2167: It’s The Great Pumpkin, Mr Mario! – Oneshot

Title: It’s The Great Pumpkin, Mr Mario!
Author:  Galadriadhar
Media: Video Game / Television
Topic: Super Mario Brothers / Peanuts
Genre: Supernatural / Holiday
URL: It’s The Great Pumpkin, Mr Mario!
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Heyo, patrons!  This week we have something very special: a fic based on the Peanuts’ holiday short It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown! If you’ve never seen it (where the hell have you been!?) go ahead and click that link and be prepared for good ol’ wholesome 1960’s holiday values.  Or something.  I’m not sure the Great Pumpkin actually holds up, but it’s been a holiday tradition for me my whole life, so there’s a special place in my heart for it even if it’s not actually all that great.

Anyway, this week we see what happens when you mush that short together with Super Mario Brothers.

*Waits patiently for the screaming to die down*

“That sentence inspired more fear than the entire bulk of spooky noodles.”

Seriously, dude?  ‘Spooky noodles?’

“I stand by my version.”

Anyway, it’s actually not all that terrible by Library standards, given that it’s a holiday one-shot and as such is guaranteed to be fluffy as balls and empty of any sort of tension, interest, or plot.  Even so, there’s one thing that made this fic one of the cringiest I pulled out of the Great Pumpkin crosses.

“Hold for a moment; Great Pumpkin crossovers are a thing?”

Apparently, there are nearly two-hundred of them, most of which are crosses with Supernatural for some reason.

“How has your monkey race not managed to drive themselves to extinction yet?”

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2166: CoD: Black Hell Ops and Binary DNA — Crappy Pasta

–WARNING–
While today’s pasta is (surprise surprise) not in the least bit scary, it does include potential political flamebait in the form of discussion of American military activities in general and the nuclear strike on Hiroshima in particular.

Yes, really.

Title: CoD: Black Hell Ops
Author: Who knows, who cares?
Media: Video Game
Topic: Call of Duty
Genre: Creepypasta
URL: Dramatic Reading and Giant Wad Of Deleted Pages Including The Pasta

Title: Binary DNA
Author: Black goes gray
Media: Web Original
Topic: Creepypasta
Genre: Creepypasta
URL: Binary DNA

Hello hello all you patrons! Keep a detailed count of the students in your agronomics class and make sure not to let any incendiary spiders get near the gasoline you picked up from the grocery store, because it’s time once again for

spoop4

 

 

 

 

 

“Today, in case the title didn’t already clue you in… yep, there really is such a thing as Call of Duty creepypasta. Your species’ appetite for depravity really is just that great.”

There’s not really much I can say about the concept of Call of Duty creepypasta to make it any more simultaneously hilarious and depressing than it already is, so let’s just dive right in.

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2165: Fight For Freedom — Oneshot

Title: Fight For Freedom
Author: Shadowflameking
Media: Cartoon / Video Game
Topic: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic / Fallout
Genre: Sci-Fi, Tragedy, and ‘Random’
URL: Fight For Freedom

*It’s a quiet morning at RIFFCON; absent the Admiral and his retinue of highly trained soldiers snarkers, the audible hum of computer equipment softly fills the room. That is, until a bearded, bespectacled human in a jumpsuit makes his way inside, pushing a mop bucket. He sits down at the vacant console an-*

Alright, that’s enough of that. Morning, y’all, I’m Serketry, one of Admiral Sakai’s staff. Sorry, no aliens this time, just me. While technically my list of duties includes I.T. support, squad-based tactics, and all things Homestuck, MLP, and Fallout, most of my assignments have been more… janitorial. Which means I’m here to start mucking out the Orphanage. This here’s my first riff all by my lonesome, so I’m gonna start with something that gives me the home field advantage…

Fight For Freedom, by Shadowflameking, featuring Gore, Violence, and Death.

fight_for_freedom_fimfiction_header.png

How thoughtful of you, fimfiction, to just lay it all out like that. This isn’t the first MLP/Fallout crossover travesty this site’s seen, and with what’s still in the Orphanage, it won’t be the last. It’s either this or keep mopping the floors, and, between you and me, I’d rather riff a dozen shitty MLP fics than clean up after Guard-Novitiate Nina. *shudders*

Welp, time to go to work.

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2164: The Aftermath – Oneshot

Title: The Aftermath
Author: FreddysNightmare1984
Media: Film
Topic: Night of the Living Dead
Genre: Hurt/Comfort/Romance
URL: The Aftermath
Critiqued by BatJamags

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back again.

There is a fifth dimension, beyond that which is known to Man. It is a dimension as vast as the author’s note to My Inner Life, and as timesquiggly as My Immortal. It is the middle ground between light and Edgelord, between thermal radiation and BLUE; and it lies between the pit of a riffer’s fears and the summit of his anger. This is the dimension of bad horror oneshots. It is an area which we call… the Badfic Zone.

Respectfully submitted for your derision: An international romance, sparked by a call to a wrong number. This may have also involved zombies at some point.

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2163: Love Amidst The Blood – Chapter Two

Title: Love Amidst The Blood
Author: CalvinHobbesGatsby
Media: Video Game
Topic: Vampire: The Masquerade
Genre: Romance/Horror
URL: Chapter Two
Critiqued by SC

~TRIGGER WARNING: DOMESTIC ABUSE, ALSO POORLY-DEPICTED FANATICISM~

Hello, and welcome back to “Love Amidst The Blood, by CalvinHobbesGatsby! I figure if Sakai and Bats are doing spooky intros, I should probably try and do a spooky intro myself, so, uh…

*SC dons a blanket with eyeholes cut out*

…Boo. There, you got spooked.

*SC throws off the blanket*

Alright, enough of that shit. Last time, we met London, resident edgelord vampire #1294483849506. London sat in a bar, drank water, stared at people, watched the Lakers lose against the Jazz, and then decided to leave. Shortly afterwards, London found a dude trying to rape a gal, and decided to save said gal’s life… by breaking the Masquerade no less than three times by mine and Taco’s combined count, perhaps more because he started crushing rapist dude’s fist right in front of the lady he then told to scramoose.

So as we await London’s impending doom at the hands of whoever currently runs the Masquerade in LA, let’s move on to the next chapter!

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2162: the dare – Oneshot

Title: the dare
Author: odvie
Media: Video Game
Topic: Slender: the Eight Pages
Genre: Supernatural
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

 

— CAUTION—

— CONTAINS POTENTIAL TRIGGERS —

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to another Slender Man fic! This particular oneshot has what can only be described as a very minimal summary.

 A woman spends the night in the forest as a dare, not aware of the creature lurking in the shadows. Rating T for safety.

That could literally apply to any of a number of different animals and mythical creatures.

Hello everyone, I’m just trying to write in english, so be nice with me. ^^’

The author is a native French speaker and this is one of only two fics they have written in English; that said, the structure isn’t all that bad. There are a few quirks but they aren’t really what drew my attention. Not by a long shot.

It’s based on a personnal theory about the slenderman being able to feed on energy instead of souls (so he doesn’t have to kill his preys) or flesh.

Which is a very intriguing theory, and would explain how he can “feed” without having any visible mouth.

After all, we don’t know much about him…

The Slender Man is a child born of the Internet who has evolved his own mythos, but there are still gaps that a clever author could make use of.

Please enjoy the little text.

I assume that means ‘short story’ and isn’t a reference to the font size.

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2161: Scott Pilgrim X Mass Effect – Chapters 2 and 3

Title: Scott Pilgrim X Mass Effect
Author: WildeHoppsShipper
Media: Video Game/Movie/Graphic Novel
Topic: Scott Pilgrim/Mass Effect
Genre: Sci-Fi/Adventure
URL:  Scott Pilgrim X Mass Effect – Chapter 2 and Chapter 3
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Hello, ladies and gents, and welcome back for more Scott Pilgrim-related shenanigans. I’m your host Herr Wozzeck, and… well, we’re getting back into the thick of it now.

So last time, we pretty much confirmed that this is a massive excuse plot. I would complain about how silly it is, but honestly, it should’ve been apparent how silly it was from the get-go with the Illusive Man having a time machine and all that.

Anyway, let’s keep going, shall we?

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