1698: Love & Bullets – Chapter Five, Part One

Title: Love & Bullets
Author: MissScorp
Media: Comics
Topic: Batman
Genre: Drama/Romance
URL: Chapter 5
Critiqued by BatJamags (BadJamags and GoodJamags)

WARNING: Chapter contains references to domestic abuse.

What do you need us for? count: 9

Dick is a dick count: 4

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BadJamags…

GoodJamags: … And I’m your guest guest host, GoodJamags…

… And we’re back for another riff of Love & Bullets, the fic that spent four chapters on two plot points.

GoodJamags: And let’s be fair here: the second plot point didn’t come into play until the end of the fourth chapter.

Speaking of which, we closed out last chapter with CONTRIVED DRAMA, and now the Sue… extra doesn’t want to marry Dick or something. I must’ve been asleep at that part.

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1697: Master of the Universe – Chapter One

Title: Master of the Universe
Author: E.L. James
Media: Books
Topic: Twilight
Genre: Drama/Romance
URL: https://ohfifty.com/downloads/MOTU_w_Outtakes_Snowqueens_Icedragon_COMPLETE.pdf
Critiqued by Angie and Lyle

*covers face* I don’t know how to defend this one, guys. I really don’t.

Lyle: *walks in with a giant bag of gummy worms*  What’s this you’ve found? *reads intro stats* E. L. James….  Why does that sound familiar….

She’s the…she wrote that super bad BDSM trilogy ‘Fifty Shades’. It’s also that movie, with like…Dakota Something and Jamie Whatsisface.

Lyle:  Oh. Her. I didn’t realize she wrote more than that.

Actually, she really didn’t. It’s the exact same story, it’s just a Twilight fic instead of something original. It’s the exact same thing as Fifty Shades, word per word basically, just with changed names.

Lyle: *looks at the bag of gummy worms and then hands them to Angie*  I’m going to need something stronger than this.   You go ahead and get started.  I’ll be back in a minute.

Oh no, Lyle. I’ve got alcohol right here. *opens cabinet built into desk* But if you must, I’ll get a head start.

Lyle: I was thinking coffee but that works, too. *grabs a bottle of wine from the cabinet, pops the cork, and takes a swig right from it.*

Well, guess there’s no use fighting it anymore. Let’s dive into the “fan fiction”, Master of the Universe.

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1696: The Girl – Chapter Three

Title: The Girl
Author: MRobitussin
Media: Books
Topic: The Outsiders
Genre: Romance
URL: Chapter Two
Critiqued by Angie

Something about Soc’s and Greasers or something I don’t give a fuck.

*shows up at Lyle’s doorstep* Lyle…it’s just…it’s just so stupid. It’s such a bad fic. I don’t know how I can finish it. And I’m only one twelfth of the way through.

*vents for eleven more hours*

And then Riley’s like ‘maybe it would be a good idea to go back home to my abusive dad’ because apparently that’s a thing people do.

*vents for thirty three more minutes*

Darry’s all like ‘oh shit, girl I just met. Hey, I might as well let you stay here’ even though it was PONYBOY’S decision and then….

*vents for eight more weeks*

And they just so happened to be at the same convenience store at the same time….

*vents for sixteen more minutes*

…never would’ve happened if he had just been more careful. You know?

*Angie looks up to see the door shut, Lyle being at her work*

Goddamnit, sorry. I just. There are so many bad things I could say about this fic. It’s just so boring.

*sigh* Luckily for me, Chapter Three is infinitely shorter than Chapter Two. And also, we can finally escape Ponyboy’s point of view. It’s about damn time, too. So, let’s read on.

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1695: Panic! In the Host Club – Chapter 2

 

Title: Panic! In the Host Club
Author: crossover king
Media: Anime/Manga
Topic: Ouran High School Host Club/Full Metal Panic!
Genre: Humor/Drama
URL Chapter 2
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons!

Welcome to the second chapter of this short little fic that, thus far, hasn’t really done much. In the first chapter, Kaname arrived at Ouran with Sousuke not far behind. In what was probably their first class, Sousuke assaulted Tamaki-senpai which – for some reason – made Tamaki-senpai insist that Sousuke join the host club. Sousuke – also for no apparent reason – decided to agree to join even though he probably doesn’t understand what is going on.

Now to the next chapter, which is titled The hosts. It’s possible that it’s going to be a chapter introducing the various hosts, but that’s just my theory.

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1694: Love of a Spartan – Chapter Twenty-Six

Title: Love of a Spartan
Author:  AshleyBudrick
Media: Video Game
Topic: HALO
Genre:  Sci-Fi/Romance
URL:  Saved to this Archive
Critiqued by Admiral Sakai, Gul, and the Arbiter

-WARNING-

This chapter contains potential flamebait in the form of discussion of sexual assault and date rape. No military component this time, though, just the regular versions.

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome to yet another chapter of Love of a Spartan.

Last time, the Hercules stopped over on Reach for a poorly-planned resupply run, where Kelly tried to drive a wedge between Edward and Renee by telling the idiot Marine that the idiot Spartan had ‘dumped’ her with no explanation or preamble. Terrifyingly, this was plan was entirely successful. Renee left with the other Marines and excuses for Marines to have some kind of celebration in the city around the military base (it’s all extremely vague), and Edward asked Amy to give her the message that Kelly lied even though he was five feet away from Renee at the time and could have just fucking told her himself.

*Sigh….* Remember when this story had something to do with Halo?”

Terrible Troy Counter: 108

Mommy’s Little Marines (And Spartans) Counter: 114

Fucking Halight Counter: 53

We pick right back up with Chaper 26/Twenty-Five, “Repercussions”.

Can’t we just read that instead?”

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1693: Heroes and Villains – Chapter Fifteen, Part One

Title: Heroes and Villains
Author: Horrible’s Igor
Media: Television / Movies
Topic: Buffy: The Vampire Slayer / Kitchen Sink
Genre: Supernatural/Drama
URL: Heroes and Villains (Now Defunct)
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Eliza

Hey, guys, I’ve finally dug myself out of the pile of stuff that built up while I was away, so now I’m ready to jump back into Heroes and Villains.  As always, I’m hoping that something happens this week.  With me again is Eliza, who also enjoyed her time off.

“Hi!”

That’s it?

“Hi, everybody!?”

Okay then.  Let’s hit the recap:  Last time Dr. Horrible wandered around the volcano lair for a bit before he stumbled upon totally-not-Aluwyn, who fed him a bunch of Foreboding Pretentious Vagueness™ in hopes of [error: motivation not found].  Presumably Aluwyn is trying to drive a wedge between Dr. Horrible and Elsa so that Willow can move in and set up a three way with Aluwyn and Elsa.  Those who’ve read the comic will recognize this as a perfectly sensible motivation for Aluwyn.  After that, Horrible headed over to Elsa’s room to have a little smalltalk with her.  Meanwhile, Willow confronts totally-not-Aluwyn about her talk with Dr. Horrible.  This confrontation ends in more Foreboding Pretensions Vagueness™ and also ends the chapter.

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1692: Love & Bullets – Chapter Four, Part Two

Title: Love & Bullets
Author: MissScorp
Media: Comics
Topic: Batman
Genre: Drama/Romance
URL: Chapter 4 – https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9763472/4/Love-Bullets
Critiqued by BatJamags (BadJamags and GoodJamags)

What do you need us for? count: 4

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BadJamags…

GoodJamags: … And I’m your guest guest host, GoodJamags…

… And we’re back with more of Love & Bullets.

GoodJamags: Last time, Dick spent half the chapter babbling about how awesome the Sue is.

This time, though, we’re in for a treat. I’d like to make it clear that I haven’t snipped anything (Ever, actually – you’ve sat through every word of both fics I’ve riffed so far. Lucky you.), here. The fic just jumps straight from Dick’s waxing suefluenced to having an actual scene.

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