789: Homura Afterstory – Chapter Two, Part 3

Title: Homura Afterstory
Author: CaptainAfrica
Media:  Anime
Topic: Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: Romance/Suspense
URL: Homura Afterstory: Chapter 2
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome back to Homura Afterstory. Well, I guess we’ve gotten a ton of destruction of Madoka’s home canon, and I have the feeling it’s only going to get a lot worse from here.

*sigh*

Well, it at least can’t be any worse than Quarter Quell and its sequels. At least there’s that.

And with that said, let’s get to it, shall we? Strap in, we’ve got a long installment today.

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788: A Jedi’s Destiny – Chapter Nine Part Two and Chapter Ten

Title: A Jedi’s Destiny
Author: 
Victor Tarsus
Media: Movies
Topic: Lion King / Star Wars
Genre: Sci-Fi / Adventure
URL:  A Jedi’s Destiny
Critiqued by TacoMagic

*WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS POSSIBLE TRIGGERS AND A SCENE OF DOMESTIC ABUSE.  I RECOMMEND SKIPPING IT ENTIRELY*

Welcome back to A Jedi’s Destiny!  After that nice week off to unwind from this steaming fic, we’re going to be right back in the thick of it this week.  And “by the thick of it” I mean “literary feces.”

So far this fic has consisted mostly of a Furry Civilization player’s wet dream.  We have an inactive blackhole Stu by the name of Buster who has and entire kingdom handed to him by a magical sandstorm.  This kingdom is eventually upgraded to a military state by crushing a greek thingy.  This same event causes his entire population of lions to become anthropomorphic.  I think.  The prose is still extremely fuzzy on when things got all anthropomorphized.  Meanwhile, Zira, the main antagonist from the second Lion King movie, becomes his mate and bears a child.  I kinda think that’s the only reason she’s in the fic because otherwise she doesn’t really do anything either.   So, they actually match pretty well.

Meanwhile 2 of the 3 primary antagonists join up with team Stu in an astonishing derailment of tension, and some kind of militaristic lion-hybrid nation springs up out of a science experiment from one of the aforementioned antagonists.  I guess Buster’s crew is pretty forgiving of the whole “jump started the end of the world” thing that Doctor Xavier has going on.  The other antagonist, Kahn, is MIA and presumed forgotten by the author.

That leads us to now: Buster has just declared martial law, an approaching and unresisted force has just started shelling the city, and Buster saved his own butt by diving under a desk while everyone else in the room died.

What a guy. Read the rest of this entry »


787: USA vs The Batarian Hegemony – Chapter 2

Title: USA vs The Batarian Hegemony
Author: Wpago
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Sci-Fi/Suspense
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by Erttheking

AS WITH THE LAST CHAPTER, THIS RIFF IS VERY POLITICALLY BIASED!

N: Ok, Ert and Seiko are with Woods in the containment area. They’re thinking about letting Stupard out. Not sure if it’s the best idea

C: Oh come on. We were able to make Seiko better, why couldn’t we do the same to him/

N: Because Seiko was a blank slate. This guy has an entitlement complex the size of Europa. As well as a Messiah complex and maybe even a God complex. He’s a spoiled little brat who thinks he’s owed the world on a platter. He’s gonna be hard to reason with.

G: Less talky, more right wing nut job gun wank. Read the rest of this entry »


786: My Immortal – Chapter Thirty-Nine

Title: My Immortal
Author: Tara (reposted by the lovely internet trolls)
Media: Book / Movie
Topic:  Harry Potter
Genre: Romance / angst
URL:  My Immortal – Chapter 39
Originally Posted by “An-Anon-Author-Who-Will-Silently-Not-Reveal-Her-Identity-Because-She’s-a-Coward, A.K.A Just a troll with rocks for brains.

Hey everyone!  I have a special treat for you this week.  Way back when this crap-fic was originally posted, it got hacked.  A girl took over Tara’s account and posted a fake chapter in place of the real chapter 39.  I don’t even need to write a riff for this week.  So sit back, relax, and enjoy The Hacker’s version of My Immortal, entitledI Am A Trolling Genious, lolz.”

*settles into the over-sized bean bag chair Mr. Lyle owns*

It’s short but sweet.  Ta, all!

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785: United under two skies – Chapter Twelve, Part One

Title: United under two skies
Author: Gearman
Media:  Video Game
Topic:  Mass Effect/Fallout
Genre: None Listed
URL:   Chapter Twelve
Critiqued by SuperFeatherYoshi

Untitled

Plot regurgitation!Gearman took Priority: Sur’Kesh, a tense race against time, and reduced it into a husk of its former self, killing any and all tension with bland writing and Gary Stu protagonist.

Seriously, when your character can take out hundreds of husks with a single biotic attack, why the hell are we supposed to be worried about him when he’s taking on a single Atlas Mech?

But nooooo… We’re not done yet!

The Normandy then flew to Phoenix, the Stu planet, we get even more proof that Gearman has no idea how ME technologies work. Also, the Stu fleet destroys hundreds of Reaper Destroyers without even trying with “a plasma death ray combination”. It’s exactly as stupid as it sounds.

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784: Caring For His Eggs – One Shot

Title: Caring For His Eggs
Author: ThomasAngryBirds
Media: Games
Topic: Angry Birds
Genre: Romance and Hurt/Comfort
URL: One Shot
Critiqued by KittyNoodles

Hello again, everybody! Kitty here, and this week I’m going to force you to come along with me on a very confusing journey through the social and romantic lives of the cast of Angry Birds.

Yes, you did indeed read that correctly. The birds have been given what I assume is supposed to be a complex social network amongst themselves.

For those not in the know, Angry Birds is a game about shooting different kinds of birds–each with its own special power–at increasingly complex structures built by tiny green asshole pigs who keep stealing the birds’ eggs, ostensibly so the piggies can enjoy a nice omelet or some basted eggs over hash browns and toast.

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783: The rare Animagus: REWRITTEN VERSION! – Chapter 1/Prologue

Title: The rare Animagus: REWRITTEN VERSION!
Author: Bijuui9/RavenNoKitsune
Media: Book / Movie
Topic: Harry Potter / Avatar
Genre: Romance / Spiritual
URL: Chapter 1/Prologue
Critiqued by Ghostcat  

— WARNING—

THIS FIC CONTAINS MULTIPLE REFERENCES

TO CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY

[I’m sorry, Patrons, but this one sort of bit me in the ass about a third of the way through. It is horrible, and I apologize in advance. – Ghostie]

 

 

Salutations, effervescent Patrons!

I’m here with another fic from my pile. This one is fairly new to the stack, and (like last week’s) comes from an author I’ve featured before. It’s yet another Harry Potter crossover fic – this time, the canon is crossed with Avatar!

:whispering:

No, Shinobi-san, not the good one – it’s the crappy one with the blue cat-people.

So which of my previous authors wrote this little gem? No cheating by checking the header!

Let’s see if you can tell based on the fic summary.

Harry,after fighting 2wars &multiple battles and seeing the magical world get destroyed, decides to leave earth and goes to ere he starts a new life,but will he be able to put his past aside and live that new live? Disclaim:I Don’t own ed to be on my old account RavenNoKitsune, now posted here

An asskicking version of Harry decides to leave Earth and start a new life, plus the title has the word Animagus in it? This can only be the work of Bijuui9, who penned the infamous Animagus Predator.

:ducks behind desk to avoid garbage thrown by Patrons:

It’s from a previous account she had, RavenNoKitsune, and it’s slightly older than Animagus Predator; it has some of the same plot elements, so it’s sort of like the beta version of that fic. Only so much worse.

:a brick slams into the wall beside Ghostie:

Hey!

As you can tell from the title, this is supposedly the “rewritten version” but just skimming through the old version I can’t really see any changes- there are a few Author’s Notes explaining that the fic is going to be moved but that’s about it. The bulk was just copy-pasted from one source to the other with only the username changing.

Read the rest of this entry »