2406: Mass Effect: The Worst Bore — Chapter 4 Part 2

Title: Mass Effect: The First War
Author: ProfFartBurger
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 4
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Mass Effect: The First Mass Effect War: Mass Effect Edition: A Mass Effect Tale: Mass Effect.

Previously, the whole “quarian-human first contact” thing inched minutely closer to actually having high-level talks, with a delegation of humans being formed to meet with a quarian forward party on Earth. One of them was an individual named Christopher McGraw who is a super-successful teenage prodigy engineer with a cybernetic arm, daddy issues, an insolent attitude, and a prissy AI assistant- basically, Tony Stark with none of the redeeming qualities. I hate him already.

first_war_bb_4

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2401: Mass Effect: The Worst Bore — Chapter 4 Part 1

Title: Mass Effect: The First War
Author: ProfFartBurger
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 4
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Mass Effect: The First Mass Effect War: A Mass Effect Tale: Mass Effect.

Last time, the unnecessary face-to-face meeting between the Alliance and the quarians devolved into an unnecessary gunfight between the Alliance and the quarians after the quarians saw an AI and freaked out. But then the humans and their Spartan-knockoffs wiped the floor with the quarians and all was made fine and dandy  and the AI got to preach a bunch, so this didn’t really amount to anything other than making the last few chapters both a peaceful cheerleader First Contact and a curbstomp First Contact at the exact same time.

I didn’t even know that was possible, but HFY finds a way.

first_war_bb_4

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2387: Lemonade – Oneshot?

Title: Lemonade
Author: SpideyMoon
Media: Comic Book? Cartoon?
Topic: Justice League
Genre: Potential Trollfic
URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13111445/1/Lemonade
Critiqued by BatJamags

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags, and I’m back for our oneshot break from The Red Queen. Today, we’ll be looking at another oneshot from the Justice League section. Let’s have a peak at the summary, shall we?

Stop the Creeper, Batman.

Ah, the Creeper is an interesting character.

jeepers

Jeepers!

Jack Ryder is an obnoxious talk show host who got doused with chemicals or something (he’s one of those characters whose origin gets changed every five seconds), started dressing in one of the DC Universe’s more ridiculous costumes, and became essentially a good (?) version of the Joker. He runs around laughing maniacally (a laugh which may or may not be supernaturally discomforting or outright painful), having super strength and agility, beating up bad guys, and generally being a walking acid trip. He shows up sporadically in stuff, usually as a supporting character for Batman. His most notable appearance was in Batman: The Animated Series, where he was so nuts that the Joker of all people was legitimately terrified of him. He’s like a more interesting Deadpool: Lighter on the ultraviolence and fourth wall-breaking and heavier on the absurdist humor.

Anyway, I’m not sure why Batman needs to stop him, but I suppose we’ll look into the fic to find out. Naturally, we start off with an author’s note.

SpideyMoon owns nothing but her own OC characters and her ideas so please don’t copy any of my fanfics without my permission ok?

Oh, sounds like we’ve got an ORIGINAL CHARACTER DONUT STEELE on our hands. That should be fun. So, after a line break, we get into the fic proper.

Batman punches the Creeper from hitting Joker for robbing his suits and gets him imprisonment.

Huh? Who’s robbing whose suits now? Who’s hitting who? What?

Lemonade is served.

Ah, right, well I’m glad there are refreshments… I guess. Anyway, after another line break we cut to-

The End.

Huh? Oh, I… guess it’s over?

Well, this is awkward. I… guess I’ll see you guys later.

*SLAM!*

And now, your out-of-context quote from the next riff:

Revenge is a dish best served lukewarm with a side of angst.


2377: Talk Show of Pudding episode 1

Title:Talk Show of Pudding episode 1
Author: memyselfisesshy93 and Ghastlyme4
Media: Kitchen Sink
Topic: Kitchen Sink / Star Wars
Genre: “Humor”/Parody
URL: Talk Show of Pudding episode 1
Critiqued by TacoMagic

Well hey there, patrons!  Welcome to my latest mini-project, Talk Show of Pudding!

As a little background, I found this… thing through a completely different fic in my to-do pile that this author wrote.  When I went to profile-check her this week, I found this little mini-series of pure fail and moved it to the front of the list.

Before we talk about what this ‘fic’ is, let’s first take a look at why it immediately caught my eye:

This is when two siblings are bored. They make a TV talk show. Their fisrt guest is… Luke Skywalker! There’ll be anime, video game, and other characters from random stuff later on.

If you want a recipe for a hot mess, you’ll not often find a better one than that.  I mean the parody/humor genre on FF.Net is already a cesspool, but literary talk-shows never end well.  And toss in a couple of bored teens into the mix and you’ve got yourself something special.

And by special I mean one of the most* cringe-inducing attempts at humor I’ve seen.

*Not true, but this does count as one of the few that are super-cringy but don’t feature swearing and racism as the focal point of the humor.

This particular train-wreck is written by memyselfisesshy93, an author of some other fics that we may see featured here in the future, and Ghastlyme4, who is strangely absent from ff.net.  I presume either because he was banned from the site, closed his account, or never actually was a writer and just using an online handle.  I personally think it’s the last thing as some snooping around online found a few references to that username on the World of Warcraft and League of Legends forums.  And given what we’re about to see, that fits the demographic where I’d place Ghastly.

Anyway, this series consists of seven episodes, of which only six are available.  The fourth episode is missing, likely because it was reported for some form of offensive content.  You’ll see why that’s the most likely reason in a very few moments.  Though, I suppose it’s also possible that they misnumbered their episodes and never thought to go back and check to make sure they were done properly.

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Fillertastic Special: AdmiralSakai and Serketry Riff Terrible MLP Fanart Episode III– Revenge of the Shit

You should know the drill by now. There’s a lot of My Little Pony fanart out there, and most of it is terrible or has unpleasant implications or is just plain confusing, and so Serketry and I riffed it over Steam chat and then reformatted everything into a Library post.

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2363: Sonichu — Issue 3 Sub-Episode 4 and Issue 4 Sub-Episode 5

Title: Sonichu
Author: Christine Weston Chandler, aka. Christopher Weston Chandler, aka. Christian Weston Chandler, aka. Chris-Chan
Media: Webcomic
Topic: Sonic The Hedgehog / Pokemon / IRL / Yu-Gi-Oh
Genre: “Parody”, apparently.
URL: Issue 3 Template Box and Issue 4 Template Box
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to the wonderful world of Sonichu!

Previously, Hedgehog Of Color tried to steal a McGuffin, but a cluster of recolored Sonichus with elemental powers beat the stuffing out of him and took it back.

That’s… literally it.

Typo Cunter: 61

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2359: Sonichu — Issue 3, Episodes 10 and 11

Title: Sonichu
Author: Christine Weston Chandler, aka. Christopher Weston Chandler, aka. Christian Weston Chandler, aka. Chris-Chan
Media: Webcomic
Topic: Sonic The Hedgehog / Pokemon / IRL / Yu-Gi-Oh
Genre: “Parody”, apparently.
URL: Issue 3 Template Box
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to the manifold wonders of Sonichu.

Last time Chris-Chan Sonichu, Sarah Nicole Hammer, and Wes Iseli got (for the most part) over their stupid soap opera bullshit and agreed to stop the Evil that had been released with their Anchuent Hedgehog Powers. This Evil took the form of a giant golem in an Egyptian headdress, controlled by a talking purple Sno Cone named Count Graduon, who had cut a deal with the witch Mary Lee Walsh to carry him around in exchange for assistance in her own mission of “shattering hearts” (whatever that means). The Power Chus kicked the golem’s ass and sent both Graduon and Walsh packing (or, rather, just let them run away), but then in the Sub-Episode Chris tracked Walsh to her office and appeared to kill her.

I wonder what Giovanni and Hedgehog Of Color are up to?

Typo Cunter: 45

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