1575: Star Wars: The Force in Arendelle – Oneshot

Title: Star Wars: The Force in Arendelle
Author:  Tyrone Weaver
Media: Movies
Topic: Frozen / Star Wars
Genre: Mystery/Sci-Fi
URL: Star Wars: The Force in Arendelle
Critiqued by Darth Overlord (Retired) Crunchy

*Crunchy stalks into the riffing chamber, angrily chirping to himself*

Bad influence indeed!  I teach a toddler how to lob a few Darkwraiths with the Force, and suddenly I am the bad guy!

*Snorts* I was the bad guy long before that, thank-you-very-much!

No matter. Let us see what they have found for me this week.  Aha, some kind of Star Wars fic that has been crossed with Frozen.

I suppose they are more upset about the boy’s tutelage than I thought they would be.

This story is a work in progress, but it’s a good one. Here’s the synopsis: A Jedi master, his padawan, and his friend are stuck on Arendelle. Will the queen accept them or refuse them? Will she become a supporter of the Republic, or fall into the deceptive hands of the Separatists? Read more to find out!

*The external lock on the riff chamber door slams into place with an audible thud*

Far more upset.

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1574: My Inner Life: Chapter 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, & 14

Title: My Inner Life
Author: Link’s Queen
Media: Video Game
Topic: Legend of Zelda
Genre: None
URL: Whole Story
Critiqued by Erttheking

Ert: Ugh. You know I really need to look before I jump sometimes. This is the second classic terribad story that I got myself into. Just like with My Little Unicorn, I wasn’t ready for the sheer level of bad and stupid.

Nora: Well, we gotta soldier on, one way or another.

Ert: Yeah, yeah. When we last left, Link and Jenna drank each other’s piss. So. Yeah. That happened. And the damn ritual didn’t end there. We’ve still got a ways to go. So lets get them over with.

Goeth: This is a very helpful source for a book I’m working on as a side project. “Religion by dummies.” It’s a lot like the “X for dummies” books but with one obvious difference. I’ve already written super soldiers, using the Abyss and traveling to another dimensions.

The Spiritual Bonding

The next ritual was the spiritual bonding. After the details were told to us, the head monk called his two servants and they came with two colored pendants and bowls with colored liquid in them.

Ert: Oh great, what do they have to drink THIS time?

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1573: SONIC HIGH SCHOOL – Chapter One

Author: DarkDoomFireMaster
Media:  Video Game
Topic: Sonic the Hedgehog
Genre: Drama/Romance
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by Lyle

Warning:  This fic contains Curse Words.

Well, hello, lovelies!  It’s been a couple weeks.  Between taking the family on vacation and a giant-ass audit (giant… ass-audit?) at work, my time has been completely sapped.  Many thanks to our wonderful guest-riffers for filling in for me in my absence.  Group hug!  Unless you don’t like to be touched.  In which case, group casual chin lift of recognition from a respectable distance.

Anyway, today I’m going to start bringing you the delight that is SONIC HIGH SCHOOL.  While “A Daughter” still has a few chapters, I think doing an alternating update schedule keeps me more productive.  This masterpiece was suggested to us by Jake Goff and, after reading the first couple sentences, I claimed it.

Now, “SONIC HIGH SCHOOL” is a major-multi-chapter pile of rhino-excrement, but, thankfully, each chapter is pretty short.  Let’s go ahead and get started, shall we?

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1572: My Immortal 2: Wake Me Up Inside – Chapters One, Two, Three, Four, and Five

Title: My Immortal 2: Wake Me Up Inside
Author: Unknown/Fake Tara
Media: Movies/Books
Topic: Harry Potter
Genre: Romance, Parody
Critiqued by Angie

Okay! *cracks my knuckles* Here goes nothing.

Hey, hi! My name’s Angie. You may know me from the particularly horrendous “Quarter Quell” series of Ice Age/Hunger Games fanfiction. I acknowledge they were awful and I probably would riff them now if Herr Wozzeck hadn’t done so beforehand. I’m a guest, and I’m here to rip apart the timeless story of sekwelitis.

A few years ago, Lyle did a critique of My Immortal, the infamous ‘Worst Fanfiction Ever’. And now, I have decided to tackle the unofficial sequel.

Yes. There’s a sequel. Three, actually.

And here is the worst of them.

Also! This story has lots of referencing to cutting wrists and things like that. There’s my disclaimer.

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1571: The Deletion Scream – Creepypasta One Shot

Title: The Deletion Scream
Author: Firefly Ninja
Media:  The Internet!
Topic: The Internet?
Genre: Creepypasta
URL: The Deletion Scream
Critiqued by Admiral Sakai and Nina

Hello hello all you patrons! Hang onto your kidneys and prepare to suffer massive mind loss, because it’s that time again

Today we don’t have anything that’s massively popular or especially glubbed up… just an otherwise uncategorizable pasta that has pretty good ratings and is really, really dumb. Sakai, you’re a transhumanist, right?”

Umm, yeah? A lot of people in AI research are, actually.

Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

Why do you ask?

Well, I still haven’t forgotten all of that blasphemy against Great Cthulhu in the Lovecraft special… so I think it’s appropriate to treat you to a computer-themed pasta!”



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1570: A New Metal Cyborg Trio! – Chapter One, Part Two and Chapter Two, Part One

Title: A New Metal Cyborg Trio!
Author: bopdog111
Media: Video Game
Topic: Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance
Genre: Adventure/Mystery
URL: Chapter Two
Critiqued by SC, Gunny and Rook

Gunny: Wow, look at that na-

No, fuck you, fuck off, we’re not doing that again.

Rook: Didn’t Cook say he and Doc accidentally triggered something bad last time?

Yes, and I’m not doing that shit again, so we’re starting before Gunny gets a chance to finish her sen-

Gunny: Wow,lookatthattitle!It’sreallyredundant,huh?

*Alarms Blare*


*Gunny grins trollishly*

Rook: This is why Bear hates you, you know.

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1569: I’ll protect you – Chapter 2

Title: I’ll protect you
Author: Sessh-Amy
Media: Video Games
Topic: Slender: The Eight Pages
Genre: Romance/Hurt/Comfort
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by Ghostcat



Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome back to the Library! I’m here with another scoop of Slender Man fic, which I’m sure you’ve all been eagerly awaiting.

What happened in the last chapter? Not a hell of a lot; communal whipping boy Thaddeus stumbled around a forest while hearing a mysterious voice and being chased by a mysterious figure that he assumed was the fic’s designated asshole even though the figure looked and sounded nothing like said designated asshole. He then found a piece of paper and was touched by the mysterious figure, which surely would have resulted in an in-game death but is likely a prelude to more physical contact between the two.


Authors notes*

Oh, good; an Author’s Note. These are always fun.

OMG! I just noticed how short the last chapter was DX My bad!

Chapters don’t have a required length, they can be as long or as short as they need to be. It could even be argued that a Slender Man yaoi slashfic would be better with shorter chapters, or even no chapters at all.

Lets see what I can conjure up for this chapter XP LOL ENJOY!

I assume that means the author is making things up as she goes, which rarely goes well for the audience.

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