2067: A Branch of Burden – Chapter Five

Title: A Branch of Burden
Author: Ravager Animas
Media: Video Game
Topic: Etrian Odyssey
Genre: Adventure/Friendship
URL: Chapter Five
Critiqued by SC

Hello, and welcome back to “A Branch of Burden,” by Ravager Animas! I’m your host, SC, and last time, Falahein went down into the Lush Woodlands, I yammered on and on and on about maps like some senile old sailor who doesn’t know how to shut up (I also tried to convince the Secret Clubhouse that we needed to make a map of the Library so that people could finally know how to get around the joint, but all those maps either exploded or devoured themselves, so that’s apparently a no-go), and then the team tried to steal treasure from a sleeping Cutter without dying. They succeeded, and were then promptly robbed by a guild of assholes who I’m not entirely convinced aren’t some of our interns misbehaving again, and as one final fuck-you to the newbies, the asshole guild purposely wake up the Cutter to tear them apart.

And that’s where we come back into the action, here in chapter five, “Our Own Sense of Justice.”

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2066: Her Last Breath of the Wild – Chapter 1

Title: Her Last Breath of the Wild
Author: Jedi Heathcliff
Media: Video Game
Topic: The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
Genre: Romance/Adventure
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

—SPOILER ALERT—

Ahead there be plot spoilers. You have been warned.

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to the second chapter of this fic. In the first chapter (which was labelled a prologue even though it was no such thing) we covered the opening cutscene and a few minutes’ worth of the game, with the nameless (and thus far pantsless) female protagonist waking up in a cut-rate version of the Shrine of Resurrection, picking up her own personal Nintendo Switch Wii U Sheikah Slate before skipping past all of the obstacles to reach the Mysterious Old Man just down the hill. He was very dismissive of her, essentially sending her off to go bother someone else.

Now, on to the fic! Which starts with an Author’s Note, a line-break, and a chapter heading.

A/N: There are obviously going to be spoiler in this story.

Just the one, though, so it should be fine.

This story will take its time since I am going through a lot of the stuff I’ve done and experienced in the game

Hopefully skipping over the tedious resource-grinding portions, of which there would be quite a lot.

(and I have also not finished – not even close)

Oh, that can’t be good. The plot, such as it is, is spread around all over the map so it can take a long time to get everything.

so expect slow chapters with only my OC and Link. Hopefully that won’t be too much of a problem haha!

Thank you for those who have followed and commented on this story. It means the world and keeps me writing! You are amazing!

As I’ve previously mentioned, there are large portions of the map where there is little to nothing around. This would mean that the only thing carrying the plot would be the interactions between Link and what’s-her-name and the chemistry between them. They haven’t actually interacted yet so it is difficult to say what the dynamic between them will be, but since the first chapter was little more than fast-forwarded plot regurgitation with the Sue playing catch-up I’m not going to hold my breath.

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2065: Mass Vexations Retrospective – Mass Vexations and the Missing Deconstruction

Title: Mass Vexations
Author: Herr Wozzeck
Media: Video Games
Topic: Mass Effect, with a dash of Heavy Rain, Dead Space, Dragon Age, and other assorted properties
Genre: Sci-Fi/Adventure
URL: Mass Vexations 1, Mass Vexations 2, and Mass Vexations 3. Also, the TVTropes Page.
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome back to this retrospective on Mass Vexations. I’m your host Herr Wozzeck, and we’re getting back into the thick of it.

And this time, we’re going to talk about a particular story element that playes most of the trilogy. And actually, this is something that kind of has a preface in something I brought up in ErtTheKing’s Subject 23 snarking, so it’s not going to be a totally new thing for any of the Librarians to hear about.

So without further ado, let’s get into it!

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2064: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Six, Part One

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic

Welcome back to The Legend of Zelda: Let’s Play the Force!  Last time stuff and things happened, it’s all from the game so, once again, no recap for you.

Speaking of things from the game, who’s ready for more dungeon crawling loaded with game mechanics!?  Before you answer, you’ll be glad to know that the doors are locked from the outside in order to better facilitate eager reading.

Since we’re in a new chapter, we get treated to another of Vikki’s horrendous headers.  And this one is more horrendous-y than those that came before.

Disclaimer: You know, if I were a Sheikah… maybe I could get past all the security and sneak into the patent office so I could sneakily sneak out the rights to both Zelda and Star Wars

I suppose it really shouldn’t surprise me that fic authors wouldn’t understand the vast difference between a copyright and a patent, and I guess I’m not actually surprised per se, but I do still find it depressing that so little awareness of intellectual property laws exist within the fanfiction communities.  Regardless of whether or not the laws are fair and just (and in many ways they are not), knowledge of the laws that you’re breaking operating under should be one of those pieces of knowledge you familiarize yourself with early on in the process of writing a derivative work.

but… regrettably I am lacking in any incredible Sheikah ninja powers (or any amazing Jedi Force powers for that matter) so I own nothing, except my plot.

Still waiting for your plot to show up, Vikki.  And no, copying Ocarina and making a few superficial changes to future it up does not count.  Like, at all.

Sheesh, I had to practically pry myself from my sketchpad… I’ve been drawing character profiles for this fanfic this past week and I’m still not done… well, I promised you guys one chapter a week during summer so here it is.

I just don’t get it.  You’re obviously passionate about drawing yet you keep stopping to force yourself to write a fic that you’ve many times expressed boredom and frustration with.  Clearly you do not enjoying writing this story and, on top of that, you really suck at writing it anyway.  Why force yourself to keep making this fetid pile of regurgitation slop?

It’s not even like you were getting that much attention.  You’ve got barely over forty reviews, that’s less than two per chapter.  Hell, chapter one of my riff involved me typing more total words than exist in the sum of all your reviews combined.

It’s weird to think that I’ve given this fic more attention and consideration than anyone else, I would say including the author.  Well, I suppose the saying “familiarity breeds contempt” has never been more true.

I swear I’m going finish this before I go to choir camp even if it turns out to be longer than the last one! (Though it’s only the cavern, so it shouldn’t take terribly long.)

My preference is toward a length of zero words.  I think you could totally hit that before your camp.

All right, quit reading my useless ramble and go read the actual story. :)

Well, at least you recognize that your author’s notes are nothing more than useless attention mongering. )={)

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2063: Friendship Is Something Or Other: The Covenant War — Chapter 5 Part Two

Title: Friendship Is Magic: The Covenant War
Author:  Dragonfang33
Media: Video Game / Cartoon
Topic: Halo / My Little Pony
Genre: Adventure / Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 5
Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai and Serketry

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to the final installment of Friendship, When You Get Right Down To It, Really Isn’t Good For Much Of Anything At All: The Covenant War.

Previously a whole lot of actual military shit went down, and none of it quite made sense. The Covenant assault on Baltimare bogged down into street-to-street urban fighting against suddenly competent ponies, Thel ‘Va(n)damee gave into the Overpowring Force Of Emo and spared a bunch of schoolfillies hiding in a fashion academy (while ordering his troops to kill many more ponies in another area to give them a chance to escape), and then the scene ended with pony forces simultaneously buckling and rallying in a really geographically confusing bit involving the detonation of multiple bridges or something.

And, as always, any actually cool stuff to see happened out of narrative focus.

We also paid a visit to the Celestia Line, where Shining Armor seemed to be holding his own against the Covenant forces save for the pressure of running out of extra supplies. A message arrived along with a train chock-full of extra supplies telling him he was not able to hold the line and was unfit for command, resulting in the promotion of some OC called General Neighal who is basically Prince Blueblood in a nicer suit and with none of the actual character depth in his place.

We resume Chapter 5 already in progress.

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2061: Realm of the New God Chapters 4-7

Title: Realm of the New God
Author: ThatoneSelfInsertGuy
Media: Video Games
Topic: Fire Emblem
Genre: Self Insert
URL: Chapters 4, 5, 6, & 7

Part 3-Plagiarizing 101

Welcome back to the somewhat occasional ramblings of some random guy on the internet talking about a fanfic that’s mostly a very blatant excuse of being an edgelord. I know it’s been a while, so why not do a recap of what’s been going on so far (which is definitely not an excuse to put in the chapters I forgot to put in the last riff).

Our resident edgelord protagonist, Noah, was driving his family from Georgia to Texas, and accidentally got in front of a drunk who was going 100mph. The resulting T-Bone has his family and the other guy dead, and Noah only has a concussion at best.

With his family dead, he somehow ends up in a version of Fire Emblem: Awakening that takes two different fanfics and mixes them up. Rather than use his meta knowledge to do something, Noah just goes with the flow, and indebtedly injures himself fighting Reina at the Ferox-Ylisse border…as a thief…by literally having a Javelin goes through his fucking leg (how he’s still in the army is beyond me).

From there, he hits it off surprisingly well with Olivia, even if the only reason these two want to get together is ostensibly because physical attraction is equivalent to true love. As Noah goes back, Donnel joins with Mozu’s backstory poorly crowbarred into his characterization, along with a Killer Lance (oh yeah, kind of forgot about that).

Naturally, we leave back where we were with Maribelle being kidnapped, and the protagonist spending valuable time saving the future or trying to alter the history of the game trying to turn Olivia into his waifu. Way to prioritize what’s necessary for the world. Thankfully though, Noah has a plan to get everything back into order.       

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2060: The Shadow Warriors – Chapter 12 Part 1

Title: The Shadow Warriors
Author: Shadow knight1121
Media: Comics
Topic: Justice League
Genre: Crime/Mystery
URL: Chapter 12
Critiqued by BatJamags (GoodJamags)

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and hey, this fic exists.

Unfortunately.

Chapter 12: Revelations

That’s right, you fools! It was me all along!

I STOLE THE COOKIE FROM THE COOKIE JAR!

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