2644: First contact war and Delta Twosix — One-Shots

Title: First contact war
Author: Matty414
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 1, Chapter 2
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons! It seems like just yesterday that we were blundering around in Myst Effect before dipping ever-so-briefly back into First War, which is doubly odd because to me at least the segment of First War before Myst Effect felt like an interminable death march.

Regardless, it’s time for one-shots again, and I figured why not go for some non-Stumanity Mass Effect alternate-contact-war drivel? Here’s the inventively-titled First contact war by Matty414!

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2643: Hexed Wolf – Chapter 10, Part 2

Title: Hexed Wolf
Author: IrishSmurf
Media: Cartoon
Topic: Scooby-Doo!
Genre: Supernatural / Mystery
URL: Chapter 10
Critiqued by BatJamags

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with more of The Scooby-Sue Show. Last time, our edgy OC heroes and their peripheral sidekicks (also known as the actual canon protagonists) broke into the house of a dude who’s a werewolf. I think he wants to cause the apocalypse, except it has a stupid name. Almond Mecha or something.

Anyway, we pick up with Team Sue and Velma poking around the house.

Velma looked into the bare room. “Why would he keep a bare room locked up? I had gotten my hopes up.”

That’s where he puts all his bear hands.

“Whoa there Velma. Settle down.” Jaguar stepped forward and reached a hand out to the door. As it passed through the frame it disappeared.

And now apparently jaguar hands too.

“What the,”

“Just like I thought, it’s a trick.”

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2640: Mass Murder Effect: The First War Crime (Was Committed by the Protagonists) — Chapter 14 Part 3

Title: Mass Effect: The First War
Author: ProfFartBurger
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 14
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Mass Effect: The First War.

Last time, the Stumans showed up over Palaven and a highly daybooked attritional slugfest of a naval battle took place, resulting in the complete obliteration of the Turian Navy. What a surprise.

Also, in their continuing effort to avoid provoking the Citadel into the full military response they should really by all rights already be engaging, some of those stupid Spartan knockoffs invaded the Citadel again, killed the Spectres providing security to the Council Chamber (again), and kidnapped the Councilors.

We left off just as the humans were launching a full-scale orbital barrage against Palaven intended to destroy major population centers -but not using any nuclear weapons, because that would be too indiscriminate for some reason- in preparation for what is sure to be a confusing, edgy, self-righteous and boring ground invasion.

first_war_bb_13

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2639: Hexed Wolf – Chapter 9 and Chapter 10 Part 1

Title: Hexed Wolf
Author: IrishSmurf
Media: Cartoon
Topic: Scooby-Doo!
Genre: Supernatural / Mystery
URL: Chapters 9 and 10
Critiqued by BatJamags

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with some New Scooby-Sue Chapters!

HEXED WOLF: Aamngreka

Gesundheit.

AUTHOR: IrishTomboy RATING: R PAIRING: Thorn/OC, Daphne/Freddy (of course) DISCLAMIER: I own none of them except Jaguar and Cú and anyone else that aren’t part of the original Scooby-verse, though I wish I did. FEEDBACK: Welcome WARNING: If love between two women bothers you then get out NOW!

Does it count if it’s just these specific two?

“God I’m full.” Shaggy replied, patting his stomach.

Classic Shaggy line.

“So am I.” A few others chimed in. They were in the Mystery Machine and riding back to Thorn’s house. Since it was a tight fit some were sitting on other people’s laps. Rose was sitting on Celeb’s with Nathaniel in her lap, Jaguar was sitting with Thorn in her lap and Scooby and Shaggy were just sitting close to one another.

Thanks, that information really helps with… something.

“Are you excited about your concert tomorrow Thorn?” Freddy asked.

“Yeah.”

“What songs you going to play?”

“Come to the concert and you’ll find out.”

“Did you say that the concert was tomorrow?” Jaguar asked, looking intently at the blonde driver.

Thrilling.

“Yeah. Why?” But Jaguar didn’t hear the second part as her mind swirled around. Tomorrow was an important day to her kind. But what was it?

It’s the day after this one, but that’s not important right now.

“Jaguar!”

“What?” The woman finally looked up.

It’s a big cat, but- Oh, forget it.

“Why did you wanna know?”

“Oh uhh…I thought something else was happening tomorrow, had to think for a second. Sorry.” The group accepted the half-truth. ‘I wish I could remember what was tomorrow. It’s important I know it. I remember Cú always ranting and raving and preparing for it when I was training under him. Why can’t I remember?’

Oh, tomorrow? Tomorrow is that time when I’m going to get all of my actual work done, honest.

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2636: Mass Murder Effect: The First War Crime (Was Committed by the Protagonists) — Chapter 14 Part 2

-WARNING-
While not to such a degree as the previous segment, this one continues to contain potential flamebait in the form of War On Terror tactica talking-points that can’t really be addressed without to some degree bringing up people and movements still active in the political sphere today.

Title: Mass Effect: The First War
Author: ProfFartBurger
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 14
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Mass Effect: The First War.

Last time, Daddy McStu employed unnecessarily brutal, unnecessarily elaborate, and ultimately rather ineffective torture tactics on some random turian POW, and there was a great deal of confusion about whether the Codex entries that are bloating up an alarming amount of this chapter are subject to in-universe censorship or not. Also a bunch of Pointless Panic about Element Zero contamination happened (including another invocation of the ever-mysterious “Terraforming Discs”), and the preparations for the strategically highly confusing invasion of Palaven marched on to their inevitable stupid conclusion.

first_war_bb_13

It occurs to me that this bingo board has now gone through thirteen distinct revisions. Nearly one every single chapter.

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