Hello hello all you Patrons! Welcome back once again to The Lone Wolf Of The Normandy, where Noble Six just keeps digging himself deeper and deeper into douchehood.
“Last time the Normandy actually managed to put the idiot under arrest and convey him to the Citadel to become somebody else’s problem, during which time he mostly just sat in the cargo bay and periodically attacked his guards without Captain Anderson ever doing anything to retaliate. When they docked he incapped still more of the crew- including Anderson himself- and snuck out into the docking area. It’s really a miracle he didn’t kill anybody, and really he should have because he shot eight Marines in the legs with those superpowerful gravity rounds and left them unconscious on the floor for like ten minutes with no medical attention whatsoever.”
Show and Tell Counter: 15
Amorous Counter: 29
Collateral Douchebag Counter: 5
Hello, lovelies! I’m back this week with the second half of TPB:LiW. I heard last week went really well and I’m glad my guest found his way just fine. I’ve heard he’s gotten quite the warm welcome from the Library. Good job, everyone!
I’ll do a quick sum-up of the last installment since it’s been a few weeks, then we will get started.
A Sue named Fauna, who may actually be a conglomerate of floating body parts, met Humperdinck right after the credits rolled, flounced continually around the room, acted kind of like a bitch, and decided that, instead of untying the prince and earning his gratitude, she would tell him a “fairy tale,” which we all know is really her TWAJEK BAKSTURY!
Title: Coffin Rock: Retold
Topic: The Blair Witch Project/Alpha and Omega
Genre: Mystery and Horror
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by Angie
Last week…last year, I reviewed a terrifyingly boring creepypasta about Dragon Tales. It seemed to do fine on the Library, so this got me to thinking…is there another bad creepypasta based off a children’s show that made a few adults want to gouge their eyes out?
Lucky for all of us, there is. And it is based on…*pause for effect, even though you’ve all already read the title card* Alpha and Omega. And it’s a creepypasta about…*pause for effect, even though you’ve all already read the title card* The Blair Witch Project. Why? Who knows. Is it scary? Who knows. Is this author on crack? Who knows.
Before I get to this fic, I figured I might as well explain the premises of each movie.
The Blair Witch Project follows three aspiring filmmakers who find out there’s a thing called the Blair Witch in a forest near a town that used to be called Blair, now known as Burkittsville. They figure it’s a good idea to go into these woods and make a documentary on this terrifying being that they know for a fact exists and have tortured people before, because that’s a thing people do. It is one of my very favorite movies, and it has been referred to by at least one person as one of the worst films of 1999. So. There’s that.
Alpha and Omega is about wolves.
So let’s dive into Castle Rock: Retold.
Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome back to more Slender Man fic! Hopefully it will eventually contain some actual Slender Man, but who know when that might happen? This fic moves slower than molasses in January.
In the first chapter we were introduced to the Nameless (and thus far genderless, faceless, and all around made of Void) Narrator, who is incredibly bad at planning even a short trip to a friend’s party, leaving them stranded out of gas and sans cell phone on the side of the least busiest highway ever. They do happen to be located just across the highway from a farm/forest, which is presumably where they will run afoul of The Slender Man.
AN: SLENDER CHAPTER 1! PLEASE READ, REVIEW and ENJOY!
Technically this is the second chapter, not the first.
Chapter one: Page 1
You really don’t have to label the chapter twice, we understood you the first time.
Title: The Shadow Warriors
Author: Shadow knight1121
Topic: Justice League
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by BatJamags (GoodJamags and BadJamags)
Shadow Kill count: 3
Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, GoodJamags, and we’re back with more of the Shadow Warriors.
Last time, we got a taste of how truly incompetent these “heroes” are. This time won’t be much different.
Hey, folks! Welcome back to Adopted! Another Raptor and I clone that’s not even trying to pretend it isn’t a Raptor and I clone!
“Hopefully this week we will get to see more raptors.”
Even if we do, I’m not so sure they count as raptors.
“Last time we got introduced to our new Rae! This model of Rae is referred to as Anna and is the kennel help variety as opposed as the original botany flavor. The first thing Anna does when arriving in the island is ignore everyone and then notice the dinosaurs. After that, we went over to the newest model of Sorin called Fitzroy. He banters with his sister over dinner, complains about the parental pressure to marry, and then makes a bet with his sister over that involves sexually assaulting Nedry as the stakes.”
You make it sound so good.
This week opens with the now standard author’s note featuring her copy-pasted disclaimer and a gaggle of responses to her reviews. We’re just going to skip all-
Hello hello, all you patrons and welcome back to The Lone Wolf Of The Normandy, SSJ Lone Wolf’s ME/Halo crossover that is doing its level best to asymptotically approach EclipsePheniox in quality!
Last time Logan-B312 the Noble Stu got barfed onto Eden Prime during the geth/Reaper raid, and immediately put his god-mode Forerunner augmentations to good use by blowing up a bunch of husks and geth and then mentally undressing Jane Shepard and Ash Williams. He saved Nihlus from getting shot by Saren and then immediately beat the shit out of the entire Normandy landing team for having the gall to point their guns at the giant black armored thing that showed up behind them without any warning instead of immediately dropping to their knees in abject worship of his mighty Hyper-Lethal-Vectorness. No hard feelings were had, however, and Logan proceeded to steal all the badassery in the area for himself while disarming the bombs Saren had planted at the Eden Prime docking area. Then Shepard got a headfull of Beacon pretty much as canon, only Logan got to be all Edward Culleny in giving her permission to lose consciousness before carrying her back to the ship.
Amorous Counter: 26
Show and Tell Counter: 7