2621: Mass Murder Effect: The First War Crime (Was Committed by the Protagonists) — Chapter 12 Part 3

Title: Mass Effect: The First War
Author: ProfFartBurger
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 12
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Mass Effect: The First War.

Last time, the peace negotiations between Gary Stumanity and the Council predictably went sideways when one of the Stumans’ annoying AIs showed up in the Council Chamber for absolutely no reason, delivered an ultimatum, and freaked everybody out. The talks were, of course, headed downhill even before that happened with the humans making ridiculous demands like a public apology for a war they started and reparations paid in gold or something, and their quarian intermediary having absolutely no strategy other than threats, but the AI certainly did a great deal to exacerbate the process. This resulted in the quarian and his disguised human entourage, just as predictably, shooting their way out of the Council Chamber.

Also, the author’s crappy knockoff John-117 got covertly landed in the Citadel Wards with some other totally-not-Spartans, a giant nuke, and multiple shipping containers full of those building-sized anime mechs.

Gosh, however are the Stumans going to make it out of this perilous predicament?!

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2617: Mass Murder Effect: The First War Crime (Was Committed by the Protagonists) — Chapter 12 Part 2

-WARNING-
This chapter contains some potential flamebait in the form of the author perhaps unintentionally outing himself as a “hard currency” advocate, and also making the quarians dyed-in-the-wool sexists for some reason.

Title: Mass Effect: The First War
Author: ProfFartBurger
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 12
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Mass Effect: The First War.

Last time, the Stumans sent a very purply-named warship to the Citadel to begin peace talks with the Council, with one of the Forgettable Admiralty Blob representing them in the preliminary exchanges. They agreed to send him onto the Citadel with a bunch of human troops disguised as quarians using Bullshit Holography™ for no real reason, and also made plans to detonate a nuke over the Citadel. Meanwhile, on the Council side, salarian respresentative Eistan continued to distort important intelligence and generally make an ass of himself by rambling about the physiology of the opposing delegation, and both he and Tevos T’sael freaked out about Councilor Sparatus wanting to actually have, you know, a negotiating strategy.

Also, Chris McGraw is an unstable, childish creep who doesn’t know the difference between affection and attraction. But we already knew that anyway.

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Let’s see how these peace negotiations inevitably disintegrate.

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2612: Mass Murder Effect: The First War Crime (Was Committed By The Protagonists) — Chapter 12 Part 1

Title: Mass Effect: The First War
Author: ProfFartBurger
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 12
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back after a good long absence to Mass Effect: The First War.

Last time, everyone’s favorite Geniu’Stu Chris McGraw got into an argument with his father that managed to accomplish absolutely nothing, and Grand Moff Whyte decided to send the quarians to negotiate a peace treaty with the Citadel (since they did so well the last time they were in a position to interact with the Citadel powers). Also, there was a lot of exposition about the turians having a prothean spacecraft that is totally not the Forerunner Dreadnought and a cadre of elite supersoldiers who fight each other in virtual reality all the time and totally aren’t either the SPARTAN-IIs or the canonical Turian Blackwatch.

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2607: Predators and Prey – Chapters 7 and 8

Title: Predators and Prey
Author: CablesAndCrack (Apparently with some collaboration with someone named CMR Rosa)
Media: Comic Book
Topic: Birds of Prey
Genre: Drama / “Romance”
URL: Chapters 7 and 8
Critiqued by BatJamags

WARNING: The fic has rape scenes. It’s bad. While the over-the-top gross-out factor is lower due to excessive summarization, the plot itself is not entirely dissimilar to Celebrian.

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with the thrilling conclusion of our adventure through the mind of a very disturbed author.

Last time… Hell, it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters anymore. Basically, sex happened, none of it consensual.

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2602: Predators and Prey: Chapters 4, 5, and 6

Title: Predators and Prey
Author: CablesAndCrack (Apparently with some collaboration with someone named CMR Rosa)
Media: Comic Book
Topic: Birds of Prey
Genre: Drama / “Romance”
URL: Chapters 4, 5, and 6
Critiqued by BatJamags

WARNING: The fic has rape scenes. It’s bad. While the over-the-top gross-out factor is lower due to excessive summarization, the plot itself is not entirely dissimilar to Celebrian.

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with another chapter of hell. Last time, the author daybooked his way through the horrible tortures Killer Shark was inflicting on his “villainous” victims, and then the brainwashed sex dolls who used to be strong, badass characters captured Gypsy, so she could be subjected to further indignities and join their ranks.

I want to kill something.

Normally, I like to get a little ways into the riff and reach some witty comment or joke before I add the “Read More” cutoff tag, but we get right into the gross stuff, and I’m not giving anything in this fic the dignity of appearing on our front page.

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