2860: Halo: the Art of War – Chapter 10, Part 2

Title: Halo: the Art of War [sic]
Author: Havoc-legionnaire
Media: Video Game
Topic: Halo
Genre: Sci-Fi / Adventure
URL: Chapter 10
Critiqued by: BatJamags AdmiralJamags and GoodJamags Browline Glasses

Hello hello all you patrons! Browline Glasses, recap me.

“The Covenant’s strategy of deploying large piñatas in place of capital ships is working as anticipated.”

That’s most of it, yeah. More specifically, the StuNSC rolled the original reinforcements, but apparently by complete coincidence, an even bigger Covenant fleet (which is not actually bigger but the author says it is) wandered into the system. We cut off as the second group launched a bunch of torpedoes at the Pillar of Heat Season.

There was no way that Autumn could take that kind of firepower,

but nor could they, as Keyes knew, simply enter slipspace and withdraw from the fight. Even if the Truth and Reconciliation could make it into the Oort Cloud in time, most of her systems were still disabled and the boarding party would need more time to right the ship. In the meantime, the Covenant could comb the area to find her; it would be lengthy and tedious,

-Much like the fic-

but it was very much possible.

-Oh, never mind.

In the greater scheme of things, though, the captain could not now permit any Covenant survivors in the entire system to tell the tale. If the Covenant command structure knew that they had lost the Truth and Reconciliation, they would simply have their forces open fire on her whenever they saw her. The mission would end in failure unless Keyes wiped them out right down to the last grunt.

“Should I point out that they did nothing to prevent the initial reinforcements from passing along a warning?”

Shhh, you’ll break the plot.

That meant that there was only one option left: Keyes would have to outmaneuver them all.

“My god, could this be-“

THE KEYES WEAVE

“Engines to full. Lovell, come about and plot a course to take us behind Caria V. Lt. Hikowa, use the phalanxes to buy us as much time as possible. Raise the ECM.”

Are there not torpedoes heading for you right now? Do you propose to outrun them?

“May I ask to know what you plan to do, Captain?” Wellesley inquired.

Keyes grinned at the AI. “I’m going to take a page out of your book, Wellesley.”

“You magnificent bastard.”

2859: Halo: the Art of War – Chapter 10, Part 1

Title: Halo: the Art of War [sic]
Author: Havoc-legionnaire
Media: Video Game
Topic: Halo
Genre: Sci-Fi / Adventure
URL: Chapter 10
Critiqued by: BatJamags AdmiralJamags and GoodJamags Browline Glasses

Hello hello all you patrons! We’re still knee deep in this slog of a fic, and in for possibly one of the most baffling author’s notes I’ve seen in the Library. Top ten, easy, probably top five.

“However, fortunately, we’ll be taking a break after Chapter 10, so that’s good news!”

It means you’ll be riffing more Shadow Warriors.

“As I was saying, aww, we just got back! Can’t we go a little further?”

You made your bed, now lie in it.

Also, what’s with the-

“I’m undercover as a Specs and Co. member.”

… There aren’t that many of them that they wouldn’t spot you.

“You say that, but I have at least Specs and Monocle completely fooled, and Contacts was only just starting to catch on before I left to come do riffing.”

All right, I think that’s more than enough screwing around for one lead-in. Let’s hit the chapter.

2858: Halo: the Art of War – Chapter Nine, Part Two

Title: Halo: the Art of War [sic]
Author: Havoc-legionnaire
Media: Video Game
Topic: Halo
Genre: Sci-Fi / Adventure
URL: Chapter 9
Critiqued by: BadJamags AdmiralJamags and GoodJamags Gooddrop

Hello hello all you patrons! We’re doing this thing still. I’m here with GoodJamags, who has taken on his most half-assed disguise yet.

“I’m like 60% certain the new batch of cookies isn’t lethal, though, and I repositioned the robot dinosaur to be a more convenient seat, so I’m getting there.”

Gooddrop, the recap, if you don’t mind.

“They went into a hangar and had a firefight.”

I’m sorry, but that’s not accurate.

“Did I miss something?”

No, they went into a hangar and had half a firefight. Let’s not overstate this story’s pacing.

“Look, you’ve been back for three weeks; I’m still rusty.”

You were born rusty.

“Um, shouldn’t we help him down there?” Sergeant Lister asked as he looked down from the catwalks at the funeral pyre of the shock trooper.

I should reiterate at this time that there was no scene break. This is just a really weird metaphor for WaWa getting shot a bunch of times.

“Speaking of which,”

“Oh him? He’s fine.” Emile responded nonchalantly. He pointed towards a specific part in the flames. “Look. There he is right now.”

“Which part?”

A specific one.

“Which specific one?”

That one, over there.

*Gooddrop squints into the Formless Void.*

2857: Halo: the Art of War – Chapter 9, Part 1

Title: Halo: the Art of War [sic]
Author: Havoc-legionnaire
Media: Video Game
Topic: Halo
Genre: Sci-Fi / Adventure
URL: Chapter 9
Critiqued by: BadJamags AdmiralJamags and GoodJamags Gooddrop

Hello hello all you patrons, and-

…

*AdmiralJamags looks confusedly around the Riffcave*

GJ? Where’d you go?

“I’m up here!”

*AdmiralJamags cranes his neck to look up at the Riffcave’s animatronic T. Rex. GoodJamags waves down from its mouth.*

“Uh, rawr, I’m a dinosaur! I made cookies!”

Oh, was that what those indeterminate smoking brown lumps on the desk were?

“I think I overcooked them a little! But what’d you think they were?”

Honestly, I didn’t think anything of it. I’m kind of used to having steaming turds dumped in my lap when I sit down to read this fic.

“Hey, can you handle the recap this week? It’s a bit hard to yell down from up here!”

Then why did you-

…

*Sigh*

You know what? Never mind. I’ll make this fairly detailed because I thought of new snark it’s been a while.