2340: The Purple Queen – Chapter 9

Title: The Red Queen
Author: Dravyn LeCrux
Media: Web Series
Topic: RWBY
Genre: Drama/Tragedy
URL: Chapter 9
Critiqued by BatJamags

Happy Birthday!

Uwaah count: 12
A Sentence Fragment count: 15

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with another thrilling (for certain definition of “thrilling” (that definition being “not anything even remotely close to approaching being thrilling in the slightest”)) chapter of The Red Queen!

In the last chapter, Sueby Rose, Sue Grimm, the Cheshire Dog, Tweedle Dick, and Tweedle Dumbass encountered a village of cute orphans, violently defended them from a small army of clones of that generic rapist-bandit-asshole from earlier in the fic and then rolled on out like some edgy, half-assed knockoff of the Man with No Name.

Sueby’s a lot of things, but Clint Eastwood she ain’t. Not that I wouldn’t read the fuck out of such a crossover. Assuming it were Ruby and not Sueby.

“I know what you’re thinking. ‘Did she fire six shots, or only five?’ Well, being that this is a giant armor-piercing sniper rifle that’s also a scythe and carries a lot more than six shots, that really doesn’t matter in the slightest. I’m gonna level with you: You’re not lucky, punk.”

It was an early morning in Beacon, and as always the campus was bustling with activity.

*Snerk* Have you seen early morning on any higher education institution’s campus? What little activity there is is less bustling and more shambling.

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2339: A Library of the Dammed Original Story – Chapter 1, Part 4

Title: A Library of the Dammed Original Story
Author: My Cousin, Carol.
Media: Web Original
Topic: This very website.
Genre: N/A
URL: N/A
Critiqued by Crazy Minh and Biskit

Hello folks, it’s Crazy Minh, back with the fourth and final part of my cousin’s Library of the Damned fanfic. As of the present moment, this is the only chapter I have from my cousin, and she’s yet to get back to be on when she’ll finish the final chapter. I’m back aboard the Bongo, having escaped that weird-ass recreation room (weird ass-recreation room?). So, without further ado…

Biskit: What did I miss?

CZM: Biskit! You’re back from that away mission!

*silence*

CZM:…it was a away mission…right? I mean…I mean, it’s not like you just went on holiday without me? Is it? …Biskit?

Biskit: I ~did~ say ‘Can I go on a Vacation Please?’. You said yes. So I went.

CZM: But you didn’t! You said ‘Can I go to Vaecationplies?’. I assumed that was a planet, so I said yes….oh. Right. Must have been the beeping. From the ambient bridge noise.

Biskit: …You are a dumb shit. Of the highest kind.

CZM: Thank you. Now, moving on. I assume you’ve at least read the brief of what we’re doing?

Biskit: Yes. Last time, Herr got brainwashed, the library was still getting invaded by Xenoponies, and Lyle went into enemy territory. Now, the continuation:

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2338: The Alphas Daughter – Chapters 1 & 2

Author: britbailey87
Media: Movie/Book
Topic:  Jurassic Park/World
Genre: Romance/Humor
URL: Chapter 1
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons!

As has become my custom lately, I’ve decided to clear out a few short fics and/or oneshots before starting on something longer. This particular fic is just two short chapters; there’s been no activity on the fic since early 2018 so it possibly has been abandoned, but then again we’ve seen authors go longer stretches between updates before. It’s also from the Jurassic Park/World canon, but this time I’ve picked a fic that doesn’t contain human/raptor hybrids or sparklepires. Probably. It’s been a while since I skimmed through it.

To the fic!

I was outside working on my dirt bike my dad got me to drive around on.

Your dad bought you a broken dirt bike? I guess he really doesn’t want to to “ride around” all that much.

The stupid thing kept stalling. I would have to go to the main park to get the stuff i need to fix it.

Because parks are well-known for stocking spare parts for crotch-rockets.

I looked up when i heard the door to the bungalow open.

…Is Nameless fixing their bike inside a house?

“Morning sweetheart.” my dad said as he walked down the steps and kissed me on the head. “Morning dad. Did you see breakfast on the counter?” he nodded and sat down in front of his own bike. “I did. Thank you.” i mumbled a quiet your welcome. He had a late night last night with the girls. They’ve been moody lately. Usually when he’s up super late he has a headache when he wakes up.

Are we eventually going to get some sort of description of something? Where this bungalow is, who Nameless is, who their father is, what “girls” he was up late with, anything? Are these “girls” children who couldn’t sleep, or was Daddy Nameless out with some bar-skanks?

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2337: Pokemon The Kanto Harem Chronicles – Chapters 15 and 16

Title: Pokemon The Kanto Harem Chronicles
Author: Prince Sonic WindStriker
Media: Video Game
Topic: Pokemon
Genre: Romance/Adventure
URL: Chapter Fifteen and Sixteen
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

WARNING: This fanfiction contains several NSFW elements, including possible scenes of sexual activity with a minor. I do plan on skipping over all portions of the fic with underage sexual activity, but reader discretion is HIGHLY advised.

Hello everyone, and welcome back to some more Pokemon Kanto Harem Chronicles. I’m your host Herr Wozzeck, and I’m pleased to report that, as far as this fic goes, we’ve got just seven more chapters to go!

Yes, ladies and gentlemen! And considering that the last two chapters are a huge orgy between Ash and all his Pokemon, that means you’ve got exactly three more weeks to put up with this fanfic! Soon, this whole shebang will be over!

So let’s not mince words anymore, shall we? We’ve got quite a bit of ground to cover, and we best get to it soon, you know? So let’s just jump right in.

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2336: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Nineteen, Part Three

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Welcome back to Wednesday!  As is tradition by now, I have more High School of Zelda for you all.  Crunchy, serve us up some hot recap action.

“The future is now, and also set in stone.  Or is it?  Wait, it definitely is.  Regardless, be mindful that evil is only easy to overcome when it wants you to win, or when it forgets to put on its jewelry before going out.  Evil is always most vulnerable when struck directly in the elegance.  Meanwhile, Link has become unstuck in time.”

Awesome!  Let’s see where this week takes us!  Spoiler: quite a bit of talking about the trial they just face-rolled.

Obi-Wan walked up next to Anakin shortly after the world had returned to focus. It seemed they were still trapped in an illusion, but Obi-Wan guessed that might be because either Link or Ashei had yet to break free of theirs.

So…

“Indeed.”

Illusions, right?

“Absolutely.”

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2335: Sonichu — Issue 1 Episodes 4 and 5

Title: Sonichu
Author: Christine Weston Chandler, aka. Christopher Weston Chandler, aka. Christian Weston Chandler, aka. Chris-Chan
Media: Webcomic
Topic: Sonic The Hedgehog / Pokemon / IRL
Genre: “Parody”, apparently.
URL: Cover and Issue 1 Template Box
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

-WARNING-
This episode of Sonichu contains potential flamebait in the form of vaguely racially-stereotypical characterization and also Chris doing weird things to try and ward off accusations of same.

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Sonichu!

Previously, we saw Team Rocket’s agent Naitsirhc attack a shopping mall with a Zapdos and get driven off by Sonichu. Then, there were a bunch of pointless and non-canonical strips that accomplished nothing. After that, Chris-Chan turned into Chris-Chan Sonichu and beat up a Jerkop who was trying to keep him from sexually harassing women at a mall.

Remind me again why it took an entire issue for all of this to happen?

Typo Cunter: 11

We continue on, then, with Sonichu Issue 1.

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2334: The Purple Queen – Chapter 8

Title: The Red Queen
Author: Dravyn LeCrux
Media: Web Series
Topic: RWBY
Genre: Drama/Tragedy
URL: Chapter 8
Critiqued by BatJamags

I AM DEATH!

Uwaah count: 12
A Sentence Fragment count: 15

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with more of The Red Queen, the fic that definitely didn’t stop having pretentious and irrelevant Alice in Wonderland references between chapters six and seven.

Last time some bullshit happened, but it was All Just a Dream™, so none of it mattered.

“Dinah, heel!” Immediately the huge Beowolf ceased it’s assault, not killing it’s would-be victim. Instead, the Beowolf came to sit at the foot of it’s master, whom those present could only describe as a young girl, clad in pitch black and crimson red, looking for all purposes like the Grim Reaper.

Mr Death

The Grim Reaper.

Ruby Original Edition

Ruby Rose: Original Flavor.

Ruby Edgy Edition

Ruby Rose: Edgy Leather Edition, or at least the closest thing I care to dig up.

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