1742: Celebrian – Part Ten

Title: Celebrian
Author: A now-forgotten servant of Morgoth the Defiler
Media: Book
Topic: Lord of the Rings
Genre: Sacrilege
URL: Celebrian
Critiqued by KittyNoodles

*** WARNING: The following riff contains no rape for once. Unfortunately, it does involve random bestiality and some of the most atrocious body horror you’ve likely ever seen described on purpose, which may result in extreme dizziness, shortness of breath, nausea, heartburn, indigestion, and a lifelong aversion to ice cream. Yes, ice cream. Those of you who have seen 2 Girls 1 Cup are probably the only people prepared for this. Those of you who have not seen the aforementioned video are first advised not to look it up if you ever wish to eat again; furthermore, such persons will need to trade their complimentary Fic Sickness Bags™ for equally complimentary Fic Sickness Barrels™, both of which have been provided to us courtesy of the PCC. In case of extreme aversion to the impending body horror and character bastardization, please proceed in a shrieking, disorganized mob to your nearest fire escape.

This riff also involves descriptions of severe bodily injury. ***

(*Lyle walks in, glances at the schedule for the day, and nopes her way right back out of the riff chamber*)

[The narration would like to introduce all of you to–]

Kitty: Shut up and set the scene, you rampaging ball of ass.

[The narration smugly lays out the scene: The blankets, pillows, and stuffed animals have been washed and rearranged so that they take up only one portion of the Booth – namely, Kitty’s half. The other half is back to normal, and occupied by Kitty’s guest riffer for this week, who lounges in one of the available chairs looking artfully bored.]

Guest Riffer: Thank you, narration. I think you can go now.

[The narration makes an exit until it is needed again.]

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1741: The Girl – Chapter Seven

Title: The Girl
Author: MRobitussin
Media: Books
Topic: The Outsiders
Genre: Romance
URL: Chapter Seven
Critiqued by Angie

Disclaimer: Probably something about a Soc and a Greaser.

*waves widely* Howdy, patrons! My name is Angie, and we are back with the seventh edition of The Girl and, surprise surprise, our POV isn’t Ponyboy, Darry or Riley for once!

Granted, the POV we have is Two-Bit, but I’ll take what I can get I suppose.

So with that, let’s dive into the seventh chapter of The Girl.

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1740: Subnautica The Novel Chapter Bundle 4 … er, 5 is out – Chapter 5

 

Title: Subnautica The Novel (Chapter Bundle 4 is out!)
Author: CrashBurnGlobal
Media: Video Game
Topic: Subnautica
Genre: Adventure/Mystery
URL Chapter 5
Critiqued by Ghostcat

:deep sigh:

So, thanks to SC, I have another chapter of this fic to power through. But after the author’s snit-fit in our comment section, the fic has apparently been deleted from ff.net so this is probably the very last chapter. So sad, much sorrow.

In the previous installment, Dumbass made it to Aurora despite not having the power reserves necessary without the PCC hand-delivering power cells to their feet (because whatever) and wandered around a bit before finally located the extremely important information that was needed to save Crazy Casey. Oh, and Dumbass has the incredibly lethal carar infection now but isn’t that concerned about it.

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1739: Fall to Equestria – Chapters Seven and Eight

Title: Fall to Equestria
Author: doomboom1234
Media: Television/Cartoon
Topic: My Little Pony: FIM
Genre: Sex/Comedy/Human/Random/Romance
URL:  Chapter Seven
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai and Serketry

-WARNING-

The following chapters mention the private parts of ponies. That is all.

Hello hello all you patrons!

Howdy.

Last time on Fall to Equestria, our wonderful protagonist Loser Martin attended a welcome-to-Equestria party held in his honor by Pinkie Pie. There he encountered Lyra Heartstrings and wasted no time in… jerking her off in public, getting a face full of magical horn ejaculate (!) for his trouble. After making out with Pinkie Pie (thereby getting himself covered in saliva and unijizz) and being felt up by a bunch of other random ponies-

-and losing his dickshirt in the process-

-he made the entirely sensible decision to leave that cauldron of insanity only to encounter the one and only Princess Luna.

Sadly, that does not mean the entire ‘fic up to this point has been a nightmare.

Lest she’d banish it from existence.

Bad touch counter: 16

We resume with a whole lot of nothing in Chapter Seven, ‘The midnight walk’.

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1738: Heroes and Villains – Chapter Nineteen, Part Two

Title: Heroes and Villains
Author: Horrible’s Igor
Media: Television / Movies
Topic: Buffy: The Vampire Slayer / Kitchen Sink
Genre: Supernatural/Drama
URL: Heroes and Villains (Now Defunct)
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Eliza

Hey, patrons!  Welcome back to the second half of what I’m calling ‘the nose-dive chapter.’

“It really is obvious that Igor has completely run out of ideas.”

Not only that, he’s totally run out of fucks to give.  That means we’re in store for the total burn out.  There will be a large burst of activity in terms of a few chapters that get posted in a short amount of time as Igor tries to rally some interest in the project, and then the dwindle to nothingness.

“Recap?”

Naw, nothing new was served up in the first half.  All we got was a bunch of irrelevant dialogue that I assume was supposed to be character building, and a discussion from the Buffy crew that we’ve basically seen a few times before.

“But Spike!”

Right, almost forgot, Spike is being called in as a maid.  I guess that’s the summary for the last chapter.  Spike in a maid outfit.

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1737: Love & Bullets – Chapter Seven, Part Two

Title: Love & Bullets
Author: MissScorp
Media: Comics
Topic: Batman
Genre: Drama/Romance
URL: Chapter 7
Critiqued by BatJamags (BadJamags and GoodJamags)

What do you need us for? count: 10

Dick is a dick count: 5

Bullet count: 0

Hello, once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BadJamags…

GoodJamags: … And I’m your guest guest host, GoodJamags…

… And we’re back for more of Love & Bullets, the fic that never gets to the damned point.

Last time, we met Damian Wayne, the ever-obnoxious son of Batman. He bitched about some stuff, and had another pointless flashback. Let’s just get started.

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1736: Brego’s Mistress – Chapter Three, Part One

Title: Brego’s Mistress
Author: hannah.jpg
Media: Books
Topic: Lord of the Rings
Genre: Drama and Romance
URL: Chapter Three
Critiqued by Angie

I’d like to apologize for last week’s riff. Because it was super super short. So, how better to make it up to you than go through another painful chapter of Brego’s Mistress? I can’t wait, and I know you can’t, so let’s get going.

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