1689: Legendary Adventurers, Futuristic Saviors – Chapter Thirteen, Part Five

Title: Legendary Adventurers, Futuristic Saviors
Author: Stone-Man85
Media: Movie
Topic: Princess Mononoke
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: Chapter Thirteen
Critiqued by SC, Scarlet, and Sir Paulo Rori

Hello, and welcome back to Legendary Adventurers, Futuristic Saviors, by Stone-Man85! I’m your host, SC, joined by Sir Paulo Rori and Scarlet of Mesyth, and last time, Alex got his shit back, the author remembered Isaac exists again, and some motherfucking slob poured Bleach into the fic.

This week, we FINALLY get back to Sannabe, which is another thing I never thought I’d be happy to say, given that I’ve made it painfully clear how little I appreciate my favorite female protagonist getting bastardized like this. We’re also pretty near to the end of the chapter, so if I can’t finish it off in this part, it’ll definitely happen in the next one, and hopefully chapter fourteen will be shorter.

But with that in mind, let’s get back to the riff:

Back Outside
Back with San

A cold wind brushed against san’s uncovered arms and legs, making her shiver. Even the heat from the small fire the apes had built for her couldn’t stop the coldness from creeping over her.

I see Sannabe’s been listening to some Within Temptation recently.

Paulo: A musical troupe, I take it?

We call them “bands” here, but yeah. I can’t decide what their genre is, but I rather like it.

Scarlet: According to the internet, they’re classified as symphonic metal and frequently likened to goth.

Makes sense.

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1688: Panic! In the Host Club – Chapter 1



Title: Panic! In the Host Club
Author: crossover king
Media: Anime/Manga
Topic: Ouran High School Host Club/Full Metal Panic!
Genre: Humor/Drama
URL Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat




Hello, dear Patrons!

I’m here with a very short three-chapter fic that is a crossover (because I loves me some crossovers) between a source material I’ve covered before – Ouran High School Host Club – and a new source material that we haven’t featured in the Library before – Full Metal Panic! – so I’m only going to give a synopsis for FMP!.

:cracks knuckles:

Prepare yourselves for a SC-style infodump, Patrons!

The series follows Sousuke Sagara, a teen-aged former child soldier recruited by a private military organization called MITHRIL. Sousuke’s behaviour is extremely regimented at times and he’s what might charitably be called a bit of a stoic.


This is his happy face. Also his sad face. Pretty much his only face.

He’s the pilot of a large battle mecha known as an ArmSlave.


This one is his, it is called Arbalest.

While Sousuke is a very efficient soldier, having lived with various military organisations since he was eight means he doesn’t do very well in social situations and that he has no idea how to be a regular teen-aged boy.


This is technically true, but that’s not the item’s intended use.

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1687: Love of a Spartan – Chapter Twenty-Five

Title: Love of a Spartan
Author:  AshleyBudrick
Media: Video Game
Topic: HALO
Genre:  Sci-Fi/Romance
URL:  Saved to this Archive
Critiqued by Admiral Sakai, Gul, and the Arbiter

Hello hello, all you patrons, and welcome back to Love of a Spartan.

Last chapter was thankfully entirely free of moping, as it focused solely on the Spartans in their mission to deny the Covenant Capricornia’s strategic resources through pinpoint sabotage of their mining equipment blowing everything to smithereens with an anachronistic NOVA bomb. Nobody whose name we know died, but other than that the entire mission, on behalf of both the UNSC and Covenant, was pretty much one massive, poorly-planned, poorly-executed, scientifically-dubious clusterfuck.

So, basically, exactly what you would expect from Master Chief Petty Officer Edward-117 and Fuck-Shit the Ossoona.

And… that was about it.

Terrible Troy Counter: 106

Mommy’s Little Marines (And Spartans) Counter: 109

Fucking Halight Counter: 52

Chapter 25/Twenty-Four is called ‘Deviant Interventions’. The good news is, it isn’t spoiling the main event for once. The bad news is, that’s because neither of us have any idea what it means.”

We’re only doing the one again today and it’s incredibly short, but the chapter that comes after is very long and really quite bizarre, so I wanted a whole riff dedicated to dissecting it.

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1686: The Masked Man and the Girl – Oneshot

Title: The Masked Man and the Girl
Author: Lunaiasu
Media: Video Game
Topic: EarthBound
Genre: Friendship/Fantasy
URL: The Masked Man and the Girl
Critiqued by TacoMagic

Hey there, patrons!  Since I just got back from a vacation and am in the process of digging myself out of a large pile of things that built up while I was away, this week we’re going to tackle a small, terrible little one-shot I dug up out of the Earthbound section of FF.net.

The summary pretty much speaks for itself, so let’s start there.

Lura is taken from her home near Tazmily Village to serve the needs of New Pork City. However, things don’t go exactly to the Pigmasks’ plans…

The reason this speaks for itself is that there is no “Lura” in any of the Earthbound games, let alone Mother 3, the one that has Tazmily Village in it.  Yes, patrons, we’ve got an OC on our hands as the featured character.  And given that Lura is only one letter off from the first four letters of the author’s moniker, well, you can pretty much see where this is going.

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1685: SONIC HIGH SCHOOL – Chapter Eleven

Author: DarkDoomFireMaster
Media:  Video Game
Topic: Sonic the Hedgehog
Genre: Drama/Romance
URL: Chapter Ten
Critiqued by Lyle and Lina

Lina:  You just can’t quit this, can you?

It’s more than I’m lazy and this has more chapters.  Shall we get on with it?

Lina:  Sure. Last time, Sonic and Tails have a lover’s spat, then Knuckles and Espio capoeira’ed around each other for a bit before making out in the hallway.  That’s about it.

This next chapter is called “Tails and Cream.”

Lina:  …Ew.

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1684: The Girl – Chapter Two

Title: The Girl
Author: MRobitussin
Media: Books
Topic: The Outsiders
Genre: Romance
URL: Chapter Two
Critiqued by Angie

Uses of ‘Soc’ and ‘Greaser’ are not meant to be offensive, and are merely meant as part of the source material.

Howdy, you beautiful group of freaks. My name is Angie, and I’d like to welcome y’all back to another edition of The Girl.

*deep sigh*

Upon reading more into Marissa (seriously, who names their kid Marissa) on her Fanfiction bio, I have come upon the realisation that she is currently approximately 30. Personally, I don’t think anything Outsiders can be made if not by a teenager. Hell, look at the film adaption.

But, seeing as I was a bit harsh last time on a fic that might not deserve it, I’ve decided to give The Girl a second chance. Here we go.

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1683: On the wings of a dove – oneshot

Title: On the wings of a dove
Author: Starriye
Media: Book/Movie
Topic: Twilight
Genre: Humor/Supernatural
URL Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat 




Hello, dear Patrons!

Work has been super-hectic lately so I took the easy way out this week and decided to take the town bicycle of fanfiction out for a spin.

That’s right – this is a Twilight fic!

And, in following the tradition of truly terrible Twilight fics, in some sections it is barely readable. Let me show you the summary.

When Alice see’s some one from edwards past come back to see him and he flea’s. Will bella be in truble when she befriends the enimy? Will edward’s runing put bella in danger?

Yeah … This is going to be rough. But onward to glory!

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