enough to hold his weight. Guy’s in, like, sixty pounds of armor.

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2177: Slasher Oneshot Marathon!

Title: The texas chainsaw massacre: once again; The Real Texas Chainsaw Massacre; Halloween: Death Comes Calling; Fiery Passion; New masked killer; Murder from Scream
Author: doctorwhofan123456789; G.I. Joe Adventure Team; KLeslie; bloodyrose2014; Droids Boys; MeLoNa05
Media: Film
Topic: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre; The Texas Chainsaw Massacre; Halloween; A Nightmare on Elm Street; Scream; Scream
Genre: Horror / Drama; Crime / Horror; Horror / Romance; Romance / Horror; Horror / Drama; Horror / Poetry
URL: The texas chainsaw massacre: once againThe Real Texas Chainsaw MassacreHalloween: Death Comes CallingFiery PassionNew masked killerMurder from Scream
Critiqued by BatJamags (and Spider-Man)

A little game for the reader: By the end of the riff, guess which YouTube channel I’ve been watching a lot of recently.

Also, when I say “marathon,” I mean it. This is long, but I was having way too much fun to cut it down. Just thought I’d let you know ahead of time. Seriously, though, it’s about three times as long as my normal riffs.

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back.

There is a fifth dimension, beyond that which is known to Man. It is a dimension as vast as the author’s note to My Inner Life, and as timesquiggly as My Immortal. It is the middle ground between light and Edgelord, between thermal radiation and BLUE; and it lies between the pit of a riffer’s fears and the summit of his anger. This is the dimension of bad horror oneshots. It is an area which we call… the Badfic Zone.

Respectfully submitted for your derision: A cavalcade of spooky, scary, and quite possibly skeletal oneshots from a wide selection of horror films!

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2176: FNG – Chapter Two, Part Three (But it’s actually Chapter One, Part Three)

Title: FNG
Author: Richie23
Media: Video Game
Topic: Rainbow Six: Siege
Genre: Suspense/Adventure
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by SC and Operative SC

Hello, and welcome back to “FNG,” by Richie23! I’m your host, SC, joined by myself, and last time, our two idiots got recruited into Rainbow and met each other in person, and for some reason, they really didn’t like each other. Also, Rainbow got a look at their files, and for reasons beyond my comprehension, the response was not, “oh fucking great, we picked up a pair of jackasses.”

Also, this riff took longer to write up because I was busy slaying vampires, and prior to that, got yoinked into Sakai’s damn Creepypasta riff against my will.

*Various pained-sounding spoopy noises*

You know, pasta authors, it really says something when I can kick the crap out of your monsters.

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2138: FNG – Chapter Two, Part Two (But it’s actually Chapter One, Part Two)

Title: FNG
Author: Richie23
Media: Video Game
Topic: Rainbow Six: Siege
Genre: Suspense/Adventure
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by SC and Operative SC

Hello, and welcome back to “FNG,” by Richie23! I’m your host, SC, joined by myself, and last time, we officially recruited Jonathan to “the Rainbow,” who are a counter-terrorism organization which answers to “the NATO.” It was a clusterfuck of bad grammar and even worse military know-how on the author’s end, and even Jon, himself, is shocked that they considered him worth the time of day.

This week, it’s the TWENTY-ONETH OF APRIL at Rainbow HQ, and we’re gonna finish off chapter one (even though I have it listed as chapter two because laziness), so let’s go ahead and jump back in.

…These intros get shorter and shorter all the time anymore. What is happening to me?

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2132: FNG – Chapter Two, Part One

Title: FNG
Author: Richie23
Media: Video Game
Topic: Rainbow Six: Siege
Genre: Suspense/Adventure
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by SC and Operative SC

Hello, and welcome back to “FNG,” by Richie23! I’m your host, SC, joined by myself, and last time, we met our two OC protagonists for this fic – one, a rich boy with the personality of a rock who apparently got caught up in a four-way land war between the UK, Hong Kong, Indonesia and Malaysia straight out of boot camp (but he was only there for the first part of it), then used his soopur kool gun to shoot at some terrorists during the Battle of Malawi and had Indonesian special forces fawning over him as a result; and the other, an immature hothead cop gal who developed a hallucinogenic gas grenade out of a compound previously used for torture, who uses this grenade in drug busts, and who still somehow has her badge in spite of the PR nightmares that must spring up from the deployment of this particular weapon.

We come now to chapter two, which is actually chapter one (fuckin’ fanfiction got me again), but I don’t feel like changing my titles, so fuck it, chaos reigns.

Operative SC: And what is this chapter called, pray tell?

*SC grabs a megaphone*

CHAPTER 1 – EYE FOR THE TALENT!!!

*Operative SC starts bleeding from his ears*

Operative SC: …Still not as bad as glass exploding in my face.

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