Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to the heaping helping of horrible that is The Lone Wolf of the Normandy.
Last time… umm, well, Therum happened, pretty much. Shepard’s ground team (plus Six) drove around and shot at a bunch of geth before rescuing Liara and dusting off. Aside from Six being a sexist prick to basically everyone and stealing their kills with his stupid lightning-firing omniblades, basically everything occurred as canon. We know this because we got a line-by-line narration of every driving segment and geth turret. Oh, and Six knows about the Reapers now because Dot ‘hacked a Prothean mainframe’ that was just conveniently sitting around undiscovered on Therum for the taking.
“Oh yeah, and also Jun the other Spartan showed up in Shepard’s universe and managed to acclimate without seriously injuring anyone who was just trying to do their job. Last we saw he’d been given a cover identity and was sitting around on the Citadel waiting for something to happen.”
Amorous Counter: 67
Show and Tell Counter: 25
Collateral Douchebag Counter: 12
Chapter Seven is called “The SSV Normandy Part 2”, which still strikes me as a bit odd given that “The SSV Normandy Part 1” was three chapters back but whatever. Strap yourselves in, because it’s a long one this time.
Hello hello all you patrons!
*In the rollie-chair next to Sakai’s, a young man dressed in olive-drab Marine-issue body armor shifts position awkwardly. He is lean but well-built, with pale skin and brown hair cropped military-short.*
Let me introduce Junior Lieutenant Troy William Fisher of Love of a Spartan fame- today’s tactical adviser, DRD-repellant, and all-around badass.
“So… stuff goes on on this screen and we have to pick it apart for the audience? That’s how it works?”
Basically. Let’s start with something… wow. Ok, so this guy. This guy has sixteen different Halo ‘fics, each and every one of them dealing with his Noble-Six Stu. Twelve of them are bizarre crossovers where Noble is transplanted to some random franchise that I am fairly certain does not want him, including Naruto, Bioshock Infinite, and Percy Jackson & The Olympians… or, in this case, Mass Effect.
Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to the second chapter of this Reader fic!
In the first chapter, we took a little drive through Germany’s Black Forest, where we were in a car accident, got murdered by policeman, and then got groped and kidnapped by a mysterious figure that is probably the Slender Man.
From what I gathered the fic was originally a oneshot, but the author decided to tack on another chapter for some reason. That doesn’t really fill me with confidence.
Hey! How yah been and I apologize for not writing a lot but I am still alive. I’ll write as much as I can but exams and finals are coming up soon so I’ll have to study. I hope you enjoy!
Thanks for the pointless Author’s Note, I guess.
Darkness swallowed you whole, though a small white form entered this hollow realm.
That’s comfortingly vague.
Zst. That sound came.
Not entirely sure why or even how this sound is being made, but there it is.
“Hello.” The voice sounded off because it had a metallic edge to it. “Tell me when she wakes.”
“Human wake up.” It called again.
Dude, the voice said when I wake up, not to wake me up. Rude much?
“Masky back off.” Another voice sounded.
Oh, goody; unattributed dialogue between an unknown number of characters that have yet to be introduced in any way. That’s fun.
“Okay, Hoodie. I wonder why Slend brought her here… He usually eats them.”
Frickin’ how? HE HAS NO MOUTH! Does he drain their energy, or something like that?
:grabs fic and shakes it:
Hello, dear Patrons!
I’m here with a little fic from the Slender: The Eight Pages section of ff.net – and it’s a Reader fic! Because you know how “fun” those fics are. Lucky for you fabulous Patrons, I decided against riffing any of the Slender Man hardcore erotica (which is apparently called “Slendtai”) Reader fics.
Yes, that is really a thing. No, you should not Google it.
Anyway, lets take a look at the summary for this particular fic;
Reader x Slenderman Your mom and you were in Germany for a trip but things turn into a supernatural encounter because of an accident. Hey since due to the fans I wrote more for you guys enjoy! Tweaked the second chap for yah.
While I do enjoy travelling with my mother, I doubt we would take a trip to Germany by ourselves – primarily because neither one of us knows any German, which would probably hamper our enjoyment.
Hello. Spring break is here so I’ll be posting here and there, so my main thing now is I should have written a Slenderman thing long ago this might be a story hope you like.
Well, that was pointless – but at least it was short. Let’s hope the trend continues!
Hello, Patrons, and welcome to the final chapter!
:does Last Chapter Dance:
For now, anyway. There’s been no activity on the fic for several years, but it’s not listed as completed so there’s always a chance the author will update it.
Most of the last chapter was dedicated to an extended flashback featuring a large group of campers who were attacked by a Spanish witch flinging around pixie dust who forced at least two of the campers to eat human flesh and causing them to transform into wendigoes. (The flashback doesn’t really even show the transformations, just that at least two people were forced to eat human flesh that had been doctored with a strange powder and afterwards they convulsed in pain and blacked out.) There was also something about “helping her son”, but that wasn’t really touched on very much before Spanish Witch started chopping up people with an axe. The whole thing was supposed to explain something about the wendigoes, but it really just raised more questions.
Onward to the fic!
Welcome back, dear Patrons! We’re nearing the end of this fic, I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel. And it looks like I’ll be finishing in time to do a few holiday oneshots, just like last year!
Well, probably not exactly like last year. I can only deal with so much sibcest.
So what happened in the last chapter? Slendpai showed up in Thaddeus’ room and engaged in a bit of inappropriate groping featuring a lot of nipple action, and Thaddeus seemed very confused about the entire incident.
That was pretty much it; the content of the chapters is getting sparser and sparser, which is another sign that the author may be losing interest in the fic.
To the fic!
Warning: the following chapter is not for those who can get easily sick to their stomach.
Oh, dear gods. That’s ominous.
It’s goer ish… well not really hahaha
I think that’s meant to be “gore-ish”, or gory if you want the actual word, which is making me very reluctant to continue reading this chapter.
Note: The italicized paragraphs means you’re reading a memory… you’ll see what I mean.
You know when would have been a good time to explain that? In the last chapter, where a good third of the work was a memory/dream sequence!
— CONTAINS NIPPLES—
Welcome back to another chapter, Patrons!
The last chapter was mostly a very protracted fight sequence between Slendpai and the three wendigoes which resulted in the dismemberment of Christmas Moose (which is a shame because I really liked that nickname) and the revelation that Slendpai is vulnerable to Horned Gollum’s hypnosis power even though he doesn’t have any frickin’ eyes.
I’ve salted the rafters with mines and posted mercenary squirrels in the vents and ninjas in the hallway so I think I’m safe from Syl and the Society of Smut. Probably. Those girls are harder to get rid of than crabgrass.
To the fic!
Huh. The last couple of chapters didn’t have a beginning Author’s Note so I had assumed the trend would continue. Looks like I was wrong.
The author is Phone Guy?
SO here is the next chapter! I didnt really care to fix mistakes.
Wait, does that mean you’ve been correcting your errors? Because I haven’t seen a lot of evidence to support that claim.
I made read this, she found it humorous.
Think you proper noun there.
Idk if that;s a good thing XD
That would all depend on [ERROR:NAME NOT FOUND]’s sense of humor, since comedy is a very subjective thing. Many people find clowns funny, but there are also many people who find them terrifying.
Given that the quality of your writing appears to have degraded quite sharply from the last chapter, I find that unlikely.