2578: The Shadow Warriors – Chapter 32

Title: The Shadow Warriors
Author: Shadow knight1121
Media: Comics
Topic: Justice League
Genre: Crime/Mystery
URL: Chapter 32
Critiqued by BatJamags (GoodJamags)

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags*, and we’re back with the next chapter of The Shadow Warriors. Last time, Hush and the Legion of Dumb staged a hostile takeover of Wayne Enterprises to try to make an army of Bruticuses (Brutici?).

Also, Edgelord and an army of Sues and Stus tried to take over the Riffcave, but were subsequently stopped by Batman. This mostly happened because I got bored, but now that we’ve captured Edgelord, I can drag him in here as necessary to explain his stupidity.

*A quick reference on how big the Backlog of Doom was: This is the riff I was writing when I became a permanent riffer back in April of 2018. I put the asterisk here because this was the first post I converted from saying “guest host” to just “host.”

Anyway, let’s hit the chapterly news briefing before we go any further.

Opener

As usual, credit to Anne for this.

Chapter 32: Retribution: Part 1

Ooh, is this retribution of the right of the wronged because the right are wrong and wronged the right of the wrong, who are not justice of the right?

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2577: Jurassic Lions – Chapter 1

Title: Jurassic Lions
Author: stephthewriter2
Media: Books/Movies
Topic: Lion King/Jurassic Park
Genre: Adventure
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

Hello, my dear Patrons, and welcome to a new fic!

Continuing last week’s theme of Jurassic Park crossovers, this one is a Jurassic Park/ Lion King crossover.

Yes, that’s a thing. There’s only a handful of fics listed for this crossover – and five of those are technically the same fic broken into lumps as well as a stand-alone “trailer” for said fic – but that doesn’t make them less of a thing. (Don’t worry, it’s on the list.)

Let’s take a look at the summary, shall we?

Mufasa never got along with his brother to begin with but once they find themselves together with Mufasa’s son, the three must work together if they want to return home after being shipwrecked at Isla Nublar.

Right away I can see a problem with trying to Madagascar the lions to the island;  I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a map before, but Isla Nublar is off the west coast of Costa Rica and Africa … isn’t.

Not pictured: Africa.

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2576: Love and War – Chapter 5

Title: “Love and War”
Author: Z3R0 L0V3
Media: Video games
Fandom: Pokémon
Genre: Adventure and romance (additional tags: AU, Pacing Trainwreck, Fanfic in Name Only)
URL: Chapter 5
Critiqued by eatpraylove 

Welcome back to “Love and War”, patrons! Been a while, huh?

Last chapter, our two protagonists finally got the hell away from the Sinnoh royal palace after the worst assassination attempt ever and some boringly-written fight scenes. Amazingly, the cliché counter remained at a solid thirteen (plus some side orders of “why”) with nary an uptick to be seen.

Here’s hoping things go back to just boring rather than full-on stupid. I know it’s also stupid of me to hope that, but I’m an incurable optimist dammit.

*sits in riffing chair*

Chapter 5

Z3R0 L0V3 – I apologize for the delay in this chapter. I had a case of writer’s block. Here’s another chapter! Happy Reading! 

I don’t own anything!

You guys know you don’t really have to put disclaimers in front of your fanfic, right? Especially not in front of every single chapter.

Dawn looked down at the blade that was in her hand.

She still couldn’t wrap her head around what had happened. Paul had tried to kill her. The man her parents were going to have her marry had tried to kill her, yet they didn’t even know. 

*siren goes off*

*hits random button; sounds of screaming and gunfire from the hallway*

Thanks, Marcus!

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No Space Nazis For You This Week

So, Cleveland is on pretty much complete lockdown right now; I haven’t left my apartment in about a week and am thoroughly enjoying the shorter commute and inability of anyone to come to my desk to pester me.

This has resulted in one of my own ‘fics kicking into pretty high gear development-wise, to the point where basically all of my writing efforts have been focused on that and I just haven’t been interested in riffing as much. I’m not in any kind of trouble or on the outs with the rest of the site or anything, I just am currently seeing weekly riffs as more of a distraction from a story that’s burning a hole in my hard drive waiting for me to finally finish and post it.

So, no new updates for probably another week or so.


2575: The Shadow Warriors – Chapter 31, Part 2

Title: The Shadow Warriors
Author: Shadow knight1121
Media: Comics
Topic: Justice League
Genre: Crime/Mystery
URL: Chapter 31
Critiqued by BatJamags (GoodJamags and BadJamags)

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags…

BadJamags: … And I’m your usual guest host, the real BatJamags…

… And we’re back with the next section of The Shadow Warriors!

BadJamags: Last time, we watched a poorly-composed scene where the Legion of Dumb attacked Batman and proved completely inept, enabling Bats to get away and prepare his counterattack.

Also, Edgelord and all of our past Sues and Stus broke into the Riffcave and are holding the two of us hostage so that we don’t interfere with his plans. Edgelord ended up shooting Raya Sue and Smugularity, but Smugularity got better. Cerbersheep trampled Dr. Moneybags to death and Sueby Psychose was badly burned in a misguided attempt to add Cerbs to her Grimm menagerie.

Edgelord: I really should’ve just used my normal crew for this. They can at least pretend to be competent.

Smugularity: I’ll have you know that my Mandalorians are the most competent warriors in the galax-

Edgelord: Stop talking. You two, move on with the story.

But what about the chapterly news briefing?

Edgelord: Don’t push your luck.

BadJamags: Also, it’s not a new chapter. Sadness.

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2574: Athame’s Light – Chapter Four

Title: Athame’s Light
Author: Legionary Prime
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure
URL: Chapter Four
Critiqued by SC, Spectre Myrai T’Sayaa, Specialist Daniel Mathers, and Contacts, whether he fucking likes it or not

Contacts: This is somehow more humiliating than constantly getting screwed over by Syl!

*Contacts thrashes about fruitlessly, effortlessly suspended in midair by Myrai’s biotics; Mathers chuckles as he munches on his fourth or fifth high-nutrient protein bar in a row, looking noticeably less exhausted than previously*

You had to know this was going to blow up in your face.

Contacts: This is abuse! Unlawful detainment! Police – er, Spectre, whatever – brutality!

Specialist Mathers: You hear that? The known thief is bitching about legalities.

Spectre Myrai: I know, it’s a hoot. And he’s doing it wrong, because “Spectre brutality” won’t hold up in any court of law on account of the carte blanche granted Spectres by the Council, itself.

Specialist Mathers: Where was all this bluster when he was getting hunted down for that major weapons theft, I wonder?

Spectre Myrai: Kinda didn’t give him the chance to use it, because I was in the middle of splattering his brain across the wall.

Contacts: I want a lawyer! I know my rights!

Yep, and as the closest thing to legal council you’re gonna get before the ninja legal team gets here or Bats shows up in the comments, I’d like to remind you that one of your rights is the right to remain silent, a.k.a. shut the fuck up.

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2573: Fazbear Park – Chapters 1 & 2

Title: Fazbear Park
Author: SirDelvinAndMegaMike
Media: Books/Movies
Topic: Five Nights at Freddy’s/Jurassic World
Genre: Romance
URL: Chapter 1
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by Ghostcat

Hey there, Patrons!

I was combing through my short fics to see what caught my fancy and near the bottom of the bin was this very short little treasure.

It’s a Jurassic Park/World and Five Nights at Freddy’s crossover.

And it’s tagged as a Romance.

Soooo … That’s a thing that exists. Let’s look at the summary, shall we?

InGen and Fazbear Entertainment come together to recreate the popular FFP and Jurassic World!

With two companies with such sterling track records regarding customer safety I can’t see how that would ever go wrong, but I can’t help but notice that a theme park featuring genetically engineered organisms doesn’t have much in common with a children’s party restaurant. There might be a pizzeria inside Jurassic World somewhere, probably the food court because there’s always a food court, but the summary makes it sound as if the two things are completely equal.

Welcome home! Rated M for language, violence, and suggestive themes.

Oh, I don’t like that.

Read and please please PLEASE review. Fem! Mangle and Fem! OC. Couldn’t find JJ in the character list, just put her as OC. Please review. If you read, review review review!

Do you think the author wants reviews?

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