2560: Harry’s Hidden Sibling – Chapter 1, part 1

Title: Harry’s Hidden Sibling
Author: AuthorAndrewCharlusPotter
Media: Books/Movies
Topic: Harry Potter
Genre: Romance
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to a girthy oneshot from an author who is obsessed with blood rituals and has no grasp on how genetics work – good ol’ AACP! It is one of the few works on his main profile that is a ‘real’ fic and not just a lengthy rant abusing one of his favorite horse corpses or an attempt to ‘fix’ the works of other fanfic authors who don’t meet with AACP’s approval. It is also technically only one chapter long but is so dense that I will likely have to break it into at least two, probably three, parts.

Let’s just take a quick peek at the summary, shall we?

This starts out as Lily and James wedding and then goes on to well, her first true child, Dumbledore’s seer-like abilities thanks to a spell, then Dumbledore’s interference and obliviation, and this explains why Harry and Hermione aren’t supposed to be together as well, because they are full blood brother and sister. Only Harry and Ginny are supposed to be together romantically.

Well. That’s certainly a thing that someone wrote.

If this fic is anything like the other fic(s) we’ve seen from this author and his sock-puppet, then the actual plot will completely dissolve into a disjointed ‘explanation’ about one of the author’s favorite pet subjects – and/or possibly turn into poorly translated Welsh – at some point, and based on that summary I assume it’s going to be yet another incredibly convoluted way of ‘proving’ that Harry and Hermione can’t be romantically involved (even though canonically they aren’t) because reasons, so we have that to look forward to.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone/Philosopher’s Stone

…Huh. I’m used to seeing the chapter repeated in the body of the text, but that’s new. Pretty sure this seven thousand plus word fanfic isn’t the actual book named in that title.

Chapter: Prologue/LILY AND JAMES WEDDING/HIDDEN SIBLING/THE BOY WHO LIVED.

No wonder this chapter is so long; it is actually four chapters in one.

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2559: Mileena’s Humanity – Chapter Two

Title: Mileena’s Humanity
Author:  Spirit.of.Bardock
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mortal Kombat
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/11898341/1/Mileena-s-Humanity
Critiqued by ME-Iron-Maiden

TRIGGER WARNING: Discussion of Suicide

Hello, everyone and welcome back to Mileena’s Humanity. Last time we got off to a great start where Mileena got away from D’Vorah only go get cold-cocked by a human. Considering she is the former Empress of Outworld and successor to Shao Kahn himself, you’d think there’d be one less human around. 

Sadly, we’re already seeing our author’s avatar is a Marty Stu. Not only did he get away with using Mileena’s head for batting practice, but apparently his cooking is far better than what the Royal Kitchens provided to an Empress who lost her throne because she was considered A WORSE RULER THAN SHAO KAHN!!!

The last chapter ended with this cliffhanger

Mileena took a step back, this human was different than the ones she has fought and killed. This one seemed to actually care about her well being, even if he managed to knock her out. She sat herself at the table and watched with interest. The man put various spices onto the meat and before too long was finished. He put the plate in front of her and she slowly lowered her veil in order to eat. Justin turned around and saw something that chilled his blood.

And this is what he saw: https://i.ytimg.com/vi/QgbsBUWDh-Q/maxresdefault.jpg

Let’s see how bad Justin (henceforth known as Ju’stu) freaks out.

AN: Thank you everyone for the favs and follows, compared to The Coiled Heart this story become more popular in the amount of time than my other. That is thanks to all of you that read my story, anyway you’re here for the story, so here you go.

Again with the Author’s Note.

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2558: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Twenty-Five, Part One

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Hey, patrons!  Welcome back to True Force High!  Where the drama is made up and the plot points don’t exist!   We’re in for a bit of a treat during the next three parts of the riff since this is the first chapter where Vikki actually adds her own dungeon!  Sorta.

“Oh dear.”

Yeah, expect things to get padded and trite as hell.  Not to mention filled with scenes of stuff stolen from other sources.  Regardless, let’s have some of that sweet, sweet recap action.

“Garish Wilford Brimley exposits on socio-political issues while the forgettable one of great aesthetics ruminates on his wasted existence.”

Wow, at the time it didn’t seem like much was going on, but now I feel validated in that viewpoint.  Let’s check out our fresh chapter header!

Disclaimer: Would I be writing this if I owned these franchises?

If not, that would be reason enough to consider giving you ownership.

Well, even if I were, I’d be busy making it a reality instead of leaving it here to gather cyber dust on a data sever somewhere.

“Implying she would be overseeing a remake?”

Ouch.

 (Because really, what else is it doing?)

Apparently Vikki was not aware that both franchises were active during the time she was writing this.  At the time Vikki was writing this series, the Zelda team at nintendo was wrapping up production of Skyward Sword while planning pre-production of Link Between Worlds, and Lucasfilm was in talks with Disney for the merger while also producing the fourth season of the Clone Wars series.

Am I surprised she didn’t know what was going on with the franchises she was steeling from?  No, no I am not.

Author’s Notes-

No luck on the job… wish me luck while I continue searching, I guess.

Irrelevant, but it’s still a bummer.

“Primarily because she ended up having more available time for writing.”

As for progress? We’re getting there.

“Where would that be, again?”

I has to be some kind of word-count goal or something.

(Been drawing a bunch of junk to get my mind off the job bust.  Listening to Harry Potter audiobooks… should have some time before the next one is available for download so now I’m here, writing this.)

This is all incredibly irrelevant, but I suppose anything that can distract enough to stop you from writing more of this can’t be a bad thing.

Don’t really know where we’re going to end up, but hey… here we go! :D

“That is deeply foreboding.”

Please, by now we’re well aware that Vikki wrote this whole fic without a plan and without a clue.

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2557: Sweet Disaster — One-Shot, Part 2

Title: Sweet Disaster
Author: HeiKitsune
Media: Video Game
Topic: Halo
Genre: Romance/”Humor”
URL: The Entire ‘Fic
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to the second half of Sweet Disaster, which is proving to be not at all sweet but indeed pretty damn disastrous.

Last time, we were treated to an extended interlude involving the hangover of one “Kane Nakamura”, an edgy UNSC employee of unclear rank or section who has a variety of accents, ‘nanomachines’ in his blood, and a cybernetic arm that even Freddy Kruger is looking at and being like “Dude, chill with the random knives on everything”. He woke up in bed with a horny Elite named “Lady ‘Kalmon”, who apparently lives next the base they are apparently on, and had apparently completely trashed Nakastura’s room the night before. Not a lot actually happened after that other than Nakastura’s disturbingly-sexualized half sister (who is some kind of a captain) showing up in his room and cursing him out for the whole “slept with Lady Kalman Filter” thing, and apparently Daddy Kalman Filter is wandering around outside breaking stuff.

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2556: Legendary Dungeons, Futuristic Dragons – Chapters 11 and 12

Ladies and gentlemen, this is it. This is the culmination of Project: One Year Later, which you’ve probably never heard of if you’re not a Librarian. I am scheduling this on February nineteenth, 2019. That’s a full year in advance, kids. And I’m almost through the Backlog of Doom!

Title: D&D Tag Along
Author: Tint
Media: Tabletop RPG
Topic: Dungeons & Dragons
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Chapters 11 and 12
Critiqued by BatJamags and Kane

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags, and I’m back with yet another couple chapters of D&D Tag-Along, the fic which I bet has probably stopped being called that between chapters.

D&D Tag Along

Oh, nope! Looks like it didn’t! Funny how that happened.

Kane: Fascinating. Truly.

So, last time, Hockey Stu, Dragonshit, and Gabriel went into the future-present to save Stalky Sue from Bonehead McEvil. This went predictably poorly. First, Lord-King Baltimore devised a cunning plan to trap all of these assholes in the future, well away from his kingdom in both time and place. Second, they ran into some of the “punks” from the first chapter and dispatched them with minimal effort. This led them to meet up with Hockey Stu’s D&D group, including some big guy, Ashley the Female Wisecracker™, and then that one other dude. They revealed that Hockey Stu’s parents who never appeared and haven’t been named are dead, which was probably supposed to have some kind of emotional impact. They, being under Bonehead McEvil’s control, led Hockey Stu into his fourth incredibly obvious trap because Hockey Stu is stupider than GoodJamags. Then, rather than JUST KILLING HIM, Bonehead McEvil decided to (for no reason whatsoever) make Hockey Stu fight a duel against some random three-eyed lady, who’s a werewolf now. We left off as the battle was about to begin.

Chapter 11: Battles in the Streets

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