2509: 22: Heart Wearming Eve(Lilo Edition) – Oneshot

Title: 22: Heart Wearming Eve(Lilo Edition)
Author: mary.okeeffe.16
Media: Cartoon/TV Series
Topic: My Little Pony/Are You Afraid of the Dark/Mickey Mouse/Lilo & Stitch
Genre: Friendship/Romance
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Elysium16 and Rimura

(Snow lightly swirls outside the Library windows, covering the ground in a soft blanket. Christmas lights shine through the mist, outlining the enormous building. And, within a small room in the Library—)

Rimura: AAAAAARGH!

(The door bangs open, and Rimura storms in, covered in snow. Elysium follows, a smug smile on her face.)

Elysium: I won! Again!

Rimura: *yanks boot off and throws it across the room* I hate snowball fights!

Elysium: Aww, don’t feel too bad! You were going against like half the Library.

Rimura: And I had the other half on my side! How in Telina’s name did I lose?

Elysium: Maybe you just need to git gud, scrub.

…oh! We’re live!

Welcome back, patrons, to what is very obviously not Kirby: Welcome to Smash Bros!

Yes, I know, I promised that fic, buuuuuuut it’s the holidays, so I just decided “what the heck” and pulled up this! It’s…a thing.

Rimura: Well, that can only be an ill omen.

Elysium: Without further ado…uh, 22: Heart Wearming Eve(Lilo Edition).

Rimura: As can that.

Elysium: By mary.okeeffe.16. No relation to me.

Roll tape! *snaps fingers*

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Fillertacular Special: AdmiralSakai and Serketry Riff Even More Godawful MLP Fanart (And A Wikipedia Page)

Hello hello all you patrons! Somebody didn’t post something somewhere, or something, so we’ve got an empty posting slot and a crapton of terrible MLP fanworks that Serketry and I riffed in Steam chat- and also a random Wikipedia page that pissed me off and I bothered him about. So let’s dive back into the wonderful world of anthropomorphic horse-girl pinups, bizarre facial expressions, and EEEEDGE!

As always, expect some rather more risque than usual visuals, and Serketry will be in bold.

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2446: Cupcakes Part 1 — Crappy Pasta

-WARNING-
While the creepypasta under riff today is insanely not scary, it does contain some measure of gratuitous gore and you may not want to read it over lunch.

Title: Cupcakes
Author: Sergeant Sprinkles
Media: Cartoon
Topic: My Little Pony
Genre: Creepypasta / “Horror” / Torture Porn
URL: Creepypasta Wiki Rehost
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai and Serketry

Hello hello all you patrons! Plug your nearest housepet into the television set and make sure your doll vaccinations are up to date, because it’s that time of year again!

Today we’re dealing with a ‘fic that I wasn’t originally planning to ever riff due to its potential Librarian-breaker status (you will see why soon). However, I ran into a bunch of other people in a fimfiction forum I frequent saying that maybe it wasn’t so bad and for the time had some interesting ideas. So now I’m going to show exactly why that’s not the case, on a site with an average readership of ten people that none of the commenters on that forum frequent or even know exists.

Yay me!

Yay us, actually. Hey y’all, Serketry here. The Admiral brought me back. For this. Thanks, Admiral. 

Yeah. This is… a doozie.

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2165: Fight For Freedom — Oneshot

Title: Fight For Freedom
Author: Shadowflameking
Media: Cartoon / Video Game
Topic: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic / Fallout
Genre: Sci-Fi, Tragedy, and ‘Random’
URL: Fight For Freedom

*It’s a quiet morning at RIFFCON; absent the Admiral and his retinue of highly trained soldiers snarkers, the audible hum of computer equipment softly fills the room. That is, until a bearded, bespectacled human in a jumpsuit makes his way inside, pushing a mop bucket. He sits down at the vacant console an-*

Alright, that’s enough of that. Morning, y’all, I’m Serketry, one of Admiral Sakai’s staff. Sorry, no aliens this time, just me. While technically my list of duties includes I.T. support, squad-based tactics, and all things Homestuck, MLP, and Fallout, most of my assignments have been more… janitorial. Which means I’m here to start mucking out the Orphanage. This here’s my first riff all by my lonesome, so I’m gonna start with something that gives me the home field advantage…

Fight For Freedom, by Shadowflameking, featuring Gore, Violence, and Death.

fight_for_freedom_fimfiction_header.png

How thoughtful of you, fimfiction, to just lay it all out like that. This isn’t the first MLP/Fallout crossover travesty this site’s seen, and with what’s still in the Orphanage, it won’t be the last. It’s either this or keep mopping the floors, and, between you and me, I’d rather riff a dozen shitty MLP fics than clean up after Guard-Novitiate Nina. *shudders*

Welp, time to go to work.

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2062: Friendship Is Something Or Other: The Covenant War — Chapter 5 Part Two

Title: Friendship Is Magic: The Covenant War
Author:  Dragonfang33
Media: Video Game / Cartoon
Topic: Halo / My Little Pony
Genre: Adventure / Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 5
Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai and Serketry

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to the final installment of Friendship, When You Get Right Down To It, Really Isn’t Good For Much Of Anything At All: The Covenant War.

Previously a whole lot of actual military shit went down, and none of it quite made sense. The Covenant assault on Baltimare bogged down into street-to-street urban fighting against suddenly competent ponies, Thel ‘Va(n)damee gave into the Overpowring Force Of Emo and spared a bunch of schoolfillies hiding in a fashion academy (while ordering his troops to kill many more ponies in another area to give them a chance to escape), and then the scene ended with pony forces simultaneously buckling and rallying in a really geographically confusing bit involving the detonation of multiple bridges or something.

And, as always, any actually cool stuff to see happened out of narrative focus.

We also paid a visit to the Celestia Line, where Shining Armor seemed to be holding his own against the Covenant forces save for the pressure of running out of extra supplies. A message arrived along with a train chock-full of extra supplies telling him he was not able to hold the line and was unfit for command, resulting in the promotion of some OC called General Neighal who is basically Prince Blueblood in a nicer suit and with none of the actual character depth in his place.

We resume Chapter 5 already in progress.

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2055: Friendship Is Something Or Other: The Covenant War — Chapter 4 Part Two and Chapter 5 Part One

 

Title: Friendship Is Magic: The Covenant War
Author:  Dragonfang33
Media: Video Game / Cartoon
Topic: Halo / My Little Pony
Genre: Adventure / Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 4 and Chapter 5
Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai and Serketry

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Friendship Is, Umm, You Know, That Thing That Sometimes Does Stuff: The Covenant War.

Previously, we spent, like, half the chapter just sitting around watching Admiral Antivirus thrust his giant, throbbing heavy cruiser between the waiting hills of Sweet Apple Acres because apparently it wasn’t able to defend Canterlot well enough from its previous position a few kilometers away in the Everfree Forest.

…So they move in to defend Ponyville?

Yeah, because apparently this massive heavy cruiser packed full of Pelican dropships can only operate ground forces in one kilometer-square area at a time.

After the ship (finally!) landed everyone kind of just sat around and had something vaguely approximating a party, with the Apple family bringing cider and fritters, the Marines bringing a barrel of unspecified liquor that they stole from Admiral Hood, Rainbow Dash and some nameless ODST bringing some awkward proto-shipping, and Twilight and Admiral Antivirus bringing a weird conversation about cutie marks that no doubt will have Starlight Glimmer taking copious notes once Season 5 finally rolls around.

We resume the chapter already in progress.

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2049: Friendship Is Something Or Other: The Covenant War — Chapter 4 Part One

Title: Friendship Is Magic: The Covenant War
Author:  Dragonfang33
Media: Video Game / Cartoon
Topic: Halo / My Little Pony
Genre: Adventure / Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 4
Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai and Serketry

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back from our little detour down the Boulevard of Broken Bugs to Friendship Is A Thing That Almost Certainly Does Indeed Exist: The Covenant War.

I think I made a bit of a hasty decision saying I preferred this over Unity

Last time we saw something actually happen for a change as Queen Luna and Admiral Antivirus met at the Ponyville Town Hall (or just “Townhall” as it’s repeatedly called) to hammer out an alliance between Equestria and the UNSC, which basically amounts to “you want to kill the Covenant and we want to kill the Covenant, here’s a great idea let’s kill the Covenant together!”

After that a lone Phantom with a few Grunts and an Elite onboard showed up on a course for Ponyville, and predictably the massively outsized force striking from ambush took the ground troops out in, like, two seconds.

The humans thought they needed pair of Spartans and an ODST squad to take out, what, 5 guys

A pair of Spartans, an ODST squad, and TWILIGHT MOTHERFUCKING SPARKLE. And also wanton property damage to Sugarcube Corner for no fucking reason other than I guess that ODSTs compare unfavorably to velociraptors in the difficult science of door-opening.

It’s taken us 4 weeks to see the first Grunt die in-narrative. That’s… almost impressively sad. You’re mulching Grunts and Elites with the starter pistol within minutes in the first game, pretty sure.

Yeah, I believe that we’ve officially gone through the rising action, the climax, the denouemant, the falling action, and the running-out of ideas, and are now officially in the part of the classical narrative known as the Death Spiral.

Wait, if we’re on the Death Spiral, why are there still two whole chapters left?

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