2761: Appature – Chapter 4

Title: Appature
Author: Kiwi ingenuity
Media: Game/TV
Topic: Portal/Green Lantern: The Animated Series
Genre: Sci-Fi/Adventure
URL: Chapter 4
Critiqued by Ghostcat





Yello, dear Patrons, and welcome to the penultimate chapter of this fic! That’s right, there’s just one more chapter after this one. Woo, and even a bit of the hoo.

In the previous chapter, Razer found Aya in a room full of corpses, confirming my suspicions that the author killed off most of the cast from the Green Lantern series. I’m still not entirely sure why they were even in the fic to begin with, since the Aperture scientists could have created Aya before being conveniently murdered to death just as well, but whatever. Aya promised to help Razer escape in exchange for him acting as her pack mule, which would definitely never backfire on him, and he picked her ‘robot’ body up and carried her out of the room.

Oh god I’m sorry it took so long to update. I don’t really have a legitimate excuse I was just lazy.

I was going to add our standard disclaimer about self-imposed posting schedules, but it is actually nice to see an author admitting they just don’t give any damns.

There’s a line-break, and then we move into the fic proper.

The two of them had been walking for several hours now, and Razer was being to slow in pace. His breathing was becoming raspy, and his posture was sagging significantly.

“Razer, is something wrong?” Aya asked.

“No. I am fine.” He panted.

He’s just meditating. It takes a lot of concentration to be at one with your pace.

“Your reduction in speed and excess intake in oxygen would indicate otherwise.” He glared down at her.

Maybe he was poisoned but didn’t realize it and is only now feeling the effects?

“Alright…” He snarled, pulling to a stop. “It is proving to be more difficult to carry you than I had anticipated.”

Didn’t he pick her up with one hand? Maybe he should try using both of them.

“If you would like, we could rest for a short period of time.” He averted the robot’s gaze, pondering the idea for a second.

He adverted her gaze? How did that work, did he just turn her optical sensor away from him?

“Though it is recommended we reach the Anti-Monitor in as short a time frame as possible, it would be unwise to allow you to carry on in this state.” He sighed.

Razer has been wandering around for over three days, which I assume means it has been at least that long since the Anti-Monitor took control of the facility. There was no indication as to whether or not Razer had slept during that time, but if he hasn’t then he is probably deep into the shady side of sleep deprivation. Aya might not even be real; he could be toting around a light fixture and would never even realize it until he got some rest.

“Fine. Where do you suggest we go? We cannot simply lie here out in the open.”

:looks around the Void:

Yeah, it does feel a bit breezy.

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2760: Sakura: The Female Kaiju – Chapter 2, Part 1

Title: Sakura: The Female Kaiju
Author: godzillagirl
Media: Movie
Topic: Godzilla
Genre: Romance/Drama
URL: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/2559529/2/Sakura-the-Female-Kaiju
Critiqued by Em Kay and Conan the Snakebarian

Hello patrons and Librarians, and welcome to the longest chapter of everyone’s favorite kaiju fic! It’s long enough that I may end up breaking it into two sections. We’ll have to see how it goes.

But first, the recap:

Last time, monster and/or human Sakura was in an atomic blast and became Sexy!LizardGirl, who most definitely looks nothing like a human. After willing herself some random marine reptile features, she swam to another island, met up with Godzilla Junior-

Conan: Sssss!

Be quiet!

She met up with Junior, who decided to chill with her on the beach because Dad said not to talk to strangers.

Let’s see what lack of action chapter two has in store for us.

Chapter 2: Power Revealed

That sounds… Suey.

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2759: The Continuing Saga of Two Sith Lords, Chapter Nine Part One

Title: The Continuing Saga of Two Sith Lords
Author:Master Darth Warious – Lady of Chaos
Media: Book/Movie
Topic: Lord of the Rings/Star Wars/Kitchen Sink
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy / Romance / Hot Mess
URL: The Continuing Saga of Two Sith Lords
Critiqued by TacoMagic

And here we are, the last hurrah chapter of Two Pieces of Toast and a Baked Potato, or whatever it’s called this chapter.

The continuing Saga of Two Sith Lords Chapter 9

My version is definitely better.

Last time things got tract-y in a weird way.  Given how much pointless padding surrounded it, I’m pretty sure that the three or four sentences of the author regurgitating their opposition of same-sex relationships was the entire point of the chapter.  And with how token and forced it felt, I’m not even sure it counts as Wario’s views on it, more like she was parroting the standpoint she’s been told that she should have.  The rest of the chapter was devoted to a Dickens-esk coincidence of Maul hatching a transparent plan to get rid of Hook while Hook just so happens to need to leave for a while anyway.

Which brings us to this chapter: the longest chapter in the entire three-fic series.  In fact, the chapter is longer than the entire second fic.  Combined with the fact that the next chapter is one of the shortest and, well, you’ll understand why I’m calling this the last hurrah chapter.  You see these fairly often in fics with absolutely no direction that have gone on for a while.

Oddly, the first chunk of this chapter is written in little blocks like a freeform poem.

I killed another Jedi last night. I haven’t had so many problems in ages.
Well, this one was harder to destroy then the last one and I had some difficulty defeating him.

It doesn’t help when the said Jedi is an adult Wookiee, very hard to kill.
Don’t get me wrong, I love Wookiees and have been adopted by a family that doesn’t live on Kashyyyk, but this was a Jedi bent on killing.
I didn’t DO anything to him or his fellow Jedi before him. Why must they hunt me with the intent to kill? But I digress…

The Jedi and I had battled our way out of the town I lived in (which took a long time to do) We were fighting in the middle of an dirt rode with dense forest on either side. (Which is like that on any dirt rode around here) My watch beeped signaling midnight.
I remember thinking, “Maul’s gonna kill me, I’m out way past what I should be” But I had to keep my home’s location safe from the Jedi so I battled on.

So intense was our battle that neither of us heard the sound of horse’s hooves on the road.
Unlike my brother Maul, I like to talk with the person I’m fighting.
I kept asking the Wookiee why he was so bent on killing me.
His reply (I understand, not speak Wookiee) was that I was a Sith and so should be destroyed.

So far as freeform poems go, that one’s pretty bad.

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2758: New Thunderbolts – Chapter 7

 Title: New Thunderbolts
Author: Impurest Cheese
Media: Comic Book
Topic: Marvel (Per fanfiction.net’s inadequate categorization), Thunderbolts (More specifically)
Genre: n/a
URL: Chapter 7
Critiqued by BatJamags and GoodJamags

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with more of Marvel’s Least Wanted.

Last time, they visited exotic New Castle, Colorado, home to part, but not all, of Grand Hogback Ridge. The fourth-largest town in Garfield County, its population is probably technically slightly too large to fit in a single apartment building.

Naturally, they have an advanced genetics research facility developing an experimental new flu vaccine. Its surprisingly-small-for-the-task-but-surprisingly-large-for-the-location staff of two were a little busy maybe engaging in inappropriate activities but not ones you have to take your underwear off for, and did not notice their vaccine (which was apparently the only embodiment of their work) being spilled onto the floor, which apparently constituted stealing it because Hydro-Man did it. Like, on purpose.

Our heroes could have stepped in to help because the vaccine is important, but instead they did so only because its theft threatened to mildly inconvenience them, as the conspicuously large New Castle Police Department somehow made the executive decision to shut down all travel into and out of the town. They discovered that the theft was the work of the Sinister Six and picked a fight with those guys. That’s where we left off.

Melissa watched as Shocker raised the pickaxe above his head and marvelled

GoodJamags: I see what you did there.


about how time seemed to slow down.

Much like the experience of reading this fic.

Abe was in a compromising position,

GoodJamags: Oh, dear.

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2760: Appature – Chapter 3


Title: Appature
Author: Kiwi ingenuity
Media: Game/TV
Topic: Portal/Green Lantern: The Animated Series
Genre: Sci-Fi/Adventure
URL: Chapter 3
Critiqued by Ghostcat




Generic greetings to you, dear Patrons!

I’m back with more of this meandering crossover fic. In the last chapter a nameless character (who is presumably Razer but this has not been confirmed) wandered into an office full of corpses and was very nonchalant about it. He was just about to open a door when the fic cut off, so the fic will either pick up there or shift again to some other random location.

A low creak sounded as the door was eased open.

Option One it is then.

What greeted him was far from expected.

If he sees a lamppost, I’m bailing on this fic.

The room was a mess.

…And? He’s in a room full of corpses, office furniture, and coffee cups; you need to be more specific as to what sort of ‘mess’ he’s seeing.

Cords and wires and metal and nuts and bolts. There was barely enough room for him to place his feet on the ground. Shuffling through the mess, he made his way into the room.

Quick question – do you hear anyone muttering in German? Because then you’ve probably found Bifocals’ workshop.

It was then he was also met by more lifeless bodies. Having already come across many of these already in the hours he had walked around the laboratories, he was unfazed by it.

Odd, but you would think if he was finding bodies on the regs that it would have been something brought up in the narration when he saw the bodies in the previous chapter instead of waiting until now.

But there were significantly more people in this room than in any of the others he had come across.

So there’s a positive integer of bodies in this room. Thanks for clarifying things.

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