2501: The Plort Lab – Chapter 1 – Oneshot

Title: The Plort Lab
Author: Toriathan
Media: Video Game
Topic: Slime Rancher
Genre: Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

Happy Friday the Thirteenth, dear Patrons, and welcome to a short little probable-oneshot from the Slime Rancher section of ff.net. I say ‘probable’ because it looks like the author meant to write more but there’s been no activity for over two years.

Let’s take a look at the summary and see what insights it can offer us.

I have no idea what to put as the description. It’s a fanfic about Slime Rancher, I’ll get a good description eventually.

Well, that’s always a good sign. To the fic.

Chapter 1: A New Place

Is it Narnia?

I woke with a start. The only thing I knew, was that I couldn’t remember anything.

Reminds me of the time Syl spiked the punch at the Library’s annual Winter Solstice Celebration and I woke up in a chandelier wearing a suit of Helmschmied Drachen armor and bunny ears.

Not really sure where the chandelier came from, now that I think about it.

I was in some sort of lab, with strange machines all over the place.

:stares into the Void:

Fascinating.

Read the rest of this entry »


2500: Kirby: Welcome to Smash Bros – Chapters Seven and Eight

Title: Kirby: Welcome to Smash Bros.
Author: Quartz2006
Media: Video Game
Topic: Super Smash Bros.
URL: Chapter 7 and Chapter 8
Critiqued by Elysium16 and Rimura

Elysium: Welcome back, patrons!

Last time, we arrived at Smash Bros., the Formless Void to out-void all voids. This time—

Rimura: Aloetta is gone, thankfully.

Elysium: —we get a tour! To your left is the Formless Void, to your right is the Formless Void, and if we look up—

Rimura: We realize we’re wasting time, so let’s just get right into it.

Read the rest of this entry »


2499: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Twenty-Two, Part Two

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Welcome back, patrons.  It’s Wednesday, so that means it’s time for your weekly injection of high school fantasy anime.  Crunchy will now furnish us with a recap.

“The illusory traps were as substantive as the threat posed by terror unnamed.  Meanwhile the temple’s environmental management service assured air purity with the new Miasma Roomba.”

Beautifully obtuse, thank you.  Let’s check in with the fic already in progress.

Read the rest of this entry »


2498: halo: CHAOS and HARMONY — One Shot

Title: halo: CHAOS and HARMONY
Author: FXCF
Media: Video Game
Topic: Halo
Genre: Sci-Fi/Suspense
URL: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, and Chapter 4
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons! I was going to riff another chapter of First War since we are nearly at the halfway point of that stupid thing, but I didn’t think I could finish the next one in only two riffs and that’s how many I have before the Library Holiday Special (have I mentioned recently that First War is LONG?) so I decided to do some random one-shots I had kicking around instead.

First on the chopping-block are all 2500 words (and four chapters!) of FXCF’s weirdly-capitalized offering halo: CHAOS and HARMONY. Read the rest of this entry »


2497: Olympus: The Immortal Child – Part Two

Title: Olympus: The Immortal Child
Author: crazyCULTure
Media: Books
Topic: Percy Jackson and the Olympians
Genre: Adventure/Friendship
URL: Olympus: The Immortal Child
Critiqued by Angie and Queenie

Queenie.

Queenie: No.

Queenie.

Queenie: Fuck off.

What if I don’t?

Queenie: I’ll send a strongly worded letter to Taco.

But don’t you want to watch me suffer?

Queenie: Always. But in having me riff it with you you’re making me suffer too.

What if I…take you to Denny’s afterwards?

Queenie: *groans* Alright, fine. What’s happened so far?

Jack shit. The author basically kept saying the same things over and over for several hundred words.

Queenie: I think I’m caught up.

Read the rest of this entry »


2496: The Shadow Warriors – Chapter 30

Title: The Shadow Warriors
Author: Shadow knight1121
Media: Comics
Topic: Justice League
Genre: Crime/Mystery
URL: Chapter 30
Critiqued by BatJamags (GoodJamags), Kane, and Malcolm

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags, and this is another chapter of The Shadow Warriors! Last time, we had a villain team-up of that Gallagher guy who showed up at the end of Sam Motherfuckin’ Jackson’s story arc, that Leonae nutjob who got his arms brutally exploded, yet another “Iron Man but with GUNS and SWORDS and SKULLS” character, someone who I think was supposed to be Jean White, a new guy in a white cloak who’s apparently Sovereign’s evil twin or something (Maybe I’ll call him Harbinger), and Hush.

Let’s get started, shall we?

Kane: I’d rather not, but it seems we’ve little choice in the matter.

GAH! Every time. Oh, and who’s Tall, Dark, and Bald there behind you?

*Behind Kane stands a large, muscular (and bald) man in black sleeveless robes and a mask that covers the lower half of his face. He looks rather bewildered.*

?: Wha- Kane. Why have you brought me here?! Is this another one of your tricks?

Kane: Calm yourself, Malcolm. You’ll give yourself another ulcer. Then we’ll have to get Constantine to heal you, and no one wants that.

*Malcolm attempts to punch Kane, who actually recoils slightly before sidestepping out of the way*

Kane: *Looking at GoodJamags* I’ve been mentioning my old adventuring party, so I thought I’d bring one along. Malcolm here is a monk with… anger management issues.

[Meta note: Kane and Malcolm (and the other five, Constantine, Lady Adelaide, Revenore, Erik, and Ylva) are designed as characters for a fic based on Dungeons & Dragons that may or may not materialize at some point in the future, but I might also play as them at some point in the actual game. However, they’re both characters I created.]

Malcolm: Do not mock me, sorcerer!

Kane: We’ve been over this. I am a Warlock, and you will remember this. As I was saying, Malcolm was exiled from his monastery for his inability to control his emotions. I, along with some other associates of mine, helped him train to go back and kill every monk in that monastery. It was one of our finest moments. I thought that as one of the edgiest members of our group, he’d have a unique perspective on this tale.

Is he up to speed?

Kane: Naturally. I always plan ahead.

Bet he hasn’t seen this chapter’s chapterly news briefing!

Opener

As usual, credit to Anne for this.

Read the rest of this entry »


2495: The Weasley Curse – Chapter 2

Title: The Weasley Curse
Author: AuthorAndrewCharlusPotter
Media: Books/Movies
Topic: Harry Potter
Genre: Romance/Humor
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

Welcome, dear Patrons, to the second chapter of Weasley cursing.

And just a lot of cursing in general, most of it on my part.

In the previous chapter we learned about the Weasley Curse, which was basically an easy way to turn ginger via marriage and really doesn’t seem all that bad. The chapter ended shortly after the exchange of vows, and probably before they had actually gone through the “I now pronounce you man and wife” bit, with Harry rambling a bit about the curse with Arthur as if he suddenly knew everything about it. There was something about Bill’s past lives and the Malfoys, not really all that easy to follow.

The Weasley Curse…

Yes, we all know what fic we’re reading. You don’t have to remind us.

Chapter 2: Wedding of Katherine Weasley and Andrew Potter..

That would be the two people Harry seemed intimately familiar with, to the point of carrying multiple pictures of one around on his wedding day.

As is the author’s habit, the chapter begins with an Author’s Note. As is also the author’s habit, it is quite rambling and tries to ‘explain’ things that should probably be in the fic itself.

(AN: Andrew is Andrew Potter, who know who Bernard Weasley and Alastair Malfoy is and all and Katherine Anna Weasley is as well.

That’s wonderful for Andrew Potter, whomever he is when he’s at home, but I guess the rest of us can go piss up a rope.

Read the rest of this entry »