1431: My Little Unicorn: Magic is Believing (That still means nothing) Chapter 20 part 1

Title: My Little Unicorn:  Magic Is Believing
Author: Dakari-King Mykan
Media: Cartoon
Topic: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL:  Chapter 20
Critiqued by Erttheking

Ert: Guh. It’s still going. Why the hell is it still going? Why does he need to have every “season” of his have 26 chapters? How did a tool like him ever do enough to learn that that’s the baseline for seasons anyway?

Nora: The universe loves to mess us up in just the right ways.

A visit to Equestrian

Ert: Well I see someone got hit by auto-correct. I know because it’s been happening to me a lot these past few weeks.

Author’s response

To Buddy Keith:

Cornelia: Does anyone else like Buddy Keith already? Knowing that he apparently left a review that Mykan felt the need to respond to?

Ert: Actually yeah, I DO like him. And I don’t even know what he said.

You wanna talk to me, find some other way, heck get an account even

Ert: Well this added a lot. What’s next?

EPISODE TWENTY

In the magical kingdom of Equestria,

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1430: Orc – One Shot, Part One

Title: Orc
Author: Anna Marcelli Palmer
Media: Books
Topic: Discworld
Genre: none listed
URL: Orc
Critiqued by Addicted Reader

Hello again, dear Patrons!

I know you were looking forward to another terrible chapter of Lyle’s Naruto fic, but she has a lot going on IRL these days.  I do, too, so we decided to split Monday posts.  So you’ll just have to suffer my snark for a week before she comes back.

So, having finished that long (for me), poorly underwritten “Snow White” fanfic, I’m moving on to a new canon and a new kind of bad writing – an overly flowery, pretentious, short(ish) little fanfic from Terry Pratchett’s Discworld.

Let’s start with the summary:

She had always secretly wanted to travel to Quirm, on a warm summer’s day. When she does, it’s the man, and not the journey, that turns out to be the dream of a lifetime.

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1429: Love of a Spartan – Chapter Four

Title: Love of a Spartan
Author:  AshleyBudrick
Media: Video Game
Topic: HALO
Genre:  Sci-Fi/Romance
URL: No Longer Available Online
Critiqued by Admiral Sakai, Gul, and the Arbiter

Hello hello, everyone, and welcome back to the continuing disappointment that is Love of a Spartan.

In the last chapter of this prolonged unpleasantness… well, to quote Douglas Adams, for a while nothing happened, and then, suddenly, nothing continued to happen.

Well, all right, fine, Private Kilburn broke her rib and a bunch of infantile gabbling resulted, but at the end of the day it was simply a chapter of the characters running errands for themselves onboard the Hercules en route to their next destination.”

Terrible Troy Counter: 10

Mommy’s Little Marines Counter: 8

Halight Counter: 4

Chapter 5 (listed as Four, but I’ve stopped caring) is called “Unwelcome Followers, which is ironic given what the Chief has to deal with at the moment in the form of two little girls playing dress-up in their mothers’ body armor.

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1428: Legendary Adventurers, Futuristic Saviors – Chapter Twelve, Part Four

Title: Legendary Adventurers, Futuristic Saviors
Author: Stone-Man85
Media: Movie
Topic: Princess Mononoke
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: Chapter 12
Critiqued by SC, Bifocals, Bifovals, and Sir Paulo Rori

Alright, so can you at least pretend to behave yourself this week?

???: Hmm… nope!

I feel like that answer should have surprised me.

Paulo: Are you certain it was wise to have me return for this particular riff?

You know, I’m not feeling so sure, now.

*Bifocals wanders in*

Bifocals: Hello! Good morning! I am here, as requested!

???: Well, hello there, dear sister!

*Bifocals lets out an inhuman shriek and points in horror at the woman in front of her*

O hai, Bifovals!

O hai, Bifovals!

Bifocals: WHORE! TRAMP! HOMEWRECKER! SLUT!

Bifovals: Why, thank you!

Paulo: Wait, are we certain she can even be called a woman, with all those… er… devices?

I just call her a psycho bitch, personally.

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1427: Sorry! – Oneshot

Title: Sorry!
Author: Ami Rawr Needs A Cookie
Media: Film
Topic: Frozen
Genre: none given
URL:  Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

Hello, Patrons!

I’m here with a short little oneshot from the Frozen section of ff.net. And it’s a Reader fic! Those are always fun.

The fic starts off with a handy little key at the top;

Key
(Y/N) = Your name
(F/C) = Favorite color
(H/C) = Hair color
(S/C) = Skin color
(E/C) = Eye color

I think that’s all the basics. Well that’s all, you may continue if you wish

On one hand, this is helpful for anyone in the audience who is unfamiliar with the shorthand used in Reader fics. On the other hand, the use of the shorthand in general gives the fic a sort of “Mad Libs” vibe.

Sorry!

And there’s the title. Not really necessary since I had to click on the fic’s title in order to read it in the first place.

(Elsa x Girl! Reader)

Yay! I’m so happy I’m not a pumpkin!

There’s a sentence to add to my list of things I’d never thought I’d type.

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1426: When You’re Strange – Chapters Eleven and Twelve

Title: When You’re Strange
Author: Actually-Fen-Harel
Media:  Video Games
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Romance/Sci-fi
URL: When You’re Strange: Chapter 11
URL: When You’re Strange: Chapter 12
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Hello once again, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome back to When You’re Strange. Last time, Shepard and Garrus essentially bonded as mates, and a lot faster than we expected them to. So given this fic’s propensity for skipping over all that “boring” plot of the actual games, what do you think will happen next?

Well, let’s see, shall we? This is the next installment!

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1425: The cambion’s ring – Chapter Two, Part One

Title: The cambion’s ring
Author: Awesomenemo
Media: Television
Topic: Buffy: The Vampire Slayer
Genre: Supernatural/Adventure
URL: The cambion’s ring
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Eliza

Welcome back, patrons!  I’m TacoMagic and with me again is Eliza.

“Hi!”

In the first, or zeroth according to the fic, chapter of “The cambion’s ring” we got what was essentially a full-regurgitation of the episode “Halloween” only with Xander turning into an eighteenth-century Stuish-douchecanoe, Claude, instead of a soldier.  Other than this change, the episode pretty much proceeds on-rails with Claude just being whiny and obtuse the entire time.  Eventually the episode ends almost exactly like it does on the show, but then we get a tacked-on scene where Claude/Xander… Clander? gets up and goes in search of the thing.

Pretty brief, I know, but there’s not much substance in the fic to recap thus far.

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