2563: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Twenty-Five, Part Two

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Heyo, patrons!  As a heads up, I may not have a post next week due to a business trip taking up a sizable portion of my week.

“Is that not a common monkey euphemism for something illicit?”

I wish.  In this case it’s a 12 hour drive so I can spend a few days learning about new radiographic management software.  Anyway, enough about me, we’ve got a vast field of nothing to tackle!  Crunchy!

“That is not how mines work.”

Pithy.  Let’s see what we’ve got this week!

It felt like the two of them had spent an eternity padding

Cut!  That’s a wrap!

*BZZZT*

Ugh, fine.

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2558: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Twenty-Five, Part One

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Hey, patrons!  Welcome back to True Force High!  Where the drama is made up and the plot points don’t exist!   We’re in for a bit of a treat during the next three parts of the riff since this is the first chapter where Vikki actually adds her own dungeon!  Sorta.

“Oh dear.”

Yeah, expect things to get padded and trite as hell.  Not to mention filled with scenes of stuff stolen from other sources.  Regardless, let’s have some of that sweet, sweet recap action.

“Garish Wilford Brimley exposits on socio-political issues while the forgettable one of great aesthetics ruminates on his wasted existence.”

Wow, at the time it didn’t seem like much was going on, but now I feel validated in that viewpoint.  Let’s check out our fresh chapter header!

Disclaimer: Would I be writing this if I owned these franchises?

If not, that would be reason enough to consider giving you ownership.

Well, even if I were, I’d be busy making it a reality instead of leaving it here to gather cyber dust on a data sever somewhere.

“Implying she would be overseeing a remake?”

Ouch.

 (Because really, what else is it doing?)

Apparently Vikki was not aware that both franchises were active during the time she was writing this.  At the time Vikki was writing this series, the Zelda team at nintendo was wrapping up production of Skyward Sword while planning pre-production of Link Between Worlds, and Lucasfilm was in talks with Disney for the merger while also producing the fourth season of the Clone Wars series.

Am I surprised she didn’t know what was going on with the franchises she was steeling from?  No, no I am not.

Author’s Notes-

No luck on the job… wish me luck while I continue searching, I guess.

Irrelevant, but it’s still a bummer.

“Primarily because she ended up having more available time for writing.”

As for progress? We’re getting there.

“Where would that be, again?”

I has to be some kind of word-count goal or something.

(Been drawing a bunch of junk to get my mind off the job bust.  Listening to Harry Potter audiobooks… should have some time before the next one is available for download so now I’m here, writing this.)

This is all incredibly irrelevant, but I suppose anything that can distract enough to stop you from writing more of this can’t be a bad thing.

Don’t really know where we’re going to end up, but hey… here we go! :D

“That is deeply foreboding.”

Please, by now we’re well aware that Vikki wrote this whole fic without a plan and without a clue.

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2554: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Twenty-Four, Part Three

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

All right, time to finish up chapter twenty-four with yet more thrilling shopping!  Honestly, it’s weird that the fic has had so many chapters where the party stops to do some shopping.  Crunchy, hit us with that unhelpful recap!

“Machinational machinery malfunctions, token equine inclusions, and looming immobile murderous marauders.”

Ah, sweet poetic nonsense.  Let’s get cracking!

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2549: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Twenty-Four, Part Two

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Busy week for me this week, so we’re going to go short on the introductions today.  Crunchy!

“We replaced the Sue’s usual morning magic with a mixture of salt and chalk.  Let us see if she notices.”

Good enough, onward!

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2544: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Twenty-Four, Part One

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Whew, so only one more interlude to go, which means we can settle in for five chapters of game-mechanic regurgitation!  Aren’t you excited!?

“I despise you.”

I’ll take that as a yes.  So, what happened last week?

“Link now detests Ashei because of Impa being her parent, though, unfortunately, that hatred seems to have had little impact on their relationship.  Also, love and lust are different things and none but our protagonists can tell the difference.”

Sounds about right, let’s hit the desert!

Disclaimer: Disney owns Star Wars, not me.

Still not true when this was written.

As for Zelda… no, sorry. Don’t own that either. (Not a bad turnout at E3 though…)

“Which is exceedingly important information to include when disclaiming.”

As I said before, if you’re going to be pointless and include a disclaimer, you may as well go the whole way and also be insipid.

“I am not convinced that it counts as an improvement.”

Finally dragged myself away from my audiobooks… now we should be getting somewhere!

Really?  At long last?  It only took twenty-four chapters for you to decide to have a point!?

Gerudo Desert, here we come!

“One wonders if Vikki will actually make it that far in this chapter.”

By the looks of the chapter names after this one, it seems she actually will.  Probably.  We’ll be spending basically the rest of the fic in Gerudo, so be prepared for that.

“Six chapters set in a blank, featureless wasteland?  I believe Vikki will finally be in her element as an author.”

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2538: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Twenty-Three, Part Three

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Zzzzzzzzzzzzz *SNERK*

*Taco sits bolt upright*

Whazza?  How long was I out?  *Checks his phone* A week!?  Oh, this damn boring fic.  Crunchy!

*Crunchy’s eyelids slide open and he straightens his neck from resting position.*  “Hmm.  Wednesday already?”

Already?

“When you reach my age, you will learn the importance of napping.”

Dude, a week is closer to a coma.

“When you reach my age, you will learn the importance of limited duration comas.”

Whatever, what happened last week?

“Discussion, reiteration, bathing,” *Crunchy picks up a piece of paper which was left on the desk* “and apparently ‘the girls’ were placed in confinement.”

Fabulous, let’s finish this chapter off.  It’s the second-to-last interlude chapter, so hopefully we’ll only have to suffer through this level of meandering pointlessness one more time.

“The typical level of meandering pointlessness will remain, yes?”

Sadly, this is true.

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2531: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Twenty-Three, Part Two

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Hello and welcome back to chapter twenty-three: Revelations, emotional manipulation edition.  Everyone get your safety padding on because you’re about to get worked over by the rod of feelings.  I have Crunchy already on deck in case you were fortunate enough to have missed last week and need help getting up to speed.

“Girl talk followed by the revelation that we most dearly cherish those things which we cannot bear to have associated with us.  Additionally, magic is objectively not worth practicing due to the scheduling requirements.”

Very informative, let’s get back into this pile so that we can watch the tepid adventurers discuss Ashei’s parents.

Obi-Wan was laughing as she entered the kitchen at some joke that was likely either Anakin’s or at Anakin’s expense, and his eyes flickered to Ashei as she walked in.

Shit, she’s here, act casual!

He noticed her thoughtful expression and quirked a curious eyebrow in question, reminding her of the thing she’d wanted to ask him.

“Ashei.”

She turned towards the sound, a bit surprised that it hadn’t come from Obi-Wan. She blinked in surprise.

“Jedi think it far more amusing to throw their voices than it in fact is.”

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