2568: Harry’s Hidden Sibling – Chapter 1, part 3

Title: Harry’s Hidden Sibling
Author: AuthorAndrewCharlusPotter
Media: Books/Movies
Topic: Harry Potter
Genre: Romance
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

Yello, dear Patrons, and welcome to the last of this one chapter long fic that has lasted for-frickin’-ever. Kind of fitting that we’re ending it on Friday the Thirteenth, I guess.

In the last segment, there was … Ummm…

:flips through notes: 

Dream sequence … :flip:  Shenanigans … :flip-flip: The whole under-aged soul bond … thing …

:tosses notebook over her shoulder:

Fuck if I know what was going on.

Onward to the bitter end!

Albus had to go alone to change the story, for the greater good. he didn’t want the Longbottom line to end, but he knew Harry had to be born a year earlier if necessary to give Lord Voldemort a choice between the two boys.

I don’t really think that’s how a prophecy works, dude.

As I’ve already pointed out there were likely a number of children born around the vague time period specified by Trelawney’s prophecy – July, 1980 – and I’m sure statistically speaking a good number of them would have been male and their parents would have been apposed to Voldemort. I assume the whole reason Neville is the only other candidate is due to the fan theories that he was the Chosen One from the prophesy, not Harry.

 Hopefully the soul bond will still be in effect for Harry and Ginerva and if possible I may need to interfere again.

Because even though he’s now going to be born a year earlier, Harry is going to be the exact same person because reasons.

Wait a second … Interfere? When did he interfere before now? Was it when he gave the Potters the special soul-bonding rings? Or did I miss something during that endless dream sequence? Because I was fairly well plastered for most of it.

Don’t drink knife polish and fancy perfume, kids. You’ll end up having to get your liver vacuumed out by a guy who is overly fond of leeches, which is far less fun than it sounds.

Read the rest of this entry »


2566: Legendary Dungeons, Futuristic Dragons – Chapter 15

Title: D&D Tag Along
Author: Tint
Media: Tabletop RPG
Topic: Dungeons & Dragons
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Chapter 15
Critiqued by BatJamags and Kane

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags, and I’m back with the actual final installment of D&D Tag-Along. I hope. Unless this actually is as long as the first chapter (Spoiler: It’s actually one of the shorter chapters. The author was lying).

Last time, Hockey Stu turned out to not just be a demigod, but an ACTUAL FUCKING DEITY.

Kane: No, I believe that was Ehlonna and Nerull.

Wiseass. Anyway, Hockey Stu somehow got Nerull and Vecna to stop beating each other up and went to go fight the apparent main bad guy, who we don’t know anything about other than that he’s named Kas. Let’s get rolling.

D&D Tag Along

And in the end, that still hasn’t stopped not being not the title of the fic.

Kane: That was painful.

I did my best.

Chapter 15: Death, Betrayal, Lies, War, Arrogance

, and pie. There should be pie at the end. It’s the least you can do for your readers after making them sit through all of this.

Read the rest of this entry »


2565: Harry’s Hidden Sibling – Chapter 1, part 2

Title: Harry’s Hidden Sibling
Author: AuthorAndrewCharlusPotter
Media: Books/Movies
Topic: Harry Potter
Genre: Romance
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

[Note from FutureGhostie – I’m not going to put a full content warning tag on this, but it goes off the rails very quickly and touches on some disturbing subject matter. Nothing graphic, but it does involve children and ‘age of consent’ shenanigans.]

 

Hello, dearest Patrons, and welcome to the second installment of this rambling fever-dream of a fic. In the first chunk James and Lily (and possibly another James) were married, resulting in a ‘weak’ soul bond, and a year later Dumbledore received the book prophecy from Professor Trelawney and then decided to take a quick nap. Onward into … whatever this is!

~Albus Dumbledore’s Dream~

I guess this tag is here in case having Dumbledore cast a spell on himself in a mix of broken Latin and English wasn’t enough of a clue that he was going to be forcing himself to fall asleep and have a convenient prophetic dream.

St. Mungo’s…

Sept. 19, 1979

This is Hermione’s canonical birth date, although I would assume she was born in a Muggle hospital and not St. Mungo’s. I doubt any wizarding family would go to St. Mungo’s – or, to use the hospital’s full name, St Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries – for a normal birth since childbirth is not a magical malady or injury. There’s not really a lot of information regarding childbirth given in the books, but St. Mungo’s various floors are described and none of them contain a maternity wing so I assume that wizarding families either go elsewhere or use the services of a magical midwife or something similar.

Albus made his way along with his headmistress Minerva McGonagall to visit old friends of theirs who have just given birth to their first child.

Minerva said, “She’s beautiful.”

Is McGonagall practicing for when she sees the baby, or does she think the hallway is beautiful?

Lily smiled, “She is she has James’s eyes just a shade dark and could be mistaken for brown but there is a tinge of blue-grey to be known as hazel eyes and she has my father’s hair.

I think Lily is still enjoying the effects of whatever medication they’ve given her. I wish she would share.

Read the rest of this entry »


2562: Sweet Disaster — One-Shot, Part 3

Title: Mass Effect: The First War
Author: HeiKitsune
Media: Video Game
Topic: Halo
Genre: Romance/”Humor”
URL: The Entire ‘Fic
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to the second half of Sweet Disaster, which is proving to be not at all sweet but indeed pretty damn disastrous.

Last time, Lady ‘Kalmon Filter’s dad wandered into the unclearly-explained facility where Nakastura lives, and raged around a bunch because he couldn’t find his daughter, but then she showed up and was all “BECUZ I LUV HIM!!!!” and that calmed her old man down somehow. Also Nakastura and his sister routinely beat up the Marines under their command for really no reason. And that was about it.

This story is sliding into nothing-fic territory incredibly quickly, and if I’d known that going in instead of assuming it’d all be as ridiculous as the first scene I don’t think I’d’ve riffed it. After all, if I wanted to read more edgy imbeciles screaming about nothing much while the plot grinds to a halt to accommodate them, I’d’ve just kept on with First War.

Read the rest of this entry »


2561: Legendary Dungeons, Futuristic Dragons – Chapters 13 and 14

Title: D&D Tag Along
Author: Tint
Media: Tabletop RPG
Topic: Dungeons & Dragons
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Chapters 13 and 14
Critiqued by BatJamags and Kane

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags, and I’m back with what may be, with a little luck, the final installment of D&D Tag-Along.

Kane: Highly doubtful.

Hey, a guy can dream, right?

Kane: My dreams were being invaded by Elder Gods so I designed a ritual to stop myself from having them.

Last time, there was a big stupid fight where Gabriel died and Hockey Stu almost died. Then he had a pointless conversation with some goddess or other. Keep in mind that I just summarized two chapters of this thing in as many sentences.

D&D Tag Along

Hello, title of this fic. Haven’t seen you in… about four inches of screen space.

Chapter 13: Pure Neutral Alignment

Author, that’s True Neutral or just Neutral.

Kane: As I see it, the ethical axis ranges from sane to indecisive to mad, and the moral one from evil (with delusions of righteousness) to evil (but squeamish) to evil.

So that makes you Sane Evil and him Indecisive Evil-but-Squeamish?

Kane: Roughly.

I’m not sure how I feel about calling you sane, but the rest checks out.

A/N: Just a couple of quick little notes before I start. Inadvertently, I discovered a Yu-Gi-Oh card named Boneheimer. It’s a weak little sea horse thing, barely any attack or defense, no effect. Imagine my disappointment.

Kane: Rather appropriate, though I’m sorely disappointed that someone else was under the impression that “Boneheimer” would be an acceptable name for anything.

Read the rest of this entry »


2560: Harry’s Hidden Sibling – Chapter 1, part 1

Title: Harry’s Hidden Sibling
Author: AuthorAndrewCharlusPotter
Media: Books/Movies
Topic: Harry Potter
Genre: Romance
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to a girthy oneshot from an author who is obsessed with blood rituals and has no grasp on how genetics work – good ol’ AACP! It is one of the few works on his main profile that is a ‘real’ fic and not just a lengthy rant abusing one of his favorite horse corpses or an attempt to ‘fix’ the works of other fanfic authors who don’t meet with AACP’s approval. It is also technically only one chapter long but is so dense that I will likely have to break it into at least two, probably three, parts.

Let’s just take a quick peek at the summary, shall we?

This starts out as Lily and James wedding and then goes on to well, her first true child, Dumbledore’s seer-like abilities thanks to a spell, then Dumbledore’s interference and obliviation, and this explains why Harry and Hermione aren’t supposed to be together as well, because they are full blood brother and sister. Only Harry and Ginny are supposed to be together romantically.

Well. That’s certainly a thing that someone wrote.

If this fic is anything like the other fic(s) we’ve seen from this author and his sock-puppet, then the actual plot will completely dissolve into a disjointed ‘explanation’ about one of the author’s favorite pet subjects – and/or possibly turn into poorly translated Welsh – at some point, and based on that summary I assume it’s going to be yet another incredibly convoluted way of ‘proving’ that Harry and Hermione can’t be romantically involved (even though canonically they aren’t) because reasons, so we have that to look forward to.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone/Philosopher’s Stone

…Huh. I’m used to seeing the chapter repeated in the body of the text, but that’s new. Pretty sure this seven thousand plus word fanfic isn’t the actual book named in that title.

Chapter: Prologue/LILY AND JAMES WEDDING/HIDDEN SIBLING/THE BOY WHO LIVED.

No wonder this chapter is so long; it is actually four chapters in one.

Read the rest of this entry »


2556: Legendary Dungeons, Futuristic Dragons – Chapters 11 and 12

Ladies and gentlemen, this is it. This is the culmination of Project: One Year Later, which you’ve probably never heard of if you’re not a Librarian. I am scheduling this on February nineteenth, 2019. That’s a full year in advance, kids. And I’m almost through the Backlog of Doom!

Title: D&D Tag Along
Author: Tint
Media: Tabletop RPG
Topic: Dungeons & Dragons
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Chapters 11 and 12
Critiqued by BatJamags and Kane

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags, and I’m back with yet another couple chapters of D&D Tag-Along, the fic which I bet has probably stopped being called that between chapters.

D&D Tag Along

Oh, nope! Looks like it didn’t! Funny how that happened.

Kane: Fascinating. Truly.

So, last time, Hockey Stu, Dragonshit, and Gabriel went into the future-present to save Stalky Sue from Bonehead McEvil. This went predictably poorly. First, Lord-King Baltimore devised a cunning plan to trap all of these assholes in the future, well away from his kingdom in both time and place. Second, they ran into some of the “punks” from the first chapter and dispatched them with minimal effort. This led them to meet up with Hockey Stu’s D&D group, including some big guy, Ashley the Female Wisecracker™, and then that one other dude. They revealed that Hockey Stu’s parents who never appeared and haven’t been named are dead, which was probably supposed to have some kind of emotional impact. They, being under Bonehead McEvil’s control, led Hockey Stu into his fourth incredibly obvious trap because Hockey Stu is stupider than GoodJamags. Then, rather than JUST KILLING HIM, Bonehead McEvil decided to (for no reason whatsoever) make Hockey Stu fight a duel against some random three-eyed lady, who’s a werewolf now. We left off as the battle was about to begin.

Chapter 11: Battles in the Streets

Read the rest of this entry »