2452: Cupcakes, Part 2 — Crappy Pasta

-WARNING-
While this so-called horror story continues to resoundingly fail at being even remotely scary, it starts to hit pretty hard with the gross-out attempts in terms of blood and guts and also a bizarre focus on the actions of Rainbow Dash’s bladder.

Title: Cupcakes
Author: Sergeant Sprinkles
Media: Cartoon
Topic: My Little Pony
Genre: Creepypasta / “Horror” / Torture Porn
URL: Creepypasta Wiki Rehost
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai and Serketry

Hello hello all you patrons! Inflate your favorite organs and sort your pegasus wings by color because we are back with more Cupcakes goodness.

Don’t you mean…

baked_bads

Hey y’all, Serketry here. Again. Until this fic is as dead as Rainbow Dash. 

And, of course, by ‘goodness’ I mean ‘incredibly repetitive foreshadowing of incredibly repetitive torture porn’.

Last time, Pinkie Pie fed Rainbow Dash a drugged cupcake and tied her up in a torture chamber underneath Sugar Cube Corner. Much capering and posing with skulls ensued, but it was all pretty pointless. And…. that’s literally it.

dootober_by_paw_of_darkness_ddhidu5-fullview.jpg

EDITED BY EDINPONY COUNTER: 6

Dubiously sexual counter: 4

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2446: Cupcakes Part 1 — Crappy Pasta

-WARNING-
While the creepypasta under riff today is insanely not scary, it does contain some measure of gratuitous gore and you may not want to read it over lunch.

Title: Cupcakes
Author: Sergeant Sprinkles
Media: Cartoon
Topic: My Little Pony
Genre: Creepypasta / “Horror” / Torture Porn
URL: Creepypasta Wiki Rehost
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai and Serketry

Hello hello all you patrons! Plug your nearest housepet into the television set and make sure your doll vaccinations are up to date, because it’s that time of year again!

Today we’re dealing with a ‘fic that I wasn’t originally planning to ever riff due to its potential Librarian-breaker status (you will see why soon). However, I ran into a bunch of other people in a fimfiction forum I frequent saying that maybe it wasn’t so bad and for the time had some interesting ideas. So now I’m going to show exactly why that’s not the case, on a site with an average readership of ten people that none of the commenters on that forum frequent or even know exists.

Yay me!

Yay us, actually. Hey y’all, Serketry here. The Admiral brought me back. For this. Thanks, Admiral. 

Yeah. This is… a doozie.

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2440: The Origin of Mickey & The Origins of Raggedy Anne — Crappy Pasta

-WARNING-
While, as to be expected, the creepypasta being reviewed today are not in the least bit scary, the second one contains potential flamebait in the form of the work of some legitimately reprehensible people, namely the ‘anti-vaxxer’ movement.

Title: Origins of Mickey
Author: DubiousDugong
Media: Animation
Topic: Mickey Mouse
Genre: Creepypasta
URL: Origins of Mickey

Title: The Origins of Raggedy Ann
Author: Kat the Killer Neko, who strangely enough is not a Jeff Clone
Media: IRL, except for the ‘reality’ part.
Topic: Raggedy Ann
Genre: Creepypasta / Propaganda
URL: The Origins of Raggedy Ann

Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai and Guard-Novitiate Psk’nyor “Nina” C’hon

Hello hello all you patrons! Sharpen your knives on some convenient bones and make sure you don’t get sent to Finland by any spontaneously-appearing wall portals, because it’s that time of year again!

spoop4

Punch it, my fishy friend!

“With gusto!”

 

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2433: My true truth expose on Hermione Jean Granger – Chapter 2

Title: My true truth expose on Hermione Jean Granger
Author: jkrowlingreal
Media: Book/Movie
Topic: Harry Potter
Genre: Suspense
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by The Librarian formerly known as Satan’s Teacup

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to the next chapter of what will undoubtedly be a rollercoaster ride into Crazy Town. The first chapter’s ‘narration’ portion was largely an unmarked Author’s Note from dear ol’ JK for the most part, so here’s hoping there is some actual fic somewhere in this fic.

Harry and Hermione confront their problems…

Presumably these problems center completely on how they aren’t allowed to have sex with each other because the whole convoluted “cousins via godparent” thing caused by Harry’s godfather being the brother of Hermione’s father instead of them legitimately being related because their mothers were sisters.

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2427: My true truth expose on Hermione Jean Granger – Chapter 1

Title: My true truth expose on Hermione Jean Granger
Author: jkrowlingreal
Media: Book/Movie
Topic: Harry Potter
Genre: Suspense
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat Satan’s Teacup

 

 

 

 

Happy Friday the Thirteenth, dear Patrons, and welcome to a brand new fic! I had sort of planned to start working on a long-ish Skyrim wankfic, but then changed my mind since I would have to cut it off for our annual Spooktober. You will sadly have to wait to read about the conflict between the Fempire and those rebellious Stormclits. Today’s fic is still a work in progress, as I’m writing this a fresh chapter has just been posted a few hours ago, so it is bound to get longer but I don’t mind breaking it up. Now, I don’t normally work of fics that are in-progress just by personal preference, but this one is just a very wibbly-wobbly ball of wack-assery that is practically the embodiment of an onion of failure.

Let’s take a look at the summary; which, for once, is not what drew me to the fic but still waves many red flags.

This is the truth about the first draft I’ve written about the characters of my Harry Potter stories and I would’ve preferred to publish every first draft instead of what is currently on the market so I will rewrite and refine the first drafts, to have the real genetics and the magical laws involved like how I prefer my stories to be realistic than fantasy.

First off – that is all one sentence. Yikes. Secondly, this is a series with physics-breaking magic happening on the regs yet the ‘real’ author of the series claims to prefer realism over fantasy.

Right.

And I seriously doubt any halfway decent author would ever claim that they wanted to publish their first drafts. First drafts are frickin’ nightmares. I also find it funny that the author claims to want to publish the first drafts, but in the same sentence says that they are going to “rewrite and refine” those first drafts – a process normally referred to as ‘editing’ which would make them no longer first drafts.

As you might be able to tell, the author claims repeatedly, both in the fic and in their bio, that they are the real JK Rowling. They will not shut up about how they are, for real and for true, the legitimate person known as JK Rowling. In fact, there are only two fics in their profile, this one and what is essentially a long Author’s Note claiming that they are the real JK Rowling among other rambling nonsense including the “fact” that there are special American police departments (and British Bobby departments) specifically set up to track down fanfic authors’ names and addresses so that the owners of the intellectual properties can send them cease and desist letters for not adhering to the canon pairings. Because that’s definitely something Generic Police Dept officers spend their time doing.

On to the fic! Which starts off with an Author’s Note.

AN: This is the real Joanne Kathleen Rowling, or known as J.K. Rowling, and yes I am the real deal and all.

Welp, I’m finally convinced. It’s not like total dumbasses can’t go around on completely anonymous sites like ff.net and claim to be whomever they want. I couldn’t, I don’t know, just change my username to Satan’s Teacup without the Internet Police checking to make sure I was, in fact, crockery owned by the devil.

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2363: Sonichu — Issue 3 Sub-Episode 4 and Issue 4 Sub-Episode 5

Title: Sonichu
Author: Christine Weston Chandler, aka. Christopher Weston Chandler, aka. Christian Weston Chandler, aka. Chris-Chan
Media: Webcomic
Topic: Sonic The Hedgehog / Pokemon / IRL / Yu-Gi-Oh
Genre: “Parody”, apparently.
URL: Issue 3 Template Box and Issue 4 Template Box
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to the wonderful world of Sonichu!

Previously, Hedgehog Of Color tried to steal a McGuffin, but a cluster of recolored Sonichus with elemental powers beat the stuffing out of him and took it back.

That’s… literally it.

Typo Cunter: 61

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2359: Sonichu — Issue 3, Episodes 10 and 11

Title: Sonichu
Author: Christine Weston Chandler, aka. Christopher Weston Chandler, aka. Christian Weston Chandler, aka. Chris-Chan
Media: Webcomic
Topic: Sonic The Hedgehog / Pokemon / IRL / Yu-Gi-Oh
Genre: “Parody”, apparently.
URL: Issue 3 Template Box
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to the manifold wonders of Sonichu.

Last time Chris-Chan Sonichu, Sarah Nicole Hammer, and Wes Iseli got (for the most part) over their stupid soap opera bullshit and agreed to stop the Evil that had been released with their Anchuent Hedgehog Powers. This Evil took the form of a giant golem in an Egyptian headdress, controlled by a talking purple Sno Cone named Count Graduon, who had cut a deal with the witch Mary Lee Walsh to carry him around in exchange for assistance in her own mission of “shattering hearts” (whatever that means). The Power Chus kicked the golem’s ass and sent both Graduon and Walsh packing (or, rather, just let them run away), but then in the Sub-Episode Chris tracked Walsh to her office and appeared to kill her.

I wonder what Giovanni and Hedgehog Of Color are up to?

Typo Cunter: 45

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