1092: The Final Hunt – Chapter 8 Part 1

Title: The Final Hunt
Author: Uhjinhyuk55
Media: Video Game/Anime
Topic: Bloodborne/RWBY
Genre: Drama/Adventure
URL: Chapter 8
Critiqued by Erttheking

Ert: Thought I’d shuffle things up a bit

Nora: How you holding up Seiko?

Seiko: All right. It’s actually kind of nice around here now that Manus is gone. Though, and this is kind of embarrassing, I’m having a little trouble getting used to a lot of the stuff around here.

Nora: Oh yeah that’s right, you’re from Dark Souls.

Seiko: Uh-huh. I’m getting a little used to it but sometimes I need Goeth to remind me how to turn the lights on. Hope that’ll stop soon, I really don’t like the look he gives me when I ask.

Nora: Pretty sure that’s just his default way of looking at people.

Ert: Well let’s get cracking

Chapter 8: Hunt of the executioner

Alone, we can do so little. Together we can do so much” -Helen Keller

Ert: Ok three things. First of all, if you’re going to have quotes at the start of chapters, be consistent about it. Don’t make it so that some chapters have them and some chapters don’t. Second, the last time you had a quote it was a quote by a Bloodborne character, this time it’s an IRL person. Pick one and stick with it. Third, I’m laughing my ass off because the quote is about how much people can do when they work together when the entire story has been having Crow refuse to accept any help and mostly kicking ass on his own. In a good story this would probably have a lot of negative consequences as he was forced to learn to rely on others. Here it’s just bad writing and Crow being more OP than everyone else.

Crow’s Dorm

The hunter slowly woke up from his bed, an intense head ache rang it was worse than the time the hunter got his insight sucked out and that was not something he would deal with again. Now hunter can remember two things, one was that he met a chil- I mean a women who saved his life and the second was that he got picked up by team RWBY somehow.

Nora: Oh Christ, it’s getting worse. It’s not the hunter anymore, it’s just hunter. I guess Crow changed his name when we weren’t looking.

“By the gods…” just to put salt on the wound the scroll rang the hunter slowly went for the item he read the message

Gehrman Crow

When you are available please come to my office, there is something I must discuss with you

Seiko: What wound? Is he talking about the hangover? Because if he is the story did a very poor job of tying the two together.

For the first time the hunter groaned with annoyance,

Ert: For the first time in what? His entire life? I doubt it.

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1091: Tangled: alternative story – Chapters Eight, Nine, and Ten

Title: Tangled: alternative story
Author: BionicDragonSpirit
Media: Movie
Topic: Tangled
Genre: Romance / Humor
URL: Chapter eight
Critiqued by Lyle

Good morning, everyone!  Welcome back to “Tangled: alternative story.”  Last time we read through this, we discovered that the Kingdom of Corona has running water and electricity, but there was some confusion if pushups had been invented yet.  We experienced some stale romance and our protagonists snuggled.  That’s about it.

This week I’ll be going it alone.  Koori received word that her family’s new home has been built and she went back to help her dads and brother decorate.  She’ll be back next week, most likely.

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1090: Teen Fortress 2 – Chapter Six

Title: Teen Fortress 2
Author:  MarissaTheWriter
Media: Video Game
Topic: Team Fortress
Genre: Drama / Family
URL: Chapter Six
Critiqued by agigabyte and Cain

Cain: I’m back, with agig for this next installment.

agig: Only four more chapters to go!

Cain: Yep! Let’s do this.

AN HEERS THE NEXT CHAPTER!

TEEN FORTRESS 1

CHAPTER SEX: BIG PARTY BLOWOUT

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1089: Legendary Adventurers, Futuristic Saviors – Chapter Four, Part Three

Title: Legendary Adventurers, Futuristic Saviors
Author: Stone-Man85
Media: Movie
Topic: Princess Mononoke
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: Chapter 4
Critiqued by SC, Simon Bellamay III, Miss Aubrey Hist, and Sir Paulo Rori

Hello, and welcome back to Legendary Adventurers, Futuristic Saviors, by Stone-Man85! I’m your host, SC, and last time, the author was PISSING ME OFF with how bad he was at history.

What else is new.

This week, hey, we’ve got the band back together! Simon finally managed to score some free time to get back to the riff with us! It only took three months, but what can you do?

Simon: Yeah, good to be back. Although I might get beat with the flat side of a sword later when the powers that be learn of my, uh, “taking time off.” I didn’t exactly ask permission.

…You skipped out on them while their backs were turned, didn’t you.

Simon: Yes sir, I did.

Paulo: How long before they notice, do you wager?

Simon: Uh…

???: Oh, THERE you are, you little shitwipe!

*A portal opens suddenly, and through it steps none other than Miss Aubrey Hist, chief arcane advisor of the Bellamay Order, and one of three representatives of the Siuland Order*

O hai, Aubrey!

O hai, Aubrey!

Simon, white as a sheet: …Decidedly not long enough.

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1088: Just Another Jelsa Story – Chapter 1

 

Title: Just Another Jelsa Story
Author: JacktoSquareOne
Media: Film
Topic: Frozen/Rise of the Guardians/Cinderella
Genre: Romance/Humor
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

Heartfelt greetings, dearest Patrons!

I’m here with a perky little fic that’s a crossover between Frozen and Rise of the Guardians and features the fan favorite pairing of Jack and Elsa (AKA Jelsa). You can tell all of this from the title, because the author put absolutely no thought into coming up with a name for this fic. That’s a good sign, right?

Let’s take a peek at the summary.

Once upon a time, there was a young queen, forced to have a ball to find her future king. There was a winter spirit, sold as a slave to a woman by the Nightmare King. They’ll each go through some ups and downs, but they just might be able to make the others’ lives okay again. Sound familiar? Of course not, but this is still… Just Another Jelsa Story. Jelsa. cinderella!au

Of course this sounds familiar – it’s a genderbent Cinderella, with an added explicit slavery element. The traditional tale does have Cinderella as a virtual slave to her stepmother due to the restrictions placed on her gender at the time, but this is actual “paid cash money for his ass” slavery in a fic designated as Humor/Romance. I try to keep an open mind in regards to story elements, but I have my doubts about this working. We shall see.

To the fic!

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1087: FaCe ThE StRaNgE – Chapters Seven and Eight

Title: FaCe ThE StRaNgE
Author: Dallas Philpott (A.K.A. Dally)
Media:  Books/Movies/Anime/Video Games/Comics
Topic: Harry Potter/Twilight/Yu-Yu Hakusho/Sonic the Hedgehog/X-Men/Naruto/Legend of Zelda/Maury
Genre: Romance/Adventure
URL: FaCe ThE StRaNgE: Chapter 7
URL: FaCe ThE StRaNgE: Chapter 8
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Hey ladies and gentlemen, and welcome back for more FaCe ThE StRaNgE.

*shudder*

So who else is willing to bet this shit fanfic is only gonna get more offensive as we go? Anyone?

Oh, all the hands are up, huh? Right, that about cements it.

*shudder*

Let’s just get going.

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1086: The Legend of Dragoon: The Eighth Spirit – Chapter Sixteen

Title: The Legend of Dragoon: The Eighth Spirit
Author: PhoenixofShadows
Media: Video Game
Topic: Legend of Dragoon
Genre: Fantasy/Adventure
URL: The Legend of Dragoon: The Eighth Spirit
Critiqued by TacoMagic

Hmm, what’s this?

*Taco picks up a note that’s sitting on his keyboard and opens it up*

“I’m taking the week off to recover from the brainwashing. Good luck!”

Bah, lazy lion. She- Hold on, there’s another one.

*Taco picks up another note that was sitting under the first*

“Don’t call me lazy, jerk.”

Well… fair enough, then.

So, last time we thrilled as Shana was diagnosed with brain rot. Or something. The rest of the character blob quickly snapped into action and spent the day antiquing before eventually finding a plot distributor who pointed them back the way they came. Their target is a macguffin plant called the iDragon, which is hidden in a shrine behind another, much larger, plant. In order to get past, they fill a canteen with pure water then pelt the plant with it. No, really, that’s what they do. And it works! The plant dies due to mufblunfbrgle, and they head in. That brings us to now:

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